Brangelina to Marry When Everybody Can

[Yonivore]

Brad Pitt won't be marrying Angelina Jolie until the restrictions on who can marry whom are dropped.

Polygamists, pedophiles, and beastialists were amazed at the show of solidarity. (okay, I made that up.)

"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," the 42-year-old actor reveals in Esquire magazine's October issue, on newsstands Sept. 19.

But, as one of my favorite bloggers allowed,

Old opinion of Brad Pitt: Dumb as a bag of re s.

New opinion of Brad Pitt: Perhaps the most brilliant man who has ever lived. A mind of such staggering intellectual power it makes Einstein's look like the primative nerve ganglia in an ankylosaurus' ass-brain.

Top Ten Other Brad Pitt, Super-Genius,
Excuses Made To Women

10. "I cannot do a dish-washing until all minefields are cleared for the world's children."

9. "I vow to support HIV awareness by blowing one stealth-fart into your couch-cushions for each AIDS casualty in America."

8. "How can I give you more than twenty-two seconds of foreplay when Bush is planning to pack the Supreme Court with rightwing reactionaries? Can't you see the bigger picture?"

7. "Make me a sandwich if you oppose Japanese whale-hunting, ."

6. "No, I won't weed the lawn. I'm opposed to all forms of discrimination. Aren't you, racist?"

5. "Watching TBS' Shark Week for thirty three hours nonstop is my silent protest against CIA defoilant operations against South American coca farmers."

4. "The KKK lynched people for not raising the toilet seat back up. I won't sully the memories of their victims by towing the Klan line."

3. "If I give you the television remote, then the terrorists have won."

2. "Arms are made for hugging. Not for moving your knickknack cabinet."

...and the Number One Brad Pitt Excuse Made To Women...

1. "I finished in thirty seconds intentionally. If I had waited for you to orgasm, we would have spent precious minutes filling the air with dangerous hydrocarbons or fluorocarbons or... I don't know, some kind of carbons. Now make me a sandwich if you love black people. You... do love black people don't you, racist?"

[johnsmith]

Brad Pitt won't be marrying Angelina Jolie until the restrictions on who can marry whom are dropped.

Polygamists, pedophiles, and beastialists were amazed at the show of solidarity. (okay, I made that up.)



But, as one of my favorite bloggers allowed,

Is this serious? Are they holding America ransom by not getting married? Stop all discussions about everything, we need this crisis solved ASAP. I might honestly change my opinion on same sex marriages from who cares to I hate Pitt and Jolie.

[Crookshanks]

It's just their excuse for living in sin, just like the sexuals.

The real reason is that Angelina doesn't feel the need for that "piece of paper." I wonder how Brad's family will react to this (not really - I don't care what they do!)

[MannyIsGod]

Who cares?

[Yonivore]

Who cares?

Nobody really. Why do you care who cares?

[MannyIsGod]

Well, you cared enough to post, so I doubt that you can say you don't care. You were motivated enough that you thought it deserved a thread. I find it funny what you rally around. Like I said, the senationalist item spinner is a job you fill well.

[Yonivore]

Well, you cared enough to post, so I doubt that you can say you don't care. You were motivated enough that you thought it deserved a thread. I find it funny what you rally around. Like I said, the senationalist item spinner is a job you fill well.

Excuse me for thinking it was hilarious. That doesn't make it important.

[smeagol]

Celebrities always have important statements to make.

[Extra Stout]

I'll show all of you... I will not change my underwear until the terrorists lay down their arms. You hear me, terrorists?!

[Melmart1]

Shark Week is on the Discovery Channel, not TBS. The fact that he got that wrong is about the only funny thing in that whole post.

[MannyIsGod]

Does Yonivore read C San Antonio?

[Guru of Nothing]

I'm holding out for a binding promise to get blown daily before I get married.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

It's just their excuse for living in sin, just like the sexuals.

hilarious

[Guru of Nothing]

It's just their excuse for living in sin, just like the sexuals.

The real reason is that Angelina doesn't feel the need for that "piece of paper." I wonder how Brad's family will react to this (not really - I don't care what they do!)

Is "living in sin" code for getting laid?

[smeagol]

Is "living in sin" code for getting laid?

No, it's a Bon Jovi song, IIRC.