The last chapter
“Hurry up, let’s go up there.” Romain said and ran ahead, followed by my goddess and me.
“Wait a second… I’m joining the party too.” Jason shouted, just having parked the limousine.
“I don’t see how it is a party.” My goddess said to him, “you stay here till we come back.”
“But you’re probably gonna need my help.”
“You wanna help us?” Goddess said again, “Then stay right here and keep the engine running.”
Then, the three of us began jogging towards the top of the cliff where Ryan and Lucy were, and I was surprised to find I ended up being the last place in the race, and Romain just a few steps ahead of me also breathing hard like a dog.
“You’re running so fast, Goddess.” I struggled to put those words through heavy gasping.
“Don’t you guys know I often work out like a guy? You guys need to take more exercise, I think, aerobic exercise.”
“You…” Romain finally had breathed in some air for him to say something, “you should’ve worn your black widow suit.”
“How do you know she isn’t wearing that bikini black widow suit underneath?” I continued Romain’s joke and they both laughed too, though it didn’t look like the right time and place for laughter.
I could always think of some funny jokes to relax myself, to alleviate anxiety. I cultivated this habit when I was in high school, as a method of dealing with the nervousness preceding exams, and it worked out good each and every time.
“Lucy… Are you OK?” I shouted to her as soon as we arrived in Ryan’s eyesight.
“I… I’m fine… You shouldn’t have come here, Rogue.” She answered me in a low voice that could barely be heard. She was standing on her own and was able to speak. It looked like she was very OK except her hands being tied together.
“Rogue…” Ryan opened his mouth, “Tell your goddess what a bad guy her husband is…”
“Why don’t you just tell her yourself?”
“Because she doesn’t believe me, Rogue, but she trusts you.”
“But I’m never gonna make use of my goddess’s trust. She trusts me because I’m always an honest person… at least I’d never lie to her. I lied to Jason but not to her.” I responded, adamantly.”
“Rogue, C’mon bro… I just want you to act like a man. Just tell her straight that you love her and you want her to stay in the US… to never go back to France to live with a head that he is.” He said, pointing his finger at Romain.
“I’m… not a head.” Romain rebutted, though his voice sounded so tentative and pale.
“But you’re a…” He paused, and said to me, “Rogue, tell your goddess what he is.”
“He is… He loves you just as much as I do… whatever he is.” I said to my goddess.
“Don’t you love your goddess? Rogue, don’t you want her to stay?” Ryan shouted to me furiously.
“I do, of course. I do love my goddess…” I turned my eyes to my goddess and found that she was gazing at me, her hazel eyes already teary but still motionless, glinting in the sunshine as if they were speaking… being me to say yes, begging me to tell her to stay in the US.
“Goddess,” I said to her, “I love you… but I can’t be too selfish. It’s all up to you, goddess. We’ll be always living on the same planet, at least…” I took a hard breath to clear my nose and throat, and continued, “I just want you to be happy, always, your happiness is always my biggest pleasure.”
I walked close and led my shoulder towards her, on which she then laid her head and began crying, her dark blonde hair rubbing against my neck, breezing over my hands which had already reached her back, pressing her body gently against my chest.
Her husband Romain was like frozen and numbed, and invisible to us. He was an inspector standing by, as I was fulfilling my commitment that should’ve been fulfilled on their wedding right in Paris.
“Rogue…” Finally it was Ryan’s shout that woke us up from our reverie, “Don’t you love Lucy?”
“I love Lucy too, for sure.” I instantly responded, “Nothing prevails over my adherence to my goddess, but I still love you… Lucy.” I looked at Lucy, tears already streaming down her pale face, but she was still smiling. “I love you, Lucy…” I continued, “Scarlett is my goddess but she belongs in the heaven, which’s so high I’ll never reach, while you’re the goddess for me in the real life…”
“Rogue…” She said back to me affectionately, her smile growing even bigger, her face glistening with tears in the sunlight… “I love you too, honey, forever…”
Lucy suddenly freed herself from Ryan’s thick strong hands, and we were so delighted for a moment, and prepared to come up and save her, embrace her and to prevent Ryan from doing any harm to her…
But she didn’t come to our direction… she ran the opposite way instead, towards the sea… And finally, she jumped off the cliff…
End of story.
Like I said before even writing the first novel of this series, I didn't write it to entertain anyone else but myself. You're welcome to share the reverie with me if you love my goddess (or our goddess) as much as I do, and I don't mind if some people still make fun of my genuine affection for my goddess because I'm already used to such unfair treatments. You have to "deal with it" when you're posting on the current version of Spurstalk where most good posters are now gone and replaced by hideously ty ones.
I chose "Lucy" as the name of my girlfriend in the novel because an upcoming film of my goddess is also named "Lucy" (Lucy will turn out to the her character's name, imho). "Lucy" was in fact just a mirage of Scarlett, that i used to soothe my loneliness
Rogue got Kirby's worth ethic, tbh. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to make these, dude got talent. When I have more spare time I'll try reading all of them, but from the looks of it you got some serious stuff going on here. I'd suggest getting this published.
Thank you for your appreciation, bro. I believe that one has to love my goddess just as much as I do in order for him/her to understand my feelings then appreciate my story.
I didn't get Kirby's work ethic though. I just have a passion for things that I like to do and writing is the top of all those things for me at this moment, and I'm even studying in graduate school on a subject regarding that. I thought about giving it up while I was writing it, not once but quite a few times, especially while I was writing "Revenge or Reynolds", which contained more than 25k words when finished. There seemed to be a lot of writing. I felt deprived of time because school had begun, and also deprived of inspiration because I was constantly distracted by school s. But I knew there were still some good posters on this website who expected to see updates of this story every day, despite the existence of those bad ones who always made fun of my love for my goddess. I'm really grateful for the support from Heel, the finest poster through these off season, and from other friends of mine like Shadow and Cully who'll come back as soon as the new season begins. I believe it's the love for my goddess combined with the supports from my friends that always drove me through all those difficulties and s.
I'll seriously consider your suggestion of getting this published, though I'm aware of the huge gap still existing between me and those established writers like my friend Cully and Kori Ellis. II ain't gonna get it published without my goddess's consent though, but it isn't because I'm afraid of being sued by her, but that I wouldn't know how to forgive myself if I ever did anything wrong to my goddess, any little thing that might possibly make my goddess feel unhappy.
I appreciate very much that you'll spend some time reading it, and even posting some feedbacks, and I believe my friend Cully will read it too after he returns... but what I care most about is if my goddess will read it and if she'll like it. I wrote the story for her and it'd mean nothing to me if my story failed to make its way to my goddess's reading room. I'd like to sell it for free to whoever is able to let my goddess see it. I'll remain a poor ass student as I've always been, still living on my parents' incomes, but I'd be fully satisfied only if my goddess reads the story and knows the name of its author, knows the existence of a delusional Asian dude who lives on the other side of the world and who wants to be even closer to her heart than her lungs are.
