Who Believes the Bible Is Literally True?

[clambake]

I meant you would be calling-out the "smug, mean spirited, narrow minded, in your face, vindictive christians that any problem they have they just put their fist in" christians.

[boutons_]

calling them out would do no good.

they are impervious to conflicting information.

they can do whatever they want,
believe whatever they want,
hustle and shuck as many millions of suckers as they want,
program as many robot children as they want,
teach whatever they want in their private schools.

but when they start pushing their bull Geneis beliefs as hard science into public schools, or try to conflate the secular US govt with their cult religions, I'm adamantly opposed.

[clambake]

You cannot expect them to understand the word "science". It does not exist on their "world is flat".

[smeagol]

This thread asks the question if you believe the Bible in literal terms.

And I responded I didn't. What else do you want from me, Mr Peabody II?

[Oh, Gee!!]

I know Peabody, and Clambake is no Peabody.

[clambake]

Sorry smeagol. I misunderstood your intent. (who's peabody)?

[Phenomanul]

calling them out would do no good.

They are impervious to conflicting information.

they can do whatever they want,
believe whatever they want,
hustle and shuck as many millions of suckers as they want,
program as many robot children as they want,
teach whatever they want in their private schools.

but when they start pushing their bull Geneis beliefs as hard science into public schools, or try to conflate the secular US govt with their cult religions, I'm adamantly opposed.

Got ya!! What did you expect to see when you saw I had posted in this thread... A big thesis postulating that the mathematical probability of evolving the logical reasoning you now use against your Creator is zero....

You know where I stand... no need to argue about it further... your hate blinds you. Peace boutons_.

P.S. was that smug enough?

[clambake]

Why do you call it hate. Maybe religion conjures up thoughts of priest molesting little children under the curtain of god. Maybe it leads the mind to see the faces of,,,,,,,oh, swaggert, roberts, baker. But, if you just send me $500, I will pray for you.

[exstatic]

Stole this from another site...but it made me LOL


JUDAISM -
So there are these people running around for a of a long time, right? Pretty sure they were called Hebrews, but it was so long ago, they really can't remember any more. They were a wacky group back in the day, 'cause they had this notion that there was only one God. In their holy text called The "Torah," it kinda named this all powerful dude, but it was all a buncha consonants - JHVH or something. Maybe Yahweh. Anyhow, the poor Jews had a favorite (huh?) pastime, and was getting persecuted. Moses was this awesome Disney character and he asked his god do a whole lotta nasty to the Egyptians so they could bolt. It worked, but when they were roaming the desert, Moses lost most of them somehow on the way to the Promised Land. That sucked. But Moses snagged the Ten Commandments, so props to him. The still get yelled at every few hundred years when idiots get bored and their Promised Land is a war zone. Poor Jews.

Jews have all kinds of traditions and rituals that nobody understands. The men wear little hats called "Yamukas" and some of them have weird curly side burns. There's a ton of stuff they won't eat, and most have never had a cheeseburger, 'cause they won't mix dairy and meat. (That's sad.) They have "Bar/Batmitvah's" for their kids when they hit puberty which is a big ass reason to party. Big, mutli-wick candles are lit at Christmas time, but they have, like, 8 days to celebrate or something.


CHRISTIANITY -
The Jews were hangin' out, being groovy and what-not. Then this dude said, "I'm the son of god and stuff." His mom was a different Madonna than the one who sang "Like A Prayer," and this Jesus fellow got a crew together and went around teaching and doing miracles. One of his buddies sold him out for a quick fix of smack and Jesus gets nailed to a cross. Just to show off, he returns from the dead a few days later and goes "PWNED!" All of his followers think the Jews had a good thing with the Torah, but decide it's just "The Old Testament." They make a new one, too, all about the not-so-dead son of god. Within a few years, everybody is a freakin' Christian because it's trendy. Then they all start to argue over how to read a book and run a church. Now we have 18 billion different types of Christians. Hooray.

