Ladies: Did you/will you take your husband's last name?

[SWC Bonfire]

I guess the other side of the coin is knowing so many women who loved their maiden names and didn't want to change their names but did anyway (social pressure, pressure from their husband). I don't understand that. It's so much easier not to change names anyway. . .

Those evil, possesive men... forcing those women to get married and all... were they the Sabine Women?

I just know that my surname has a great significance to me and my family, dating back to 15th century Germany/Austria, which in turn ties my family back to the time of Charlemangne, and I'll be damned if any kid of mine doesn't have it.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Ed Helicopter Jones:


We can't hyphenate our names (both 7 letter names ending in a-r-d). I think a big part of my reticence (apart from my own desire for my own name because I like it) comes from not wanting to be part of his family. I don't like them, they are not nice people, and I don't care to be associated with them. We are our own family. If we could have picked new names, that would have been ok.

Our marriage is more about joining our lives than our names.

I posted before I read this.

Actually that does make a difference I think. I can understand not wanting to take a name from a family that you don't want to associate with.

You know easjer, when you marry someone you become a part of his family whether you want to be or not. I could have strangled my in-laws more than a few times, but I'm now attached to them whether I want to be or not. Good luck with that one. Does your husband-to-be still associate with his family?

[easjer]

I posted before I read this.

Actually that does make a difference I think. I can understand not wanting to take a name from a family that you don't want to associate with.

You know easjer, when you marry someone you become a part of his family whether you want to be or not. I could have strangled my in-laws more than a few times, but I'm now attached to them whether I want to be or not. Good luck with that one. Does your husband-to-be still associate with his family?

He does some, but not much. Right now it's mostly be telephone, and that is few and far between. Because you know, even though he now has his own separate phone, and it's one of those new fangled ones that lets you make as well as receive calls, it's his fault that they don't talk more often. Sigh.

I think they are decent enough people outside of our relationship. I don't think they burn puppies, and I think they've done a lot of good for a lot of people. I'm still willing to try to have a relationship with them, but it's very difficult when they blame me for 'turning their son/brother against them' and other nonsense. Now it's a big mess of blame and hurt on both sides, I think, that will take years to sort out. And just when you think it's getting better (they called, showed concern, asked about me by name) there is something else that makes it worse (they refused to come to our wedding).

I don't expect I would have changed my name marrying a different man though. But this? Pretty well sealed the deal.

[Phenomanul]

In hispanic culture (not really supported by U.S. naming conventions) the bride retains her maiden name...

Example:
Bride's name Ana Gomez-Ramos
Groom's name Felipe Cantu-Gonzalez

After Marriage her name would change to:
Ana Cantu-Gomez

And their children's last names would match that of the mother, i.e.
Joaquin Cantu-Gomez
Maria Cantu-Gomez
etc...

The U.S. naming system cannot tolerate such complexity... though it is really not that difficult... and besides it means that the names of people once you include a middle name are that much more unique.

As far as I know, I'm the only person in the world with my name, and it is only a combination of 4 names. Whereas if I dropped my mother's maiden name, 10-15 people exist with that name.

Trust me, this factor alone can create iden y theft problems, and in the case of a friend of mine, problems with the DEA simply because they were looking for another Juan Perez (just yahoo search that name to see what I mean.... )

[Trainwreck2100]

Ok, so then, should the man's unwillingness to change HIS name be considered the same way?

There's many reasons why a man won't do that, the #1 reason being he would be the biggest pussywhipped man on the planet

[easjer]

There's many reasons why a man won't do that, the #1 reason being he would be the biggest pussywhipped man on the planet

I just know that my surname has a great significance to me and my family, dating back to 15th century Germany/Austria, which in turn ties my family back to the time of Charlemangne, and I'll be damned if any kid of mine doesn't have it.

See, now that's different. If that were the case with me (which it's not) I would consider it then. But also because it's clearly important to you, which it was not for Jason. And I wouldn't stand in the way of kids having that name.

But wouldn't you consider the same for a woman who was in the same situation? Again, I'm not . . . but I guess I don't see why it shouldn't be fair.

[MannyIsGod]

My name means nothing to me, and I wouldn't care one way or another if Jess took it.

[Shelly]

I think it's easier if when you have kids if y'all have the same last name. I had a friend who's son had her last name-the father's last name (they weren't married). When she got married, she didn't take her husband's last name. In short, all 3 of them in this family have different last names. It gets confusing. Of course, with so many blended families, this can't always be the case.

