KOBE undergo surgery! CBSSports.com News

Kobe Bryant to have arrogance surgically removed

By The Sportsman's Daily Special to CBSSports.com Dec. 31, 2007


LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- At the request of teammates and handlers, Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant has opted to undergo a controversial and potentially career-threatening operation which will remove his arrogance.

"This is going to be delicate," said Dr. Matthew Grant, chief surgeon at Cedars Sinai. "We're concerned that even under anesthesia, Mr. Bryant's arrogance can effectively alienate the surgical unit. This of course could lead us to dealing with everything from apathy to in-fighting to an incessant onslaught of hopelessness. However, we're very seriously entertaining the notion of having three members of the selfless, 'team-first' oriented San Antonio Spurs, and a circus clown present while the operation is under way -- just in case some of us get 'too bummed out.'"

"I just pray as we're wheeling him into the O.R. I don't catch a glimpse of that condescending combination 'nose in the air-superior smirk' thing he does after faking a defender out of his shoes en route to his forty-third point of the evening," said surgical nurse Tara Benson. "If you've seen the look, and I know you have, I think you know how chilling it can be."

Bryant, who as recently as last month said he'd never go forward with the procedure, surprisingly hinted he's been considering it.

"I'm getting older," said Bryant. "I'm still brilliant, highly marketable and have my best years ahead of me. I also happen to be the center of the basketball universe and speak fluent Italian which works wonders in restaurants and at foreign film festivals. But always having to remind people of that is starting to get a bit taxing. Even I have to admit, when everyone and his brother is trying to get a quote from you because you just dropped sixty, constantly referring to yourself in the third person gets confusing. So maybe this little operation will eliminate that. You know -- so Kobe can just focus on Kobe."

Bryant does run the risk of hampering his Hall of Fame career.

"He'll still possess all the physical attributes he had going into the operation," said Grant. "He'll suffer zero physical side effects, but it's the emotional side we'll have to watch. Typically when arrogance is removed, the patient does tend get a bit dull. Dullness in itself isn't too dangerous to let's say … the overly cocky radio host for example, who in his newfound dullness can always get steady work at NPR. However, in the hands of a formerly self-important, but still highly skilled, baller like Mr. Bryant, dullness can translate into post game quotes rife with clichés, a loss of endorsements and, God forbid, simple open court layups."

For more stories like this, check out The Sportsman's Daily homepage.


Have a wonderful 2008 year everybody from the ST family and for those in trouble, keep hope :toast :toast

:lmao

props

Amazing.

:lol Impressive.

if they remove his arrogance will there be anything left?

:dizzy :dizzy

:clap :clap :clap

Quote:

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"This is going to be delicate"













http://img240.imageshack.us/img240/1183/doctormwo7.jpg

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by biba

Kobe Bryant to have arrogance surgically removed

By The Sportsman's Daily Special to CBSSports.com Dec. 31, 2007


LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- At the request of teammates and handlers, Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant has opted to undergo a controversial and potentially career-threatening operation which will remove his arrogance.

"This is going to be delicate," said Dr. Matthew Grant, chief surgeon at Cedars Sinai. "We're concerned that even under anesthesia, Mr. Bryant's arrogance can effectively alienate the surgical unit. This of course could lead us to dealing with everything from apathy to in-fighting to an incessant onslaught of hopelessness. However, we're very seriously entertaining the notion of having three members of the selfless, 'team-first' oriented San Antonio Spurs, and a circus clown present while the operation is under way -- just in case some of us get 'too bummed out.'"

"I just pray as we're wheeling him into the O.R. I don't catch a glimpse of that condescending combination 'nose in the air-superior smirk' thing he does after faking a defender out of his shoes en route to his forty-third shot of the evening," said surgical nurse Tara Benson. "If you've seen the look, and I know you have, I think you know how chilling it can be."

Bryant, who as recently as last month said he'd never go forward with the procedure, surprisingly hinted he's been considering it.

"I'm getting older," said Bryant. "I'm still brilliant, highly marketable and have my best years ahead of me. I also happen to be the center of the basketball universe and speak fluent Italian which works wonders in restaurants and at foreign film festivals. But always having to remind people of that is starting to get a bit taxing. Even I have to admit, when everyone and his brother is trying to get a quote from you because you just dropped a 6-23 night, constantly referring to yourself in the third person gets confusing. So maybe this little operation will eliminate that. You know -- so Kobe can just focus on Kobe."

Bryant does run the risk of hampering his Hall of Fame career.

"He'll still possess all the physical attributes he had going into the operation," said Grant. "He'll suffer zero physical side effects, but it's the emotional side we'll have to watch. Typically when arrogance is removed, the patient does tend get a bit dull. Dullness in itself isn't too dangerous to let's say … the overly cocky radio host for example, who in his newfound dullness can always get steady work at NPR. However, in the hands of a formerly self-important, but still highly skilled, baller like Mr. Bryant, dullness can translate into post game quotes rife with clichés, a loss of endorsements and, God forbid, simple open court layups."

For more stories like this, check out The Sportsman's Daily homepage.


Have a wonderful 2008 year everybody from the ST family and for those in trouble, keep hope :toast :toast

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fixed.
Otherwise :clap :clap

:lol at the article and :lol :lol at Cherry's picture.


