Formula:
1. Tell the media that the opposing team is dirty to get more calls, regardless of whether there's any evidence of that. This is the first step in creating all the evidence you'll ever need.
2. Complain when the refs call fouls on you, or when they don't call enough on the other team.
i. Continue to push your advantage, no matter how much it grows
3. Throw your hands up in a demonstrative way at every whistle or perceived non-call, making a "see-I-told-you-this-would-happen" face for the cameras.
4. When there is any bleeding at any point in any game, point to that as evidence of your original premise, even if the contact was initiated by your own player. Make sure to point out that it was the only reason you lost the game, even if they allow your player on the floor to score five points while blood pours from his face.
5. When any body contact takes place that can be construed to be inappropriate, even when initiated by your own player, make sure the player knows to fall to the floor and roll into a fetal position, stand up and make the "I-told-you" face. Send a tape to the league and begin the media campaign to have that player suspended. It helps to complain publicly about all contact prior to this so that you can site your own previous allegations as evidence. Nobody will notice.
6. If, praise Jesus, a hard foul actually take place, make sure to have your entire team, coaches and players, suddenly react as if it was completely unexpected, and be sure to attack said player like soccer fans. If your players are disciplined by the league, refer to the "He started it" defense.
7. Make sure to inflame your fanbase as much as possible. Bomb threats, thrown objects, arson and food poisoning can be used in your favor with no legal repercussions.
i. If possible, set up interviews with your players where they take the high road and proclaim bewilderment at how this situation could have arisen. This plays up the martyr angle and really lathers up the fan base.
8. If it looks like you are going to lose, make sure to take someone out. It's perfectly justified. You've got a laundry list of previous accusations. That's evidence, baby!
9. If nothing else, you now have an excuse to lose and the whole world will hate your opponent as they advance as far as they can. If anyone still interviews you, blame the war in Iraq.