"worth ethic"
I felt my head deflated and emptied the past a couple of days when I wasn't writing. It seems like writing has already become part of my life and just like I said, the "goddess" novels will continue as long as my life lasts, and my love for that goddess will never fade or recede as long as my life exists.
I'm going to start writing a new novel, the latest novel to this series, and I've chosen the name "If Lucy fell" for my newest novel. There was a film casting my goddess that was also named "If Lucy fell", released in 1996 with my goddess playing a minor role in it. Lucy jumped off the cliff and fell into the sea and was later rescued, then she would spend quite some time in hospital recovering while my goddess and I and Lucy's parents will take care of her. I'll duplicate some parts of "The dive from Clausen's pier" in my story but they'll be written in my words of course.
If Lucy fell
-by Mark Celibate
“When something terrible happens to someone else, people often use the word ‘unbearable’… Living through a child’s death, a spouse’s, enduring some other kind of permanent loss, it’s unbearable… it’s too awful to be borne…” Those words had visited my ears countless times because they came from the beginning of a novel written by Ann Packer, named “The Dive from Clausen’s pier”, and I had listened to the narration of that novel countless times. I wasn’t a fan of novels, especially not novels of that genre but I still listened to it time and time again because the narrator was my goddess, the 17yr old version of my goddess, to be exact. The novel was good, but it was fair to say I loved my goddess’s voice more than I loved the story itself.
Those words echoed around my ears and made me feel as if I was Carrie Bell, whose fiancé dived from Clausen’s pier just to impress her and to save their relationship but ended up with a broken neck. ‘What a Carrie Bell was? And what an asshole had I just been?’ I thought to myself.
I could’ve just said what Ryan told me to say, and it appeared to me that Ryan wanted nothing but Scarlett staying in US and eventually divorcing her French husband who Ryan was convinced was a bad guy. I should’ve just said to my goddess that “I love you and I want you to stay home, in the US”, and that was not a lie… I could’ve explained it to Ryan and to my goddess a bit later. But I remained a wimp on the cliff, which resulted in Lucy jumping off the cliff and possibly disappearing from my life…
Chapter One
My goddess screamed while Ryan and Romain both looked stunned… Lucy was already off the cliff before any of us could say or do anything to stop her. I felt an impulse to follow her into the sky no matter what was gonna happen next, but my legs felt frozen and I couldn’t move even a muscle, I felt paralyzed from toes up to my neck.
I wasn’t afraid of dying, and that was exactly what I would’ve wanted at this point of time but for the fear of seeing Lucy down the cliff, seeing what a red sack of meat she had turned into, the scene of her body squashed into a mess… the scene I couldn’t bear to see, even for just a few seconds before my body also hit the ground. I feared the supposed ugliness of my Lucy’s body more than I feared the possible death of myself.
“I’m sorry, Rogue…” It was my goddess’s voice, not from my memory but actually from my years this time, “Lucy is a good girl…”
“Sure, she is.” I responded, as I felt her harms creeping forward under my arms then hugged my chest, clutching my body tightly from behind. I felt her head laid on my neck and her soft breasts leaning against my back.
I wanted to cry, to turn around and bury my teary face into her warm breasts… but I was still dry-eyed. I was numbed and terrified.
Meanwhile, Ryan and Romain had joined together at the edge of the cliff like brothers, as if the feud between them had gone along with Lucy. They looked down the cliff and shook their heads almost simultaneously…
“Maybe we should call the coast guard…” I heard one of them say but couldn’t figure out who said that… and it lightened up the hope in my mind.
Lucy didn’t hit the rocky ground, but the sea instead, so she might still be alive possibly. They hadn’t found Lucy so they were going to ask the coast guard for help.
However, before they made a call to the coast guard, my goddess’s cell phone rang, and it was from Jason Shackelford.
“Hi Jason…” My goddess picked up the phone and answered the call, “Yes… what? Really, thank god and… thank you of course. Have you called 911? Good, thank you so much Jason…”
I was totally puzzled, “What did he say?” I asked my goddess as soon as she hung up the phone.
“Jason brought us good news, Rogue. He’s found Lucy and has rescued her to the shore, and she’s still alive.”
“Thank god, oh… thank goddess.” I sighed.
“But she’s unconscious and there might be brain damage… So we have to wait till 911 arrive and they’ll transport her to the hospital by helicopter.” Goddess continued.
The helicopter arrived before we did, so when we found Jason at the foot of the cliff, Lucy was already on her way to the hospital. Jason told us that he had been there since about the same time we reached the top of the cliff, waiting there to save our lives should anyone of us fall down. He rushed to the sea as soon as he saw Lucy falling down and diving in to the water, and rescued her to the shade of an oak tree which was why Ryan and Romain didn’t find them when they looked down the cliff.
wtf is that gotry ?
Chapter Two
Lucy was in intensive care, surrounded by a variety of machines, more than I could ever imagine. Her bed was a two-part contraption, capable of sandwiching and flipping her to avoid bedsores, with a pair of giant ironing-board-shaped things that almost absorbed Lucy’s slim body.
A doctor came and told us about Lucy’s condition: MRI test showed no visible damage in her head or anywhere else of her body, which was already a miracle because falling down from such a height into water would be no different than hitting the concrete ground after a freefall from the same height, due to the surface tension of water. Lucy was lucky enough, but also unlucky because her brain was badly shaken and it was unknown how long she would stay in unconsciousness, even if she could ever wake up…
“Waking up, in some way, is wanting to…” the doctor said, “It’s like, when you’re enduring a nightmare, you can always wake yourself up from the dream by stretching your eyelids. But most times you’re too scared to even make any attempts to end the horrible dream, because you are convinced everything was real, when it actually wasn’t.”
“So, what shall we do?” My goddess asked.
“Just keep talking to her, I think. Her brain still functions well so she can her whatever you say to her, though she’ll have remembered nothing when she wakes up. She’s like trapped in a bad dream now, and she can hardly wake up from it by herself. She needs help from outside and only her families or the persons she loves can help her”
“Is it like the story in… the movie Inception?” Goddess asked again.
“Yeah, exactly, the movie starring Leonardo Di Caprio and Ellen Page…” The doctor suddenly raised his voice and said, “Wait a minute… speaking of movie, are you that movie star… um, Charlotte umm, Charlotte what?”
“Scarlett Johansson. Nice to meet you, Mr. Doctor…” She extended a hand to the doctor as she spoke then shook hand with him.
“Oh… yeah, Scarlett Johansson… yeah I remember. I’ve watched your film that is named Lost in Translation, that movie is so moving and so touching…”
“Thanks.”
“And several other films like… the Avengers. Natasha Romanoff, black widow…”
“Yeah that’s my character in the film.” My goddess answered.
“Yeah, but Lost in Translation is my all time favorite,” the doctor said, “and your name is Charlotte in that film, I remember, and that’s the name always I remember you as.” The doctor paused for a moment, dithering, then continued speaking, “and Ms. Johansson… May I have your signature please?”
