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that was murder, not divorce
I'm going to agree that you haven't totally broken free. I know how complicated that is.
that was murder, not divorce
There must have been mega bucks and videos involved.
Exactly, unless you have concluding evidence that she cheated on you, its your word against hers... sorry buddy you are ed.
What you do now strike, is pretty much try to go back and visit good friends you have and spend more time with immediate family.
I would also pickup a gym membership to a good 24/7 fitness club, save some money, and set a date, like maybe this spring, where you can say "This will be the day that Strike conquers once again."
I mean it sucks coming home to an empty house. That's probably your worst enemy. You need to spend more time outside of it doing things and going places that are cheap. If you don't have a laptop, get one and start going to a local coffee shop sparsely throughout the week, go to a pickup bball game, rent netflix and get nothing but comedies, watch alot of bloopers on youtube, do prank calls, and do things a young man would do, not things a defeated one would.
As with the ex wife, erase her number and block it. Don't know why you haven't done so? Just try to remember all the things that lacked in your wife and find a woman who has those things.
You're correct Kori. Texas allows for no-fault divorce, but you can still plead on fault grounds. It's up to the judge to make what he or she decides is an equitable distribution of property with all of that taken into consideration, but it could get messy. Usually more of an issue where there's a ton of property at stake and one party is overtly at fault (a philandering abusive husband, for instance).
First, I think it interesting that you complain about her texting you, but when she did not, you then texted her repeatedly and even phoned her. Maybe you were just curious or maybe you needed to "know" that she was seeing him. If you have kids, you need to keep in touch with her, but if you do not, it is time to quit playing texting games.
My biggest advice is that you have to decide for yourself what you can live with in yourself. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror. You have to decide for you. Do you personally have a problem with an individual dating someone while they are still married? And on behalf of all women- if you decide to date, be honest and tell the woman you are NOT divorced. She has the right to know because it may be something with which she is not comfortable.
Plus, I am curious. It has been 4 months since she moved out. Do you really intend to get a divorce? Were you considering trying again with her before you thought she was seeing this guy? Are you looking for that final push to file?
you need to date more women like ploto..
because judging from her political takes, she blows.
......and swallows!
spload!
Strike, if you live in Texas and have no kids go for it Brah. Screw her Mamma, her sister, whomever. She's still going to get 1/2 of what ever you aquired together in the last ten years, debts included!!! If you do have kids, Keep your "Johnny Joe" clean, cuz if she gets custody, she'll run you over!!There must have been mega bucks and videos involved.
Last edited by marini martini; 08-02-2009 at 10:14 AM.
Marini, could you convert my last post to a haiku, i fogowt!
thanxxxxx!
One more thing - it sounds like you're fairly adult about the entire thing. If you'd like to keep bad blood out of the proceedings, you might look into some alternative dispute resolution, such as collaborative divorce or mediation. You could still take her infidelity into account in those settings, but in a less confrontational way.
have a threesome with the dude and video tape it.
then you can either prove she cheated or blackmail her
win/win
/thread
I have nothing constructive to say, but this is an interesting thread.
dont take her back man
i know most of the time the victim doesnt give a if he really loves her, and in a world of their own where others opinion dont matter, but you will have to live with the thought ur wife cheating on you and someone has inserted their in ur belonging many times.
would you be ashame going back with ur ex? since maybe most of ur friends, family would disowned you in a private manner behind ur back without telling you....shame shame shame
i think its different POV from a guy than girl, whichever gender was in the wrong....
I'll try to answer all the questions and address all the opinions:
I don't live in Texas. I live in Oregon. I'm not as keen on the divorce laws in my state as I should be. But that will soon change.
The divorce proceedings, when they come, won't be too difficult. When she moved out, I let her take anything she wanted. And she took most of everything with the exception of my clothes and the like, my flat screen, my computer, and the couch on which I sleep. She took most of the furniture, her computer, a TV, some assorted electronics, and her clothes and personal stuff. So we basically have little or no assets to split. We don't own a house. I have the car that is in both our names. She doesn't want the car and she doesn't have a driver's license anyway.
We have no kids. I decided a couple years ago that I don't want to have kids. I believe that, in part, played a role in the failure of the marriage. Either way, custody and child support are a non-issue.
I have proof that she was unfaithful. Text messages where she admitted to cheating. As recently as two days ago. Not much but better than nothing.
