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lol that's some funny ... can't wait for the movie though!
Now I REALLY want to see this.
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I just saw a movie that’ll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It’s called 300. I don’t know what the le has to do with the movie, but they could’ve called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it’d still rule.
It’s about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.
The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it’s sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, “I need some extra sauce packets” guess what? You’re getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.
I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.
TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN’T LIKE:
COOL THING ONE:
HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES
Who gives a if the music isn’t historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could’ve used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel’s Pretzel is telling you that you’ll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.
COOL THING TWO:
FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS
Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.
Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.
NOT SO GOOD THING:
DUDE NUDITY (“DUDE-ITY”)
These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they’re serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.
Any directors reading this – IT’S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.
Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?
My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.
lol that's some funny ... can't wait for the movie though!
naked dudes is pretty gay
but the special effects look amaizing
Lmao
It looks way over-produced... I know that was the intent, but it just looks to me like a bunch of yelling and slow-mo against a lifeless CGI background.
God I sound old.
I really hated that review at first, but appreciated the attempt by the end. Call it my low brow sense of humor, I guess.
I was going to see 300 no matter what anyway. Any film soley dedicated to the Battle of Thermopolie (sp?) gets my money.
Yes....yes you do.
Me, too. I knew I didn't want to see it when I read about the heavy metal music.
I would love to see something about ancient Greece that attempted historical accuracy. Instead it looks like another night for the fanboys.
LOUD NOISES!!!
LOUD NOISES!!!
ing Ephialtes screwed the Greeks. ing traitor ass got what he deserved.
The Battle of Thermopylae. I'm anxious to see this film. While I'm sure it won't be historically accurate it should be pretty good. The story of 300 Spartans who fought to the death against an army of 100,000 Persians. They knew they were going to die, but fought anyway so that the Greeks would have time to build up their navy in Athens. The Persian army had troops from all over Africa and Asia Minor so I'm sure they had some strange looking fighters.
It's based on a graphic novel (comic book for grown-ups), so I'm pretty sure historical accuracy isn't going to happen.
that sounds cool as ! heavy metal musics sucks, but in a battle scene it would be the !
This movie is made more towards being a piece of art than history. A comic book has more historical accuracy.
Nevertheless I think this will be really good like gladiator was. Can't wait to see it, it's coming march 9
Wait dont tell me....rap is awesome, right?
thermopylae has always fascinated me, but its amazing how many different variations of the story there are. i've read there were anywhere from 1,000-14,000 greeks (though only 300 spartans in every story) and 20,000-1,000,000 persians.
...guess we will never know.
There were more greeks to start with, but they retreated to Athens to build up the navy. The 300 (all Spartans) stayed at Thermopylae to delay the Persians.
yeah, i know. but there were still others that stayed with the 300 spartans for the last stand. the number that varies wildly, of course, is the actual # of persians. if you take the middle ground there was around 250,000. but, like i said, who the really knows. what i do know...is it was brave and remarkable, regardless of the actual #s.
True. There may have been 1,000 or so other non-Spartan fighters.
Thespians and Thebans
/Wait, they fought with actors?
I can't wait to see this movie! I've been looking at the trailers for weeks now and salivating.
bump
Great movie! Wish I could watch it on IMAX
I heard it was 7000 on the Greek side and 50000 on the persian side.
I heard it wasn't all that great.
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