“Sure…” The doctor handed her a ball-pen and a medical dictionary that was almost 3 inches thick, and my goddess signed her name on the front page of it, the right next page under its hard cover.
“You bring this dictionary with you always?” My goddess asked him.
“Yes, it’s very important for me. It’s like I can learn some new knowledge from it everyday. It’s like the best friend of mine.” The dictionary was well kept, its cover still shiny, though the paper of it that had already turned yellowish suggested the real age of it.
I remember I also had a dictionary, an Oxford English dictionary that I had always kept in my schoolbag since when I was in high school, and it was like my best friend through college years… I had no idea how it was now. Had my parents already thrown it away? Maybe my dictionary had already experienced a series of chemical changes and been transformed into something else, a roll of toilet paper or a stack of paper cups?
“Guess you must like it even more from now on.” I said to the doctor, half jokingly and half enviously.
“Yes, I’m probably gonna duplicate it and start to carry the copy with me, while leaving this original one in my personal little museum.” The doctor was serious or just joking? I had no idea, but his joke had somewhat diluted the sadness on our faces… Goddess’s and mine, Romain’s and Ryan’s.
Chapter Three
The doctors and nurses were all gone and we were allowed in to see Lucy, all four of us, though I’d rather not see her at this moment and I knew Lucy wouldn’t want me to either… Her dark brown hair had been cut short and her head was fixed in a plastic cage, or a “halo” as Ann Packer named it in “The dive from Clausen’s pier”, which was used to hold her head static to protect her brain that had been shaken so bad. Her face looked pale just as the canopy that covered her body from feet up to her neck, with only an arm left outside for infusion. The needle that punctured her harm was also as thick as a match stick, and the figure of its full length could be seen through Lucy’s skin. It must be painful to have such a metal thorn lodged inside your flesh, and that was the least of all pains Lucy had been enduring, mentally and physically.
But thankfully she was still breathing on her own. There was no ventilator on her face, but I could feel no delight for this, not even in an ironic way… I’d rather there was a plastic mask covering half her face, so we wouldn’t see her colorless lips and the slightest quivering of her muscles on her face… everything that was heartbreaking to see. She was fighting for life, for her way out of the nightmare.
My goddess cried as soon as she saw Lucy, the poor girl lying in there motionlessly, like she finally found an outlet for her internal grief. And the room was soon filled with crying as I saw tears streaming down both Ryan’s and Romain’s faces, maybe Ryan most of all. But I was still dry eyed…
It was Ryan’s fault to abduct her to the cliff and it was basically a crime, but how could I exonerate myself from it? Remorse had flooded my heart and numbed my nerves…
“Rogue… Lucy will be fine.” My goddess said to me sobbingly, and I could feel she was looking at me as she spoke even without turning my eyes to her. She grabbed a hand of mine and began rubbing against it with her warm palms.
“Yes, she will be fine, she has to be…” I said, while my eyesight still focused on my girlfriend, trying to see everything that there was to be seen, though I felt as if my heart had already been sliced in pieces by what my eyes had already caught. I feared that face and body would only exist in my memory for the rest of my sexless life if a doctor suddenly came in and pulled the white canopy up over her head.
I couldn’t bear to even think about it anymore, about the horrible thing that could possibly happen to my Lucy…
Yet I still didn’t cry. I had to act like a man rather than a wimp again. I had to be a man for Lucy, for my girlfriend…
My goddess put a chair quietly and carefully behind me, and I felt a pair of hands climbed up my arms then reached my shoulders.
“Rogue, have a seat…” She whispered to me.
“Thanks…” I thanked her then sat on the chair, right next to Lucy’s bed.
I sneaked a hand under the canopy, looking for the other hand of hers that was clear of any needle or , and… I felt embarrassed and my face burned, because I didn’t find any cloth under the canopy, not even a bra… just her skin that still felt soft and smooth, but cold like metal.
I found her hand then drew it out of the canopy carefully, then put my face to it to give it some warmth… My hands were probably just as cold as hers because of nervousness, fear, or whatever else. Her slim hand felt cold as ice on my face, almost painful to hold but I still held it anyway. I opened my mouth to breathe out some warm moist air to her, and also to me, and I whispered to her hand as though it was a phone linked straightly to her heart, “You must wake up, Lucy, for me… you have to wake up, you have to…”
My felt some fluid gradually filling my face… ‘No Rogue, you can’t cry… Lucy will be OK and you must have faith in her.’ I said to myself. ‘You must a man, her boyfriend. Oh boy, don’t cry...’
Suddenly, I remembered a song with lyrics like “Oh boy, don’t cry” or something. And for sure it was my goddess’s song because I could never remember someone else’s song so clearly…
“Goddess… could you please sing that song for me, right now?” I asked my goddess, almost in a begging manner.
“Sure… but which song?”
“Boys don’t cry.”
“I’ll say that I’m sorry if I…” She began singing, in the same magnificent husky voice that I was so familiar with… her voice made me feel safe and relaxed, and my eyelids felt heavy… I laid my head on the edge of the bed, and somehow fell asleep, but still holding Lucy’s hand tightly against my face…
Chapter Four
I opened my eyes and saw Lucy lying in my bed, while I was sitting in a chair near the window looking at her. Last moment I remembered was that Lucy was in the hospital, but Lucy and I were both in my bedroom now somehow… It could be a dream, I thought, but I didn’t think so strongly and I’d rather not wake up from it even if it was a dream.
She smiled and beckoned to me, saying, “Rogue, honey, come here please.”
She sent me the order that I could hardly disobey. I stood up from the chair and climbed onto the bed… I lowered my head and kissed her on the cheek without her asking me to do so.
“Rogue…” Her smiled bigger, pouted then kissed me back on my naughty lips.
My heart started to beat hard and my blood pressure rising fast. I sneaked my left down along her slender body, her deep cleavage, her soft stomach… but I felt her hand blocking my way before I could reach the final destination. Her hand found and grabbed mine, and she said to me softly, “Rogue… would you please do me a favor?”
“Sure, honey…” I crooked my right elbow so my head was back down, low enough to peck a brief kiss on her forehead… “I’d like to do anything for you, Lucy.”
Her face flushed though her smile was still big and cheerful. She wanted me to do something for her but it seemed to me like she was too embarrassed to speak about it.
“Lucy...” I spoke again, “I’d like to do anything for my little angel, big or little, no matter what.”
“I… I’m sorry Rogue, but I’m afraid you forgot to plug the port after drinking…” She said.
I was puzzled by her words at first, but after a few seconds of thinking I realized what she meant… I pulled out the tampon to suck her blood but forgot to put the “plug” back when it was done… I wasn’t quite clear when/where it happened but it did happen once, if I remembered correct, I was sucking her blood at the lower opening of her body…
“I’m sorry, Lucy, it was my fault… so what do you want me to do?” I asked.
“Rogue, I ah…” She took a deep breath and continued, “I feel full of fluid now, down there in my womb and I don’t wanna mess up your bed… I can’t move, or the fluid would leak out.”
“Sorry Lucy, but I’m full too so I can’t drink anymore of it.” I responded, still no sure what exactly she wanted me to do.
