Well, my oldest has a boyfriend...

[ALVAREZ6]

I think he's giving her too much room. I'd never let my daughter date as long as she was under my roof. I just don't trust guys, cause I know how we think.

I understand to not trust guys, but being a guy should also let you understand a lot of it is simply stupid thinking. Humans are horny, guys aren't as hesitant in letting it known. It's not like it's only us guys that want to get laid.

[ploto]

I guess I am lucky- my son has always gone to a relatively small school, and I have always already known any girl he became interested in. He has not gone outside that circle, yet...

[JoeChalupa]

I understand, but believe it or not most kids don't have sex when they're 15. I didn't lose my virginity til my senior year, and from my large high school class I'd say half didn't lost it at all, those that did mainly lost it senior and junior year. I just believe the focus should be on a common understanding with your daughter and education...not absolute rules, because I'm telling you people do what they want to do anyway.

Point taken. Yes, all the rules won't matter if they are not followed and one does that they want to do. All the parenting in the world still boils down to the choice she makes. Will she make the decision that I hope she will? Only time will tell but I'm doing what ever I can to help her. God knows I broke rules.

[ALVAREZ6]

Point taken. Yes, all the rules won't matter if they are not followed and one does that they want to do. All the parenting in the world still boils down to the choice she makes. Will she make the decision that I hope she will? Only time will tell but I'm doing what ever I can to help her. God knows I broke rules.

I hope you understand though that it still is uncommon for HS freshman to be having sex. There are special cases for everything...you hear stories about girls sucking in middle school, and sure it happens. It's not as common though.

[ALVAREZ6]

And going back to focusing on understanding, I'd suggest being as open as you can with your daughter when she is a couple years older. Maybe it's more appropriate for your wife for this role. All I know is my parents have always been open with me, and it's reflective of our culture and extended family. I can literally talk to my parents about anything and haven't ever had the need to hide anything from them (for example they knew me and my ex ed a lot and I smoke the very occasional blunt, and I have what I consider a great relationship with my parents), but I'd consider myself far from a up. If your daughter has her head on correctly, I think being as understanding and open as possible will leave you more satisfied.

[CuckingFunt]

What scares me is that the "terms" for girls seem to be reached at a younger and younger age.
She already knows a few girls who are pregnant.

Which is why I think an important part of sexual empowerment is instilling the knowledge that you're in control of your own body and in control of what gets done with whom and with what level of protection, etc. Obviously, the ultimate goal of that sense of power is to raise girls who are strong enough to feel comfortable saying no, rather than learning a version of relationship mechanics that says sex/sexual aggression is a tool of compe ion or validation or manipulation.

Ultimately, while I wouldn't want my sisters to necessarily make the decisions that I made, I kind of look at myself as a model. I became sexually active, to varying degrees, much earlier than my parents would have wanted (and likely much earlier than you would want for your own daughter), but I've never been taken advantage of and I've never been stupid. I do, however, think it is imperative that girls learn to understand and respect themselves as sexual beings, and find that such an at ude has been a far bigger positive influence on my life than negative.

[ALVAREZ6]

Which is why I think an important part of sexual empowerment is instilling the knowledge that you're in control of your own body and in control of what gets done with whom and with what level of protection, etc. Obviously, the ultimate goal of that sense of power is to raise girls who are strong enough to feel comfortable saying no, rather than learning a version of relationship mechanics that says sex/sexual aggression is a tool of compe ion or validation or manipulation.

[JoeChalupa]

And going back to focusing on understanding, I'd suggest being as open as you can with your daughter when she is a couple years older. Maybe it's more appropriate for your wife for this role. All I know is my parents have always been open with me, and it's reflective of our culture and extended family. I can literally talk to my parents about anything and haven't ever had the need to hide anything from them (for example they knew me and my ex ed a lot and I smoke the very occasional blunt), and I'd consider myself far from a up. If your daughter has her head on correctly, I think being as understanding and open as possible will leave you more satisfied.

I think it is a generational thing too. I don't do the "friend" kind of parenting, while yes I am my their friend I am a parent first and I'm sure there are certain issues she will not want to talk to us about and right now she does feel more comfortable talking with her mom about it. While I do want to feel free to come to us about anything we can discuss them without going into graphic details. I could never slam some brews with my 15 yr old son or daughter and cut loose like that. Not at that age. , didn't even drink beer around my mom and dad until I was in my early 30's simply because I knew they didn't like it.
You are doing well and I'm glad you have that relationship with your parents.

[JoeChalupa]

Which is why I think an important part of sexual empowerment is instilling the knowledge that you're in control of your own body and in control of what gets done with whom and with what level of protection, etc. Obviously, the ultimate goal of that sense of power is to raise girls who are strong enough to feel comfortable saying no, rather than learning a version of relationship mechanics that says sex/sexual aggression is a tool of compe ion or validation or manipulation.

Ultimately, while I wouldn't want my sisters to necessarily make the decisions that I made, I kind of look at myself as a model. I became sexually active, to varying degrees, much earlier than my parents would have wanted (and likely much earlier than you would want for your own daughter), but I've never been taken advantage of and I've never been stupid. I do, however, think it is imperative that girls learn to understand and respect themselves as sexual beings, and find that such an at ude has been a far bigger positive influence on my life than negative.

