Senior Moments

[Taco]

Senior Moments

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
************************************************** ********

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
************************************************** ********

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young
woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and
said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot momma and be
cheerful.' "
The doctor said, " I didn't say that. I said, "You've got a heart murmer.
Be careful.' "
************************************************** ********

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a
banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."

[Slomo]

An elderly woman is expecting visitors, but since she's afraid that her memory will fail her she puts two post-its on the kitchen counter. One says "serve coffe" and the second one "offer cookies".
After a while her two best friends show up and she goes to the kitchen and sees the first note and starts cooking coffe, while doing this she puts the serving tray over the second note so she goes back to her two friends serving only coffe. Half an hour later she is bringing the empty cups back to the kitchen, sees the first note and serves another round of coffee, she does the same at least two more time.
Since it's getting late her two friends decide to go home. As they are walking down the street the first one says to the second one:
- Damn Martha is getting old, she did not even offer us coffee!
And the second one goes:
- Who's Martha?

[Slomo]

It's the first of the month and there's a huge cue at the local drugstore since all the retired people are stocking up their medication for the month. All of a sudden the door opens violently and a young guy disreguarding the cue goes straight to the pharmacist throws a pack of condom on the counter and yells:
- These condoms are defective they break too easily!
At this point a frail old man who was third in line joins in:
- Yeah! and tell them that they keep falling off too!

[SpursWoman]

Three old men were sitting around complaining how much their hands shook.The first geezer said"my arms are so wobbly that when i trimmed the garden yesterday i cut down all the flowers."
"So?"the second guy said,"my hands shake so bad that when i shaved this morning I shredded my face"
the third old man laughed and said"Thats nothing,my hands tremble so bad that when i took a piss this morning,I came on the bathroom wall three times

[SpursWoman]

3 men were discussing ageing at a nursing home.



“60 is the worst age to be,” said the 60 year old. “You always feel like you have to piss. And most of the time you stand in front of the toilet and nothing comes out!”



“Ah, that's nothing,” said the 70 year old. “When your 70 you cant even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran you sit on the toilet all day and NOTHING comes out!”



“Actually,” said the 80 year old, “80 is the worst age of all!”



“Do you have trouble pissing too?” asked the 60 year old?



“No, not really, I piss every morning at 6:00 am,” said the 80 year old. “I piss like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all!”



“Do you have trouble crapping?” asked the 70 year old.



“No, I crap every morning at 6:30.”



The 60 year old said, “Let's get this straight, you piss every morning at 6am and you crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80 years old?”



The 80 year old replied, “I don't wake up until 7:00 am!”

[SpursWoman]

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry.

Before the wedding, they had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

How do you feel about sex? he asked, rather hopefully.

Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently, she responded.

The old guy paused...then he asked, Was that one word or two?

[Useruser666]

[travis2]

Some people I know here have plenty of senior moments...and aren't even 30 yet...

*not naming any names, but...*

[JackLalanne]

Ha, ha. Those are really funny now how about getting off your lazy asses and buying one of my juicers so I can freakin' retire?


They make a great holiday gift.

[Hook Dem]

[Taco]

How do you feel about sex? he asked, rather hopefully.

Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently, she responded.

The old guy paused...then he asked, Was that one word or two?

[Slomo]

^^^ I liked that one too!

Too bad it doesn't translate well

[DrRich]

A senior couple, who loved to play golf everyday together, went to Pebble Beach for their 50th wedding anniversary. On the 13th hole, the husband tells his wife he has something to confess. He says: "Honey, you remember that secretary I hired in 1959, the good lookin one?"

She replies: "Yes Honey I remember her. An don't worry about it, I already know you had an affair with her. But while were confessing, I have something I need to tell you."

He says: "Ok honey go ahead."

She begins: " Well, remember when I told you I couldn't have kids? Well I wasn't exactly honest about that. The reason I can't have kids is that I had a sex change before we met."

The husband, shocked beyond belief and turning angrier by the second, Screams back: " You lying , You lying . All these years, and you've been playing from the ladies tees."

[Solid D]

Most of these were pretty funn...

what were we talking about?