If NBA Teams were Chicks

Any of these accurate?

#Bobcats = Chick you hooked up with once. It was a Tuesday, it was cold, & you just watched 3 hours of Cinemax. She's texted 11 times. Today

#Magic = Girl that you know you should probably marry, but everytime you go out she wears a damn sweater & looks like hell without makeup on

#Bucks = You've had a class w/ this girl for 7 years. Never said a word to her, probably because she's 240 pounds & smells like Pat Summitt

#Hawks = Chick that bought a used 300M, then took decals off so people think it's a Bentley. She often fights chicks at Denny's after club

#Wizards = Emo girl that has headphones on everytime you see her. She claims to be anti-establishment, but you know her parents work for IBM

#Warriors = Old wrinkly lady that lives 6 houses down, you're floored when neighbors say that she used to be a Playboy bunny back in the day

#Timberwolves = Chick who once she came out of the womb was born to be an bitchy accountant, owns 7 cats, and is excellent at Monopoly.

#Lakers = Snobby former child beauty pageant winner. She's heir to the 2000 flushes fortune. You want to hate her, but she too damn fine.

#Pistons = Chick that was in and out of Juvy. Owns a $145 Softball bat, and has Pantera & K.D Lang back to back on her Ipod.

#Pacers =Girl that constantly sends you Farmville invites, posts stuff on facebook like "Having the worst DAY" hoping for people to ask why

#Bulls = Girl that takes charge. Tells you what time to pick you up, where you are taking her to dinner, and what position to assume.

#Raptors = Skinny girl that chain smokes, listens to Ke$ha, and makes out with her friends. She uses the phrase "Sunday Funday" 4x a week.

#76ers = Chick that hasn't washed her hair in a few days, smells like cheese, hairspray & regret. She sells your buddies really bad weed.

#Hornets =Chick you took on a mercy date because your parents knew she was going through a rough time. She stole silverware from Red Lobster

#Kings = Chick who still drives the '92 BMW that her parents bought before they got sued for an illegal pyramid scheme. 6 Visible Tattoos.

#Grizzlies = Chunky girl at the bar that plays the Solitaire all night hoping for some guy to have his 7th shot of Jager and go Slumpbusting

#Trailblazers = Girl that went away to rehab, appears to be doing better, but every time you see her now she has some type of cast on

#Nets = Girl you always clowned, but you just found out her parents died leaving her a ton of cash. You'll poke her on Facebook.

#Jazz = Girl that makes you meet her parents before the 1st date. Has a Piano in the living room, and gives the ass out hug at end of night

#Rockets = Wheelchair bound girl that you'd might actually take out just to check it off the bucket list, and get good parking to games.

#Suns = Washed up bartender that was hot 8 years ago, holding on to the glory days before the bad roots and melanoma.

#Clippers = Chick who lives in an apartment in the rich part of town, looks crappy 6 days a week, but that 1 night.....damnnn.

#Thunder = Cute girl in class that never talks, makes straight A's, wears glasses, and you hope finally grows out of that A Cup bra.

#Celtics = Cougar that shows up at $1 You Call It Night near campus then does things to do you that your Frat buddies don't believe.

#Cavaliers = Chick who still blames her ex for driving her to Camels & shoeless visits to Walmart, but keeps his picture up in the trailer

#Mavericks = Hot Bimbo that you take to the Pool Party who hits on every other guy, then pukes & passes out on ride home

#Heat = Stripper that drives the Vette back to her apartment where the cable is out because she couldn't pay the bill.

#Spurs = Faithful chick that cooks the same meals, wears the same outfits, but knows how to do that kinky thing you like

#Knicks = Skank that broke up a relationship then once she got her man, packed on 20 pounds & wants to stay in every night

#Nuggets = The girl that got dumped, spent 3 months in the gym & showed up looking fine as hell at Spring Break.

Lame.

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Originally Posted by coyotes_geek

Lame.

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Overall agreed.

Wasn't that bad, tbh.

There were a few that made sense but should have left a bunch out.

3/10 tbh

:lol

Great stuff…I am definitely a Bulls fan…

:lol

Well done Burns :tu

Not funny at all, TBH.

1/10.

Also, the LOL comedy club is hosting some sort of a "South's Most Funny Comedian" function, maybe you could attend the event and embarrass yourself in person as well.

Fuck that had to take too much time for so little sizzle

Ahhh....forgot how much I missed it here.
All good peeps....good feedback.

On the one's that totally missed, how would you have changed them?

Hmmm a Jim thread followed by a Peter Burns thread....

Did SW's freezer malfunction or something?

