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Dad...if I ever hear of you starting fights at school I'll whip your ass.
Me..(gulp)
Dad...but, if I ever hear of you letting anyone push you around I'll kill you.
Me...(gulp)
Mom...women like the little things.
My mom always told me to go make my own money and never depend on a man. (I guess she never thought I would get married)
She also told me to hide money for a rainy day, in a pair of stockings. I miss her.
Dad...if I ever hear of you starting fights at school I'll whip your ass.
Me..(gulp)
Dad...but, if I ever hear of you letting anyone push you around I'll kill you.
Me...(gulp)
Mom...women like the little things.
(in high school) You don't have friends you have aquaintances. If you go your whole life and ac ulate 5 true friends then consider yourself lucky. Even then, the only people that really give a whether you live or die live in this house.
"Wash your hands."
"Don't get someone pregnant until you're married/can afford to support a child."
"Don't get married until you graduate (college)."
(Dad) "Never lick a chicks feet or ass, thats gross son"!!
Dad: "You have to work for what you want. You want nice things? Then bust your ass."
From mom (don't know if it's the best advice, but definitely the most memorable): "Don't ever spray perfume on your neck, it doesn't taste good" and "Panties must always match the bra!"
From dad: "If you can't pay for that car in 4 years you can't afford that car."
when I was around 15 I ed to my parents about having to mow this ridiculously thick yard (I'm talking emptying out the bag every row thick). It took 2-3 hours for an average sized front and back yard but I was paid like $50. My dad chewed me out for how spoiled and bratty I acted when I was done (they were driving by and knew them) and by the time he was done yelling at me I truly understood $/hour
probably not the best advice but it popped into my mind
Always leave a note!
When I was about 18 I was in my basement playing guitar hero with some friends. We got the munchies and so I decided to take my parents van to go grab some food. My folks flipped OUT. They started yelling at me and so I stormed off and yelled FFFUUUUCCCKKKKKKK in my yard as loud as I could and got in my friends car and started scratching my face until I started to bleed. When I came back home my dad told me to grow a set of balls and get a life.
Best advice ever. Wait... did that happen to someone else?
When in heat, cover your meat.
"God gave you a mind, so use it."
It is always better to look good, than to feel good.
use logic, think of the perspectives of others
sad thing is he was serious and not trolling.
You forgot the part about his girlfriend pinning him so he couldn't scratch his face anymore
Always be aware of your surroundings.
LOL Yeah. The girl was probably a gorilla in order to keep a "grown man" pinned down like that.
sad thing is he was serious and not trolling.
You forgot the part about his girlfriend pinning him so he couldn't scratch his face anymore
best advice doesn't always come from once's parents imho. the best life advice i've ever got was from the well vaunted/syndicated talkshow host tom leykis, he told me as well as all his listeners/callers to NEVER ever consider getting married before the age of 30 and to live a frugal life while studying in college. a friend of mine works full time at a dead-end ty job making 15k a year which's atrocious, and he always follows his parents' advice to not give up that . obviously his parents want to have some grandchildren as soon as possible, even at the expense of their son's future. the grandson or granddaught would be their new love baby and they don't give a about how much you're suffering, that's why you don't need to always follow your parents' advice especially when you're well into your 20s tbh. sometimes the best advice comes from people who're not at all associated with you in the real life, because only unaffiliated people can give you honest advice from an objective perspective imho.
Don't do acid, stay green
Never tell anyone where you buried her.
"Don't ever touch my shotgun again, Dale."
I was home alone on a Saturday nite. I was probably 14. My eldest brother came to visit. He was 21. I got it in mind to take the old man's shotgun out and shoot it. My brother half heartedly tried to talk me out of it, but, I was determined. I stuck it out the side door and pulled the trigger aiming at the houses behind ours (about 200 feet away). The report was extremely loud as there was a brick house directly next to us. Well I was not sated. I extracted the empty casing, reloaded and blasted away again. I then took the two empty s s up the stree and dumped them into the storm drain. Went on with the evening.
Monday afternoon I'm laying in my bed watching my tv when the old man suddenly flashed by my room and on into my parents room. Uh, oh. The old man never moved quick so I knew something was up. He flashed back out with the gun which I put back next to his dresser. Long story short the next door neighbor had ratted me out. I was able to make it out the front door after he whistled the loops and beat me pretty good in the living room with his leather belt. He was driven though. He chased me up the street in broad daylight in front of the entire neighborhood and neighbors who were my customers. I delivered the Cleveland Plain Dealer. He wouldn't quit running. Now he's got to be 50 then but he wouldn't quit, so I finally did the old okey doke and ran around a car where he coulnd't get me. He talked me into going back home with the promise that he wouldn't hit me again. I believed him and scurried on home ahead of him. Well, he wasn't telling the truth and started beating me again with his leather belt. I finally ran out the side door where my second oldest brother finally put a stop to it. My whole body was on fire.
And when I went to collect my route that Friday I had to explain to many customers.
Just thank Christ, I'd aimed low enough that I missed the windows in the house behind us. I had to confess to the owner. I had to dig out the pellets, spackle the holes and help the old man paint the entire back of the house. And pay for the paint.
I already knew that you were deranged, but I'm still amazed by your actions. Why would you fire at houses?
You got some in' nerve asking me a question.
Go back and your mother some more.
"Why give it away for free?".
So your mom was a too?
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