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Peter: (constantly looking up at the door waiting for someone to knock.)
Meg: Dad, why do you keep staring at the door?
Peter: Oh, Meg. You and your drugs.
here's mine
peter- oh my god brian, there is a message in my alpha-bits, it says oooooooooo.
brian- peter, those are cheerios.
Peter: (constantly looking up at the door waiting for someone to knock.)
Meg: Dad, why do you keep staring at the door?
Peter: Oh, Meg. You and your drugs.
"What the does rant mean?"
The first 7 seconds
look at my sig
The show was never the same after it came back. It USED to be a funny, original show.
Anyway, my favorite is, "You can kiss the fattest part of my @$$"
Stewie-"Ruppert!..You've been looking at the boys again, haven't you?"
I like that one episode where Brian and Stewie (I think) are renting a room and the attendant says they have bad roaches:
Bad roach: Man, I'm going to cut you up so bad, that you... you gonna wish I didn't cut you up so bad.
And:
[looking at whales]
Chris: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
Lois: But Peter, I don't wanna cook dinner for your ex-girlfriend.
Peter: Well, maybe we can just have tea.
Brian: You mean like the time you had tea with Mohammed, the prophet of the Muslim faith?
[flashback] Peter: Come on, Mohammed, let's get some tea. [Mohammed is covered by a black box with the words "IMAGE CENSORED BY FOX" printed several times from top to bottom inside the box. They stop at a tea stand.]
Mr. T: Try my "Mr. T. ...tea." [squints]
Peter: Oh boy, was that ever weird. Anyway, I can't believe I invited my old sweetheart to dinner. Huh.
Whenever Stewie is trying to hit on a girl.
Family Guy had a funny quote?
Asian reporter: Im now going to see what its like to have sex with a random man, this man I found in the bar down in the lobby.
Quagmire (slides into bed) OOO I've never done it with a spanish chick before! O LAY!
Chris:They're coming to fast
Peter:Nickel for every time i have had that problem
From the blue harvest
Stewie: "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"
Damn beat me to it
Doctor Dude: I'm not sure how to tell you this... SO I'LL LET THESE GUYS DO IT!
(peter and a quartet start singing)
You have aids
Yes you have aids
I hate to tell you boy that you have aids
You've got the aids
You may have caught it when you stuck that filthy needle in here
Or maybe all that unprotected sex you adhere
It isn't clear
But what we're searching for is you have aids
Yes you have aids
Not H.I.V. but full blown aids...
Be sure that you see
That this is not H.I.V.
But really full blown aids...
Not H.I.V. but really
Full blown aids
I'm sorry I wish it was something less serious.......
FULL BLOWN AIDS..
You've got the aiiiiiiiiii----iiiids..
"Be sure that you see
That this is not H.I.V.
But really full blown aids...
Not H.I.V. but really
Full blown aids"
That's my favorite part.
makes me laugh every time.
My favorite part is when pewees lovechild gets the clap and his lovechild falls off.
(picks up the phone to call)
"Um, Sally? Hey, hey, it's Peter Griffin. That's right, Senior Prom. Yea, it's been a while. So, um, yea . . . listen. I just found out I'm re ed. And, um, I'm just calling to let you know, um . . . you might want to get tested."
They gave me a penicillin shot for that.
ju ju
ju ju
ju ju
ju ju
ju ju ju
Stewie: I require a window seat and an in-flight happy meal, BUT NO PICKLES! Oh God, help you if I find pickles!
Ican't believe no one mentioned this one:
Brian at bar: hey bartender, whose leg you gotta hump to get a drink around here?!
Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.
Family Guy founding fathers roll call:
Man On Podium: Okay, we're here to sign this declaration of our independence. Let's take roll call first. Thomas Jefferson?
Thomas Jefferson: Here.
Man on Podium: Benjamin Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin: Here.
Man on Podium: John Footpenis?
John Han : It's Han now.
Man on Podium: Why?
John Han : Mind your business, that's why.
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