“Rogue C’mon, I ain’t asking you to drink it anymore.” She pointed to her handbag and continued, “There’s a pack of tampons in my bag… I just want you to insert a new one for me.”
“Oh…” My face also felt like burning now… embarrassment, excitement, or whatsoever…
I picked up the pack of tampons from her handbag and pulled out one carefully. I was exited more than embarrassed at the moment, prepared to do something I had never tried before, though that thing was so feminine and so embarrassing for a man to do…
She was wearing that familiar white skirt, the same one that she wore the first time I saw her, in that small local bookstore. Her legs were still pressing against each other tightly, like she was trying her best to prevent the full tank of liquid from spilling.
“Lucy… it’s gonna be OK, just open your legs a little so I can see it and do my work.”
“Umm…” She hummed as a response, without saying anything but it was obvious she had got my order. She began to loosen her legs cautiously, while lifting her butt up inch by inch so that gravity would compensate for the loss of pressure from her legs.
I flipped her skirt up over her waist… surprising yet reasonable, I didn’t find no panties… just a vulva hiding there shyly between her thighs, looking reddish with a little blood that had seeped to the surface.
I sneaked my left hand under her ass to help support the weight so her stomach muscles could be rested, while my right hand kept holding the tampon in the air without contacting anything so the tampon remained sanitary and safe to use, and her ass felt so soft and supple on my hand… There was no special smell from the tampon, just the natural fragrance of cotton, which made an intriguing mixture of smell together with the scent from Lucy’s body, and the oceanic smell from her pussy.
Chapter Five
I aimed the tampon at the opening between her legs, the blood-oozing deep hole that mesmerized me, and also scared me… I knew it was the entrance to this world for all lives, where the most amazing things happened, where life’s biggest pleasure is reaped, but it always seemed like a “mission impossible” for me to insert the right device in it, despite how much fun I had outside it with its owner.
The tampon’s head touched her and I noticed the sudden trembling of her body which quickly disappeared, “Doesn’t it hurt?”
She shook her head without saying anything. Her both was closed but the smile was still there, lovely like a flower in the noon’s sunlight.
“I’ll go easy, honey…” I said then began to thrust the tampon into her body, slowly and carefully. The tampon was so thick and the whole so tiny… ‘She must be feeling tight between her legs now’ I thought, and I also started to feel the same between mine… I envied the tampon.
The tampon moved in gradually, 1/3 its length, half its length… finally the full length was inside her body, with only a white string left outside.
“Lucy, it’s OK.” I said to her.
“Thanks.” She responded, looking at me and still smiling.
My work was done but I still had no intention to move my hand away from her body, nor did she want me to… I crawled upwards and moved my head under her arm, beginning to rub my face against her ribcage through her grey cotton T-shirt, my eyes closed and my nose fully exposed in her scent. She had worn that T-shirt for quite some time it seemed, because it had a strong smell of her sweat, which was the finest perfume I could’ve ever imagined. My skillful left hand remained at the old position, waiting for my new orders.
There was a little leakage of blood outside the hole I thought, as I could sense the wetness near the roots of her thighs. I began to move my hand back and forth around that area, expecting to wipe it clean with my skin, but I felt the level of moisture kept increasing even with the tampon firmly fixed in its place. I tried hard to wipe it try with my hand, but my efforts all ended up working the opposite way… I was worried, scared and embarrassed.
“Lucy, what’s wrong?” I asked anxiously but Lucy was never responding. ‘Has she lost too much blood? Is she… alive?’ I was frightened and I didn’t dare to think about the most horrible possibility. I shouted out loud as if I was drowning in water, “Help… help please…”
I opened my eyes abruptly and found her grey T-shirt had turned into a white canopy covering her naked body up to the neck. My left hand was still sandwiched between the roots of her legs, my palm touching her most private spot, skin to skin, but I didn’t feel any dampness down there, not at all, which was direly abnormal because she was on her period which I clearly remembered.
I seemed to have remembered something… she dove into the sea and the water was freezing cold, which had frozen up her body and stopped the blood circulation inside it… I felt grievous and hopeless.
It was just a dream, I realized and I had woken up from it, but Lucy hadn’t woke up yet.
Last edited by Rogue; 10-16-2013 at 01:48 AM.
Chapter Six
It was just a dream, but I enjoyed it so much I was still indulging myself in the reverie, doing my best to combat the sense of reality… I interlaced my fingers with hers then my face began rubbing the back of her hand, hoping that the beard bristles on my face could prick her, stimulate her and somehow wake her up, while my left hand stayed still between her legs, awaiting the red fluid sign of her life coming back…
“Lucy, wake up please, for me, please…” I whispered to her gently, “I love you, Lucy, I love you…” My voice was so low as if I was afraid of anyone hearing me, despite the facts that Lucy was my girlfriend which was known to everyone even including my goddess, and that there was no one else in the room at the time… just Lucy and me.
Then, I heard the door open and somebody come in… it was my goddess, her steps were so light it convinced me that she was trying not to make any sound to wake me up, she thought I was still sleeping…
“Goddess…” I turned my head around and said to her, while swiftly withdrawing my left hand from Lucy.
“Rogue, I thought you were still sleeping… you must be very tired, honey.” She spoke to me carefully.
Yes, I felt tired, but not as much as I felt sorrowful and guilty.
“Where have two guys gone? Romain and… Ryan?”
“Romain is already aboard his private jet on his way back to France, he has a lot of business to do back there, and Ryan left too… he said sorry to you and to Lucy.”
“He doesn’t need to say sorry though, it was my fault…” I said, mournfully.
“No, Rogue, don’t say that again…” She pulled a chair close then sat right next to me, she put her arms around my body and laid her head on my shoulder, “Rogue, don’t say that again please. Lucy is listening and she won’t feel happy hearing what you just said.”
“Oh, my goddess… you don’t know how Lucy is thinking”
“Yes, I do…” She rebutted me, “I know exactly how she feels, Rogue, we both love you and you love us both, so I know her feelings better than anyone does.”
“Goddess… Thank you.” I felt touched at the moment. I turned my head and buried my face inside her dark blonde hair. Tears quickly filled my eyes, and spilled…
I felt relieved because I was finally able to cry, though I wasn’t even sure for whom I was shedding the tears… the tears of sorrow, or happiness, or even both?
I let my tears stream freely down my face. I inhaled air hard into my nose and blew the mucus down my throat, to prevent the trickling out and dirtying my goddess’s hair, and also to saturate all my nasal nerves in the magnificent sticky scent of hers.
Chapter Seven
My goddess put her hands around my neck and moved up her head, and her mouth found mine… Her body was shaking slightly, and I had no idea whether it was because she wasn’t wearing high heels today and she had to lift her heels to reach me, or simply because of excitement.
I extended my arms round her waist and pulled her close, in order to steady her, and also to steady myself. Her breasts felt fluid and supple on my chest like a pair of water bags, her thighs rubbed against mine and I instantly went hard between my legs. ‘Thank god I had chosen a tight pair of pants’ I thought.