The fact that I haven't sought out new companionship is not because of any attachment to her. I just have no desire to be in any kind of relationship right now. I don't have the patience required to deal with it right now. Yes there are still some hurt feelings about how things turned out. That's natural. But I came to terms with the cir stances of the marriage quite some time ago. I don't feel bitter or betrayed anymore. I have to ill feelings toward her. She proved many times over that she has no real consideration for me, my feelings or our marriage. When I finally figured that out, I became indifferent. I don't love her. I don't hate her. I just, for the most part, don't care.
I have no problem coming home to an empty house. I actually like it. Before now, I had never lived completely alone. I either lived with my parents, a roommate, or her. The fact that I now answer to no one but myself makes my home life more enjoyable. I don't get ed at for spending too much time on the computer. I don't get grief for going out with my friends. My mood is more calm, my work has improved, and I enjoy being by myself at this point in my life. If I desire the company of other people, I have family close by and friends whose company I enjoy. Most of the time, I'm just too tired (as a result of the physical strain my work and working the graveyard shift) to do much of anything besides tool around on the net, listen to music or watch movies. But I almost never feel lonely.
To be honest, the fact that she's still seeing the other guy does sting a bit. But I'm basically ok with it. I'm able to think about things and understand that there is the way I wish things had turned out and there is reality. In light of it all, I think I'm doing pretty well. And even though some of the mistakes have been mine, I tried very hard to make things work. Things didn't work. I'm ready to move on.
As far as pursuing the "when I get back" situation today, it was almost completely due to my desire to be right in my assumptions. Poor decision on my part, sure. I'll admit it.
I did get a new phone with a new carrier and a new number. When she realized that she couldn't contact me by phone, she called my parents' house looking for me. That upset my parents. My mother's health isn't great and she doesn't deal with stress very well. My ex got my new number by accident. Again, my stupid fault. I needed to ask her something, I don't remember what it was, and I was too lazy to go to her place and ask her in person. Usually, I just put my phone on silent when I'm home and don't think about it until I go to bed. I check for missed calls and texts from other people. When I have messages from her, I delete them without reading them.
99% of the time, I don't allow myself to get wrapped up in the "what ifs" and the "whys". I focus on the positives I have in my life. My parents are always there for me, my friends are there to keep me propped up. I have a decent job, money in my pocket, air conditioning, a few nice toys, a stack of paid bills, a roof over my head, food in my fridge and cigarettes on my desk.
If she is truly happier with someone else, ok. I can positively say that, right now, I am happier on my own.
On the first point. I totally agree.
On the second, I'm happy with where my life is right now and where it seems to be leading. With the exception of the dark circles around my eyes (a product of the night shift), I like the dude looking back at me. When I decided it was over, I decided that if she wants to continue seeing the guy, or someone else, I wasn't going to try and stop it. And I haven't. My only problem is her hypocrisy. If she's going to see other people, then accuse me of cheating and getting mad when she thinks I'm with someone, I call bull .
On the final, the reason why I've yet to file for divorce is simple. Financial. I'm broke. I'm already divorced in my own mind. I just need the funds to make it legal and official. And, like I said in my previous post, I'm not going to attempt to see anyone or pursue a relationship right now. I just don't feel any desire or need to do so at this time.
Agreed. Mental blunder on my part.
Checked the Oregon State Bar page, apparently they offer a summary dissolution option in Oregon for simple cases. If your wife is amenable, you could probably get it done for just filing fees and court costs.
Not going to. We were seperated twice before. The first wasn't related to infidelity. The second one was. Both times I thought I could deal with the issues and make things work. I tried. Maybe I tried harder than she did, maybe not. Whatever. I wasn't ready to admit that the issues in the marriage couldn't be resolved. Things are different now. I made my final decision and I am able to live with it.
hey if you lookn for a new relationship....
tlong sister in law needs a green card....
volcano nachos
Thanks for checking that. I'll do more research in the morning. Also, my mom just called a few minutes ago and told me she a has a card for a lawyer she's going to give me. The lawyer's wife is a member of my mom's church. I'm calling that dude on Monday.
I think that's a good idea. Get things moving, you'll feel better if you're not stuck in quasi-married limbo. And she needs to realize this is over and she can't keep jerking you around.
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