My whole life changed in a heartbeat today...

[Shelly]

I totally agree. I've been in accidents where I was distracted. We all take the responsibility of driving way too lightly.

True dat. And Word to your mother!

[mrsmaalox]

A person damn near killed some people. They shouldn't be behind the wheel any time soon if not until they're 21 and learn to act like a mature responsible person who can handle a 2000 pound death trap.

Justifying the return of a child to an automobile simply because they attend school miles away from where mom works is a complete abortion of common sense.

I also agree that 15-16 is probably too young to hand out driver's licenses generally, but there are also some kids that age that are mature/sharp enough to be trusted with it. 21 is a bit much but maybe just a year would make a difference in a lot of cases. But driving is important to teach your kid how to become a responsible, contributing member of the family unit. Driving is an inevitable part of life and is necessary for a young person to be able to pull their weight in the family. Just like when they are younger they have to be taught and expected to do household chores, the older the family gets their responsibilites include helping with errands and out of the house obligations. There is no doubt that many kids get cars and driver's licenses as an indulgence, but please keep in mind that it's not always just a matter of "convenience" to the mother!!

[Cry Havoc]

Ok I see what your saying. I'll retract. She should not be behind the wheel without adult supervision on the clearest of nicest days and yeah she should have her phone and radio yanked from the vehicle until its determined after a year or more's time that she's matured beyond a reasonable doubt.

She probably shouldn't be driving until she's completed some additional written courses in driving safety.

She crashed driving in the rain. So you want her only to have perfect day driving experience?



Move on. You're out of your depth here. You can't MAKE someone be a good driver. They have to step it up themselves and have a commitment to being better. There's not a ing thing you can do to make someone pay attention behind the wheel when you aren't there. They have to accept that responsibility on their own. Constant supervision won't change a thing because the minute you step out of the car, it's not the quan y of parenting that's been done, it's the quality.

And what is wrong with forgiveness? She didn't intentionally wreck the car. She did something that we've ALL done at some point behind the wheel. She needs to be more careful, and I think almost dying is a pretty good way to drive the point home. Again, it's about the amount of respect and responsibility 2Blond and her husband can instill in the child, not how much they can go 1984 on her ass and watch her every move. Overbearing, judgmental parents who punish harshly for everything end up with kids who have no idea how to fend for themselves in the real world.

I also agree that 15-16 is probably too young to hand out driver's licenses generally, but there are also some kids that age that are mature/sharp enough to be trusted with it. 21 is a bit much but maybe just a year would make a difference in a lot of cases. But driving is important to teach your kid how to become a responsible, contributing member of the family unit. Driving is an inevitable part of life and is necessary for a young person to be able to pull their weight in the family. Just like when they are younger they have to be taught and expected to do household chores, the older the family gets their responsibilites include helping with errands and out of the house obligations. There is no doubt that many kids get cars and driver's licenses as an indulgence, but please keep in mind that it's not always just a matter of "convenience" to the mother!!

It's NOT the age.

AT ALL.

It's the parenting.

It doesn't matter WHAT age you make driving legal, if the parenting isn't there, the kid is still going to be a dumbass doing 85 while texting in the snow. I see 40 year olds EVERY SINGLE DAY in Chicago that should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.

[BacktoBasics]

She crashed driving in the rain. So you want her only to have perfect day driving experience?



Move on. You're out of your depth here. You can't MAKE someone be a good driver. They have to step it up themselves and have a commitment to being better. There's not a ing thing you can do to make someone pay attention behind the wheel when you aren't there. They have to accept that responsibility on their own. Constant supervision won't change a thing because the minute you step out of the car, it's not the quan y of parenting that's been done, it's the quality.

And what is wrong with forgiveness? She didn't intentionally wreck the car. She did something that we've ALL done at some point behind the wheel. She needs to be more careful, and I think almost dying is a pretty good way to drive the point home. Again, it's about the amount of respect and responsibility 2Blond and her husband can instill in the child, not how much they can go 1984 on her ass and watch her every move. Overbearing, judgmental parents who punish harshly for everything end up with kids who have no idea how to fend for themselves in the real world.



It's NOT the age.

AT ALL.

It's the parenting.

It doesn't matter WHAT age you make driving legal, if the parenting isn't there, the kid is still going to be a dumbass doing 85 while texting in the snow. I see 40 year olds EVERY SINGLE DAY in Chicago that should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.

I can agree with some of your arguement against me. There's some validity there but LMAO @ its not the age its the parenting. I'm pretty sure none of us here have grown up to realize that we should have payed more attention to certain things our parents have told us.

I can't imagine that anyone here did something against the advice of their parents at the age of 16 only to come to term with how stupid it was in their 20's or 30's.

Not everything boils down to ty parenting. Sometimes people aren't mature enough to take direction.

lol you can't make some be a good driver. Are you ing re ed. I spend hours with my son on his catching and throwing. I'm pretty sure I helped him become better at it. You can absolutely make someone a good driver.