My goddess and I tried not to make any sound, tacitly, no humming no grunting… knowing that Lucy could be listening, even though she still appeared to be sleeping with her eyes tightly closed. It was as if we were doing a crime here… and it was a crime, in some way- cuddling and fondling another woman right in front of my catatonic girlfriend?
A strong sense of guilt erupted out of my mind and suddenly overwhelmed my head. The romantic feeling was gone, completely and instantly, and my softened down. I moved my hands away from her waist and she stood back on the ground.
“I’m sorry, goddess. I…” I tried to look for an excuse, but couldn’t find any.
I freed my head from her hair and wiped my eyes dry with the back of my hands, but I still didn’t dare to look at her, to see how disappointed and upset she was.
“It’s OK, Rogue… I knew it’d be unfair to Lucy but I failed to control myself just now, Roguey, I’m sorry too…” My goddess said softly, her face blushed.
“Goddess…” I couldn’t help but hug her back again in my arms and her body felt just as soft as her voice. She and Lucy both looked beautiful, extraordinarily beautiful, but their bodies were so different- My goddess humped, thick, and even flabby, while my Lucy was rather skinny, delicate and breakable. And sometimes I even felt worried when I saw the blood on her used napkins and tampons, wondering how her tiny little body could’ve afforded so much loss of blood.
I had wanted to inject my white milky juice back in there to compensate for her loss… I wanted to create a baby inside her body so she would be free from blood loss for several months, even though we were still unmarried and I didn’t even have a job to feed my family, even though she would have to suffer great pain during parturition… but I was such a wimp I had never given her such a promise, never even a rose.
I loosened my arms and sat back in the chair, then cried again face palmed.
Chapter Eight
Tears seeped through the crevices between my fingers and felt cold as the fluid streamed down the back of my hands. I goddess was still staying with me, sitting right next to me in the other chair, so close I could hear her breath and smell her scent. She was also crying, I heard, but not as strongly as I was, and she didn’t even touch me this time for the fear of driving both of us, again, over our limit of tolerance.
I felt tired and my eyes dry, not knowing how long I had been sitting there crying... my goddess was still there beside me, sitting there quietly I could feel. I could hear her breath, and her scent still found a way into my nose even though my face covered with my palms. There was no sound of crying from her side… Was she sleeping, or gazing at me quietly? I didn’t know, nor did I dare to check. I didn’t want to show my teary pale face and inflamed eyes to my goddess, no way. I must look terrible as right now and I would never want my goddess to see it.
My hands didn’t move so my face could still hide behind them, though I could shed no more tears because I already went dry, for Lucy again at the other end of my body. But my fluid always ended up being absorbed by either my hands, or my pants…
I tried to remember every moment I spent together with Lucy… the first time we met in the book store, the warm afternoon at the Four Seasons, and the day when we made love at Rogue’s home then Lucy’s, the moment when my juice filled her mouth and she was busy swallowing it… I was trying to rekindle every feeling that I no longer felt.
Those scenes slid in front of my eyes and made me feel as if I was watching a film, a film that was both old and new… I enjoyed watching that film even though there wasn’t my goddess in it, and I enjoyed it more than any of my goddess’s films, more than even Lost in Translation which used to be my favorite.
The film had no sound though, just like the room which was quiet like a tomb. No busy nurses or doctors patrolling around, and it felt as if there were only the three of us in the whole hospital, or even in the whole world.
It would’ve been a dream world to me, a world where there were only people I loved, and the same people who loved me…
But suddenly, the silence was interrupted, as I heard the sound of the door handle being turned and the steps of some people getting in…
I looked up and saw a mid-aged couple, followed by some doctors and nurses… The woman looked so much like Lucy I was convinced they were Lucy’s parents, and I was right.
“Oh my god… Lucy oh no, my god… What happened?” The woman burst into tears. She trudged towards Lucy’s bed and it was easy to tell how difficult each step was to her, but she still managed to arrive at Lucy’s bedside anyway, while the man was standing there like a sculpture, except wiping his hands over his eyes every now and then.
The woman sat on the bed’s edge and cried lugubriously, holding her daughter’s hand near her mouth and kissing it tirelessly… tears streaming down her face and dripping onto the white canopy.
The woman’s cry reignited the pain in my broken heart, which pumped some more sore tears into my eyes and made me cry again, even harder than last two times.
“Stop crying, Rogue. Lucy will be fine and she wouldn’t be happy seeing you cry. She wants you to be a man…” The woman said to me sobbingly, tapping my shoulder with her hand affably.
How did she know that I was Rogue? Yes, Lucy was a good daughter who never kept any secret to her parents. She had told her mom everything about me, about me being her boyfriend, about me being such a wimp… and that she still loved me regardless. I tried to stop crying, I tried to act like a man… but only ended up crying even harder.
The woman handed me a piece of paper and helped me wipe my eyes. Tears kept spilling our of my eyes and it seemed impossible to wipe them clean but at least I could see something after saturating three or four pieces of paper.
I looked up and saw the woman in full detail. Her dark brown hair and hazel eyes, Lucy’s hair and eyes… She looked at me carefully and affably, and said to me, in a sobbing yet determined voice, “Have faith in Lucy, Rogue, she’s a tough girl…”
I dug my head in her arms and began crying yet again. “Mom…” I cried.
“Lucy’s gonna be fine, don’t worry, she’s a tough girl.” She said to me gently, with one had tapping my back and the other stroking my hair.
“Ma… mom…” I was about to say ‘Lucy’s a tough girl yet I’m such a wimpy boyfriend, my cowardice resulted in Lucy jumping off the cliff and lying catatonically here…’ but I ended up saying nothing, and I didn’t dare to. Just let my tears run freely into her coat, and she was like an outlet for my internal grief and remorse. I felt relieved and relaxed crying inside the arms of this woman, Lucy’s mom, our mom…
Chapter Nine
“Rogue, get it easy…” My goddess said to me softly. She put her arms under mine and helped me stand up from the chair. “You need a rest, Rogue…” My goddess said.
“Nope, goddess, I’m not tired.” I was lying. I felt tired and exhausted both mentally and physically, but I just didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay there for as long as I could, feeling everything of Lucy that could still be felt, her breath, her heart beats, and even her scent… I was direly afraid to think about the possibility of everything being taken away from me, permanently.
“Her parents will stay here taking care of her, Rogue… Lucy will be fine, and we’ll be back here right next morning. It’s already too late and you need a rest, Rogue.”
“Hmm… what time is it, Goddess?”
“Past midnight, I think.” My goddess replied.
I had no idea how long it had passed, but it sounded reasonable since even Lucy’s parents had arrived, from Dallas.
“Lucy behaved awkwardly before going to LA with you, she looked a bit upset and frustrated but she told us she was fine…” Lucy’s mom said sorrowfully, looking at me while speaking. From the corner of my eyes I glimpsed her pale wrinkled face, which looked much older than just a few minutes ago, and I quickly looked away… I couldn’t bear to see her eyes which seemed to be interrogating me. It might have been a while since she first thought of taking her life, and how could I fail to notice any sign of it, and ignore all the signs of it? How could I allow myself to upset her so much in the first place?