Good thing my husband's not an OBGYN!

[Wifey]

I didn't keep my husbands last name. Mine is too unique and cool to change it. However, I do use his last name at work or when I meet new people. My last name is too hard for some people to pronounce so its easier to use his. Legally my last name is still the same. Its cool that way because not everyone knows my real last name---its almost a secret.

My husband was not ok at first but I think he is ok with it now. Especially that I do use his name on do ents that are not legally bound. So, it all works out.

[gay abc]

But if I get married again

mrs. user?

[SWC Bonfire]

But wouldn't you consider the same for a woman who was in the same situation? Again, I'm not . . . but I guess I don't see why it shouldn't be fair.

My sister took her husband's name.

[smeagol]

My wife has not taken my last name. I have no issue with that. I guess once the kids start school, in order to make things easer, she will.

having kids with different last names seems to be too confusing.

I like what Kori said about men and women having different roles.

[CosmicCowboy]

One of my sisters changed her name on her first marriage. She did not change it back to her maiden name after the divorce. No kids were involved. Ske then KEPT the first husbands name through two subsequent marriages...and is single again and still using the first husbands name...she did it for professional reasons as her company was "known" by her name from the first marriage but it was still kinda weird...

[tlongII]

My name means nothing to me, and I wouldn't care one way or another if Jess took it.

You're assuming of course that Jess would actually marry you.

[Oh, Gee!!]

Johnny Tightlips - you are banned. It's a stupid screen name that contributes nothing and now you are just repeating yourself over and over and ruining threads. Go log in and your regular screen name.

As for the subject at hand, I would never have considered NOT taking my husband's last name. I believe in some roles of men and women in society and marriage. And I guess, to me, taking your husband's last name is part of that.

To each is own though.

Did you change my le from Lottery Pick to Bangs Fat Chicks?

[SpursWoman]

Good thing my husband's not an OBGYN!

Why not? You'd have a house in the Dominion by now...

[SpursWoman]

mrs. user?

Spurs666?

[Kori Ellis]

Did you change my le from Lottery Pick to Bangs Fat Chicks?

No, I did not.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Well, thanks to the good folks here I can finally see my wife for the crazy bra burning commie that she is!

Actually I prefer it this way, with her keeping her name. If she had taken my name then I might feel like we were actually related and equal partners, but by keeping her maiden name it creates a certain degree of separation that allows me to view her as my property, and rightfully so.

[ShoogarBear]

Whottt Barry . . .

Mrs. Whottt Barry . . .

Mr. and Mrs. Brent Barry . . .

Whottt and Brent Barry . . .

*siiiigh*

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Did you change my le from Lottery Pick to Bangs Fat Chicks?

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Before anyone takes that post too seriously, I'm only kidding. I love my wife very much, and I really don't give a damn if she wants to keep her name. I never have to call her by anything but her first, so the impact on my life is pretty minimal.

[MannyIsGod]

You're assuming of course that Jess would actually marry you.

Damn! Good call!

[Shelly]

Whottt Barry . . .

Mrs. Whottt Barry . . .

Mr. and Mrs. Brent Barry . . .

Whottt and Brent Barry . . .

*siiiigh*

Oh, man...

You forgot to put TLA

[Summers]

I think it's interesting a couple of the guys seem to take offense to the notion of a woman not taking a man's name when she gets married. It's a personal decision and I've known lots of women who have kept their maiden names. I took my husband's name because I wanted to... I suppose because it's traditional. But it's just a name, and it certainly doesn't make you a lesser wife if you don't want to.

Having said that, though, easjer, there were a couple things you said that I thought were interesting. First, you said you don't like his inlaws and that's a contributing factor. I'm not real fond of mine either but it's like that old adage: You can't pick your relatives. If you love your husband, you accept him, warts and all (and by warts, I mean his horrible family). I don't really get why changing your name to theirs would make you feel any more or less like you "belong" with them or are like them. That name also belongs to the man you love. The other thing, since nobody else mentioned it, was that if you have kids, you'd give them different names. I find that odd (I don't mean that in a judgemental way). I'm probably skewed on this one because I was an only child until my mom remarried a man with lots of kids. Then I was the only one in the family with a different name. I didn't want my step-dad's name because I was my dad's kid, but I also hated being the one who didn't fit in the Smith family. I dunno... I guess I don't have a good reason, but it seems like the kids should all have the same name. (I used to know these people who took a part of each of their names and just invented a last name for their two daughters, and I hated that too It seems so contrived.)