Bad Parenting

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Kids need boundaries and routine. This has been proven in psychological study over psychological study.

Kids need to hear NO. Especially young kids (in the toddler range). Trust me when I say that toddlers do not understand reasoning or choices. They are too young. As kids get older, offering choices is a good thing. But when a kid asks for cookies before dinner and they not only give him cookies before dinner but during dinner, the kid is not learning that he has 'choices' - what choices have there been? He's gotten exactly what he wanted, more even, without sacrificing anything. He's got his parents manipulated. But little kids don't need to be distracted (though that is a good technique when they are fretful but not actually doing anything bad) when they are doing something wrong. How are they supposed to learn that you are not supposed to draw on the walls if you aren't told no?

And time out is a time tested, good method!

(No I don't have kids, but I've read a lot on child psychology).

Damn straight. I want my daughter to learn the word "no" from the get go. The last worry I'm going to need as a father is that there would be boys hitting on her and instead of saying, "No you skeezy bum," she's saying, "Well, let me give some choices for how you want to deflower me."

I realize that that's going overboard, but I remain adamant. And as for the woman "distracting" the kid, how the is that "communicating"? My sister-in-law teaches first grade and she's running into more and more kids that are raised like this. Some of them are surprisingly well mannered and have excellent communication skills. Others simply figure that it means that they can generally have their way in the face of authority. And then she has to deal with parents who sit there and lecture her that this isn't how they've raised their child and who is she tell their child no?

I was raised on a dirt simple system. We knew the house rules and if we broke them we were looking at a time out or the business end of a wooden spoon. The result? Five kids, no felony arrests!

[easjer]

@ nokay.

Well, as cheesy as it sounds, the Supernanny is generally right. Her book is really good too. One thing she points out is that kids are not happy when they are in control. You would think they would be, because they are getting all the toys, sweets and attention (positive and negative) that they want, but they are miserable and it only gets worse. She says to think about it - if you were suddenly dropped into a job for which you had absolutely no experience, background or training, would you be happy? It's worse for a toddler who can't even comprehend or express the frustration and anger the way you as an adult can.

Kids need to know they aren't in charge of a household. Telling them no is not a bad thing. Offering choices (simple ones) is not a bad thing in the right cir stances, but toddlers don't understand bargaining and get confused by too many choices. Asking about whether they'd prefer the red or green pants is okay, but they get overwhelmed when asked to choose anything to wear. Their minds aren't capable of focusing to make that kind of decision.

It just boggles my mind the way some kids are parented today. I understand (because I'm like this) not wanting anyone to dislike you, especially someone you love as fiercly as you do a child, but if you are trying to be their friend instead of their parent, you aren't doing a good job of raising them or preparing them for the real world (which is ultimately your job and responsibility as a parent).

In the real world, they are gonna hear NO a whole of a lot and there are not always choices or options. How are these kids going to cope with that?

[Shelly]

Damn straight. I want my daughter to learn the word "no" from the get go. The last worry I'm going to need as a father is that there would be boys hitting on her and instead of saying, "No you skeezy bum," she's saying, "Well, let me give some choices for how you want to deflower me."

I just told my dog NO. Do you think she's traumatized? And why does she listen better than my 10 year old?

[HB22inSA]

"Instead of telling Felix NO we try to distract him from what he is doing or what he is getting into" Felix is 2. Apparently this applies to things like drawing on the walls with crayon, pullign the cats tail, throwing food or cups, adn hitting his younger sister.

Okay, How did I make it into the bad parenting Thread????????????

Obi????

[ALVAREZ6]

"No" was my first word.

[AlamoSpursFan]

I just told my dog NO. Do you think she's traumatized? And why does she listen better than my 10 year old?

Sure hope Mr. S y doesn't try to get a little nookie tonight. She's on a roll!

[easjer]

There is behavior that is acceptable behavior (if not desirable behavior) and behavior that is unacceptable. How do kids learn which is which (the difference betwen whining and hitting a sibling) if they are never told no?

It's not ok to hit other people. How do kids learn that if you distract them? And while it may work on a 2 year old with a short attention span, it won't on a five year old. So then what?

[easjer]

S y, you told your dog no?!? I'm calling animal cruelty!

[Shelly]

Sure hope Mr. S y doesn't try to get a little nookie tonight. She's on a roll!

3rd times the charm. My oldest is just about to walk in the door. I'll tell him NO and get it out of my system.

[ObiwanGinobili]

3rd times the charm. My oldest is just about to walk in the door. I'll tell him NO and get it out of my system.

Go for it!
Kids should here NO at least 5 times a day.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Okay, How did I make it into the bad parenting Thread????????????

Obi????

uhmmm..... you say my name and couldn;t resist???

