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It all started when she mixed chocolate pudding, whip cream and crust.
I have metioned a very special guy in a couple of threads here at ST.com. He is Army National Guard and is being deployed to Iraq in a few weeks. I've known him as a casual friend for about a year and only started dating him about 1 1/2 months ago. We get to text message and IM each other as often as we can. I feel that he is definately 1 in a million and I will be waiting for him when he comes back from his deployment. He is very kind, understanding, sensitive but still very MANLY, and is respectful of me. We will have a chance to get to really know each other via emails, text messages and an occasional phone call which I think will be a strong foundation for this relationship.
Those of you that are married and the couples, my questions are: When and How did you know that you wanted to be with your spouse for the rest of your life? If needed, PM me if you would like to keep that info private...
Any of y'all that have gone through a similair situation, your advice will definately be appreciated!
Thanks!
It all started when she mixed chocolate pudding, whip cream and crust.
Good luck rashofan, you are a good person. I can tell.
Nice...all about the pie....
theres goin to be lots of cyber sex.......
I would rather have the real thing, but I am just going to have to wait.
I'm not married and don't have any advice, but congrats on finding the one.
I think any relationship takes a lot of work. If you and him are willing to make that extra effort to stay together then you will. When you start questioning whether its all worth it, thats when it starts to go downhill. You have to see what your heart wants and just make that commitment to keep him in your life. Hopefully if he will do the same.
Ehh...I am divorced, but as a guy that got married after the second date I can tell you one thing...
Take your time to make the decision
If you are right for each other you'll still be right for each other a month later.
And for it to last IMO, there has something there beyond the thrill of love...it's not always that easy to do and figure that out but...if you have a lot of stuff in common, I think it helps. I notice most of the couples here tend to have the Spurs and Computers in common.
Even still I can't say getting married that quick was completely bad...we stayed together for 5 years and things didn't get bad until the last year or so(had nothing in common outside of liking nature and hiking etc. which I really don't like that much, so after the thrill was gone...)...
Oh one other bit of advice...our society/media kind of makes you feel like a real freak if you aren't married or in the process of moving that way...I think that's the reason a lot of marriages dont' work out, because people get married just so they won't be single...don't let it effect you, there's nothing wrong with being unmarried...it's better than being unhappily married.
Thanks for your input Whott! Much appreciated!
My pleasure...hopefully some of the happily married couples at ST will step up to the plate(and I notice there seem to be quite a few of them).
I've been looking over some of the replies and it's funny there are so many different takes. In my case the true relationship took NO effort at all. I always seemed to be working my butt off in every other relationship; this one was totally natural and comfortable. I met my husband when I was coming out of a very intense failed relationship and he took me totally by surprise. I truly believe you find love when you are not looking for it.
i see ur grass is green, and you need someone to mow the lawn
Dude, take your dexies, seriously...i see ur grass is green, and you need someone to mow the lawn
RashoFan, great news, I'm glad to hear that you have found someone who makes you happy.
As someone who feels he probably should have married his last girlfriend (of two years), if you know someone for a year or two and they still make you happy (like when you've had a bad day and you see them and they make it not feel so bad), you complement each other (that way they control some things, you control others, and the partnership aspect is strong), there's love and solidarity there, then you probably know enough to settle down with them.
I agree with whottt, there's no hurry. Give it a year or two and really get to know each other deeply.
Major bummer that he has to go to Iraq. Any way he can get out of that? Flee to Canada, perhaps? Love should trump war every time, but then politics gets in the way...
I met my right hand when I was 12 years old and we've been together since. How we met is kind of fuzzy after all these years. Things were pretty up and down at first and then it was like something exploded, kind of like fireworks. That's when I knew.
I have marriage issues, so I cant say, but the fact that you don't seem to have any doubts about how happy this person makes you is definitely a good sign. I am very happy for you and that 1 in a million feeling doesnt come along everyday.
Rashofan, my husband and i are going on 18 years of marriage this Fall. It's hard to remember way back then.I was pretty young back then, 21.......how old are you? Even though we have made it work my age was a factor in some of our difficulties early on in our marriage. We dated for a year and then decided to elope.
Good luck Rashofan. It is a great thing to have someone to care for. Best of luck to both of you.
Although i've never had any "adult" long distance relationship, i can say just being apart is tough. My wife had to spend 2 weeks at some training in virginia a couple of years ago, and it is lonely. Just keep yourself busy and making plans for the return, and hopefully that will get you through the tough times.
When i met tracy i was coming off of a very very tough break up. I had been dating (a couple of dates a week usually) for about a month, and i just knew that life style wasnt really me. It was fun, only to bang through some girls and get my mind off of my breakup, but it is an empty feeling, no one really did it for me, other than as another girl to keep me warm at night.
During that few weeks i was doing just about everything available to meet different girls, including match.com. Turns out the first girl i met there was just another 1 nighter...then i went to pick up my current wife, and the moment she walked out i knew she was different and i was in for a long ride.
it was wierd...just something about her look / smile / demeanor...i wasnt ready for another relationship, emotionally, but i also knew i couldnt let her get away because she was a keeper. and the rest is history...i could explain teh whole story, but it was really almost a first sight thing.
Check your PM's
Congratulations first off. Obviously you're going to have to wait for him to comeback. I think you just know if he is the one. Its just something you know. Soemthing inside tells you. It may not make sense, but I really can't explain it. The fact that you guys being friends first for like a year is a good thing.
I knew my Wife was the one when I went through a very difficult and unexpected financial downfall when we first meet. I hardly knew her and she could have easily bailed on me for a greener pasture. She didn't panic and helped out as much as she could. It worked out better than ever and we've been together for 4 years.
Damn, I'm so waiting to meet someone like that again... actually, I think I might have, but she won't go on a date with me and won't tell me why, although she has told me she's single and wants to be "friends". I don't want to be just "friends", I want to be romantic from the outset because every time I'm friends with someone I miss the relationship window and become her 'big brother', and once that happens hope of anything more is gone. I have enough great friends, I need a partner (which of course encompasses friendship, but a lot more and deeper).
*sigh*
Congrats Rashofan. I've been married for 3 years now but I've been with my soulmate for 10 years. How do you know? You just do. There are no guarantees. But if it's any help (and this will sound a bit dark), but you'll know when they're taken away from you. It happened to me temporarily thank goodness. That's the only time I knew that I never wanted to live without my wife.
It was that simple for me I guess. I hope it will be for you. All the best dearie.
Thanks for the input guys! It is definately appreciated.
Flea, I am 36 and he is 27...
Both of us have never been married, no children. He has been engaged before and had his heart broken as well as I have.
We do have a few things in common: The Military- I was Navy, he was Army and now in the National Guard. AND I definately understand what it is like to be deployed...EMS: I am a Paramedic, he is an EMT (who was going through school to get his Paramedic). We are both EMS Instructors. Fire Dept: I volunteer at one and he volunteers at another. Our family backgrounds are similiar.
I would say we have a few things in our favor.
Again Thanks to y'all for your advice..keep it coming.
married for 9 and with the same woman for 13.
it was all about having natural chemistry. she made me want to be a better man for her and I think I've inspired her to be a better person too.
I would recommend letting the initial emotional rush settle down and wait until you guys know each other very well. That means go through some tough times before getting married. Marriage is extremely diffucult, but totally worth it if you're with the right person.
Congrats and good luck.
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