I went to a racing school and I can tell you first hand it made me a better driver.

[Johnny_Blaze_47]

I'm glad 2Daughter and the other family are relatively OK. It reads like the results are better than one would expect for a crash this measurable.

I'm not a parent and I'm not about to get into that debate with the usual suspects, but I will relate what I believe from my upbringing. My parents helped me with getting my first vehicle because they could, but they expected much of the same things you and 2Grey do of your daughter.

I will say this, though. Deep down, I've always been a little glad my parents worried too much about me than not enough.

I think it's a great idea that you had your daughter save for her own deductible and be money-conscious from an early age. I think she'll probably learn from this experience, too, and will likely benefit from the hardships she'll now be facing.

Best wishes.

[RashoFan]

Taking her eyes off the road when she knew better. Especially when she was driving in the rain. She could have caused the death of a mother, a 4year old child & herself. IMO she didn't lose cotrol of the car because of the rain, she lost control of the car by being distracted and the rain made her recorrecting go awry and start sliding around on the road. The rain was definitely a contributing factor but not the main cause IMO. But I wasn't there to see it happen and the officer didn't issue any citations, so legally I supppose it is considered an accident. That still doesn't make her portion of responsibility just go away though.

Hopefully your daughter learned a important lesson about responsibility.Her actions do affect her and can impact complete strangers.
To eveyone who knows that area where the wreck was, be alittle more careful, vigilant, etc. through those curves. That is a spot where my dept makes quite a few accidents. We have to be cautious when we drive a fire/rescue/ems apparatus through there because of the weight of our vehicles could have a back end sliding.

[RashoFan]

I didn't know you worked for the Bulverde/Spring Branch Volunteer FD? I assumed you were City of SA. A Lt. Tim Zelenek (sp?) was there from the Bulverde FD & an EMT named Terri (?) and Mr. Ortega transported her in the ambulance.
They were all so wonderful and took good care of her.

We are the Bexar-Bulverde VFD, If figured yor daughter was being cared for by Timmy(you spelled the name right.) If it is who I think Mr. Ortega is, his name is Sam, He works for AMR. I am glad to know that your daughter was in good hands ( I trust Timmy with my family care if it was ever needed and I know Sam Ortegea well, he would be allowed to transport my family!)
Just let me know how she is doing and MAY I tell the guys that she is okay as far as medically it goes( Momma okay...she is in guarded condition, but I won't pass that along)

[Cant_Be_Faded]

The initial post started out ridiculously promising in the first few lines but then fell off. Glad she's okay, remind her driving is a privilege not a right.

[PM5K]

I hope so to. As far as the distraction, she looked away for a second because she was messing with some thing in her car. NOT her cell. She isn't even allowed to use it while driving until October first. It was laying on a seat in her car and went projectile. They couldn't even find the battery or the back cover in what was left of her car.

Man I suck at riddles....

[CosmicCowboy]

2blonde, it sounds like you have handled it well up to this point. I had a very similar situation with my step son at the same age except that it was a one car accident involving him and his girlfriend...he drifted over and bumped a curb going about 45, over-corrected just like your daughter did and rolled his bronco...I got the call, and like you, my first question was "are you OK" and I dropped everything (not anything as illating as erotic undergarments) and got there...he and his girlfriend were shaken up and had some bumps and bruises and were sore for a few days but did not have to be transported.

There are so many similarities between our kids that you might like to know how we handled it and how it turned out...

Like your daughter, my son was a "good" kid, made good grades in school, was fairly responsible for a teenager and not into drugs/alcohol etc. He immediately took responsibility for his mistake, admitted to not paying attention, and did not try to blame the wreck on anyone else...

I told him he knew what he did wrong and hopefully had learned from it. He was concerned about paying for the bronco (it was totaled) and I told him thats why I had insurance. I never mentioned the wreck again. I paid the deductible and bought him another car when I found another used one I liked.

He was 17 at the time. He's 30 now and has never had another accident. After the scare he got (which fortunately turned out OK) he was probably the safest and most paranoid driver in his high school.

You obviously know your daughter better than I do, but in my case I thought my son had "learned his lesson" about just how fast bad things can happen if you don't pay attention driving that I decided to handle it with a very light touch and it seemed to work out OK.

[E20]

I was in a fender bender the other day as well. Nothing happend and the guy was nice enough to settle outside the insurance companies. I just have to pay a dent and some paint damage.

[tlongII]

How did your whole life change because of this?

[mrsmaalox]

It's NOT the age.

AT ALL.

It's the parenting.

It doesn't matter WHAT age you make driving legal, if the parenting isn't there, the kid is still going to be a dumbass doing 85 while texting in the snow. I see 40 year olds EVERY SINGLE DAY in Chicago that should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.

