Helpful Spurs facts for Hornets Fans

I posted this on hornetsreport.com to help out our new friends. Thought I would share it with you, too... even though you already know about all of it.

Since you have never played the Spurs in the post-season before, I feel like it is our duty to give you a few facts, and clear up some of the rumors about our team. Most of the things you hear and read are true, but we think it's best if you hear it from us. Hope this helps.
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Bruce Bowen really is the dirtiest player in the NBA. In fact, Shawn Bradley didn't retire. Bruce ate him - with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Manu flops backwards so violently that his hair actually comes out of his head. He has developed a bald spot because of it.

Tim Duncan never gets big endorsement deals because it is widely known that he operates the second largest meth lab in North America. He consumes all of his own product to give him energy for games.

Bruce Bowen actually receives a performance bonus for every player he cripples for more than five games. A careful inspection of the video reveals that it was actually Bowen and not Kermit Washington that punched Rudy Tomjonavich. In order to prevent that information from surfacing, the league has made sure that no copies of the video are posted on Youtube, or any other Internet site.

The Spurs commissioned a study that discovered that if Tim Duncan made a face every time he got whistled for a foul, the refs would only call 1/10 as many fouls against him. If Tim didn't complain about every call, he would average a foul-out every 6 minutes.

Bruce Bowen once fouled a player so hard that he became sterile. The other player was shooting a free throw at the time.

Robert Horry filed for, and was granted, a patent on flopping. He has granted an exclusive license to the technique to the Spurs. It's official... the Spurs really are the only team in the league that flops.

The City of San Antonio really does bribe David Stern to fix games in our favor. The Hotel Tax pays for it. The gambling evidence against Tim Donaghy was planted because he threatened to expose the arrangement.

Paul Tagliabue actually agreed to send the Saints to San Antonio, but we were out of bribe money after paying Stern.

The Saints are not the only thing that San Antonio has tried to loot. We took a shot at getting Bourbon Street, Mt. Rushmore, and the Kremlin. We were actually successful in stealing Euro Disney, but nobody wants to see it.

Mike D'Antoni is a tool. It doesn't have anything to do with the Spurs. I just enjoy saying it.

I started to read your post, but, being from New Orleans, my attention span only made it as far as the third paragraph before I realized it was well past cocktail hour. I'm sure your treatise would have been helpful, but I do have my priorities.

i read all of this thinking i might run across something funny... didn't happen. you didnt say you were from spurstalk did you?

I thought it was pretty good.

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Originally Posted by ShoogarBear

I thought it was pretty good.

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yeah you're a little too nice for your own good sometimes

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Mike D'Antoni is a tool. It doesn't have anything to do with the Spurs.

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seriously?!

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Originally Posted by lil'mo

yeah you're a little too nice for your own good sometimes

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Yep, that's me all right.

Not too shabby. Got a solid chortle out of me, and I'm hard to chortle.

It's a nice vent piece, and it is nice to set the tone with some new fans.
It really does get old after a while starting a new series with new trolls that say the same thing as the trolls who just left are saying. That's why it's been good to have a real rivalry now and then so you can actually get some back and forth going like we used to have with the Laker's fans, and to a point mavs fans, but they were much more annoying.

On Edit- Or I'm getting older. Get off my lawn you damn kids, kind of old.

I chuckled. :tu

I thought it was good

I thought some of the Hornets fans might be smart enough to take a hint from humor, that some of the stuff people say about the Spurs is just ridiculous. I also thought humor might be less confrontational than just hitting them with a stick. I gave them too much credit.

laaaaaaame

I smiled - does that make me a homer?

I laughed at a few. Humors always good. Best one is about the patent on the flop.:lol

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We were actually successful in stealing Euro Disney, but nobody wants to see it.

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This coaxed a chuckle.

it was good shit

- Mars

GSH :toast

Here are some interesting statistics about Peja Stojakovic.

His career field goal pct. is .458. His career three point pct. is .405. And he averages 18.2 points per game.

But in 31 career games against the Spurs, his field goal pct. is .370. His three point pct. is .371. And he is averaging 12.9 points per game.

Bruce Bowen should see plenty of court time this series.

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Originally Posted by GSH

I thought some of the Hornets fans might be smart enough to take a hint from humor, that some of the stuff people say about the Spurs is just ridiculous. I also thought humor might be less confrontational than just hitting them with a stick. I gave them too much credit.

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Actually, I was being ironic and self-deprecating. Was that too much for you?

LOL... I got booted from the hornets forum over it. I was in the process of writing a response to a PM that I got from a Hornets fan, that told me what shitheels we are in San Antonio, because "we" tried to take the Aint's away from them.

The sender indicated that San Antonio really didn't take in many evacuees (we're not allowed to use the word "refugees") from Katrina. But apparently, since we took in those few evacuees, we thought we had a right to steal their football team.

