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"Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source
By Matthew Powell Section: Spurs_Daily
Posted on Tue Jan 15, 2008
http://www.poundingtherock.com/story.../15/23370/1589
The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed a bear. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not formally disclosed.
The 7'-6", 484 pound grizzly bear has no record of playing organized basketball.
"We definitely think he's got the size and strength to play in this league" said R.C. Buford. In a rare display of candor the Spurs GM went on to add "Plus, since he's not human, he's not part of the players union; we're paying him with week old salmon fillets from HEB... though the speedballs necessary to keep him awake during hibernation season are pretty pricey."
http://images.poundingtherock.com/images/admin/bear.JPG
Mike Budenholzer seemed most excited the bear's addition. "Look at that stance! You can tell by the look in his eye that he's seeing both man and ball. And his fur is so shiny!"
The players, led by Bruce Bowen, are a little skeptical. "Did you see the claws on that motherfucker? And don't bears, like, maul bitches?"
When asked about playing time for the bear Pop refused to make a commitment but alluded to a possible opportunity. "I saw the bear feeding on the decaying carcass of Robert Horry. I have to admit, I like seeing that in a young player; a guy, or in this case a bear, so hungry for playing time that he'll literally kill to get it." There have been conflicting reports that Horry may have already been dead. For many, many weeks.
The bear could not be reached for comment.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
ummmmmm....ok....
Trying to write an "Onion"-style article and failing miserably...
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
i thought it was kinda funny. what's the difference between the bear and Shaq?
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Should have been a Roy Tarpley article this place would have gone apeshit.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by BacktoBasics
Should have been a Roy Tarpley article this place would have gone silent except for about 5 people, the 5 who know who Roy Tarpley is.
Fixed
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
That's Greek Baby Shaq territory.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
this guy's a beast. trade elson now?
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by travis2
ummmmmm....ok....
Trying to write an "Onion"-style article and failing miserably...
its not an actual article. its just a blog post.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
It wouldve been funny if it was a midget bear!
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Poundingtherock strikes again.
Same guy that wrote the tirade about Pop that was posted a few days ago.
http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=85005
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2centsworth
i thought it was kinda funny. what's the difference between the bear and Shaq?
The bear shoots free throws better.
...
...
And has a better vocabulary.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
That might have been funny if I were about five years old :sleep
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Bonner will chokeslam that bear into oblivion.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by timvp
That might have been funny if I were about five years old :sleep
Based on the way he threw a fit in the Pop article and now the bear story...maybe he's five years old.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Thought is was mildly funny.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Mildly amusing, but would've been much better if he didn't have Bruce saying "motherfucker" and "like, maul bitches". Bruce is far more eloquent than that.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
What does everybody have against bears? :depressed
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cry Havoc
The bear shoots free throws better.
...
...
And has a better vocabulary.
The bear's probably more athletic too ...
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShoogarBear
What does everybody have against bears? :depressed
I don't think it's that people have anything against them so much as the bear is a vaguely comical animal, unless it's eating your garbage or trying to eat you! :lol
Personally, I love bears.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leetonidas
Gay.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSNx8VbLRwA
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by thispego
this guy's a beast. trade elson now?
The Jungle might decline that deal.
Throw in Bonner, maybe?
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Good concept. Bad delivery.
Havoc's spin-off joke was better.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
interesting....
not saying it was bad.... just....
interesting....
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Next week they will be signing a giraffe. Because it's tall.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by Budkin
Next week they will be signing a giraffe. Because it's tall.
http://z.about.com/d/sanantonio/1/6/...urs07elson.jpg
Close enough.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Is it a Greek bear? Cause if it's not you know Spanoulis would blow right past him.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
I can come up with something better than that right now on the fly:
Spurs Get back court quickness from Unlikely Source:
http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/9167/catms7.jpg
By Matthew Powell Section: Spurs_Daily
Posted on Tue Jan 15, 2008
http://www.poundingtherock.com/stor...1/15/23370/1589
The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed Holt's Cat. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not formally disclosed.
The 6", 10 pound cat has no record of playing organized basketball.
"We definitely think he's got the quicness to play in this league" said R.C. Buford, "and he certainly has all the right connections".
Tony Parker was quoted as saying "That pussy will never take my job".
In related news the Spurs had also considered signing a bear then realized that they already had a player that would sleep through the winter and wake to play in the spring, Robert Horry.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by PM5K
I can come up with something better than that right now on the fly:
Spurs Get back court quickness from Unlikely Source:
http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/9167/catms7.jpg
By Matthew Powell Section: Spurs_Daily
Posted on Tue Jan 15, 2008
http://www.poundingtherock.com/stor...1/15/23370/1589
The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed Holt's Cat. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not formally disclosed.
The 6", 10 pound cat has no record of playing organized basketball.
"We definitely think he's got the quicness to play in this league" said R.C. Buford, "and he certainly has all the right connections".
Tony Parker was quoted as saying "That pussy will never take my job".
In related news the Spurs had also considered signing a bear then realized that they already had a player that would sleep through the winter and wake to play in the spring, Robert Horry.
:tu
well said.
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Re: "Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell
Quote:
Originally Posted by biba
The 7'-6", 484 pound grizzly bear has no record of playing organized basketball.
Don't need a bear to have that kind of size. Here's 7'-6", 425 pounds Calvin Lane for you (with shaq here) :
http://www.graffeogearboxes.com/images/calnshaq.jpg
(did you ever think you would find shaq small ?)