You make some good points, but believing that age is no factor is a bit unrealistic. Any university level child development class will teach you that bio/psycho/social development occurs at different rates in different kids. Those only start to "even out" well after puberty. Is parenting an equalizing factor? Of course. Is it the only factor? NO WAY. Why do you think insurance companies rates are affected by age and experience? Not because of how the driver's were parented, but because of scientifically do ented data.

But never should parents be let off the hook for improper guidance/expectations of their kids.

[PakiDan]

2Blonde... I am sorry to hear this... I am glad that things were not much worse.... my prayers to you and your family... and ummm... I miss the sig

[Cry Havoc]

You make some good points, but believing that age is no factor is a bit unrealistic. Any university level child development class will teach you that bio/psycho/social development occurs at different rates in different kids. Those only start to "even out" well after puberty. Is parenting an equalizing factor? Of course. Is it the only factor? NO WAY. Why do you think insurance companies rates are affected by age and experience? Not because of how the driver's were parented, but because of scientifically do ented data.

But never should parents be let off the hook for improper guidance/expectations of their kids.

I agree, a lot of it is biological too, but if those changes all evened out so much, I don't know how to explain the 45 year old guy blowing past me driving a late model Mercedes, texting, talking on the phone, and eating while he's driving 75 down a 55 mph highway.

Yes, I realize that it's in-part the kid's responsibility to grow up, but that's on the adolescent. The only control the OP has over them is how to react to this situation and to go forward from here. And personally, I feel the harsher the punishment for this, the more support is needed to remind the girl that her parents still love her. When something like this happens, a child becomes defensive, scared, and unsure about their abilities. They need to be reminded what they're worth to the people around them, and that is FAR more essential than any "grounding" or "no car until you're 70!". Again, that's my opinion on the matter.

[Ronaldo McDonald]

IMO, get her back driving as soon as you can. It'll prob. take her a while before she feels completely comfortable, but might as well start the process sooner than later.

And I seriously doubt a harsh punishment or anything would do any good. I know two people who have been in accidents, and all it took was that big scare of almost killing themeselves or getting inured badly (or killing/injuring the other people involved) to make them be very meticulous drivers.

Just my .03 (inflation)

[Ronaldo McDonald]

BTW those people have never been in an accident since (and that was like 10 years ago or so for both of them).

[Slomo]

I would have no problem with the driving age starting at 18. I don't know if it still is, but when we lived in Luxembourg, you had to be 18 before you could drive.

But the point is, no matter what the age, we all get distracted. It could be changing the radio station (which we are all guilty of!), chatting with a passenger in the car, or a screaming baby in the backseat.

It's 18 pretty much across Europe. The problem is experience not age. The French use to have a rule that a new driver (regardless of age) had to have a "90" sticker on the car whenever driving for the first year. That sticker meant she/he was not allowed to drive faster than 90 kmh (55 Mph). If a driver with such sticker was spotted driving faster or was caught driving without the sticker the penalty was quite severe. I think it's a good idea because it tries to limit the danger while gaining experience. More ideas along those lines are needed.

[MannyIsGod]

It's NOT the age.

AT ALL.

It's the parenting.

It doesn't matter WHAT age you make driving legal, if the parenting isn't there, the kid is still going to be a dumbass doing 85 while texting in the snow. I see 40 year olds EVERY SINGLE DAY in Chicago that should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.

This is crap. This is just utter crap. Everything ever studied about a teenage brain says you're absolutely wrong.

[BacktoBasics]

This is crap. This is just utter crap. Everything ever studied about a teenage brain says you're absolutely wrong.

I'm going to test this out on a 9 year old with very good parenting. I'll report back with my findings.

[MannyIsGod]

The initial post started out ridiculously promising in the first few lines but then fell off. Glad she's okay, remind her driving is a privilege not a right.

Were you hoping 2blonde has a lesbian experience too?

[ploto]

My child knows that when he first gets a car that it is only to drive to and from school. That is it. The highest speed limit is 45 MPH on that route. As he gets more experience, the scope will be expand.

[J.T.]

One more thing... I would like nothing more than to hold her and say it'll be alright Baby and think this will scare her into being a more responsible driver, BUT it won't!

Depends on how serious your daughter takes this whole thing, but you're not 100% right here. I got in an accident when I was 18 that was completely my fault because I failed to check my blind spot before changing lanes. Everything looked fine in the mirrors and I just ed up.

To this day I compulsively check my blind spot even when I know there are no cars behind or around me. And that accident was four years ago. Taking eyes off the road to with the radio will be a tougher habit to break but given how severe this wreck was it wouldn't surprise me if it shocks her into developing a compulsion about it.

And I haven't been in an accident since that one.

[1369]

Were you hoping 2blonde has a lesbian experience too?

Wait....what did I miss?

[Cry Havoc]

This is crap. This is just utter crap. Everything ever studied about a teenage brain says you're absolutely wrong.

Really? So you think that teens with completely negligent parents make the best drivers?