10 Most Loathsome People in America for 2007

[Nbadan]

It's that time of year again..

10.. David Petraeus

Charges: Two-star schlub elevated to four-star cheerleader, because all the experienced generals retired out of shame or pure dignity. Under Dave's leadership training Iraqi security forces from 2004-05, the Pentagon lost track of approximately 30% of weapons distributed in Iraq, including some 100,000 AK-47 assault rifles. "Petraeus Report" rife with statistical manipulations, discounts pre-surge trends, claiming them as its own, and was heavily vetted, if not written entirely, by the White House.

Exhibit A: Nicknamed "Peaches." Seriously.

[Nbadan]

Senator Craig from Idaho is blaming the media for his guilty plea,
especially that cute guy from the Associated Press.- letterman

9. Larry Craig

Charges: This year's eminent toe-tappin' conservative queen of hypocrisy. Thought the Defense of Marriage Act was FABULOUS! -- because he personally needs legislation to keep him straight. Didn't work. Brought unwanted knowledge of the intricate culture of anonymous gay public restroom sex into America's living rooms. Embodies both the cause and result of faith-based sexual repression. Insists on dragging out the least plausible public denial of buggery since Liberace's, presumably for the benefit of his frozen-smiled, slowly maddening wife.

Exhibit A: "I am not gay. I never have been gay."

[Nbadan]

8. Hillary Clinton

Charges: Began in politics as a teenage Nixon supporter -- that's twisted enough. Moved on to corporate law, representing small conglomerates like Walmart and bravely defending Coca-Cola from those pesky disabled employees. Married out of ambition. Failed miserably as the first lady of health care. Has spent whole of senatorial career as a hawk and a panderer. Would have no shot at becoming president if she didn't just happen to be married to one already.

Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place.

[Nbadan]

Reagan tore down a wall, but Chertoff built one

7. Michael Chertoff

Charges: Looks and acts like a man who sleeps in a coffin. As the head, or should we say skull, of our latest redundant security bureaucracy, the Department of Homeland Security, Chertoff used 2007 to further Rumsfeld's purportedly defunct policy of "Total Information Awareness," ordering U.S. military satellites be trained on American soil for first time in history. Beyond that, DHS seems to function as a corruption farm, spending billions on programs that either don't work or are never implemented, often lobbied for by former DHS employees. If the terror threat really is as dire as Chertoff says, then he is criminally negligent.

Exhibit A: Habitually references his "gut feeling" that the next terror attack is imminent.

[Nbadan]

6. Rudy Giuliani

Charges: 9/11 Tourette's syndrome, compounded by compulsive lying. Despite the '93 WTC bombing, didn't act to put all first responders on the same radio frequency and chose to house his Emergency Command Center on the 23rd floor of WTC 7. Giuliani Partners consulting firm routinely did business with a Qatar ministry run by royal Abdallah bin Khalid al-Thani, a man whose farm has seen guests the likes of Khalid Sheikh Muhammad and Osama bin Laden. Wooed mistress and future wife with an NYPD chauffeur and trips to Southampton on NYC taxpayers' dime. Ruined the prospect of a Times Square tug-job.

Exhibit A: Stages phone calls from his wife during campaign stops-to show 'em he's got family values. Family values apparently do not include rudimentary put-it-on-vibrate cell phone etiquette. Invoked 9/11 to explain this.

[Nbadan]

5. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid

Charges: Graduates of the Neville Chamberlain school of appeasement, the Democratic leadership continues to ignore the cons ution-and the American people-by keeping impeachment "off the table" and refusing to defund the war. True pushovers, they're too stupid, cowardly, weak and outmatched politically to accomplish anything substantive, their "strategy" essentially boiling down to whining a lot while handing Bush whatever the he wants. There is just no way that appearing this weak and ineffectual could be any better for them politically than impeachment. Everything that the White House gets away with, it gets away with because congress allows it.

Exhibit A: Failure to woo the two thirds majority needed to override a presidential veto is moot: They could defund the war with a 41-senator budgetary filibuster. But that would take guts and conviction.

[Nbadan]

...our biggest moment...

