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ROFL. This is probably the best thing the Express-News wrote all season.
Mike Finger: Spurs take a crack at choosing adventures
Web Posted: 04/15/2008 11:14 PM CDT
Mike Finger
San Antonio Express-News
Back in grade school, a series of books called "Choose Your Own Adventure" was all the rage. First published in 1979, the stories allowed children to decide which path a character would take. Every option led to more choices, so each book had dozens of possible endings.
Tonight at the AT&T Center, the Spurs are looking at enough scenarios to fill a "Choose Your Own Adventure" tale of their own. Here's what it looks like:
1. Recognizing the importance of the regular-season finale, Manu Ginobili once again begs to play despite nursing a sore groin. As Gregg Popovich, you can either let Ginobili suit up (go to No. 2) or rest him for one more game (skip to No. 4).
2. Thanks in large part to Ginobili, the Spurs are ahead by six late in the game. As Manu, you see a loose ball bounding toward the scorer's table near midcourt. You can either dive to save it (go to No. 3) or defy all of your instincts and let it go out of bounds (skip to No. 5).
3. Ouch! Manu reinjures his groin. Skip to No. 14.
4. With Manu out, the Jazz have a shot to win it on the last possession. As Popovich, you can call for either standard man-to-man defense (skip to No. 8) or double-team Deron Williams and leave Mehmet Okur wide open (go to No. 5).
5. Good job! You've won the finale, kept Manu healthy, and now have home-court advantage against the Suns. In Game 5, Amare Stoudemire sets a high screen for Steve Nash. As Bruce Bowen, you can either run into the screen elbow-first as you did last week (go to No. 6) or go under the screen and give Nash room (skip to No. 7).
6. Stoudemire follows through on his not-so-veiled threat to beat Bowen's brains out but draws a three-game suspension. The Spurs win the series. Skip to No. 11.
7. Finally seeing the Spurs back down, the Suns are emboldened, and Nash swishes a 3-pointer. Skip to No. 16.
8. Uh-oh. Williams hits the game-winner, and now you have to face the Jazz on the road in the first round. Near the end of Game 7, one of the rowdy Utah fans plunks Tim Duncan in the head with a battery. As Popovich, do you replace him with Matt Bonner (skip to No. 9) or Robert Horry (skip to No. 10)?
9. Having waited for this moment all season, the Red Rocket delivers. Skip to No. 11.
10. Suddenly, everyone realizes the only "big shot" Rob has left is a painkiller injection. Skip to No. 16.
11. In the conference semifinals against New Orleans, Chris Paul averages a triple-double in Games 1 and 2. When the series shifts back to San Antonio, as Popovich, do you mix things up by starting Damon Stoudamire over Tony Parker (skip to No. 15) or talk to the room-service guys at the Grand Hyatt about a special CP3 Crème Brulee recipe (go to No. 12)?
12. Fantastic! You've made the conference finals. In Game 5 against the Lakers, Kobe Bryant is preparing to shoot two critical free throws in the closing seconds. As Brent Barry, you walk past Bryant and either say "Kobe's wife is looking good," while pointing at Dyan Cannon (skip to No. 16) or say "Kobe's wife is looking good," while pointing at Penny Marshall (go to No. 13).
13. That did the trick. Now, you're in the NBA Finals against the Celtics, but Manu has torn his hamstring and broken three ribs. As Popovich, you can do the sensible thing and keep Ginobili out (go to No. 14) or throw caution to the wind and expect Manu to deliver a miracle (skip to No. 17).
14. The season ends in disaster, an angry mob of Argentines storms The Dominion to kick Popovich around like a soccer ball, and Kelvin Sampson takes over as head coach. The end.
15. The season ends in disaster, a slightly perturbed mob of Frenchmen storms The Dominion to thumb their noses at Popovich, and Eva starts spreading nasty rumors about Stoudamire's wife. The end.
16. Too bad. The dynasty is over. The end.
17. Congratulations! You've won a fifth NBA championship, and now you have to decide what to wear to the river parade. That part is completely up to you.
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LINK: http://www.mysanantonio.com/sports/b...n.37cb521.html
ROFL. This is probably the best thing the Express-News wrote all season.
OMG if this WC playoff positioning's making me, reading this skip to..skip to article making me crazy even more
The chance at 14 and 15 is almost worth it...almost.
Edit: In all fairness though...if the CoT is any indication someone will just walk by The Dominion Gate and throw some day-old french fries before going home to knock back a saucy Bordeux.
Totally got the championship on the first try. You're welcome, Spurs fans.
Or say they don't care, pee in the river while nobody's watching and start secret lobbying on TP to ask for a trade (and take care of Mr Popovich next french wine order too...).
Great article
very inspired.
The WCF and Finals options were great.
I like this article. LOL
17. Congratulations! You've won a fifth NBA championship, and now you have to decide what to wear to the river parade. That part is completely up to you.
Great Article!
nice
Fun stuff, good job
Hehe, that was entertaining. I chose Manu to dive for the loose ball against Utah but he reinjured his groin. Guess I lost.
Nice one. CYOA books were one of the best things about being a child of the '80s.
Emeyin - to be an original member of ST and only rack up 62 posts is an incredible performance. Well done!
Nice article. It couldn't have been better written.
Mike Finger>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Jeff McDonald
I won the championship by playing Manu with a torn hamstring and 3 broken ribs. lol
I chose all the way up to 17 on 1st shot. nice!
It was perfect except it needed to have Horry in there
Wow, thats great stuff.
It was well written and fun to read.
I loved Choose Your Own Adventure Books when I was a kid.
great article
but judging by the article they make it seem like only flukes can make the Spurs win the le
Scola sig!
Also, I freakin' *loved* these books!
damn this writer is right on point so far!!
I used to love those books....
That was awesome, I loved it!
so this is the way it went. damn barry
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