Christians celebrate the birth of their Savior, which makes sense, and also his death/rebirth, which is a little spooky. They say it's cause he "died for our sins," but I don't remember that particular afternoon. There are so many off-shoots and side-cults based on Christianity now, it's a bit ridiculous. They really like those Ten Commandments, but only when they are convenient. A lot of them like to sing, but not very well. They are very good, however, at murdering people of other religions... and their own.


ISLAM -
And now we have Jews and Christians. Some of these folks have traveled into Persia where they still worship ancient Arabian gods. Everything's a big jumbly mess until this Muhammad chap steps up. God comes to him and says, "Jews are nice, and Jesus rocked and all, but I have a better idea for a book. Listen up!" God directly gives his words to Muhammad who writes this all down in the "Qur'an." He leaves Mecca, goes to Medina and fights a whole bunch. In the end, he was kinda pissy with the Jews and the Christians. Muslims all believe the Qur'an to be the literal word of Allah, but Gabriel had a hand in it, too. There are a number of different kinds of Muslims, but according to Fox News, there is only Sunni and Shiite and they're both bad.

Muslims pray constantly, always facing towards Mecca. This incessant prayer gets in their way of doing their best not to eat pork. (Although beef hotdogs are a-okay!) A good portion of the devoted men don't bother cutting their hair, and frequently wrap towels upon their heads because it is very hot in the desert. Let's be honest, Islam is the kid brother to Christianity who is chasing Judaism going "Me too, me too! Don't forget the Pagans!"



HINDUISM -
These are the Indians with the "Dot," not the "Feathers." They've been around a long ass time, probably longer than those Jews over there. Their Trinity is all about three gods as one. "Brahma the Creator" , "Vishnu the Preserver" and "Shiva the Destroyer." You can read all about their adventures, as well as Krishna, Rama, Kali and thirteen gazillion other deities in the holy book, the "Bhagavad-Gita." The world was hatched from an egg, and there's an elephant involved somewhere. Damn elephants. Oh, and they have this point system, like in RPG's but slightly more life-altering called Karma. And "Dharma" is not just that hot chick from that ty sit-com. Om!

Hindu people love their damn cows, and won't eat them. They also used to have a very rigid caste system, which made everybody secretly miserable except the rich princes and the Untouchables. Thanks to the "Kama Sutra" all their sexy, kinky is world wide now. There was this little guy who was always old, and his name was Mohandas. He changed things for the better and is perhaps synonomous with contemporary thought entering into India. Yeah, Gandhi was kick ass in his loin cloth...


BUDDHISM -
Once upon a time, there was this Hindu Prince whose dad was way overprotective. He didn't want his son seeing any nasty , so he always kept the kid free of worldly pain. This plan failed. The kid grew up, ditched his wife, sat under a lotus tree for a long time in contemplation and walked away as the Buddha. He strolled around and told everybody that there biggest problem was that they "wanted," and this caused suffering. Everything was suffering to this dude. But he would tell a bunch of neat-o riddles that you would try and think about to reach "Zen," and things could get better. All in all, it sucks to be alive.

The Buddha died and everybody was super sad, but he pops up again. The Dali Lama runs around as the reincarnation of the old dude after meeting Kurt Cobain in Nirvana or something. They used to teach about the "Eight-fold Path" and the tantric ways in Tibet, but the Chinese drove them all out. 'Cause ya know those wily Buddhists, they cause so much trouble, setting themselves on fire in silent protest.



TAOISM -
So this crazy old guy lived out in the woods, and his name was Lao Tzu. He didn't bother anybody, but people always came to him with questions since the dude was so old (which translates into wise.) Even the local Prince would bother him for advice ever now and again, and Lao Tzu would just sigh and tell these s the best ideas he had. One day, he hears the Prince is going to do something stupid, so he actually leaves the woods and goes to the castle. The Prince tells Lao Tzu to shove off. Lao Tzu gives mankind the middle finger, gets on the back of a giant water buffalo and proceeds to ride off into the sunset. At the gate, a soldier begs him not to leave. Lao Tzu goes and sits under a tree with his buffalo, writes the "Tao Te Ching" in a few days, hands in to guard and bails out. The End.

