Step-parents/Parents

[angel_luv]

My parents were and still are awesome!

So are mine- which should aid in my being an even better parent then they were, since I have their example to propel me.

[JamStone]

This is how kids potentially become brats. The problem is as many have mentioned, grandparents will spoil their grandkids and it's really hard to knock them for it. That's what they do. That's what they're supposed to do. That's what they should do. But, I think you're right in your evaluation of it and that it can become a bigger problem later. Definitely talk to your wife first, but explain it the way you explained it here. It's not only about you not liking how the kid is acting, it's about how it will affect his development, especially when it comes to manners and being able to play with other kids. Kids that get spoiled at a younger age are the ones that cause trouble in kindergarten and grade school because they have to have it their way all the time. And, if the kid is smart as you say he is, then he will take advantage of this as long as he can. There should definitely be some ground rules you set for the kids, and the grandmother has to be on board with it. It doesn't mean she can't spoil him or baby him, but there are certain protocols that should always be followed, like cleaning up his own mess, saying please and thank you, no whining or crying when he doesn't get something. Certain things that the grandmother should have no problem adhering to.

When you address it with your wife, it's all about tact, showing more concern than annoyance. A lot of times, it's not the actual problem or issue that causes friction but the manner in which it is addressed.

Good luck.

[ploto]

This seems to me to be more of a couple issue and an in-law issue than a step-parent issue. The fact that your wife will not talk to her mother unfortunately is a huge red flag.

I am sure the grandmother thinks she is being helpful and supportive and feels bad for the child with all he has been through.

Again- I ask as I did in the other thread- where are the mom's actions? She is responsible for this issue that involves- her mom, her son, and her husband. The only way it works is for the person whose family it is to take care of it.

[TDMVPDPOY]

do you drink with your 4yr old? theres a thread circulating a few days ago...might pick up some good tips

[I. Hustle]

Yes we knock back a few. He likes whiskey though and that is where I draw the line. Two crown and cokes and that is it. When he is older he will understand

[angel_luv]

Ploto-

at your new " Pacers Fan For Life*" le.

[I. Hustle]

.
My friend, you've got yourself an uphill battle.

Maybe you could start a job chart. Like if he picks up after himself, he gets a gold star on the chart. If he gets a star all week, he gets to go for ice cream or whatever. This way he feels like he's accomplishing something and your wife doesn't feel like you're ragging on him all the time.

I actually kinda like that idea.

[I. Hustle]

B2B what is our club going to be called?!

[BacktoBasics]

Desperate Housemen

[I. Hustle]

That's cool that's cool . I was kinda set on the Super Bad Ass Step-Dad Dudes but yeah Desperate Housemen works too.

[xrayzebra]

Well, I am not a step parent. But I am a parent and Grandparent.

And well hate to break it to you. But one of the privileges of being
a Grandparent. You get to spoil the Grandkids. Live with it.

You will get to do the same when your turn comes. That's life my man.
Hey your said you Love the MIL and she is a great cook. Two out of three
is batting way above .500. That's a star in any league.

[SpursWoman]

I think User could be a great addition to that club ... he has no problem whatsoever laying down the law with my kids ... and often gets annoyed with me because I'm too big of a pushover.

[marini martini]

I'm wondering, is your step-son your in-law's first grandson? If so, I can see why she might be a little more over protective of him. You're lucky, you have got him at a young age. Like someone said a few posts back, now is the time to set the ground rules, and make sure everyone, the step son, your wife, & MIL know how things will be run at your house. I'm sure if you talked to your MIL about how you want to get this disciplining thing nipped in the bud, she will understand, and adhere to your wishes.
On a negative note, since his dad, lets him rule the roost, don't be surprised in the future, he comes back from his Dad's and tells you: "I don't have to do what you say, your not my Dad!" Good luck to you and your new family, just stay calm, and teach your kids the best way you know how. Also watch what comes out of your mouth. You don't want him running to Grandma, saying; "Granny, I Hustle says the "F word".

Good luck, Desperate Houseman! From one step-parent to another