You can't make this stuff up

[MaNuMaNiAc]

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/writers/lang_whitaker/04/25/the.links/index.html

You can't make this stuff up

The NBA season was filled with head-scratching tales

Posted: Monday April 25, 2005 11:03AM; Updated: Monday April 25, 2005 11:03AM



This is not about Ron Artest asking to take a break from the Pacers to promote an album, or Doug Christie's reality show, or even Karl Malone allegedly "hunting for little Mexican girls." Those are the stories we know, the moments that found press and attention on their own.

Every morning, I get to my office, get online and try to read every NBA team's local newspaper. Since I write a daily NBA column, it's the best background info available. And it's also usually where the really good stories are buried. I prefer these little things, the goofy and ridiculous moments.

So, after chronicling these strange things all year, here are my favorite true NBA stories from the '04-05 season that you might have missed.

To make sure Gary Payton reported to training camp on time, Celtics GM Danny Ainge chartered a Gulfstream IV jet to Los Angeles and personally escorted him back to Boston.

Scot Pollard disclosed that he has different sized feet.


After the Hornets banned personal trainers from their practice facility, Baron Davis did his pre-practice stretching on a gym mat on the sidewalk outside the facility.

The Rockets visited China this year, which allowed things like this to happen.

The Washington Wizards had a date night in which a lucky fan won a night out with center Brendan Haywood.

The NBA banned Vince Carter from wearing an iPod during pregame warm-ups.

Rasheed Wallace had his championship ring re-sized to fit his middle finger.

When the Mavericks had an off day in Miami, little-used reserve Dan au accidentally shut a taxi door on Dirk Nowitzki's hand.

A screenwriter who'd just moved to Los Angeles was walking down a street when he found Vlade Divac's wallet in the gutter.

According to the police report in Detroit after the Pistons-Pacers brawl, one woman said the chair-thrower was a local male exotic dancer who uses the stage name Low Key or Kool Kat Daddy.

After the Knicks fired assistant coach Helm and replaced him with Brendan Suhr, less-experienced assistant Mark Aguirre attempted to upgrade his seat from behind the bench and had an in-game staredown with Suhr.

Under a listing for Charlotte Bobcats tickets, the Charlotte Yellow Pages mistakenly ran a number for a phone sex hotline.

Shaquille O'Neal sold his house in Los Angeles to a Japanese rock star from a band called Boowy.






For a second year, Sonics forward Vlad Radmanovic appeared as the Grandfather in the Pacific Northwest Ballet's production of The Nutcracker.

Amare Stoudemire has five cars, one for each weekday.

Paul Pierce was denied entry to a P.Diddy/Ja Rule party because he wasn't dressed well enough.

Bulls rookie Andres Nocioni learned English by watching TNT and Cinemax.

Porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey attended an Orlando Magic game as a guest of Magic power forward Mario Kasun.

When he suspected he was about to be traded, Jalen Rose came to a Raptors game dressed in all black, including his underwear.

Blazers coach Mo Cheeks banned popcorn from the locker room.

The Bulls' team bus broke down in Boston, then hit a taxi cab. When they finally got to practice, all the basketballs were frozen from being underneath the bus for so long.

During a Pistons/Magic game in Orlando, a dog involved in the halftime show took a crap on the court under the basket. The feces was discovered by Rasheed Wallace.

After vacationing in the Bahamas over the All-Star break, Rip Hamilton was detained by U.S. Customs officials because they were su ious of the amount of cash he was carrying.

Yao Ming told Tyson Chandler he was going to make him "swallow his mouthpiece."

Kwame Brown named his daughter Kwameeri.

Artest recently performed a rap concert in Indianapolis, which included his song "Henney," about Hennessey.

The Blazers fined Theo Ratliff $35,000 for missing seven weightlifting sessions, twice the amount it would cost Ratliff to miss seven practices.

Bulls guard Chris Duhon opened the locker room door and popped coach Scott Skiles in the head. Skiles needed several s ches to close the wound.

An Orlando radio station erroneously reported that Cavs forward Drew Gooden was killed in a car accident. Gooden later said he was at home watching Napoleon Dynamite.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

Hilarious!!

[ALVAREZ6]

According to the police report in Detroit after the Pistons-Pacers brawl, one woman said the chair-thrower was a local male exotic dancer who uses the stage name Low Key or Kool Kat Daddy.





During a Pistons/Magic game in Orlando, a dog involved in the halftime show took a crap on the court under the basket. The feces was discovered by Rasheed Wallace.