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Yes, I took my husband's last name, cuz it's awesome!
My youngest has my maiden name as his middle name.
I did not. For a mul ude of reasons, which bottom-line to the fact that I like my own name, and identify myself by my name. And the initials EAR didn't work for me. . .
Anyhow, I'm just curious. Most of my friends changed their names, a few hyphenated and others kept theirs. I'm not overly militant about it, if someone introduces us as the R's, I just smile and if I think I'll meet them again, gently say something like, "Well, actually, that is my husband's name, my name is S. I'm so interested that you do macrame. . ." My grandmother has been sending things to Mr and Mrs R. Which, she's an old lady, I understand, it's fine.
Most people are fine with that. But some people seem to want to start a discussion about WHY I didn't take Jason's name and just WHAT are we going to do about kids (which gathers more stares and objections - but we aren't having kids anytime soon). I mean, I just don't understand what business it is of anyone else's what I choose to do with my name or our kids (as yet unconceived) names.
Does anyone else have the same problem?
Yes, I took my husband's last name, cuz it's awesome!
My youngest has my maiden name as his middle name.
I told Jess I didn't really care if she didn't take my last name. I didn't.
Well, my wife didn't take my name right away. She was like you, she liked her name. I was upset about it and placed my displeasure, but after awhile i forgot about it. I think age played into it, since we were 18 when we got married.
When my daughter was born 5 yrs later and took my last name (obviously wasn't going to budge there), she then realized how childish it was to keep her last name. She wanted to have the same name as me and my daughter, since we are our own family.
Alas, his last name is not awesome and is always mispronounced (and frequently misspelled). And the thought of being called by my MIL's name makes me break out in a cold sweat and hives (can you tell that his family and I do not get along?).
Yes.
My husband did not care if I took his name. I would have considered it if he had. As for kids, we think we plan to give the girls my name and the boys his name. It's a compromise we are both happy with (since we both want our name to carry on, and his will via his four siblings but mine isn't looking likely too, since my sister changed her name and my brother is adament that he does not want children).
We talked about using my mom's maiden name, since it's died out, but he wasn't keen on it having no obvious relationship to us.
ETA: Why is it childish for the woman to keep her own name? Did you ever consider taking her name? Why not? My husband once said he kinda wished that I would take his name, but that he respected my wishes on it. So I asked him why, and it was because he thought it would be nice for a family to have the same name. I told him that was fine, and I was more than willing for him to change his name to S. He thought about it and said no. I asked why not, if that was important to him, and he said it was for the same reasons I have for not changing mine. We've always been in agreement on it.
I was kidding on the awesome part. No one ever pronounces it right or spells it right and my 13 year old said it sounded gay and hitlerish(it's German). However, it's very common here in TX and people always asks if we're related to so and so.
I did ... and still kept it after we divorced to make things easier for my kids. But if I get married again, I would definitely change it...regardless of what a PITA getting your driver's license, checks, SS card, insurances, mortgage, work email...all of my other bills .... changed.
Let me guess... Wunderlich?No one ever pronounces it right or spells it right and my 13 year old said it sounded gay and hitlerish (it's German).
I think women not taking their husband's name sort of plays into the whole McMarriage Theory. People want increased social stature of being married, but only if it is convienent to them.
Let me guess... Wunderlich?
I think women not taking their husband's name sort of plays into the whole McMarriage Theory. People want increased social stature of being married, but only if it is convienent to them.
What do you mean?
I ain't takin' nothin'.
I would take the fact that a prospective spouse was not willing to go through the ordeal to change her name as a bad omen of how many sacrifices she would be willing to make when times got tougher or things were not going well with the relationship.
But that's just me. It is a hypothetical.
Go suck a lemon.
Rumor has it Nick wanted to change his name to "Nick Lachey Simpson" but with no pre-nuptial agreement he may get some major jack from his lovely ex.
Go suck a lemon.
Ok, so then, should the man's unwillingness to change HIS name be considered the same way? Personal iden y is not diminished because of a marriage. If the name is part of the personal iden y (it is for some, but not for others) then she should just give it up?
Right, then. I suppose it is a generous gesture on my husband's part not to insist on my name change, then, right? He's clearly sacrificing for me on that one.
A greater test of sacrifices might be in dealing with the in-laws, but I suppose that is relative.
Go suck a lemon, hippie.
Johnny Tightlips - you are banned. It's a stupid screen name that contributes nothing and now you are just repeating yourself over and over and ruining threads. Go log in and your regular screen name.
As for the subject at hand, I would never have considered NOT taking my husband's last name. I believe in some roles of men and women in society and marriage. And I guess, to me, taking your husband's last name is part of that.
To each is own though.
No, because that's not the way it works.
I'm guessing he hasn't given up on it, why else are you bringing it up? Unless you're still fighting it within yourself.
Perhaps, if there were thousands of years of history within the instution of marriage of doing so.Ok, so then, should the man's unwillingness to change HIS name be considered the same way?
Easjer just take it! You'll love it! I had a tough last name. Tough to pronounce, tough to spell. J-O-N-E-S <--- See what I mean?
Anyway, Mrs. Chopper had some hesitation about taking it for those reasons I think, but she has said many times how proud she is to be a Jones. There's something bonding to it.
She's had her maiden name printed with my last name on some of her graduate certificates and things like that because she is the first one from her family to get an advanced college degree. You don't have to completely abandon your maiden name just because you change yours.
I've embraced my wife's heritage and we intend to teach our son all about both families. But I am very proud she has taken my last name. It creates some extra bond to the marriage IMO. I like it better than a hyphenated name anyday, and it gives my son a solid (non-hyphenated) last name as well. Besides, who'd want the last name Sphincter-Jones anyway? That's just silly. I'm glad she didn't combine the two.
Thousands of years of history? In some areas, sure.
In answer to jcrod, no I'm not really fighting in myself, I've always been comfortable with it. I just got another card from my grandmother and smiled over it, and I was thinking about the subject, and was curious about it on this board, since I know where everyone stands on my other board and at work.
I hope I don't sound like a raging feminist, because I'm not. I believe to each their own, it's a personal decision. I just don't understand being attacked over my choice (not here necessarily, since I brought it up for discussion) in public.
And I really, truly don't understand why anything would think I am not a good wife or as sacrificing as my husband for not doing something he was not also willing to do.
It's partially an issue about fairness for me - why should I change my name? I'm very conservative and traditional about many things in my life, but this is one I feel strongly about. Why, in these modern times when marriage is considered an equal partnership do men not even consider taking their wives names? I don't understand it.
I guess the other side of the coin is knowing so many women who loved their maiden names and didn't want to change their names but did anyway (social pressure, pressure from their husband). I don't understand that. It's so much easier not to change names anyway. . .
Ed Helicopter Jones:
We can't hyphenate our names (both 7 letter names ending in a-r-d). I think a big part of my reticence (apart from my own desire for my own name because I like it) comes from not wanting to be part of his family. I don't like them, they are not nice people, and I don't care to be associated with them. We are our own family. If we could have picked new names, that would have been ok.
Our marriage is more about joining our lives than our names.
I think it has to be your choice and your husband's.
For me it was a huge bonding thing between my wife and I. So much, in fact, that I probably wouldn't have gotten married if the name change wasn't part of it.
Now if you've been married before I don't consider it a big deal.
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