I can't help myself. I like buscuits of mass destruction.
There was an outbreak in military activity in my ongoing war with McDonald’s today. I found one location that still has the $1 sausage buscuit and hash brown deal.
I ordered my usual iced coffee, but noticed that the price was actually 20 cents more at this location than my usual stop.
“Excuse me,” I shouted into the drive-thru mc-microphone, “why is the iced coffee here 20 cents higher than the McD’s down the street?”
[Krkkkk] “I don’t know, sir” [krrkkkk] “but would you like to order the iced coffee?”
Perturbed by her ignorance of what other McD’s charge, I yelled back, “That’s highway robbery…..I guess I have no choice but to just bend over and take it like a bad rectal exam, while you and your co-workers just sit back and laugh, right? Do you and your McBuddies go to foreclosure postings after work and poke fun at the home owners that are being thrown out into the street to live in nothing more than cardboard boxes with nothing more than used toilet paper to use as blankets to keep warm at night?”
[krrrkkk] “well sir, I didn't really get all of that, but that’s the price we charge and you are more than welcome to try the McDonald’s you usually go to if the price here is too high for you.”
“Alright fine…….I’ll take your overpriced iced coffee and $1 hash brown and sausage buscuit……….but I demand that you throw in a jelly packet for free.”
“Uh…ok sir. We’ll give you some jelly.”
“Really? Cool……I mean……yes, that’s more like it…..and I demand free napkins as well……..and a straw.”
“Yes sir…..will that be all?”
“I believe I have made my point here, so yes, that will do it.”
“Ok sir, drive around.”
Now see.... I may not have won the war, but the battle today belongs to me…….sure, the hashbrown grease was oozing off so much that it went through the bag and past the napkins leaving a spot on my car seat……..and yes, the sausage patty is swirling in my stomach like a fork that got dropped into a garbage disposal……and true enough, the buscuit crumbs are ripping through my intestines like grenade shrapnel….
But I’m still alive and kicking and my resolve will not be deterred.
We must remember that this war on fast food terror is not one we can win over night. I hope that Congress (my wife) approves my request for another $100 billion to eat at…..I mean to fight this enemy. I have heard that Ronald McDonald was last seen heading towards Afghanistan………I will follow him to the ends of the Earth if I have to….
Curse you, McDonald.
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