My favorite part:

Quote:

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"I'm getting older," said Bryant. "I'm still brilliant, highly marketable and have my best years ahead of me. I also happen to be the center of the basketball universe and speak fluent Italian which works wonders in restaurants and at foreign film festivals. But always having to remind people of that is starting to get a bit taxing. Even I have to admit, when everyone and his brother is trying to get a quote from you because you just dropped sixty, constantly referring to yourself in the third person gets confusing. So maybe this little operation will eliminate that. You know -- so Kobe can just focus on Kobe."

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by angel_luv

:lol at the article and :lol :lol at Cherry's picture.


My favorite part:

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No doubt. Cherry, your pic is already making it around the web.

Also Cherry, could you help me 'chop a picture? See my thread on NBA section.

Kobe Bryant can play on my team any day.

hahaha :fro

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fabbs

Also Cherry, could you help me 'chop a picture? See my thread on NBA section.

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Done :santahat

Cherry and m33p0
Again,
You guys rock!
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-imag...olander460.jpg
Hey maybe you could put a Laker logo and his headband also. :lol :toast
You are definitely making some peoples day!

One of the funniest threads EVER.

Legend status is imminent.

:lol :lol

On the left : Kobe after the surgery, "I'm free, no more arrogance"

On the right : the removed arrogance

http://lakersblog.latimes.com/lakers...8_ixu7qtnc.jpg

So why is he having his arrogance removed again??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by T Park

Kobe Bryant can play on my team any day.

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You have a team ?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by T Park

Kobe Bryant can play on my team any day.

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Do you know how disturbingly.... fruity.... that sounds? :lol

Honestly, no.

I guess i don't think in the gutter all the time.

Link?

Sure.

http://www.sportsline.com/spin/story/10551730

This is not a fake article.

This is a real fake article. See the difference? :p:

And this is a very good one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by biba

Sure.

http://www.sportsline.com/spin/story/10551730

This is not a fake article.

This is a real fake article. See the difference? :p:

And this is a very good one.

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It was a joke. ("link?" was a joke). Got it now?

That totally made my day!......:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Slo spurs fan

It was a joke. ("link?" was a joke). Got it now?

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You got me! :clap

I asked my Doctor and he said arrogance isn't a surgical issue! :nerd

http://images.contentreserve.com/Ima...4%7DImg100.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by T Park

Kobe Bryant can play on my team any day.

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http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/9743/chikensor9.jpg
With cameras rolling, Cheaters investigators showed ST board members footage of T Park and unidentified partner geared up and hoofing it down to the Staples Center to root on for Kobe.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fabbs

Cherry and m33p0
Again,
You guys rock!
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-imag...olander460.jpg
Hey maybe you could put a Laker logo and his headband also. :lol :toast
You are definitely making some peoples day!

---

as you wish

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2125/...e578239bf9.jpg

sorry, i just had to post my chickens

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2350/...d41ea8ff98.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by m33p0

as you wish

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Awesome. Hey :worthy: m33p0, can you do another one? The movie Armed and Dangerous with John Candy and Eugene Levy. A scene in it has John Candy and Levy going into a changing room so as to conceal their identity so when they come out they can continue their journey. And "come out" they did. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090660/
Dadgummed if I can find any photo shots of them on Google images, but here they are on YouTube.
video is here
http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...&search=Search
check out the 17 to 21 second mark. That's them.
Can you, ahem of course you can, will you please immortalize them along with the Laker Chickens by giving them the logo?

its a little grainy and the logo is quite subtle.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2341/...f941e355fb.jpg

Excellent. Can the grain be removed or should we call it finished? Cherry?

i just had to steal it. :D

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2417/...ba9c8ca3af.jpg

:lol :lol :lol

Good One

here's a clearer pic.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2385/...2c475b6d_o.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fabbs

http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/9743/chikensor9.jpg
With cameras rolling, Cheaters investigators showed ST board members footage of T Park and unidentified partner geared up and hoofing it down to the Staples Center to root on for Kobe.

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Cheaters investigators follow the pair to Staples, where after some lovey dovey rooting for Kobe, they make their way to a wardrobe change and after game Kobe Admiration party. T Parks previously unidentified partner for the Laker game is now identified as Norman Kane.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2417/...ba9c8ca3af.jpg

Coming up next, The Confrontation.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2385/...2c475b6d_o.jpg

Fuck you guys are sad....
funny article though....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Medvedenko

Fuck you guys are sad....
funny article though....

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i swear, i had nothing to do with it. i was coerced, i tell you! :nope

m33p0,
I'm seeing some gloves on Norman "Medvedenko" Kanes avitar.
The one where Phillup and Kome hold up three fingers each.
Say purple or golden gloves to match the chicks boots or haircoloring.

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/9...nderkobbb1.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cherry

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/9...nderkobbb1.jpg

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:clap :clap :clap

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cherry

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/9...nderkobbb1.jpg

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OMG. that is sooo gay.
:lmao

Is that blue steel or magnum.....can't tell.... :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lefty

On the left : Kobe after the surgery, "I'm free, no more arrogance"

On the right : the removed arrogance

http://lakersblog.latimes.com/lakers...8_ixu7qtnc.jpg

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it was the arrogance that got removed, not the inability to speak English even though you have lived and studied in a US college like UNLV

^ouch

Quote:

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Originally Posted by endrity

it was the arrogance that got removed, not the inability to speak English even though you have lived and studied in a US college like UNLV

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:donkey

after-surgery kobe bryant.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2277/...a7d9f02e_o.jpg