My eyes went dry instantly… I didn’t deserve to shed any tears for Lucy because I didn’t really love her, not at all. My full heart belonged to that goddess, and although Lucy said she didn’t care, it shouldn’t be too hard to understand how grievous she felt internally… She just tried to act fine to me, and to make me happy. She told me she was also a fan of my goddess, but now I realized that was just a pretense, she never loved anything as much as she loved me… She loved my goddess, loved them mavs, and everything…, but that was all because she loved me.
“We had just come back home from our vacation when Lucy had already packed her luggage and got ready to go to LA… we ate dinner together at a restaurant near our home that evening when we returned home, and she already left home the next morning before I could wake up and make breakfast…”
“Lucy…” I wanted to cry, but my eyes felt dry. Maybe I had run out of tears again, or that was simply because I hated myself more than I felt sorry for Lucy at this moment.
“Lucy will be fine, mom…” My goddess also called the woman mom, “I’ll use whatever resource I’m fortunate enough to have, to ensure Lucy gets the best possible medical treatment.”
“Thank you, Scarlett…” The woman looked touched. She wiped her eyes dry with the back of her hand and gave each of us a quick kiss on the cheek.
For a moment I was confused how the woman knew my goddess’s name, and only a second later I realized my goddess was in fact a household name, and her face so exquisitely distinguishable. But she was just like a sister of mine at the moment, like she had always been.
“Lucy is our only child…” The woman continued to say, “But at this moment I feel I have three, Scarlett and Rogue, I love you both…” Then she gave each of us another short kiss, and hugged us gently. My goddess and I then kissed back on her cheeks, simultaneously.
How great it would’ve been? Having two sisters like Scarlett and Lucy, I’d want it more than anything… but only a moment later I realized that was what I didn’t want. I’d probably kill myself if both of them turned out to be my sisters, the two women I loved most on the earth both turned out to be sisters of mine… how cruel would that be? They lured me out of celibacy and then told me that neither of them would marry me because they were my sisters?
“And Scarlett is right…” The woman said again, to me, “You do need a rest, son, you looked tired and drained, and your Lucy wouldn’t be happy seeing you look that way when she wakes up.”
“Mom…” I grabbed her hand then put it to my mouth, kissed it and sniffed it. Her hand was also rather slim, almost the same as Lucy’s except being a bit darker and not as smooth. “Thanks, mom, I’ll go with Scarlett but we’ll be right back next morning…”
“I’ll take care of Rogue, mom, see you tomorrow.” My goddess waved to the woman and said goodbye.
While we passed by Lucy’s dad, who was still standing near the door, we waved our hands towards that man and he nodded to us slightly, nary a word said… I meant to say, ‘Bye dad, see you tomorrow’ but didn’t say anything, because the man looked so estranged, and it surprised me to see how different he looked from Lucy… Then we left the hospital, Scarlett and me.
Chapter Ten
We stepped out of the hospital building and saw the limousine was already waiting there, the engine still running. As usual, Jason Shackelford was the driver, while Scarlett and I sat on the back seat.
“I found Lucy’s home number on your phone and I asked Jason to call her parents… I should’ve let you know it beforehand but you were still sleeping then.” She handed the phone back to me as she spoke.
“Doesn’t matter, goddess… It isn’t just my heart that belongs to you, goddess. My body as a whole belongs to you, as well as everything I have…”
“Rogue…” She was touched and her hazel eyes were teary which could still be seen even in the dim light inside the car. She moved her head close to mine then kissed me on the cheek.
“Goddess, oh no… Jason is watching us.” I interrupted my goddess, Jason being half the reason, and the other half was that my girlfriend was still lying in hospital… I already felt guilty of not being there with her, let alone sitting right next to such a gorgeous woman who wasn’t Lucy my girlfriend. I still kissed goddess back on her cheek though, but without much affection, and I gently led her body back to the seat.
Goddess must’ve understood what I was thinking so she didn’t attempt another move, I felt embarrassed for the moment and so was my goddess definitely. There was a long silence inside the car, even Jason who was very talkative normally wasn’t talking anymore.
“So… how long had I slept?” I broke the silence first. I wanted to know how long I had slept, but not as much as I wanted to bring some change to the stale atmosphere inside the car. I couldn’t really think of anything else to say at the moment.
“About, maybe several hours I’m not sure.” Goddess responded to me, then said to Jason, “And thank you Jason, for picking up Lucy’s parents from the airport.” Of course it was Jason who picked up her parents and drove them to the hospital, I should’ve known that.
“Always my pleasure… Ms. Johansson.” Jason responded.
“And would you like to do us another favor? Drive us back to the hospital tomorrow morning?”
“I’m sorry Ms. Johansson. I’d like to but I’m afraid you’ll have to resume work tomorrow, to shoot your latest film.”
“C’mon, can’t we put if off?” Goddess asked.
“I’m afraid not… Morgan Freeman will be busy for the next whole month except for tomorrow, not to say the staff and filming sites are all arranged for tomorrow… We can’t put it off to another day, long story short.”
“That’s so… terrible.” Goddess turned back to me and said, “I’m sorry Rogue, I can’t come with you tomorrow.”
“No problem, goddess, I’ll go there tomorrow myself by taxi or something.” I paused for a moment and continued, “And… what’s the name of that film? Is Morgan Freeman also cast in it?”
“Yeah, Morgan plays a role in it and he’s such a funny dude. Have you watched his films before? The classic ones like Shawshank Redemption?” It felt as if she was prevaricating, she was intentionally diverting the topic to Morgan Freeman from the movie itself…
“Yes, that film is classic like Forrest Gump, but what’s the name of that latest film you’re shooting tomorrow?” I asked that same question straight away before she could divert the topic to Tom Hanks.
“Well, Rogue…” My goddess responded, still hesitantly, “You won’t believe it… The name of this film is… Lucy.”
Lucy? How ironic it was? My goddess was making a film that coincidentally had the same name as my hospitalized girlfriend.
Chapter Eleven
The limousine stopped in front of a building, Scarlett and I stepped out of the car then walked in while Jason went home himself driving the limousine. It was a building of apartments, a tall building covered with facades that were still shining even in the dim moonlight of midnight, just like most buildings nearby, typical of downtown LA.
My goddess had recently sold several properties in and around LA, but she still had two left, one in north Hollywood and the other in downtown LA. She told me she wanted to introduce me to her mansion in north Hollywood and even to her famous neighbors like Pitt and Ribisi, and she was disappointed that she had to put it off to a later date since it was already too late, so she decided to reside here tonight, the apartment in downtown LA which was about only ten to fifteen minutes’ drive from the hospital.