4. Alberto Gonzales

Crimes: The most truckling, amoral flunky to ever serve as Attorney General. A jurisprudent organelle, he manifests no concept of the law independent of its expediency to the president. Would smilingly accuse himself of providing material support to al Qaeda at President Bush's request, hurriedly plead guilty, sign his own death warrant and flip the switch himself. His testimony before congressional committees is to public service what cholera is to the small intestine. As first Hispanic Attorney General, Gonzo typifies the self-betrayal and ethical compromise necessary for minorities to become successful Republicans. Been felching sweet approval from Bush's lily-white ass since Texas. A conscienceless, memo-drafting, loophole-crafting liar for hire, pushing for all the worst administration policies, including nixing habeas corpus, denying and then defending rendition, torture, political firings, and a ton of other evil stuff. He even visited a seriously ill and disoriented John Ashcroft at the hospital, attempting to coax him into reauthorizing a clearly illegal wiretapping program. The only Attorney General who ever could have made John Ashcroft a sympathetic character by contrast.

Exhibit A: "The fact that the Cons ution -- again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Cons ution. There is a prohibition against taking it away."

[Nbadan]

3. Cheney

Charges: Worst president ever. So openly horrible, he now makes jokes about being Darth Vader. Unashamedly advocating for executive abuse of power and corporate theft. In and out of public office since his congressional internship during the Nixon Administration. Didn't care about the quagmire he foresaw in '94, because since then he'd deftly maneuvered to profit from it. Polling lower than HPV.

Exhibit A: His Halliburton stock rose 3000% in 2007.

[Nbadan]

2. George W. Bush

Charges: Is it a civil rights milestone to have a re ed president? Maybe it would be, if he were ever legitimately elected. You can practically hear the whole nation holding its breath, hoping this guy will just ing leave come January '09 and not declare martial law. Only supporters left are the ones who would worship a ing turnip if it promised to kill foreigners. Is so clearly not in charge of his own White House that his feeble attempts to define himself as "decider" or "commander guy" are the equivalent of a five-year-old kid sitting on his dad's Harley and saying "vroom vroom!" Has lost so many disgusted staffers that all he's left with are the kids from Jesus Camp.

The first president who is so visibly stupid he can say "I didn't know what was in the National Intelligence Estimate until last week" and sound plausible. Inarguably a major criminal and a much greater threat to the future of America than any Muslim terrorist.

Exhibit A: "And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."

[Nbadan]

..and last but not least..

1. about 35% of You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, that is, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border security, because the automated voice system at your bank asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bull you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's only nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' and her sister's future children. You think out-sourcing and buying Chinese goods stimulates the American economy. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think watching CNN and FAUX News makes you smarter. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises overall revenue. You think the economy is doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith and OJ coverage.


Special Thanks to The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

[SA210]

[ggoose25]

...our biggest moment...

4. Alberto Gonzales

Crimes: The most truckling, amoral flunky to ever serve as Attorney General. A jurisprudent organelle, he manifests no concept of the law independent of its expediency to the president. Would smilingly accuse himself of providing material support to al Qaeda at President Bush's request, hurriedly plead guilty, sign his own death warrant and flip the switch himself. His testimony before congressional committees is to public service what cholera is to the small intestine. As first Hispanic Attorney General, Gonzo typifies the self-betrayal and ethical compromise necessary for minorities to become successful Republicans. Been felching sweet approval from Bush's lily-white ass since Texas. A conscienceless, memo-drafting, loophole-crafting liar for hire, pushing for all the worst administration policies, including nixing habeas corpus, denying and then defending rendition, torture, political firings, and a ton of other evil stuff. He even visited a seriously ill and disoriented John Ashcroft at the hospital, attempting to coax him into reauthorizing a clearly illegal wiretapping program. The only Attorney General who ever could have made John Ashcroft a sympathetic character by contrast.

Exhibit A: "The fact that the Cons ution -- again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Cons ution. There is a prohibition against taking it away."

This is the most excellent post I've ever read about him.

[ggoose25]

..and last but not least..

1. about 35% of You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, that is, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border security, because the automated voice system at your bank asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bull you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's only nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' and her sister's future children. You think out-sourcing and buying Chinese goods stimulates the American economy. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think watching CNN and FAUX News makes you smarter. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises overall revenue. You think the economy is doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith and OJ coverage.


Special Thanks to The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

Where did 35% come from? There are a lot more stupid people out there.