[SpursWoman]

User is really exceptional at saying "no" to my kids....better than me, actually. He thoroughly enjoys it...so much so that more than half the time he's gotten the "no" out before they've even finished.

[easjer]

So the question, S y, is will your oldest immediately look guilty when you tell him no or not?

[Shelly]

No, I have to give him a legitimate no.

Our conversation when he comes home is like this:

The best mom in the world: "How was school today?"
Teen angst: "Boring."

But I only had 1-1/2 cookie, so I told myself NO to anymore.

[SpursWoman]

The 1/2 one didn't count.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

"No" is not an issue in our house. We've got no problem with the word.

Our latest discussion is on spanking. Mrs. Chopper and I had a two hour debate on the "to spank or not to spank" debate. She refuses to accept the notion that a child can be spanked without creating any mental trauma for the child.

I grew up fearing the belt but understanding that I was entirely deserving of every spanking (and there were many) that I received. Mrs. Chopper was spanked once in her life and claims it was a horrible memory that she'll never forget.

This debate stemmed from my two year old coming to my office and pulling a bottle of Liquid Paper out of my desk drawer. Before I could get to him he opened the bottle and as I tried to get it away from him he chunked it across my office and Liquid Paper covered my credenza, my briefcase, my wall. Needless to say I wasn't too happy and wanted to give him a swat on the butt...not out of anger but because he needed a paddling. I was out-voted 1-to-1 and he was given a "timeout".

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are cir stances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

[easjer]

Ah see? You told yourself NO, and that was good. You also told me No, but it was an answer not a directive, so I'm not sure it counts (you know, like the half-cookie).

[Shelly]

The 1/2 one didn't count.

It was 35 calories! Same as one whole shortbread cookie

But yes, it doesn't count

[SpursWoman]

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are cir stances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

My mom had no such issues, and I'd be happy to send a very nice email stating how perfectly normal and successful I am...with a tremendous respect for authority....


The first time I ever spanked the out of my daughter was when she got on her bicycle (I think she was about 4) and even after repeated reminders and warnings and descriptive tales of what can happen to little girls that don't look both ways....she shot right out of the driveway into the path of a moving vehicle. Right after I told her not to.

Since my repeated words had ZERO impact in keeping her out of the street, and her continuing that behavior could have killed her ... I had no problem whatsoever making it a lesson she wasn't soon to forget. And I don't apologize to those that take exception to it. I'd rather deal with the crying and the finger-pointing than scraping her brains up out of the middle of the street.

And I'm sure that poor lady that was driving that car that was in tears because of that would have loved to have gotten a hold of her, too.

[SpursWoman]

It was 35 calories! Same as one whole shortbread cookie

But yes, it doesn't count

It doesn't...because all of the calories fall out when you break it.

[Shelly]

"No" is not an issue in our house. We've got no problem with the word.

Our latest discussion is on spanking. Mrs. Chopper and I had a two hour debate on the "to spank or not to spank" debate. She refuses to accept the notion that a child can be spanked without creating any mental trauma for the child.

I grew up fearing the belt but understanding that I was entirely deserving of every spanking (and there were many) that I received. Mrs. Chopper was spanked once in her life and claims it was a horrible memory that she'll never forget.

This debate stemmed from my two year old coming to my office and pulling a bottle of Liquid Paper out of my desk drawer. Before I could get to him he opened the bottle and as I tried to get it away from him he chunked it across my office and Liquid Paper covered my credenza, my briefcase, my wall. Needless to say I wasn't too happy and wanted to give him a swat on the butt...not out of anger but because he needed a paddling. I was out-voted 1-to-1 and he was given a "timeout".

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are cir stances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

Tell her my 'fork in the arm at 14 by my mother for using a double negative' story. I now speak correctly.

Corporal punishment at it's finest!!

[JoeChalupa]

I use the word NO when I mean NO.
I get upset when I see a child acting like a brat, and mine do to, and they won't discipline their kids but baby them like they are going to break.
Nip it in the bud is my motto.

I've been told that I'm too strict with my girls but I don't believe in the "I want to be friends" with my kid theory. I'm their parent first and their friend second and they've known that from the start.

[pseudofan]

I tell my kids no. I tell their friends no. I tell my nephews no. And I make it no secret that I will beat the living crap out of them if they piss me off.

They all love me and respect me.

[SpursWoman]

I tell my kids no. I tell their friends no. I tell my nephews no. And I make it no secret that I will beat the living crap out of them if they piss me off.

They all love me and respect me.

My daughter's friends, too. I swear to God she has this one (11 year old) that I can't stand who needs a good spanking more than anyone I've met in my life...and obviously has never had one.

I have no problem whatsoever telling her to STFU. Well, not like that exactly, but you should see how big her eyes get.

[JoeChalupa]

And I have spanked my daughters.