It was midnight so the elevator car was empty when the door opened to us, and we stepped in, and there were only my goddess and me inside it when the door closed again…
The elevator car was fully paneled with mirrors, and I felt dazzled by the light inside which contrasted so drastically with the dark night outside. I felt heavy-headed the moment the car began escalating, and the sudden extra gravity almost tipped me off balance, but thankfully my goddess was standing right here and she wouldn’t allow herself to see me “falling” down without doing anything. She twined my arm with hers and pulled me close, and her left arm was then around my waist… I was grateful for the sensation, I felt the sensation which I had missed for so long, and once again I began to softly shake just like how every time I reacted to her before I met Lucy. My goddess felt it too, and pulled us even closer, leaning her body against my chest and laying her head on my shoulder.
Our eyes met in the reflection of the mirror before us, at the same time we found that we were both gazing at each other. I tilted my head towards her side and began fondling her hair with my right cheek, it felt smooth like silk and so comfortable I wanted to fall asleep right here with my Goddess on the same pillow…
The elevator ring brought us back to the world outside of our dream, both of us… The car had reached our floor and the door opened, but neither of us was ready to step out, as if the iron chamber was the only place where we could be our real selves, rather than the society’s slaves.
But we still stepped out of the elevator anyway, because that was our fate… and we had to face it straight.
I remembered a famous quote of Tom Booker, who was the protagonist in the book The Horse Whisperer, and Tom was exactly that “horse whisperer” after whom the book was named. Tom once said, “Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s all about what’s going on in our hearts, about seeing clearly the way life is, accepting it and being true to it.”
Chapter Twelve
My goddess stuck the key into the lock and screwed it clockwise, then the door was opened and lights turned on, and a well decorated living room appeared in my eyesight. A row of sofa sitting near the window with a LCD TV set hung on the wall opposite the sofa, and a powerful air-conditioner standing by.
Right next to the door there was a little lounge bar, a set of clear glasses surrounding a crystal decanter that was always half full. My goddess took off her coat and threw it onto the sofa. She poured some drink into a glass then offered it to me and said, “Want a drink, Rogue?”
I could hardly decline it. I’d never drunk any alcohol ever since I got my driver’s license in my senior year of college, because it was common knowledge that alcohol did no good to your brain, but I’d decided to break my own rule tonight.
I took the glass and held it in both of my hands, not drinking, while my goddess poured another glass for herself. Several months had passed but I still remembered the wonderful time Rogue and Scarlett spent together at the Four Seasons, taking swigs of fireball, while I was watching from Scarlett’s perspective throughout the whole process. I envied Rogue at the moment and of course it wasn’t because I drooled over the taste of fireball… While I was Rogue now and I was going to have a drink with Scarlett, myself.
“Thank you, goddess…” We clinked glasses, though there was really nothing worth cheering for, and both our glasses were emptied.
She stepped close to me and put her glass back on the bar which was on her left, and I also put back mine… Thank god she was a left hander and me right, so neither arm had to move across the narrow area between us to put the glass back. Everything went so smoothly and naturally…
My goddess was breathing hard… her breasts moving up and down, stroking my chest lightly; her breath breezing over my blushed neck, blowing her feminine scent straightly into my nose along with a little smell of alcohol.
I felt a bit dizzy and lightheaded, and I didn’t know it was the impact of alcohol or simply because of Scarlett, my goddess… I felt hard again between my legs, beating my pants furiously, while my hands couldn’t help but climb up her arms, then pulled her close and clutched her firmly in my arms.
“Ah… Goddess… I’m so sorry but… I think I’ve kind of lost control of myself.” I said gaspingly, with my face rubbing gently against hers, and her hair draping right before my eyes.
“It’s OK, Ro…” She said back to me, so clearly despite her hoarse breath, “I love you Rogue, and… stop calling me goddess, at least for tonight, I’m not your goddess… I want to be Lucy for you, Rogue… tonight is ours…”
I wanted to cry again, as much as I wanted to condemn myself for holding another woman so closely and affectionately in my arms while my girlfriend was lying catatonically in the hospital… but I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t do nothing at the moment but letting the enormous feeling of happiness take the best of me, and release the animal side of myself which had been suppressed for too long…
My hands sneaked under her T-shirt then began to climb upwards, like two squirrels taking a race climbing up a tree, except that my goddess’s torso was nothing like the chump of a tree. She was so smooth and so soft, and so warm, and it became even warmer each step I moved closer to her heart.
Chapter Thirteen
My hands were sweating as if they were truly two compe ors in a 100-meter race, leaving two wet tracks behind them across my goddess’s stomach, and they touched the finishing line almost at the same time just like what mostly happened in a real 100-meter race when Bolt didn’t participate.
I rested my hands near the finishing line, laying then on the ground and resting them for the further run which would exceed the line. My hands would run up the hills and back down, back up and down again… while my pants already felt tensely stretched and was about to snap apart.
But suddenly I felt something different on my left hand… some little narrow convexes on the ground. I didn’t know what they were, and I didn’t bother to know that either… I was too desperately looking for something for my friend to penetrate to care about anything else.
While my goddess had put her arms around my neck to hold herself firmly as her lips were dancing with mine. Our thighs were touching and I could sense her underwear was wet too, sweat and something else. We were still trying our patience to find the best mood, but it seemed our devices had already waited long enough… Lubricants had already escaped from our tools and begun preparing for arrival of each other.
I ran my hands further up sideways, crossed the bra strap and went all the way up to her armpits, damp yet hairless. I slid my hands along her arms and her T-shirt was gone…
Her bra was pink just like the color of her face at the moment. I crooked my back and lowered my head so my nose was close enough to her cleavage to get saturated in that intriguing scent. I shook my head slowly and gently between her boobs, rubbing my face against each one of it. As I dipped my head further down I could see clearly each movement of her stomach as she breathed hard, air in and air out.
I nuzzled her right boob roughly through her bra and the laces almost felt painful on my face, then I leaned my forehead against it as I extended my tong out of my mouth and began licking her ribcage. And yet again, my tongue found something that my hand had touched just now, some irregular convexes that felt so different from the rest of her skin.
I moved my head a little back and looked at that area, and found a tattoo there… it was a horseshoe, with the words “Lucky you”. It wasn’t until this moment did I actually realize the woman was not my girlfriend, but my goddess instead. A feeling of guilt instantly overwhelmed my head, for profaning my goddess, or for cheating on my girlfriend, or maybe both…
“Goddess… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I just can’t do it while my Lucy is lying in the hospital. I’m really sorry, goddess.” I said apologetically and mournfully.
“It’s not your fault, Rogue. I… I was just a bit too bold…” She took a deep breath and continued, “I just feet lonely, Rogue… It is America and I’m American but I’m feeling as if I were a stranger here, like a foreigner.”
“America is always your home, goddess, our home…”
“But I’m already feeling estranged from this country and I’ve only lived in France for a couple of months with Romain, and you know Romain loves me so much I can’t leave him there alone…”
“Maybe you can ask Romain to move over to the US, goddess.” I offered what I considered a good suggestion to my goddess.
“I suggested it to him once but he told me he had a lot of business to do in France so he couldn’t come here with me.” My goddess said.
