(not written by me, but I find it pretty entertaining)

A Twisted Look at The NFL Every Week And All That Goes With It

Chicago's Rex Grossman won the NFC Offensive Player Of The Month for September. Yeah, I saw that coming....

But help me out here. Grossman posted these stats for September:

61-94, 829 yards, 64.9%, 6 TD. 3 INT, 8.82 YPA, 100.9 QB rating

The Eagles' Donovan McNabb posted these numbers:

69-113, 960 yards, 61.1%, 7 TD, 1 INT, 8.50 YPA, 105.3 QB rating

Has anyone told Rush Limbaugh about this?

Even the Nike people know Mike Vick isn't the guy you want throwing the football. In their Briscoe High commercials, they let LaDainian Tomlinson throw the game winning pass. Steve Young's, "Keep your eye on the ball, Ryan" along with Lee Corso as the mascot make these for me.

Number one overall draft pick Mario Williams got a sack Sunday. Unfortunately, that's big news. Although to be fair, Reggie Bush still doesn't have a touchdown. Although I'm not backing off my stance that I'd take Reggie Bush over Williams all day long and twice on Sunday.

Serious question for Edgerrin James: Was it worth the money? James rushed for positive yardage on three of his first eight carries Sunday.

I see lots of guys drooling over the "Rrrrest stop in Raleigh?" girl in the Verizon ad. I don't get it. She's blonde, appears to have most all her teeth and isn't fat. But I need a little more than that. Sorry.

Secondary point, what it is about Las Vegas that turns relatively normal people into complete dorks? The one guy with his "VEGAS, BAY - BEEE" (accompanied by the apparently mandatory hand jive) along with the other dweeb is just sad.

I like the Eagles but I can't say I've felt strongly about them one way or the other. That changed after watching the Monday Night pre game show featuring what they did for Charlie Pena, a boy battling sickle cell disease. It was a re-run from a program that aired this summer. As part of the Make-a-Wish program, Charlie wished to coach his beloved Eagles for a day.

They spoofed a "breaking news" story on TV with Andy Reid announcing at his news conference that the Eagles had hired a new coach, Charlie Pena. As you'd imagine, the kid went nuts. The Eagles brought him into mini camp for a day and Andy Reid took him under his wing asking him to help with practice. The Eagle players went out of their way to welcome him giving him jerseys and gloves. It's cool to see these guys use their incredible influence and make a kid's day. If that's too sappy for you, save yourself some time and stop reading here as you and I don't have enough in common to make this thing work.

Random funny Eagles note of the week. I don't know if it's legit, but Philadelphiaweekly.com is reporting that the guy chosen last week as the Lincoln Financial Fan Of The Game was handcuffed and ejected during the game. Here's the story: http://willdo.philadelphiaweekly.com...ly_fan_of.html

Want to hear a scary bit of news? Only the Colts have scored more points than Chicago. We all knew the Bears defense was elite. But adding an offense means bad news for everyone else.

And don't get caught up in the Colts. They are entirely too dependent on Peyton Manning and the receivers carrying the team. They can't stop the run at all, and they're average at best when it comes to rushing the ball. Until that changes, they won't go far.

Oakland running back Lamont Jordan caught two passes Sunday. They were the first two passes caught all year by a Raider RB. God bless Art S and Al Davis but these guys need some help.

Raider QB Aaron Brooks took a look at the game film from Sunday and decided his shoulder might keep him out of action for at least a couple more weeks....

One more and I'll stop burying the Raiders (one of my favorite teams so please save the emails) Running back Lamont Jordan averaged almost twice as many yards per carry as QB Andrew Walter posted in average yards per pass attempt. I may not know much, but I know that's not good.

On the other end of the spectrum, hats off to Paul McCoy of Matewan High School in West Virginia. McCoy ran for 658 yards and 10 touchdowns in one game last week. He did it on just 29 carries averaging 22.7 yards per attempt. And it could have been more as he had a 77 yard TD run nullified by penalty.

Note to the Alex Smith fans that keep emailing me. And please, let me say this as nicely as I can: Just because he doesn't suck anymore doesn't mean he's good. His passer rating Sunday was about the same number as the temperature. In Celsius.

Chester Taylor killed me Sunday. I've been singing his praises and going into the weekend, he was the 7th best RB in the league. But he came up small with just 23 yards on 10 carries. Even worse, he needed to "rip" off an 11 yard run in the fourth quarter to even get to there.

I looked up "milking it" in the dictionary and saw a picture of the "new" Scarface DVD. Awesome.

Vikings wide receiver Troy Williamson continues to prove my point about his hands. Williamson saw 9 passes thrown his way Sunday and managed to snag 2 of them.