I concur. She knows the decision in the end is hers and not his or any other guy she is with. But also that her decision could lead to consequences that she may not be prepared for.
I guess it really is much easier for a man with a son.

[CuckingFunt]

I concur. She knows the decision in the end is hers and not his or any other guy she is with. But also that her decision could lead to consequences that she may not be prepared for.
I guess it really is much easier for a man with a son.

Only because of the ed up way in which our society has defined masculinity, but that's a different rant for a different thread.

[ALVAREZ6]

I think it is a generational thing too. I don't do the "friend" kind of parenting, while yes I am my their friend I am a parent first and I'm sure there are certain issues she will not want to talk to us about and right now she does feel more comfortable talking with her mom about it. While I do want to feel free to come to us about anything we can discuss them without going into graphic details. I could never slam some brews with my 15 yr old son or daughter and cut loose like that. Not at that age. , didn't even drink beer around my mom and dad until I was in my early 30's simply because I knew they didn't like it.
You are doing well and I'm glad you have that relationship with your parents.

Well I also said in a couple years... I'm 19 now, but we've been like this for a while. And just because your parents are friends, it doesn't mean they aren't also parents first...I don't want to mislead you. If it can work, I suggest it because I find it easy and stress-free, but I understand it doesn't work in every household...especially strong Christian families, like my ex's.

[JoeChalupa]

Well I also said in a couple years... I'm 19 now, but we've been like this for a while. And just because your parents are friends, it doesn't mean they aren't also parents first...I don't want to mislead you. If it can work, I suggest it because I find it easy and stress-free, but I understand it doesn't work in every household...especially strong Christian families, like my ex's.

Yeah, every parent needs to learn what works and what doesn't as I've seen both. My older brother had strict rules and both his kids graduated from college.
My older sister did what I call the "friend" thing and her oldest dropped out of school, just got her GED and has two kids. But she is a very good mother and works FT and is going to school. Different methods work for different situations. Tough love works for some and not others.

[Ballcox]

While on this topic, anyone have a good recommendation for some books out there that speak to the topic of female sexuality-something I could pass along to my daughter in terms of her being able to take ownership of her body and making positive decisions about her sexuality?

I didn't quote it, but I thought earlier post by funt made a lot of sense on this topic.

[tlongII]

Let's check her out Chalupa!

[Heath Ledger]

There was a time when we thought she may be gay because she simply didn't show interest in boys and wasn't very girlish but that has changed over the past year or so. Didn't matter though and she knew it wouldn't.

Just wait til she gets to college where she will really start exSPERMimenting, it's pretty much normal these days for girls to have at least one steamy lesbian affair while in college or high school.

[Heath Ledger]

I don't think that's a healthy stance to take, that's the sort of thinking that makes kid run away when they are 16 and .

I like the way you acted Joe, you can have a certain trust and give the appearance of trust but at the same time be ever watchful. When dealing with the guy remember, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Amen to that brother my sister ran away at 14 and got knocked up. Had like 5 kids before 20 she is about to have her 7th at 32 almost an octomom.

[Heath Ledger]

But I was "going with" girls when I was a Freshman in HS. I wasn't getting laid though. What the am I saying!?!?

Talk about a late bloomer.

[TDMVPDPOY]

4 pages and still no pic of daughter?

[MANGINA]

Holding hands is no biggie. I don't have kids yet but I think you did well.

[JoeChalupa]

4 pages and still no pic of daughter?

What does what she look like have anything to do with it you damn perverts? She'll be 15 on the 24th.
My daughter is a beautiful young woman and I've been told by others that I would need to watch out for the boys. But no way I'm posting a picture of her.

[JoeChalupa]

Talk about a late bloomer.

Hey, I was a virgin until I was 18 and that was because I was leaving for the Corps and a good neighbor friend of mine knew I was a virgin so she gave me a nice going away gift.....of course I wasn't the first one to open such gift but what the . And she was no hottie but when you are an 18 yr old virgin does it really matter?

[Frenzy]

[Sec24Row7]

Hey, I was a virgin until I was 18 and that was because I was leaving for the Corps and a good neighbor friend of mine knew I was a virgin so she gave me a nice going away gift.....of course I wasn't the first one to open such gift but what the . And she was no hottie but when you are an 18 yr old virgin does it really matter?

LOL... don't worry... girls tend to be a lot more ruthless than guys of the same age...

Now if she starts dating a junior or a senior... ...

[TDMVPDPOY]

My daughter is a beautiful young woman and I've been told by others that I would need to watch out for the boys. But no way I'm posting a picture of her.

bold text, we need proof.....post pics NAO!!!

[JoeChalupa]

bold text, we need proof.....post pics NAO!!!

I take that back because in my eyes I only see my young daughter so a teen-ager is more appropriate. She is no Miley Cirus who wants to be sexy that much I can tell you. Then again maybe she does but I haven't seen that yet.