Apparently I qualify for every one of them. Someone should add number nine and le it Realistic Ryan. Seems like everyone these days needs some kind of fantasy world to be functional or happy.
Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.
Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.
Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.
Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:
1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.
* Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of iden y, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."
* Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.
* Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.
* Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a geneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.
* Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.
* Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.
* Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
* Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.
Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?
I just happen to read a similar story yesterday about banning toxic persons out of your life. Very inspiring. I can use that alot. This post too!
I have some toxic persons around me, I never really cared but now im at a place in my thoughts that it becomes time to slowly ban them and start thinking my way, doing what I want, caring about myself.
Life is not a series of perfect moments. There might be a few personalities worth distancing yourself from but everyone carries a least a portion of these traits. The article is idiotic and unrealistic at best.
2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one.
In general, I thought the article a bit syrupy, but I actually agree with a lot of it. We've probably all encountered people who exhibit one or more of the personality types listed and it can be a drag.
I don't see it as advocating a fantasy world, by the way, and am frankly confused as to how you could draw that conclusion. There's a big difference between avoiding unnecessarily judgmental assholes, for example, and wanting to instead surround yourself with people who will tell you life is all puppy dogs and rainbows.
We would all be better off if we got rid of the SPs in our life...
This is ridiculous.
I just think that if a person is secure in their own belief systems and just basically comfortable in your own skin, these "toxic personalities" can't have much of an effect. They are drawn to the weak, and will do as much to you as you let them. Their ty personality is their problem, not mine.
At this point in my life, I don't recognize any of those personalities around me. But there is one missing that I do deal with on a regular basis. One of my good friends is a "Chaos Carol". She has to have chaos in her life to survive. One earth shattering disaster lasts just until the next one hits. Luckily I saw early on that I couldn't help her because it's never-ending. But I like her, so I have decided to accept her as she is and I can separate her from her chaos. Unfortunately, other people don't feel the same way and she makes enemies out of most people.
I'll add one
9) Rapist Richard you can't leave your drinks around these people and no matter what you do they just can't take no for an answer
why they are toxic:They want to rape you
Funny you mention this. I HAD a girlfriend that resembled your friend Carol. They do say "Misery Loves Company".
We aren't friends anymore and I am very happy without that drama in my life.
I dated a drama queen once too. Forget that.
Though they do tend to be great in bed.
i didn't see realist richard up there...(but i assume that would ruin the bad list)
That pretty much says to stay away from every person on the face of the planet.
I used to think that way, too, but I learned the hard way. My ex was, and still is, narcissistic and manipulative like no one I have ever seen. I stayed for my child, even though I knew this about him, because I thought being who I am that I could withstand it. But it does not work.
Everyone may have some of these tendencies in small measure, but until you deal with a borderline sociopath, you have no idea.
Yes but you got away right?Also I'm not so sure if any rules or whatever apply when there is a child involved. Having kids changes the stakes in everything.
agreed. I made it to the third thing and had to stop reading.
Every women calls every man narcissistic and manipulative.
I think that I developed that personality after I moved to Amsterdam. IT lasted for a little over a year. But those were good/bad times. Very memorable. But yah, "Something bad" was always happening or I made it happen. I sure made a lot of people not like me or think that I was nuts.
Last edited by David Bowie; 05-27-2009 at 04:55 PM.
No, I do not. You have no clue what I endured attempting to hold my family together.
Bull !!! I have no problem calling my ex-husband a bipolar, narcissistic, abusive asshole. Now my 2nd husband, who I have been married to for 12 years this Sept, is none of those things. He is truly one of the 2 best men I have ever had the pleasure, luck, joy or whatever you want to call it, to love in this life. My StepDad was the other. My husband kisses me every time he leaves or comes home, he asks how my day was (and even cares about the answer). He never fails to thank me for even the little things like cooking dinner. He calls home every day during lunch to tell me he loves me and see how my day is going. He rocks.
Ploto, don't let it get to you. B2B is just saying whatever it takes to get a rise out you. Don't tell him I told you but he's really a nice guy under it all.
I think this article is written by a Judgmental Jim and I'm probably exhibiting traits of a Dream Killing Keith by saying that.
I am sympathetic to what you've been through. I've been through some unbelievably trying relationships myself. I'd love to hear your story if you'd like to PM me.
This is called common decency. Every man should act this way. My point was that any human being can show signs of shortcomings and still be a decent man. Women however have a tendency to complain about the opposite sex way too much.Bull !!! I have no problem calling my ex-husband a bipolar, narcissistic, abusive asshole. Now my 2nd husband, who I have been married to for 12 years this Sept, is none of those things. He is truly one of the 2 best men I have ever had the pleasure, luck, joy or whatever you want to call it, to love in this life. My StepDad was the other. My husband kisses me every time he leaves or comes home, he asks how my day was (and even cares about the answer). He never fails to thank me for even the little things like cooking dinner. He calls home every day during lunch to tell me he loves me and see how my day is going. He rocks.
I enjoy bringing out the emotions in people.Ploto, don't let it get to you. B2B is just saying whatever it takes to get a rise out you. Don't tell him I told you but he's really a nice guy under it all.
...and thanks for the kind words.
You're a woman ?
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