Lao Tzu never preached a word of his religion/philosophy, so no one is sure what he really wanted. The Tao is "The Way" and is never fully explained, but is some kind of all powerful energy in everything that flows at all times. Okay. He came up with the concepts of the "Yin" and "Yang" along with the symbol that a bunch of white surfers would eventually steal. It's all about balance and big time mystical mumbo-jumbo of the like. The "I Ching" figures in here as well somehow...



CONFUCIANISM -
Confucius was a bas . He pretty much spent all his time writing about how he "thought" people ought to act in polite society and seeking out a job with any Prince dumb enough to employ him. His Five Classics (Wu Ching) and Four Books (Ssu Shu) are nothing but civil service examples. Much more a philosophy than a religion, he must be thrilled that there are temples erected in his honor. Confucius met Loa Tzu once, actually. He was terrified of the old Taoist Master and likened him to a "Dragon." Pussy.

His teachings were big throughout the educational system of China for centuries. He came up with the "Golden Rule" on his own and generally wagged his finger at everybody, telling them to behave. There has been an unspoken feud between Confucianism and Taoism for centuries, because they sprung up at the same time and they are so drastically different. However, because of those differences, they are also able to co-exist together relatively peacefully. Americans came to know Confucius riddles through the aid of cookies served at Chinese restaurants. Ever notice how the notes have gone downhill recently?



OTHER STUFF -
There are other major world religions out there as well. Jainism, Shintoism, Sikhism, and Zoroastorism are some, but let's be honest... no one cares. There are Wiccans, of course, but they are a silly people. There's a bunch of semi-dead faiths floating around the Americas, but not enough people practice them to be recognize here. Plus I can't spell, let alone pronounce any of that Aztec . And Satanists, well... they're just bored.

If you were to teach a one day course in comparative religions, surfer speak aside, this isn't bad.

One of his buddies sold him out for a quick fix of smack and Jesus gets nailed to a cross. Just to show off, he returns from the dead a few days later and goes "PWNED!"

I almost spit Coke on my monitor when I read the above.

[billboardbill]

Yes I do believe in the Bible. If God can create the world, why would you think he could not or would not protect his word.

[scott]

People should believe in whatever makes them comfortable. Just don't teach it in a public school or use the government to promote it, and I'm happy.

[exstatic]

People should believe in whatever makes them comfortable. Just don't teach it in a public school or use the government to promote it, and I'm happy.

They can't help it because one of their tenets is to convert everyone, kill them, or die trying.

[Guru of Nothing]

Every word true! I am not sure

Maybe if you spent a little more time watching Fox News - You'd know.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

I think people should interpret literally only the parts of the bible that are supported by empirical data, otherwise just take it for what it is, a remarkable work of fiction.

[RealEstateDude]

I look at the bible as a spiritual, symbolic, and historical book. You can take it literally if you study it in it's original language only some of the time, the rest of the time you have to look at it's spiritual and symbolic connotations. I don't support "organized" religion, it's a mask for political power...

[smeagol]

I think people should interpret literally only the parts of the bible that are supported by empirical data, otherwise just take it for what it is, a remarkable work of fiction.

Again, a work of fiction that billions of "gullible" people believe is true or partially true, invented by 12 ignorant fishermen in Palestine 2000 years ago.

Something does not add up.

[Extra Stout]

Define "literal." By culturally Western human standards? No.

[Phenomanul]

People should believe in whatever makes them comfortable. Just don't teach it in a public school or use the government to promote it, and I'm happy.

Then give me back my taxes.... or don't expect me to support the public school system that does a crappy job to begin with... where are the higher math, and physics teachers??? Why is there more emphasis being placed on sports in our high schools?? --- follow the money trail and how resources are being managed...

