Ripped from somewhere...
-----
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
This is the one that always irritates the out of me...
And most women wake up with perfect hair and perfectly applied makeup. No bedhead or racoon eyes for these broads.4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
Isn't this one true?
Nice list
I think every woman I know has a pussy ... not just the single ones. Duh.
32. When being chased by someone in a car, you have to run right in front of them the entire time even if you have room to jump to the side. The only time you can jump is a second before the car is about to slam into you. Also, you always have to have your head turned around the entire time.
33. Whenever a killer is on the loose, and you hear a mysterious noise, you always have to investigate, even if you know it is the killer.
So true. The good guy runs into like 30 bad guys toting Uzis and AK-47s, bullets flying all around the lucky bas , none hit him...yet he can do back flips, 360s, somersaults, shoot some baskets, possibly have sex with the bad guys wife, and yet every shot he takes is accurate.17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
Dude. Quit watching A-Team reruns on TVland...
Don't mess with the A-Team. Mr.T don't pity da foo.
ROFL nice list...
34. Shaq can grant wishes and rap.
35)Aliens run .dos thereby making it easy to give them a computure virus
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
