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It sounds heartfelt. There's a couple run on sentences and misspellings. (For example: posses) Tighten up the ending. It rambles a little bit. Read it out loud to yourself, that should help you figure out where you need to fix it.
In all seriousness.
A few of y'all know I'm thinking about going to Norway for a class this upcoming summer. I'm filling out a scholarship application that's due at 5 tonight. I'd really appreciate y'alls opinion on it. Would you give me some money for my heart felt letter to the committee? No need to read the whoel thing, just skim it over it you want.
Thanks!Texas Lutheran University gives its students many opportunities to study in numerous places around the world, and encourages students’ growth through this opportunity. I believe there is a right time for every student to study abroad. A vast majority of students here have studied in exotic locations and have discovered new things about the world and themselves. As a Spanish major I have been asked many times, "Why have you not gone to Spain yet?" My gut instinct is to say, "I just don’t have the money to spend the time there the way I would like to," when the real answer is, "I just don’t have the guts to go to a far away place by myself." The opportunity has come this spring to study with people I have come to love and cherish for the last four years in a far away place. This far away place will provide me with a better understanding of myself, where I came from, as well as an unremarkable boost to my resume.
The Spring 2007 semester will be my last semester at Texas Lutheran University. Many of my friends have left and returned from study abroad semesters with amazing stories, new friends, and a new outlook on life. The PSY 379: Animal Behavior and Learning class, which will spend most of its time in the summer researching in Norway will provide these opportunities. Before this fall semester, the chance to study abroad was just a little spot in TLU world. There was never anything to excite me about it. The trip to a new country would be scary. Going to a new school would be even scarier. Taking classes at a school in another country was out of the question. I even came to Texas Lutheran University with a friend from high school. I understand this study abroad program will be with a class of students I have come to know the past four years, and they are a sort of security blanket. The security blanket, however, will help me explore the world and see things in a new way, as they did the past four years in Seguin, Texas.
This security blanket is researching salmon in Norway. We will not only be exploring the world, but we will be expanding our scholastic achievements. I have heard through many postgraduate programs that only a handful of its applicants posses research experience. This experience is valuable and will put all of us ahead of other applicants. Texas Lutheran University has given us all the opportunity to pursue our academic achievements through unique routes, this route, a trip to Norway will be most unique.
My freshman year I took North American History II with Dr. Milk. For our end of the semester project he asked us to either prepare a journal of our thoughts about the semester, or to prepare a family history. The previous semester I finished a journal and heard of the family history project. I started the family history project during the winter break after finding old family do ents. I spoke to my grandmother who informed me that her grandfather was a Norwegian doctor who came over to the United States named Edward Berg in the late 1800s. Is it a coincidence that we are going to spend some time in Bergen, Norway? Is there anyway that I can trace my family back to this town that we will be studying in? To promote my study abroad trip, I can talk about the integration between my history class which introduced me to my Norwegian heritage and the town which we visited that may somehow tied to me family heritage. How amazing would that be?
I believe the opportunity to study abroad is a special opportunity. This opportunity must speak to a student. Before the chance to study fish in Norway for the PSY 379:Animal Behavior and Learning class, there was never an international trip which spoke to me. This is the trip which is the opportunity which speaks the most to me. However, this opportunity will not be possible if I do not get funding for this trip. It has been emphasized in my family that going to college is an opportunity of a lifetime in itself, but I would like to take this opportunity to another level which will benefit my personal and professional career as well.
It sounds heartfelt. There's a couple run on sentences and misspellings. (For example: posses) Tighten up the ending. It rambles a little bit. Read it out loud to yourself, that should help you figure out where you need to fix it.
Oh and good luck.
What she said.
It reads with sincerity. Clean it up, read it backward, then put it down for a few hours (if you have that time) and come back and do it again.
I think I have the last paragraph taken care of. I'll probably go to my classes and then come back and fix it up after those and turn it in then.
I believe the opportunity to study abroad is a special opportunity which must speak to a student. The PSY 379: Animal Behavior and Learning class, speaks to me and is my opportunity. However, this opportunity will not be possible if I do not get funding for this trip. It has been emphasized in my family that going to college is an opportunity of a lifetime in itself, but I would like to take this opportunity to another level which will benefit my personal and professional career as well.
JB has the best advice. revise, revise, revise. brutally.
Read every sentence in isolation as if it were the only sentence on the page.
Does it stand by itself? Does the even make sense?
Does the sentence belong in its paragraph, or someplace else?
Does sentence even belong in the do ent?
Tautologies and redundancies are your worst enemies.
"heart-felt" is too squishy (nothing more heart-felt than tear-stains on the do ent!), gotta be competent, hard-headed, coherent, logical.
Last edited by boutons_; 11-01-2006 at 02:12 PM.
Good Luck ashbeeigh!
mmmmmmmm... scandinavia... *thinks of those swedes from boat trip*
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