Some of these are like huh? But some are

#Nuggets = The girl that got dumped, spent 3 months in the gym & showed up looking fine as hell at Spring Break.

pretty funny and true

Pistons would be the hot porn chick that got AIDS and is now circling the drain.

Not bad, hey... I read them all...must have been ok

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Originally Posted by Whisky Dog

Fuck that had to take too much time for so little sizzle

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I at least give the OP the credit for finishing the list. I think he probably had good ideas for a couple of teams but then about 5 or 6 in, he realized he could either quit or just stick it out and do the best he could. Which wasn't great. But did show some gumption. Anyway, it reminds me of the genius Cantthinkofanything's threads, "If the Spurs were the Eagles" and "If the Spurs were a pizza".

The Blazers one got an lol from me.

Where is the faithful booty call girl or the hot freak that your almost scared to contact?

Spurs would be the hot teacher whose ass isn't as high as before but who still makes walking up to the blackboard embarrassing.

Yeah. I went to the Nuggets game, and it hit me that they are so much better now without Melo, and how the Knicks seemed to be the opposite. Just rapid fired them.

Timberwolves, Bucks, and Wizards are terrible, but I got so far deep on them, I figured I'd give it a shot. Thought the Cavs/Pacers/Jazz were pretty good.

I started from the bottom up, and you can tell I ran out of steam.

Submit your own, I'd like to tighten them up.

Lakers: Paris Hiltons of the NBA. Filthy rich but trashy and substance-less. Will always be part of the elite but don't be surprised to see them sucking a random dick any given night at any given street alley.

OKC Thunder - Chick was hot as the infamous "ghost pepper" when you met, 2yrs later........she is telling you "You should love me not matter how fat I am"

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Originally Posted by Frenzy

Where is the faithful booty call girl or the hot freak that your almost scared to contact?

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You don't know where your mom is?

Those were overall good. Some didn't make sense, others were strangely insightful.

Cavs - the once hot turned trailer park beauty queen. Eight hundred pounds of flaccid, fish belly cellulite with nine kids bringing home dead, roadside animals for them to eat at night.

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Originally Posted by wontstartdumbthreads

You don't know where your mom is?

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How did you get black status so quickly?

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Originally Posted by PeterBurns

Ahhh....forgot how much I missed it here.
All good peeps....good feedback.

On the one's that totally missed, how would you have changed them?

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I would have left them out all together. Don't need to force each of the teams to fit the joke. just my opinion.

Good stuff

I have kinda bashed this thread so now I'll say something nice. I do appreciate the idea of it - some of them got me laughing, it was just a kill joy reading the rest.

Not bad Burns. :tu

Cavs: Chick you married when you were going through a rough spot, you were way out of her league, you finally realized it, she can now be found outside your home ... camped out in a car 7 days a week.

:lol That was pretty good...

pretty lame. NBA teams arent really like chicks at all.

OP trying too hard, for nothing.

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Originally Posted by PeterBurns

#Spurs = Faithful chick that cooks the same meals, wears the same outfits, but knows how to do that kinky thing you like

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you've heard her friends call her boring, but you know better

Not bad, IMO. I read these on Twitter, kept me entertained for a while.

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Originally Posted by Cessation

OP trying too hard, for nothing.

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if I had to guess, probably for a radio bit in Denver.

just a guess.

No, this post isn't sexist. Not at all. /sarcasm

I actually did laugh at the Spurs one. But it's a tough premise to sustain through all the teams.

I like the concept

be better of pics of women :wakeup

Knicks- Streetwalker whose pimp keeps beating the crap out of her because she over charges.

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Originally Posted by spurs10

Knicks- Streetwalker whose pimp keeps beating the crap out of her because she over charges.

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and as soon as you think she's finally free of her pimp, he shows up again and again

http://www.slamonline.com/online/wp-.../07/isiaht.jpg

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Originally Posted by Blackjack

Not bad Burns. :tu

Cavs: Chick you married when you were going through a rough spot, you were way out of her league, you finally realized it, she can now be found outside your home ... camped out in a car 7 days a week.

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Better than Burns' version.

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Originally Posted by Supergirl

No, this post isn't sexist. Not at all. /sarcasm

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Boo hoo

Half good, Half bad, but the half that was good was fairly entertaining and thoughtful.

:toast:flag:Awesome!!!!

Having to read all those really just reminded me of all the shitty teams that are out there...

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Originally Posted by concken

How did you get black status so quickly?

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Don't know. Maybe it's my grills.

Mavs- the hot stripper who leaves you with blue balls and the shame of finishing yourself off alone in the bathroom.