I didn’t know what else I could or should say about her marriage with that French dude. Whatever business he did, I could only wish this couple the best as long as my goddess felt OK with her marriage.
“So… are you a Spurs fan, goddess?” I decided to divert the topic elsewhere.
“Spurs fan, why? Just because I’m fat…?” My goddess asked back.
“Haha…” I laughed, and she laughed too, “The horseshoe tattoo, goddess, it looks similar to Spurs logo.” I explained to her.
“Hahaha nope, it has nothing to do with the spurs, I think, though I usually visit a Spurs forum…”
“What? Which forum…?” I asked my goddess, though I was pretty sure she was referring to Spurstalk since there wasn’t any other Spurs forum worth frequenting.
“Spurstalk, I just read the posts there and some of those posters are funny as … but I like your posts most of all, Rogue.”
“Thanks, goddess… but why don’t you register an account and begin posting? You’ll have a lot to contribute to the boards, I believe.”
“Well… I’ve registered an account though, using my exact real name as the screen name. I’ve been waiting for months now and it still hasn’t been approved yet.” My goddess complained.
“The mods must be thinking that as a troll, in my humble opinion. I used to have several troll accounts but they’ve all got banned, otherwise I would’ve been glad to share them with you.”
“There’s no need, Rogue… I just enjoy reading your posts and I’m always moved to tears while reading your latest updates of your novels, in the ‘Hey thread’ thread…” my goddess said, with her hazel eyes already wet with tears.
“Thank you, goddess…” I was moved to tears too, at this moment. I grabbed her arms and pulled her close, and her body was again leaning against me. I fondled her bare back, moving both my hands alternately up and down along her spine. She didn’t need no cloth against the cold room, because she already got enough warmth from my chest, from her own heart…
Chapter Fourteen
Her body was softening, almost melting down it felt like. Her heat was so strong it began to thaw my sexual self which had been frozen for so long, and shortly we were both on the ground. The floor was cold and I hoped it could somewhat cool us down, but it turned out to work the other way around, as we hugged even tighter, the party of us going on and on… I found the buckle on her back then disconnected it, and her bra was gone
I was lying on my back while my goddess’s body was above me, her knees and elbows bearing most of her weight, her boobs hanging down her chest stroking my cheeks time after time.
“I’m feeling cold and hungry, goddess… no eating the whole day, would you give me somethin’ to eat?” I begged.
“Sure, honey, anything… I’m yours tonight…”
I grabbed one of her boobs and put the nipple in my mouth then began sucking it, and the other one, and the former one all over again… It was also a feeling that had been absent from my life for so long. I felt as if I became a baby again, no Lucy, no worry… just me and my goddess.
There was nothing going down my throat except my own saliva but my stomach felt satisfied and the hunger was gone. Then I suddenly remembered my goddess probably hadn't eaten anything either… I had only drunk my own saliva but it tasted so differently tonight, and felt so differently in my body. It flowed all the way down my gullet, through belly and instantly reached the other end of my body, which was once again stiff and hard, ready to erupt.
I realized something from my goddess was mixed in my saliva, her sweat or something else, which was the only nutrition inside the drink, and the reason why I didn’t feel hungry anymore… But I couldn’t leave my goddess out in cold and let her fall asleep with an empty stomach… I had to find a way to inject the whole thing back in my goddess.
I had no idea what to do next, but I guess that was the time when I should simply let “nature” take care of the rest…
My hands were busy rummaging inside her unbuckled trousers and the movements of them were so quick as if they were being controlled by the computer, it was like, they no longer belonged to me, no longer follow my orders…
‘She’s my goddess, goddamn it, stop it… Stop…’ I wanted to shriek, but my mouth had also betrayed me.
Finally, I felt my clothes were gone too… my trousers then my pants, though I didn’t even know which hands did that. I felt something touching the outer sides of my thighs, something warm and soft. And the same warm was felt on the highest point of my body as well, which then extended gradually down, to the height of my belly…
Chapter Fifteen
I woke up the next morning, still lying on the ground but wrapped in a blanket, and I felt a soft pillow under my head, supporting my sore neck. I was so tired and exhausted the past day I couldn’t remember anything, not a single thing that happened the night before. I looked around the room and found it so familiar, just like what I had just dreamed of… the sofa, the TV set and everything, except that the orange-colored sunshine of the early morning replaced the dim electric light.
I heard the sound of footsteps from where I thought the kitchen was, so I turned my head and looked that way. I saw a pair of feet coming over to me, all ten nails dyed pink, properly suited in thick-soled Nike slippers. The feet looked so sexy I didn’t even dare to look upward, for the fear of losing control of myself like what I just dreamed of, but I still looked anyway regardless.
My eyesight reached her knees, her bare knees, still no cloth in sight, so I continued… her legs became increasingly thicker as my eyes rose, and finally I saw the lower brim of what I thought was a close-fitting skirt, made of white cotton cloth which was thin like fluff. The cloth was so thin, almost translucent, and the figure of her panties was almost visible through it… and the color as well.
And what was also visible was the convex of the blanket near the middle of my body. I attempted to trip it down with my hand but the extra stimulus from my hand only enlarged it and hardened it even more. I was fighting my best to prevent my hand grabbing it, or rubbing against it. I just couldn’t imagine how ruined my life would be if I did this with a woman looking at me, no matter whom the woman was.
The woman was my goddess, of course. The white T-shirt had been put back on, though a bit crumpled, a big bowl of something held in her hands. She carefully put the bowl on the table then took a seat, and said to me, “Good morning, Rogue… you must be feeling hungry now so I’ve cooked some food.”
“Thank you, goddess…” I was almost moved to tears and my mouth felt like it was full of cotton, “The food you’ve cooked must be really luscious, like yourself, goddess.”
“Rogue, you’re so welcome… It’s nothing special though, just some noodles with tomatoes and eggs. I often cook Chinese food at home and hope you’ll like it.”
“Sure I’ll like it, goddess, I like everything you make, every single thing, down to…” I was about to say ‘down to even every piece of toilet paper you’ve used’ but thankfully, I shut my mouth just in time and bounced those words off my teeth, back into my stomach. How disgusting it would’ve otherwise sounded? And how much damage it would’ve made on her impression of me? I felt lucky I didn’t say that.
“Down to… what?” My goddess was curious to know it though, seeing my blushed face.
“To ah… my goddess…” I looked up at her and said seriously, “I love you and that’s all I want you to know, goddess, I love you for ever and you’re my goddess forever.”
“Rogue…” Her voice sounded a bit huskier that it normally was, like she was trying not to cry, though tears were already rolling around her big hazel eyes. She crouched then rested on her knees. She bent her back and lowered her hand, kissed me on the forehead and said, “I love you too, honey, forever…” and she kissed me again.
The tip of my stick kept rubbing against the coarse surface of the blanket and the friction even made me feel painful already… I tried to calm myself down, trying to think about something else but there wasn’t anything I could remember at the moment, not even Lucy my girlfriend.
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