Let me preface this with the obvious fact that this dude and I don't get along well. He's neanderthal (sup Manny) like in the way he does things. Plus I don't think he's a very good father to these girls in the first place. He's military so that explains much of it. I know some people don't like to hear it but Military people are so finite in the way they think. It always has to be simple and obvious for things to be accomplished. I'm not saying thats how all military people are but breaking down the man to build the soldier is apparent in so many of them.
First and foremost I don't appreciate people showing up where I work to discuss personal issues but I didn't blow up about it. bag wants to talk to me outside so we step out.
bag: I don't want you to ever tell my girls they don't have to go to college? What kind of irresponsible is this.
Me: I love how you have the entire story straight. I never said not to go to college I simply said that they shouldn't go for the sake of going. The oldest asked me if she had to go like she does HS and Middle School and I told her the truth and thats college is an option. She'll have the choice to go.
bag: :stupid ing pissed off look:
Me: Furthermore I sat down with both of them and explained candidly that society has turned college into some kind of must have form of higher education so now we're stuck with millions of kids taking it for granted. The idea at this point is to allow these kids world to grow through High School. This way by the time they reach their Senior year they have 4 or 5 potential careers on a short list. This way if one of them decides to follow a dream of being a....
Chef: We'll line up Culinary School and rather than pay 80k for a worthless College degree we can concentrate the schooling on the craft and a take out a signature loan to start a business. It'll be cheaper than sending them to Texas or Baylor or wherever.
Photographer: We'll line up Photography school and narrow down a list of options like. Weddings, special events, family portrait and again pull out a loan to line up a business.
Accountant: We can once again arrange for a particular college and a plan of action to accomplish this. Then we can hopefully set up an intern job to prepare her to either work for someone or herself.
You see I'm not ruling out college I'm saying that there is a right way to go and a wrong way. If there is specialty schooling available then thats the right path to take. Why waste so much time and MONEY pissing away two years in some mid level school trying to decide who and what you want to be when you can narrow it down and prepare them now. This way money and time isn't wasted its utilized to execute a path that gives these girls the highest percentage of success.
If you cram going to college down their throats they'll resent it and its likely to stiffle their ability to rationally think of who and what they want to become because its another 4 or 5 years of schooling ahead. Getting education on something isn't so bad when you're doing it because you want to accomplish something specific. The world isn't as small and restrictive as it once was.
DB: I just don't agree with this at all. These kids need an education.
Me:go ahead and tell them whatever you want to tell them. I'm not saying they don't need schooling all I'm saying is that they should be smarter about it. Its your relationship to strain do whatever you want. Its not as if you're going to pay for their tuition in the first place.
DB: I'm capable of paying.
Me: Good I hope so because its expensive.
and oh since you're so capable I expect you to reimburse me a good 300 bucks for half the girls school clothes and the youngest ones glasses. You know as well as I do those expenses are outlined clearly in the divorce papers. I got to get back to work Don't show up at my work again.
DB: we'll finish this later.
/end/
I'll assume there are others who don't see it my way.
Last edited by BacktoBasics; 09-23-2008 at 01:00 PM.
Why did you marry a military guy then???
Why did you marry a military guy then???I didn't marry a military guy. I married the former wife of a military guy.
Let me break it down for you in Military terms.
My Wife
Military guy
= married back in the day with two girls
They split
Me
My wife: who was once married to military guy
= married we have the girls
Military guy = bitter bag who thinks backwards and hates me.
I don't see a point in shoving college down a kid's throat either. I think its great that you guide them and let them know they have options according to what they want to do.
what, no "we'll finish this later when i dig out your eyeballs and piss in your skull"?
Oh.....sorry......
Let me break it down for you in Military terms.
My Wife
Military guy
= married back in the day with two girls
They split
Me
My wife: who was once married to military guy
= married we have the girls
Military guy = bitter bag who thinks backwards and hates me.
Im remarried as well, but my wife's EX and I get along.
hey, if he wanted to raise his kids, he should have made it work with his ex. that's the chance you take. you never know what kind of fool will sweet talk their way into the panties next.
however, i do believe you should conclude all your career advice with "then again, i sell trailers"
good read b2b!
I agree with your stance.
I think it is great you were honest with your daughters about all their options.
It isn't as if all the options- college, no college, trade school etc- were not going to occur to the girls eventually anyway.
I am not sure why the girls' father feels so justified in being upset.
The way I see it...
The girls are lucky to have you and your additional insight in their life, as they begin navigating through such important decisions.
It is unfortunate that their dad is not grateful for your caring, positive role in the girls' life.
However, I am sure your daughters do appreciate you and that is what matters.
Thats a good thing. I actually got along with this guy until he started getting all weird and defensive. Particularly since the girls have gotten older I've taught them to call him on his . Its a lot harder to lie to a 12 year old than it is a 7 year old.Oh.....sorry......
Im remarried as well, but my wife's EX and I get along.
When I think about all the money my parents wasted on my brother because skipping college was not an option for usHe never finished and my inheritance shrank!
What exactly do you do for a living B2B?
I'm a life coach for hire.
I also work for a RV dealership on the side.
just tell me when to
right the kid needs to be ready to go to college rather than forced.
I think you're pretty spot on in your advice to the girls.
Here is my only point about the positive of going to college.......if you dont go, you have to either own your own business, or work you way up through the lowest of ranks in a company to be accomplished.
With a college degree, you can enter into a company at a much higher level. In our company there are many, many positions that a bachelors degree is the minimum requirement in order to EVEN APPLY for the job.
Just my .02 Cents
I too have to deal with the bag father of my step daughter.
you never fail to dissapoint B2b
I know some may not see things my way but I can see their father acting that way because I know that would more than likely be my reaction if someone else told something to my kids that I did not agree with.
That being said I agree with B2B's view of college. The main thing is to have a plan to get you where you want to go.
While I agree with your stance, I'm not quite sure that's what I'd tell my kids and I might rather them have an education that would open up a lot more opportunities than a trade school would, which is basically one job.
So do you pull their homework assignments out of their backpacks and hide them and put vaseline on their DP's in the fridge? You want to be sure and prepare them for all lifes challenges at their future jobs...
I push education everyday to my kids but trade schools are a great option for those who don't want to take all those non related courses and just concentrate on the field of their choice. I don't consider it a one job dead end.
He thinks he can afford it but he can't. You did the right thing B2B, but next time you should throw in an arie gold slap special, imo.
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