Survival tips?

[Don Quixote]

Curious about this myself ...

Do any of the bright minds at ST have any tips for our traveler?


I wanted to ask for survival tips in case I am unexpectedly transported to a random location in Europe (say for instance current France/Benelux/Germany) in the year 1000 AD (plus or minus 200 years). I assume that such transportation would leave me with what I am wearing, what I know, and nothing else. Any advice would help.


I hope you have an expensive gold wedding band but otherwise start off by keeping your mouth shut. Find someone who will take care of you for a few days or weeks and then look for employment in the local church. Your marginal product is quite low, even once you have learned the local language. You might think that knowing economics, or perhaps quantum mechanics, will do you some good but in reality people won't even think your jokes are funny. Even if you can prove Euler's Theorem from memory no one will understand your notation. I hope you have a strong back and an up to date smallpox vaccination.

Readers, do you have any other tips? Is there any way that this guy can leverage his knowledge of modernity (he is, by the way, a marketing professor) into socially valuable outputs? Would prattling on about sanitation and communicable diseases do him any good?

[Don Quixote]

If I were him, I would bone up on my chemistry to make: aspirin, toothpaste, gin, Midol, and Tylenol PM. Also, work on some ways to impress the locals (medieval France) that I was some sort of magician -- something with smoke.

And I would work on the printing press.

[E20]

First thing first: The dude has to be wearing a big trench coat with a lot of pockets and a back pack at all times and he needs to stuff it with this stuff:

Buy some fake jewlery, crowns, cheap diamonds.

Bring some burgers, soda, hand held battery operated video games, portable DVD player with DVD's, a lot of batteries, a toilet and especially a gun.

This guy must have been bored as fuck to ask a question like this.

Also bring along your Man vs Wild books and dvds and make sure you know all of Bear's tips by heart, if done right......it could buy you some extra time.

[E20]

If I were him, I would bone up on my chemistry to make: aspirin, toothpaste, gin, Midol, and Tylenol PM. Also, work on some ways to impress the locals (medieval France) that I was some sort of magician -- something with smoke.

And I would work on the printing press.

Yes and they would call you a warlock/witch and burn you alive.

[Don Quixote]

I was afraid of that.

As for your idea, it would only get you so far. Your batteries would eventually run out -- and really, why would you waste your time in the eleventh century watching Women Gone Crazy DVDs?

What about learning the language? (Old French?) Do you know any Latin, Greek, or Hebrew? I imagine your ability to read and write would get you a job as a scribe. But you'd have to learn the vernacular QUICK.

It's not medieval people spoke modern English.

[E20]

I was afraid of that.

As for your idea, it would only get you so far. Your batteries would eventually run out -- and really, why would you waste your time in the eleventh century watching Women Gone Crazy DVDs?

What about learning the language? (Old French?) Do you know any Latin, Greek, or Hebrew? I imagine your ability to read and write would get you a job as a scribe. But you'd have to learn the vernacular QUICK.

It's not medieval people spoke modern English.
Learning the language is a must, I should have mentioned that.

But you don't use the stuff you take with you, you sell it. Take the money, go live in some mansion and die of boredom after living with the wonders of contemporary entertainment.

In fact if this guy is having fears of being unexpectedly transported to a random location in Europe (say for instance current France/Benelux/Germany) in the year 1000 AD (plus or minus 200 years). He should over load, I'm talking about speacially tailored pants, shirt, jacket, hat and back pack with 500 pockets that he wears at all times and put a bunch of useful stuff that he could carry with him and sell. Paper, Pencils, Pens, paintings, viagra, foot balls, basketballs, hand operated tools etc.

[jman3000]

youd really have to watch what you did... back then anything seen as odd would immediately be seen as being against God and youd be labeled a heratic.

[Don Quixote]

Maybe not so much in the year 1000 as, say, the 14th or 15th century. As a Baptist with a good sense of church history, I could make a reasonably good facsimile of a medieval Catholic.

But first things first ... you need to learn the language and fast. And what should this guy say about himself? They won't understand him. Where is he from?

I'd say I was from China. Those people had surely never seen a Chinaman, they'd take my word for it.

[Don Quixote]

And I know some Hebrew and Greek. So I could find a job doing that. I'm glad I wouldn't have to break my back working some feudal lord's land.

But what about the rest of you? No plans for world domination? No way to corner the spice trade? What about sugar? Coffee and perfume from Arabia?

And what about sanitation?

[timvp]

I'd put down the alcohol, stop watching star track and go outside and realize I hadn't been teleported.

[PixelPusher]

If it's exactly 1000 A.D., I would seriously avoid doing or saying anything that would make you seem unnatural, since everyone in medieval Europe would still be on edge about this year being the year the world ends and Christ returns.

[Don Quixote]

Hmm, perhaps. I know a few scholastics were a bit worried about it -- the amillenialist position, which was dominant at the time (and is still popular) took it that Christ's reign would be literally 1000 years, and that it began more or less around "0 A.D." But I haven't seen much evidence of a widespread panic in Christendom about that.

But let's give medieval people some credit, too. They were far smarter about their world than we would be.

What would you eat? For instance?

[Don Quixote]

I know, for starters ... I would work on "inventing" the flush toilet. And toilet paper.

[Don Quixote]

Next, I would work on acquiring things by which I could prepare and cook food. Knives and stuff.

And then learn how to make soap. Even if I couldn't convince the locals about the need for sanitation -- I could at least be clean.

And I haven't even considered the germs yet. Could our immune systems handle bugs from the eleventh century?