He said a lot of them will never set foot in our shithole of a town because of it. Good. The way I see it, they wouldn't fit in here anyway.:ihit

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Originally Posted by VoiceofReason

Actually, I was being ironic and self-deprecating. Was that too much for you?

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And no, shithead. It wasn't too much for me. Enjoy what's left of your season.

That is one thing that will get you flamed here. City smack is weak and for the ignorant.

People should stick to basketball.

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Originally Posted by GSH

LOL... I got booted from the hornets forum over it. I was in the process of writing a response to a PM that I got from a Hornets fan, that told me what shitheels we are in San Antonio, because "we" tried to take the Aint's away from them.

The sender indicated that San Antonio really didn't take in many evacuees (we're not allowed to use the word "refugees") from Katrina. But apparently, since we took in those few evacuees, we thought we had a right to steal their football team.

He said a lot of them will never set foot in our shithole of a town because of it. Good. The way I see it, they wouldn't fit in here anyway.:ihit

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I think HornetsReport = SpursReport.

- Mars

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Originally Posted by GSH

And no, shithead. It wasn't too much for me. Enjoy what's left of your season.

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First, that's Mister Shithead to you. And, second, I do plan to enjoy the rest of my our season. Unfortunately, that required me delaying my vacation until late June.

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Originally Posted by VoiceofReason

First, that's Mister Shithead to you. And, second, I do plan to enjoy the rest of my our season. Unfortunately, that required me delaying my vacation until late June.

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You are very confident...I like that.

But are you a good sport? :)

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Originally Posted by samikeyp

That is one thing that will get you flamed here. City smack is weak and for the ignorant.

People should stick to basketball.

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That doesn't change the fact that New Orleans is a puke reeking shithole that should have been swallowed whole by the Gulf of Mexico a LONG time ago.

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Originally Posted by AlamoSpursFan

That doesn't change the fact that New Orleans is a puke reeking shithole that should have been swallowed whole by the Gulf of Mexico a LONG time ago.

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As one who has never been there I can't agree or disagree with you but IMO, city smack is still weak.

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Originally Posted by VoiceofReason

First, that's Mister Shithead to you. And, second, I do plan to enjoy the rest of my our season. Unfortunately, that required me delaying my vacation until late June.

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Silly.

You can watch the Spurs run to a 5th title and vacate at the same time.

Most hotels here in the real world have these fascinating contraptions called "televisions" these days.

:lol

I thought it was funny.

As for the smack about us not taking many Katrina evacuees, SAPD robbery details are is still spending 30% of their time in the Windsor Park area investigating our citizens continuing donations to the Katrina Relief Fund as their houses and cars are ripped off.
They are more than welcome to have their fucking evacuees back.

citysmack sucks

OMG NORFOLK IS BETTER THAN U ALL!1!!11!!1

- Mars

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Originally Posted by CosmicCowboy

They are more than welcome to have their fucking evacuees back.

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Thanks, but no thanks.

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Originally Posted by ClingingMars

citysmack sucks

OMG NORFOLK IS BETTER THAN U ALL!1!!11!!1

- Mars

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Lansing, bitches!

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

Yeah, it blows to live somewhere that is going to be an hour from the nearest Sonic...once they build it, that is. :lol

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Originally Posted by samikeyp

As one who has never been there I can't agree or disagree with you but IMO, city smack is still weak.

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If you ever go there and someone bets you they can tell you where you "got your shoes"...don't fall for it. It's just a cute way the local gentry tries to part you from your hard earned dollar without holding up a "will defraud FEMA for food" sign.

:lol

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Originally Posted by AlamoSpursFan

If you ever go there and someone bets you they can tell you where you "got your shoes"...don't fall for it. It's just a cute way the local gentry tries to part you from your hard earned dollar without holding up a "will defraud FEMA for food" sign.

:lol

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Maybe, but at least they have Sonic.

:depressed

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Originally Posted by AlamoSpursFan

If you ever go there and someone bets you they can tell you where you "got your shoes"...don't fall for it. It's just a cute way the local gentry tries to part you from your hard earned dollar without holding up a "will defraud FEMA for food" sign.

:lol

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The internet is a great thing, isn't it?

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Originally Posted by VoiceofReason

The internet is a great thing, isn't it?

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http://cache.bordom.net/images/f9cc8...c6134fbbcc.jpg

- Mars

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Originally Posted by ShoogarBear

I thought it was pretty good.

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:tu

When you get ShoogarBear's approval for a post such as this one that means you've done well...

He's one of wittiest posters on this forum...

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The Saints are not the only thing that San Antonio has tried to loot. We took a shot at getting Bourbon Street

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I thought that part was hilarious. Could you imagine if SA not only took the Saints, but airlifted Bourbon ST. in the dead of night right under our noses. I say a SA-NO war would be underway, and although you all outnumber us, think of all the people in LA who would be instantly sober while the SA army would be a bunch of drunks. Advantage=NO

Now that was some really good shit GSH, I had to work really hard to stifle a snicker and a couple of guffaws. I need to maintain my game face and you're fucking up my chi.