I'm fine with guys scratching their balls. If they stopped, I'd start worrying that they didn't have them anymore.
I'm fine with guys scratching their balls. If they stopped, I'd start worrying that they didn't have them anymore.
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed
animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! You
mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
An old friend helped Simpson fit into Daisy Dukes
By KRISTIN FINAN
Houston Chronicle
Jessica Simpson
in Dukes of Hazzard
1/6
When Jessica Simpson landed the role of Daisy Duke in the upcoming Dukes of Hazzard movie, fans and foes alike cried foul.
Fans were miffed that the former Christian singer — who built her goody-two-shoes reputation on a wait-until-the-wedding-night vow — would take on a role defined by the curvy, scantily-clad Catherine Bach.
Bach fans in turn were miffed that a bland, wholesome pop princess would meddle with their perfect memories of that first, um, tingle.
Given that Bach's britches are as iconic as the Gen. Lee (they've inspired country singers and rappers to write songs), they're big ... well, actually teeny, tiny cutoffs to fill.
Those Daisy Dukes were, after all, made for watching.
"I told her this was a huge opportunity for both of us," said the man behind her new body, 27-year-old personal trainer and Simpson's childhood friend Mike Alexander. "It was an opportunity for her to make an impact in the acting world and be recognized for the hard work she did, and it was an opportunity for me to be partially responsible for that."
Although most people didn't think Simpson, already considered one of the hottest celebrities around, needed much work, Alexander said she wanted to look perfect in the film, which opens Aug. 5.
"If you're going to be wearing those shorts on a 50-foot screen, you do what you have to," he said.
Alexander, who is originally from Dallas and whose parents now live in Spring, said he attended middle and high school with Simpson and that her father was his youth minister.
"She was the popular, pretty girl that all the girls wanted to be friends with or resented and all the guys wanted to talk to," Alexander said.
Riiiight. They wanted to talk to the girl who thought buffalo wings weren't chicken and that tuna actually was.
"She was the kind of girl everyone just expected to make it."
After Alexander graduated from Baylor University with a health and fitness degree nearly two years ago, he worked at gyms in Dallas until he got a position as a trainer at the Sports Club L.A.
"I lived with her parents when I first got out there," he said.
Given their closeness, Alexander wasn't surprised when Simpson put him in charge of giving her a backside that moviegoers won't soon forget.
To achieve this, Simpson needed to get leaner and increase her muscle tone, so Alexander had her do 35 minutes of cardio and an hour of weight training — from resistance training to dumbbells to squats and lunges — five to six days a week.
"She was extremely motivated and very disciplined," he said. "Honestly, looking back, I don't remember her missing a workout when she was in town."
But she kept it on her terms.
"She's not always on time, but she gets there eventually."
As for meals, Alexander encouraged Simpson to use common sense by loading up on chicken, fish and vegetables and cutting back on carbs, even during holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.
"If you know it's not good for you, don't eat it," Alexander said.
Occasionally, he said, Simpson would try to avoid certain dreaded moves.
"It's a blessing and curse," he said. "A curse because she would try to talk me out of getting her to do stuff because we are friends. But we could butt heads and know it wouldn't be the end of our working relationship."
Their working relationship wasn't the only source of speculation. While filming in Baton Rouge, Alexander and Simpson spent a lot of time together, prompting the tabloids — which had dripped with talk of marital trouble for Simpson and Nick Lachey for months — to imply the two were more than just friends.
"Everybody close to the situation took it with a grain of salt. My mom had one of the magazines that we were on the cover of framed. I said, 'Mom, you realize that's not something we want to put on the wall,' " he said.
"It's cool now, because I'm getting exposure for something credible."
Simpson simply ignored it.
"What surprises me is how unaffected she has been by all of this and how cordial she is to fans," he said.
Despite the nonstop chatter paid to Simpson's sexy shape since the movie trailers and music video — a Simpson cover of Nancy Sinatra's These Boots are Made for Walking — were released, Alexander said he didn't really notice the transformation until after the film wrapped.
"Everyone talks about the butt and her legs and stuff," he said. "I think for us the changes happened so gradually that you don't realize."
So does he think Simpson will return to the chips and salsa and chicken-fried steak she loves, or will she stick to her new, healthy regimen?
"She's been really good, especially with the diet," said Alexander, who also trains Simpson's sister Ashlee and Dixie Chicks' singer Natalie Maines. "It's more of a lifestyle for her now."
[email protected]
If for some reason my husband lost his hands and could not continusly scratch his balls - I think he would die.
There he is!
Where?
There!
What, behind the rabbit?
It is the rabbit.
You silly sod!
What?
You got us all worked up!
Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!
Ohh.
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
You ! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
Your husband is crude.
Tell him to wash them with soap every once and awhile
It's important to rinse beneath the scrotum thoroughly, otherwise you may get soap buildup which can lead to itching or dryness.
I find that if I cup my hand beneath my balls, catch some of the shower water and allow it to run from my scrotum to my ass crack, I come away feeling clean and fresh. And without that doggone itching.
so the 30 min shower in the norning and the 30 min shower with a giant bar of LAVA when he comes home from work don't count??
I think it's a combo of 2 things: large testicles and those detestable BVD tighty whities he insist on wearing.
does anyone else besides mw think that clean balls smell like a feather pillow?
if you think i'm weird for that association then just say it.
Try as I might, I'm simply not flexible enough to smell my own balls.
Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet
compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and
brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in
this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life --
bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear.... We
are just not used to handsome knights.
Ok between the old english movie quotes and the graphic descriptions of how to wash your balls properly (which by the way Spurm, was more than I needed to know about you!)........I think this thread is officially over.
hahaha 1parker1 was imagining balls being washed
Not just any guy's balls..........Spurminator's balls :vomit
......and I don't even know the guy! But I feel like I do after that graphic description!
Are you knocking my balls??!
How did this thread go from Dove soap ads to dirty, itchy balls?
Do you really want to know?How did this thread go from Dove soap ads to dirty, itchy balls?
my balls smell like dove.
LAVA! to wash his balls? for 30 minutes! that is one tough hombre you have there! if i just showed my balls a bar of lava in the shower they'd turn into potted meat!
Ugh, how I dreaded the sammiches of "carne del diablo". You had to have balls to eat those.
i ate them with crackers!
To get this thread somewhat back on track, how many people believe that a "real woman" knows how to cook well? I swear, the amount of young women who do not know how to cook is unreal. , I'm no cullinary master, but I knew how to cook for myself when I went off to school - I know that some of these women went to college, you'd think they would pick up some independence. Look in the grocery carts of young women when you pass by in the grocery store - all junk and finished "convenience" products.
I really don't care if she can cook or not as long as she can keep the burners hot in the sack. What is important is if their mother can cook that way trips the MIL's won't totally suck.
for the past 10 years, i've dated many, many girls... and only 1 could cook.. and she was from bulgaria.. good thing, i love to cook and hate washing the dishes!
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
