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Yea. I'm not going to lie.
Agreed.
You're obviously not comfortable with the entire situation, and according to your own words are somewhat turned off by him. It would seem to me to make little sense in continuing with the 'date'.
While I don't know if I believe in the whole womanly intuition thingI don't think you should put yourself into a scenario where you're making yourself sick with worry. If you feel this way now, who'se to say you won't feel worse during the date.
My fear is, knowing how nice you are, you'll put yourself through just to avoid hurting his feelings. Be honest to yourself, and to him.
Leading him on? Not really...but I think it'd be a lot less awkward for both you and him, to decline the invitation now rather than have him asking you out again at the end of the evening.
Go with the 'not comfortable going out with a co-worker' story. It's simpler and nicer than saying he's freaked you out!
And by saying no now....is no reason that you can't get to know him more on the job. Talk to him during the next couple of weeks in passing. Maybe he becomes less shy, and you no longer have any of the fears that you currently do. You can always say yes to going out with him down the road if things become more agreeable to you.
If you do decide to go through it though...follow your friends advice. Decide on a place that you know and feel comfortable with. Meet him there. And pay your own way.
Yea. I'm not going to lie.
Is it possible that feeling is really just your own fear since you have very little dating experience? I've seen people panic before in that situation, when they are getting their toes wet in the dating pool.
Wait...what? You think by calling him and telling him that she isn't attracted to him, she's scared of him and it would be a pity date that the guy would respect her more?
Too much.
Just cancel and say that with the work thing it wouldn't be a bright idea.
/thread
Just simply tell him that you apologize but after you thought about it, you decided that you aren't ready to go on a date with him. Pretty basic.
I hadn't thought in those terms but I guess you are right.
Thanks, although I am in no rush.
Thank you everyone for your insight. I appreciate it.
First of all, your Mom is right.
Every time I don't follow my instincts I regret it. Instinct is powerful stuff.
Tell him you didn't wear your glasses the day he asked you out, so he'll think it wasn't your fault.
But seriously, if you tell him you are not really attracted to him, it will hurt his feelings and shake his already poor confidence. Honesty is not always a wise decision.
Tell him things were kind of shaky with your non-existent boyfriend (Rasho?), and now you're back together.
Lefty, my mom would love you for telling me she is right.
And I assure you, I wasn't planning on saying that I wasn't attracted to him.
You know what though?
I wish that going to dinner with someone could just be going to dinner- as in two people having a conversation and learning about each other no strings attached.
I feel so trapped with guys because unless I've spent time with a person, I can't know (other than first impression )what I think about them.
But I feel like my only alternatives are to make a rash judgment ( I.E. only agree to spend time with guys I am instantly or already interested in) or potentially lead a guy on.
How does anyone win here?
Only with Todd GakLefty, my mom would love you for telling me she is right.
And I assure you, I wasn't planning on saying that I wasn't attracted to him.
You know what though?
I wish that going to dinner with someone could just be going to dinner- as in two people having a conversation and learning about each other no strings attached.
I feel so trapped with guys because unless I've spent time with a person, I can't know (other than first impression )what I think about them.
But I feel like my only alternatives are to make a rash judgment ( I.E. only agree to spend time with guys I am instantly or already interested in) or potentially lead a guy on.
How does anyone win here?
By relaxing.
I don't know who that is.
That's what a dinner date usually is. I think you have a date-phobia
You should watch Seinfeld more often.
But again, I'm a big Seinfeld nerd
That's what a dinner date usually is. I think you have a date-phobia
I bring GHB just for kicks.
Stop scaring her!
Do what Kori said.
Shes a wise woman.
You've had second thoughts, your not ready for the date scene, thanks but no thanks.
Straight and simple.
That's what a dinner date usually is. I think you have a date-phobia
Maybe. Likely. Very likely.
But the impression I got from the responses in this thread is that since I was not immediately intrigued by this guy that it would be selfish, misleading etc to go to the dinner.
You guys have to realize that I've never dated and so all the questions and jitters you guys had when you were fourteen or whatever, I've yet to fully work through.
I have no clue what I am doing.
Although I guess that's apparent.
And that is????
You know what, don't tell me. Listen to Kori and don't scare me.
your not missing much Angel.
Follow your gut. It won't lead you wrong.
No.. you don't have to like the guy already to go to dinner with him. The reason that I said you shouldn't go is because by your initial post in this thread, it sounds like you are dead set on not liking him. Like you have already made up your mind.. you mentioned about five things that you don't like about him.
IF you are so sure you aren't going to like him, then don't waste his time (or yours) on going out with him.
IF you are going into the date with an open mind and actually interested in getting to know him, then go out with him.
That's the difference.
The reason I called you selfish is because it seems by the first post that you are not interested in him at all, but you are considering a dinner date out of pity (and the fact you freaked out and couldn't say no).
You just need to figure it out.
Are you going to give him a chance? If so, go to dinner with him.
You don't have to blame it on exes or anything like that.
Just tell him you have thought about it and you don't really want to go down the road of going out with someone you work with. It's a valid reason, and it gets you off the hook.
The only way to conquer your fears is to face them head on. I think you should proceed. Besides, he could just be a "practice guy." You need to start dating at some point, don't you?
I like the "practice guy" idea.
You could always invite him to go out with you and a girlfriend or two. That way it's less of a 'date' atmosphere, and perhaps less stressful. Plus having friends around is good to keep conversations rolling especially if he's as timid as he appears. It may give you a better chance at evaluating things. Plus you can ride with one of your friends...so you're obligated to end the night when your friend is ready to go.
I beg to differ here that she is not missing much. You may not have a good experience with it, but she's a vibrant young woman that seems to want to have a good time. Dating is a normal, healthy part of growing up and finding out not only about other people, but more importantly, about yourself.
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