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That dude's a robot.
Somewhere, the other members of the PGA Tour have every brunette in Vegas on a retainer. So that when that day comes Tiger returns, they'll make it challenging by sticking them front row in the galley...That'll level the playing field...er, golf course.
That dude's a robot.
Woods: "I like pussy. Sue me es"
Here ya go...
"Thank you all for joining me here today. I will keep this brief, and due to the personal nature of this subject, I will not take questions.
"Late on Thanksgiving night, there was an incident at my home between me and my wonderful wife, Elin. I should not have been out at such an hour, but I didn't realize how late it was due to the fact that, for some reason, I was not wearing my Tag Heuer professional golf watch with its patented ergonomic design.
Contrary to erroneous reports however, I was drinking nothing stronger than Gatorade Tiger Focus Cool Fusion with its refreshing citrus blend. I'm just glad that I was driving my Buick Enclave with remote keyless entry and remote vehicle start with On-Star navigation, or my injuries could have been more serious.
"The incident and resulting publicity allowed me to see myself and all my faults with the same 20-15 clarity I've had since undergoing Lasik eye surgery at a TLC Laser Eye Center. Unfortunately, I have made mistakes in my life -- mistakes for which I profoundly apologize to my fans, but which I will not specify. I can assure you, however, that I have devoted the months since then to becoming a better husband and father, taking full stock in my life, just as everyone may also do through Accenture, the global investment corporation that offers innovative and comprehensive financial guidance for life.
"Personal growth does not occur overnight and this hiatus from golf is not the end of mine. So even though I am announcing today my return to the tour beginning with The Masters, I will continue to pursue excellence in my life just as vigorously as in my sport.
"Thank you for your time. I will see you at Augusta , where hopefully you will see me on Sunday in my red Nike Dri-Fit shirt.
You;re funny C.C.
I think he should have used your speech, regardless of what he actually said.
The guy on CNN says their viewers are hating on Tiger's speech. Oh well, for the sake of his family, I hope it all works out
"I can assure you, however, that I have devoted the months since then to becoming a better husband and father, taking full stock in my life, just as everyone may also do through Accenture, the global investment corporation that offers innovative and comprehensive financial guidance for life."
lol
The Onion put their usual twist on things:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news...nion_rss_daily
this is what Tiger should have said: "I gets mine ,I bring the ruckus to the ladies!"
or he should have said this
"Apologize? Look here man, the lady came up to me I hit that ass. I hit it then quit it! Black man doing his thang. Barak Obama. I'm the president of hittin dat ass" -Tiger Woods
Curb Your Enthusiasm is awesome.
The le of this thread should've been more eloquent; Tiger Woods bustin multiple nuts...
I think he made the statement because his wife has him by the balls.
I was driving home from work when the speech came on live. I listened to it out of curiosity, but wouldn't have looked for it. It was a good speech. Set the record strait and is probably true.
Can we stop worrying about other people's lives and worry about our own?
Seriously C.C.? He didn't show EA some love for standing by their man?
Even more bizarre.....
One of his skanks was just on CNN with her attorney Gloria Allred and she feels so victimized by Tiger. She gave up her career as a porn star to be Tiger's girlfriend and she feels so betrayed and used. WTF???? Go back to porn . You should thank Tiger for getting you out of a business where men shove s in evey orifice. Talk about being used.
Tiger is an even bigger pussy than the ones he slammed. He should have just come out and said this:
"Alright, yea, I did it. I did it all, and there ain't a damn thing I can do to take anything back. But know this, ain't none of that was worth it. Not one single busted nut or scene of unbridled lust was worth losing any part of my kingdom. It was, and is, all my fault. That means every one of your gutless googly eyed s stalking my family, stop it now. They did nothing wrong and deserve to be left alone. If you want someone to chase, chase me. I'm a man, I can take it. I'll be ready for you, and I'll be practicing tee-ing off for the Masters when I bash your ing skulls in. Thank you and have a nice day."
Instead Tiger took the robot's path of insincerity. I hope his wife leaves him and takes all his money and property, then moves in with me so I can show her what a good honest husband is supposed to be.
People thrive on other people's misery unfortunatley. Especially the ones who are highly successful.
Unfortunate as it is, that seems to be the favorite American pastime. We tend to "worry" about the lives of the rich and famous more than we worry about our own.
Bet they are trying their damnedest to get Tiger back on the course. Believe me when I say "Golf would miss Tiger a of a lot more than Tiger would miss golf". Without him out there chasing all those "records", golf would probably lose half the people who watch. They have a lot to lose.
Unless you are married to him it is none of your business.
And lol at the sudden shock and disappointment of an athlete cheating on his wife.
There's a simple solution to Tiger's problems. All you have to do is combine several existing technologies. For example, you combine the "invisible fence" with motion sensors and athletic supporters, and, viola! Presenting.....the "Shokstrap". Upon sensing the first signs of arousal, the shokstrap delivers a painful but harmless electric charge to the gonads, discouraging philandering. Tiger's wife, of course, will be provided with a special bracelet which can disarm the shock function when he is within five feet of her. Of course, the bracelet will have a special button to allow her to give him a shock whenever she feels like it, regardless of state of arousal. Problem Solved.
Now, as to how to distract Tiger during tournaments, that's also simple. Bribe the groundskeepers to plant curly grass around each hole, and carefully shave it into a "landing strip". He'll have trouble controlling his putter.
He should have said "Mind your own business es"
I saw clips of the porn star press conference after. She cried and says he owes her an apology. A face to face one. Hired a lawyer to get that for her. She stopped ing on film because she fell in love with him.
Only people who are owed apologies are his wife and his sponsors.
Thats it, thats all.
I watched it and it was very robotic and I didn't believe a word, but I could care less.
...and the children. Don't forget about the children.
and a written statement >> video statement or press conference
You do NOT want to give a picture to last in people's memories.
or for the media to use every now and then as a video clip to remind everyone of this incident.
stick to written statements.
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