For Shoogerbear: The Office Hoverer aka The Breather

[easjer]

The terror of people slacking off by otherwise untraceable internet surfing slinks up behind your desk with no notice and hovers.

You have no idea why they are there, what they are looking at or even if they are waiting for you. Some hoverers attempt politeness by hovering a few feet behind you as if to say, "In case you are busy (read: surfing the internet), I am not going to stand right behind you." You would think that this would be a gracious thing, but often they are too polite to announce themselves by anything other than apologetic shuffling feet and throat clearing. This kind of hoverer is generally harmless.

Some hoverers walk boldly right up to your desk or office and despite whatever you may be working on, launch into a long-winded, largely one-sided conversation about what they need from you - frequently, you will be on the phone or halfway through lunch (with a bite in your mouth) when this occurs. They frequently show annoyance if you choose to complete your call or swallow your bite instead of devoting your full attention to their immediate needs. This kind of hoverer is highly annoying, and you dread their appearance near your workspace, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when they approach your coworker instead.

The worst kind of hoverer is the space-violater. The space-violater is the one who comes over and if you are busy, begins rearranging your desk, flipping through files, looking over your shoulder. They will even frequently do this while you talk, despite the fact that they have no business forraging through your materials. They also generally invade your personal space, standing too close to you, perhaps putting a hand on your shoulder while you assist them. It's meant to show friendliness, but comes off as really creepy instead.

And then, in my office, we have The Breather. The Breather is of course the worst type of hoverer, always coming over and if I can't help him right away, he begins shuffling through papers on my desk, or looking over my shoulder. He even does this while waiting on a colleague. He frequently s his head to better read things that are none of his concern. But worst of all, his presence is always announced by the Darth Vader like breathing. It is likely that he has a serious sinus infection and the breathing is not within his control, but you can always hear the mucuos-y, wet, ragged breaths as he sucks in the air and then releases it in a swamp-land humid rush near your head (because he inevitably is leaning closer to see my computer). The only saving grace is that his breath is always surprisingly minty. The Breather is also a sweaty person, and has perpetual rings of wetness on his shirts. And if it is early in the day, then he probably has a ring of yellow instead. Season does not matter - he's always sweaty, indicating some sort of medical condition. So you try not to notice. Did I mention that The Breather assumes that everyone is less competant than him? Of course he does! His mission in life is to find proof of this.

Beware the hoverers in your office - they are probably eager to find out that you spend lots of time on SpursTalk. And if not, then maybe you have some sort of incriminating paper on your desk. If so - they'll find it.

[desflood]

The worst kind of hoverer is the space-violater. The space-violater is the one who comes over and if you are busy, begins rearranging your desk, flipping through files, looking over your shoulder. They will even frequently do this while you talk, despite the fact that they have no business forraging through your materials. They also generally invade your personal space, standing too close to you, perhaps putting a hand on your shoulder while you assist them. It's meant to show friendliness, but comes off as really creepy instead.

This is my husband. Let me apologize for him: I'm so sorry. But, it could be he only does this to me, not other people.

[ShoogarBear]

Nice. But porque for me?

[Solid D]

[Solid D]

I know a couple of hybrids of the ones mentioned...cross-matched.

[easjer]

SB - you were the one who suggested a soap opera. I thought a new installment was in order.

[tlongII]

The worst kind of hoverer is the space-violater. The space-violater is the one who comes over and if you are busy, begins rearranging your desk, flipping through files, looking over your shoulder. They will even frequently do this while you talk, despite the fact that they have no business forraging through your materials. They also generally invade your personal space, standing too close to you, perhaps putting a hand on your shoulder while you assist them. It's meant to show friendliness, but comes off as really creepy instead.

This is my husband. Let me apologize for him: I'm so sorry. But, it could be he only does this to me, not other people.

So when your husband puts his hand on your shoulder you think it is really creepy?

[Old School Chic]

Nice. But porque for me?

Por que Shoogarbear?

[ShoogarBear]

SB - you were the one who suggested a soap opera. I thought a new installment was in order.

Oh, for a moment I thought maybe you had been talking to my co-workers.