Peerless Price scored a touchdown. I thought he'd retired.

How'd it go for Vince Young Sunday? With two minutes left in the first half, his "long" rush of the day was for minus 5 yards.... I think he found that the Cowboys are just a tad bit better than the Trojans.

I was happy for him to get the start and all but Young doing the Sammy Sosa blowing kisses to the crowd thing as he came out of the tunnel was a little much.

If I were Jerry Jones, I'd have the team doc ready every time Mike Vanderjagt attempted a field goal. Not for the kicker, but for Bill Parcells. I'm not sure how many more 26 yard misses the Big Guy can stand.

My one comment on the Albert Haynesworth incident. And I'm doing my best to show restraint here.

Haynesworth said after the game that stomping on Andre Gurode's face wasn't "in his character."

A quick Google search shows this from SI.com

"November 2000 - As a sop re at the University of Tennessee, Haynesworth was suspended for the first half of a game against Kentucky after he got mad at an offensive lineman during a practice, left the field and returned with a long pole. Coach Phillip Fulmer stepped in before anyone was injured. (way too target rich an environment there so I won't even try)

"August 2003 - Haynesworth was stopped during a drill in training camp by center Justin Hartwig, then kicked Hartwig in the chest.

"Dec 28, 2003 - Haynesworth was deactivated for a game after he became upset during practice and threw a punch at offensive lineman Matt Martin before arguing with coach Jeff Fisher who ordered him off the field.

"May 12, 2006 - Haynesworth charged with reckless endangerment after another motorist complained he tried to run a car off the interstate. The charges were later dismissed after prosecutors declined to press the case. Haynesworth claimed he was a victim of road rage and was trying to get out of the way."

I can deal with what happened. But just don't look me in the eye and assume I'm stupid.

The Good News - Seattle's Maurice Morris replaced the injured Shaun Alexander Sunday night and led the Seahawks in rushing. The Bad News - Morris posted 35 yards on 11 carries.

Congratulations to Rams WR Isaac Bruce. With his second catch of the game, he moved into seventh place all time on the receptions list with 828. That put him ahead of former Cardinal running back Larry Centers.

Here's what Corey Dillon does for you:

1-10-CIN13 (13:53) Dillon left tackle to CIN 8 for 5 yards
2-5-CIN8 (13:14) Dillon left tackle to CIN 1 for 7 yards
1-1-CIN1 (12:37) Dillon right end to CIN 1 for no gain
2-1-CIN1 (12:01) Dillon left guard to CIN 1 for no gain
3-1-CIN1 (11:22) Brady pass incomplete short right to Thomas.
4-1-CIN1 (11:18) Dillon left guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN


Did you catch the pre game in Tennessee where Challenger, the trained bald eagle comes swooping down out of the sky and lands on the arm of his trainer? That was about as good as it got for the ans.

With two great defenses squaring off in the San Diego - Baltimore game, most expected a slug fest. Ten minutes into the game, both teams had scored a touchdown though. They settled down after that.

I've been as hard as anyone on Marvin Lewis and his Bengals finding trouble. But I give credit to Lewis for showing some guts and making a statement by benching Chris Henry Sunday.

Last week, I wrote: "Chad Pennington's looking like the guy they gave all that money to. Pennington now has 44 career touchdown passes without an interception in the red zone. Sorry Jets fans, I'm sure that'll jinx him. He did look kind of funny Sunday lining up as a wide receiver."

On cue Sunday, he threw an interception from the Indianapolis two. Don't doubt me....

Randy Moss had this gem Monday: "I'm not concerned about football right now. I'm loving life. I don't see anybody else having a concern, so why should I? There are negative things going on now. I'm not the only one unhappy." That's the ticket there, Randy. Way to be a leader. I wonder if he was happy to cash that check?

From the "As if Jeff Fisher didn't have enough to deal with already" department: The blood hadn't dried on Andre Gurode's face yet and Tennessee's Adam "you have to be good to earn a nickname like PacMan" Jones was in the ans locker telling reporters that his team needed "more thugs".

"That was out of line, especially considering what happened in the ballgame," Fisher said. "I think what Pac was referring to was he wanted more tough guys, not guys that violate the rules or break the rules but just tough guys. I had a discussion with him. That was out of line and inappropriate." These head coaches earn their money.

This was minutes after Jones asked Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens for his cleats following the game. Owens obliged. When asked if he thought his cleats would make Jones any faster, Owens smiled, "He'll have to put some tissue in them. Those are big shoes to fill."