Why is every other country surpassing our academic standards??? Sadly students don't care anymore... they're more concerned about trivialities such as popularity or who is the first to own a car... or drink alcoholic beverages.... Many parents don't care anymore either...

So then you get parents that do want their children growing with some sense of moral fabric and what does the liberal media do?? Slam them for bigoted interference... right..

Granted there are exceptions on both sides... the point being this problem is more complicated than it seems...

[Phenomanul]

I think people should interpret literally only the parts of the bible that are supported by empirical data, otherwise just take it for what it is, a remarkable work of fiction.

How is this for empirical data?

1+1+1 = 1

or

1x1x1 = 3

Are they backwards.... or is there a subtle message there.... hmmmmm...

[MaNuMaNiAc]

Again, a work of fiction that billions of "gullible" people believe is true or partially true, invented by 12 ignorant fishermen in Palestine 2000 years ago.

Something does not add up.

what doesn't add up? that the masses are gullible? yes, because history hasn't shown us enough of that, right?

and by the way, we're not in 6th grade anymore. The "everybody is doing it, why won't you" cop out doesn't apply here. The fact that billions believe it doesn't make it the truth. In fact, more people believe in Buddhism than Christianity so by your reasoning I suppose we should be praying to Buda.

I clearly stated that I believed everything in the bible that is not supported by solid evidence is fiction. Show me how that statement is false and then we can discuss some more.

[Phenomanul]

uh oh here we go

hegamboa's here.

It is Memorial Day Weekend.... Let's not argue.

[JoeChalupa]

It is called faith. I don't care if some think religion if for s or what anybody else thinks. My faith is rock solid.

Carry on.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

Then give me back my taxes.... or don't expect me to support the public school system that does a crappy job to begin with... where are the higher math, and physics teachers??? Why is there more emphasis being placed on sports in our high schools?? --- follow the money trail and how resources are being managed...

Why is every other country surpassing our academic standards??? Sadly students don't care anymore... they're more concerned about trivialities such as popularity or who is the first to own a car... or drink alcoholic beverages.... Many parents don't care anymore either...

So then you get parents that do want their children growing with some sense of moral fabric and what does the liberal media do?? Slam them for bigoted interference... right..

Granted there are exceptions on both sides... the point being this problem is more complicated than it seems...

What does implementing "intelligent design" as a science have anything to do with moral fabric??

[Phenomanul]

It is called faith. I don't care if some think religion if for s or what anybody else thinks. My faith is rock solid.

Carry on.

The problem for those without faith, or belief in a higher being, is that faith itself is not measureable... tangible... or palpable....

To them it is illogical, primitive, and unnecessary... Whereas to me it is fundamentally essential, nourishing, and compels me do be a better person, son, co-worker, teacher, and citizen. Why does that bother them? Because our all-allowing utilitarian society abhors the thought that there is no relativism to right and wrong...

I don't tell others what to do. But the mere fact that the tenets of my beliefs denounce certain acts irritates them to no end.

Pretty soon, things that most would consider as a 'wrong' today will be allowed in our future... why? Because it's all relativistic...

Use to be that sex out of the confines of marriage was considered a wrong...
Today it is the norm...

Use to be that exploitation of the weak was looked down upon...
Today we murder millions of unborn children without remorse... and use political boundaries to denigrate other human beings...

Perhaps tomorrow someone will push for the rights of pedophiles...
And they will be able to wed your 12 year old daughters and sons...
However silly or far-fetched as that may sound... for the people of tomorrow we might be the ones who were 'primitive thinkers'... after all, moral relatisvism is an inherent off-shoot of liberal progressive thinking... most people just don't realize it.

[Phenomanul]

What does implementing "intelligent design" as a science have anything to do with moral fabric??

That perhaps people with a genuine belief that their life has been instilled with a GOD given purpose... are also likely to believe in 'Intelligent Design'... and likely to believe that they will be held accountable for their actions... they are less likely to end up in jail or be a drag on our society.

The key word being genuine.