My advice is that whatever you decide to do you need to decide on it quick. I'm not saying rush the decision, but weigh you options and decide as soon as possible. This may sound callous but if you decide to put it up for adoption the sooner you decide that the better, because the longer you wait the greater the emotional attachment will become. There's certainly no way that you can completely remove the emotional aspect of this, but you can lessen it at least. Better to know now than to spend months waffling and trying to see if you could maybe make this work only to turn around and have to say goodbye to the child.
And if you do decide to keep it, well decide on that soon because you're gonna need every last second to get ready. My brother and my parents both said the same thing about having their first child: that even though these were planned pregnancies and they did their best to get ready every step of the way, when the kids arrived they still felt like they weren't completely ready. Nine months may seem like a lot of time but it's going to fly.
And one last piece of advice, which my father gave my brother as fatherhood approached, do your best to treat your gf as well and normally as possible during the pregnancy. It's going to be tough enough adjustment on her without her man suddenly treating her more like an incubator than the woman he loves.
i have a job, im almost done with school. financially stable, not ritch or anything but i make a decent living. i can handle it. im just going to man up and have a kid... lol little mcornelios running around all over the place. that cant be good for this world
If you are going to a chick without a rubber at least pull out.
when you are contemplating abortion, I have my doubts.
But hey, I am not without a buttload of mistakes myself, so I stand corrected.
No child is a mistake. Every child is a miracle.
Does she want to have a baby?
that was fast! you could take a day or two to think things through you know? Hasty decisions often carry dire consequences bro
Yes, that is best, pull out, but if she has not had an orgasm, you will be in big trouble.
What about TPark?
He wasn't contemplating abortion, read again. I mentioned it as a possibility if he wasn't religious.
What about TPark?
P.S. All in good fun T Park, don't get upset
My 5,200th post!
Congrats dude! I think you can handle it. Sometimes I wish I had a kid.
"ONLY" twenty? $h!t, I don't care if you're 15. If you're old enough to have $ex, you're old enough to have a child. Why? $ex leads to kids sometimes. And dude...most of us were MEN by the time we turned 20. Apparently not all of us.
What a dumbass...God save that kid.
and "financially stable"??!?!?!?!
"might rise to the challenge"
Chances aren't good. He failed up the first challenge of preventing unwanted pregnancy.
What kind of school is this? I'm quite sure you're exactly the kind of guy this poor girl wanted to procreate with.
dude, WTF?? and who the are you?? George Clooney?What kind of school is this? I'm quite sure you're exactly the kind of guy this poor girl wanted to procreate with.
wow, from letting your ex gf get gangbanged to getting your current gf knocked up.
Kids are expensive, even for someone with a career.
Not much money for anything else, when you have formula, diapers, clothes, doctors visits, etc. to pay for.
"your" life isn't over, but now it's not only "your" life you're responsible for.
OK, what is done is done, so no reproaches on that score right now.
Serious advice. I have had dear friends in similar situations, same age, everything. I know people who had abortions, I know people who had a child but let their relationship go on its own pace (split ups and marriages) and I know people who got married immediately.
Before you decide anything, you need to feel out your girlfriend. Where is she? How is she feeling? Does she want to have a baby? Is she morally opposed to abortion. This is not a decision that either of you can make on your own, and honestly, she gets a slightly bigger say, since she is the one carrying the baby.
Now is the time to sit down and analyze your financial situation and your committment to each other. Regardless of whether or not you think you could be lifelong partners, you have to decide if you are capable of being parents together for the rest of your lives - cause that is what happens if your gf has this child. You two are linked permanently.
Now is the time to discuss what expectations you would have as parents and how that would work out if you two split up. Now is the time to talk about what you feel and what you might feel about adoption and abortion. It's not possible to predict how you might feel. Some people become tormented with either of those options, and some feel nothing but relief.
Regardless, I have to echo my husband's post about deciding early. It's difficult for a woman to go through any bit of pregnancy with total detachment - it's a thing growing inside her - but having some detachment and peace regarding a decision (for abortion or adoption) will go a long way to always being at peace with such a tough decision.
Some of the questions that should be asked now are whether or not you two are really equipped to become parents, whether or not you can do right by a child in this world, if it would be in the best interests of the child to live with a family who desparately want a child in their lives, or whether it is in your best interests not to have children at this time.
I wish you peace with your decision.
(and will add that pulling out is not an effective method of birth control, since live sperm exist in pre-ejaculate.)
Congratulations.
Additionally, what sorts of support do you both have? Babies are time consuming and expensive. New parents frequently need both emotional and physical support and lots need financial support as well.
Things to consider for the costs of a baby (equipment you need)
Crib, and thus crib mattress and sheets
Clothing (which they will quickly grow out of, but needs a fair amount of because of spit up, pee and poop)
Car Seat (which will have to be upgraded in most cases at least twice)
Traveling sysem (carrier, stroller)
Blankets
High chair
Feeding System (if breastfeeding, then she will need breast pads, nursing bras, nipple cream, probably a decent breast pump, bottles, etc. if bottle feeding, then bottles, cleaners, formula - lots of formula, etc)
Diapers (cloth is an expensive up front outlay, but less expensive overall than disposable, however cloth has to be washed. Don't forget wipes and creams.)
Health Insurance (lots of costs after birth, which is expensive by itself)
That's pretty much a basic list. There are lots more things that come in handy, but it's all pretty expensive (things like a sling/carrier, swing, bassinet, playpen, toys, mobiles, etc).
This is not insignificant and it's a large outlay to begin with, which doesn't really diminish as they get older.
Was that supposed to be funny? Because it's not something you shuold joke about....
Everything should be joked about.
mcornelio - *puts gun to temple...*
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