Talk about making up for a mistake. The Jets defensive back Justin Miller gave up a key pass interference penalty to Reggie Wayne allowing the Colts to score. On the ensuing kickoff, Miller returned the ball 103 yards for a touchdown.

Indianapolis is 4-0 and has only played in two stadiums so far. The Colts have more wins this year in the Meadowlands / Giants Stadium than do the Jets and Giants combined.

The Seahawks are pushing it on the jinx front, don't you think? It wasn't enough that Shaun Alexander had to go out and do the Madden thing. Now Matt Hasselbeck is flirting with disaster promoting Campbell's Chunky soup. What's next, Mike Holmgren on the cover of Sports Illustrated?

The dumbest quote of last week (and possibly for as long as I've been writing this thing) came from Terrell Owens' gum smacking "publicist", Kim Etheredge. "Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive.'' That is fantastic news - someone call Kurt Cobain real quick. Here's another thought: from Drew "Next Question" Rosenhaus' to Etheredge, is there something about following Terrell Owens at a press conference that makes you stupid?

My over rated item of the week: Distractions. You can't turn around these days without one of the talking heads going on and on about how player X is becoming a "distraction" for the team. I hate to break it to these guys, but the fans care a lot more about the latest arrest or stupid quote than most players do. Players play. The Cowboys last week were a perfect example.

Drew Bledsoe once again had some very nice words for Terry Glenn. "Terry Glenn is best receiver I've ever thrown to, Pro Bowl or otherwise." That's pretty high praise.

So much for burying the Patriots....

Did they charge full price for the Browns against the Raiders featuring Charlie Frye battling Andrew Walter? Marino vs. Elway, this was not.

I think Bill Parcells was serious about rushing Marion Barber more:

1-10-TEN44 (10:23) Jones left guard to TEN 41 for 3 yards
2-7-TEN41 (9:45) Bledsoe pass short right to Glenn to TEN 36 for 5 yards
3-2-TEN36 (9:13) Barber up the middle to TEN 20 for 16 yards
1-10-TEN20 (8:37) Barber up the middle to TEN 14 for 6 yards
2-4-TEN14 (8:00) Barber up the middle to TEN 1 for 13 yards
1-1-TEN1 (7:20) Barber right tackle to TEN 1 for no gain
2-1-TEN1 (6:43) Barber left guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.


Why can't the Jets get started sooner? They've gone 18 straight games without a TD in the first quarter. Is that right?

Hard Luck Awards (This week renamed the Ron Dayne Hard Luck Awards)

HOU RB Dayne 3 yard rush to the 5
HOU RB Dayne 4 yard rush to the 1 (Carr TD)
HOU RB Dayne 3 yard rush to the 4
HOU RB Dayne 1 yard rush to the 3 (Carr to Johnson TD)
NO QB Brees 9 yard pass to WR Horn to the 3 (McAllister TD)
CAR RB Williams 2 yard rush to the 4 (Delhomme to Carter TD)
BUF QB Losman 13 yard pass to TE Royal to the 5 (McGahee TD)
BAL RB Lewis 2 yard rush to the 5 (McNair to Wilcox TD)
ATL QB Vick 58 yard TD pass to TE Crumpler nullified by penalty (Andersen FG)
NYJ RB Houston 8 yard rush to the 3 (Barlow TD)
IND QB Manning 7 yard pass to WR Harrison to the 2 (Addai TD)
IND RB Rhodes 6 yard rush to the 1
IND RB Rhodes rush for no gain from the 1
IND RB Rhodes rush for minus 1 yard to the 2 (Gramatica FG)
IND RB Addai rush for 4 yards to the 4
IND RB Addai 2 yard rush to the 2 (Manning to Fletcher TD)
IND QB Manning 15 yard pass to WR Wayne to the 1 (Manning TD)
STL QB Bulger pass for no gain to WR Holt to the 1 (Wilkins FG)
STL RB Davis 4 yard rush to the 5 (Bulger to Bruce TD)
DET QB Kitna 19 yard pass to WR R. Williams to the 3
DET RB Jones 2 yard rush to the 1 (Kitna to Furrey TD)
OAK RB Fargas 2 yard rush to the 5 (Walter to Moss TD)
CLE RB Droughns 8 yard rush to the 3 (Frye to Dinkins TD)
CLE RB Droughns 7 yard rush to the 2 (Frye to Winslow TD)
CIN QB Palmer 9 yard pass to WR Johnson to the 2 (R. Johnson TD)
NE RB Maroney 12 yard rush to the 5
NE RB Evans 2 yard rush to the 3 (Brady to Graham TD)
CHI DEF / DB Manning 40 yard interception return TD nullified by penalty (Jones TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know...