Q: Have you ever tried out the carts at Ikea? All four wheels turn, and the floors have practically been buffed with a Zamboni. I feel like Tony freakin Hawk hitting 720s in the pillow aisle. This needs to be an X-Games event.
-- Brian, Eugene, Ore.
SG: You just broached on an idea that's going to be the linchpin of my campaign to take over ESPN6: The Self-Created Olympics. For instance, Brian just created his own event -- the Ikea 200-Meter Aisle Dash -- so we head down to an Ikea and he challenges the other customers to beat him in this event. My event (as I have mentioned many times) would be a little like the Long Ball Golf Challenge, only it would be throwing tennis balls down a narrow sidewalk with those plastic tennis ball throwers that they sell in Petco. Not to sound like Mayor Drago, but I cannot be defeated in this event and I WOULD break you. Everyone has one dumb fake sport that they excel in, right? It's a great idea and I can't wait for Shaq to steal it and make me an executive producer well after the fact.