Goddess at Big Four

[2pac > Kobe]

i promise that nobody reads these

I do you ing cunt

[Franklin]

Postscript

Or there’s another possibility… She knows that I can’t handle the pressure of seeing my loved one take on such heavy workloads, so she decided to set me free and face all the challenges herself. She has been working part-timely since the second semester here, and god knows how many years of part-time work she had done back during her undergraduate years. Maybe her family doesn’t have that much fund to subsidize her life in such a big city, or maybe her parents have to preserve their cash for her little brother. She has a part-time teaching job at a private education ins ute. The number of classes is limited but who knows how many hours she has to spend to prepare for each class? She rarely goes to sleep before 11pm, often well past 12pm or even late to the midnight sometimes. Maybe she’s already used to heavy workloads, but apparently I am not, I can’t even tolerate seeing my loved one work so hard.

The feeling thing is just a pretext, in my opinion. It comes and goes all the time. I may also have one or two periods of time everyday when I don’t feel quite affectionate with her, but when I open the folder and see her pictures the feeling comes back to me immediately.

Does she think that I’m too lazy? Could it be the reason why she decided to give up on me? She always thinks highly of people who’re devoted to research works, so I guess it’s probably not a main reason. She is a great person and a great friend, and I wouldn’t feel surprised if you tell me that she may give up her own happiness in exchange for that of her loved one’s. Maybe she doesn’t want to drag me into her busy life style, and this assumption perfectly explains why her at ude to me changed so much after she signed with the P Company. She wants me to seek happiness on my own, looking for a local pretty girl that I like, and live a happy life with her. Life would be easier for me if I get myself a local girl from a family of similar status, and that’s the kind of life Phoebe wants me to live, while she will be facing all the challenges and heavy pressure by herself. She knows that I love her to death, so the only way to make me leave her is acting cold to me, convincing me that she doesn’t have the feeling for me anymore…

I’m just a spoiled kid in her eyes, to be honest, and she doesn’t want my life to be changed so much because of her. She believes that my life would be happier if I had a local girl than if I had herself as my girlfriend, but the point she missed is that, she was the one who released me from the cage of celibacy, and only she has the key to switch on/off that mode. Now that I’m already back in my normal celibate mode, I won’t fall in love ever again (male or female) unless she passes on the key to someone else. But the key exists not in her hands, but in her heart, and her spirit, therefore it is not replicable. So, it’s not really my choice to be a celibate, but rather the Goddess’s choice… and I’m living happily this way. Something might seem to be missing in my life, but life itself is designed to be imperfect, in my opinion.

I may probably never know the real reason why she turned me down but… anyway, she made her choice and I have to respect it, and I’ll still live up to my promises. I would do everything in my power to give her whatever support she may possibly needs. She is a great friend and a great personality, and it’s a great honor to be a friend of hers, even if just a casual friend.

All my best and genuine wishes to Phoebe a.k.a the Lunar Goddess…

- Mark Celibate

[Franklin]

Franklin

in china, promotion by sexual services is very rampant man

will you be happy ur gf is sleeping all the way up at ur cuckold expense?....some guys today dont care, as long someone brings home the money whatever way it takes...

that's kinda true and it happens in most if not all Asian countries imho. those people have no ing religion or faith.

I do you ing cunt

Thanks bro

[TDMVPDPOY]

that's kinda true and it happens in most if not all Asian countries imho. those people have no ing religion or faith.


Thanks bro

man they promote that from main stream tv with the wanker entertainers, to the gold diggers, to the avg person

once they hit that age +30 with nothing to at their disposal whether its assets and , they are considered used goods pass by date, then t hey have the nerve to call out all the men why they are single and no one is chasing them..lol blaming men who goto ter countries to look for a wife...

there are guys who are proud to marry very hot girls who are known to be pros utes or working girls in their prime, i dont understand those beta chumps who marry those type of girls who every men in the neighborhood has fcked...

[Franklin]

to be goddamn honest with you bro, I wasn't really pursing LG or any actual person, instead I was trying to pursue some type of pure love, but only to find that there doesn't really exist such a thing in the real world. A man and a come together to and have babies, and that's just how marriage is designed. And that's why I never mentioned the term "marry" or "marriage" in any one of my poems, it would've been a taint to my poems tbh.

[m>s]

Hey the only thing I've been wondering is how does someone just "take the CPA" without any background in accounting? In America that test is harder than the bar exam and it takes 5 years of college classes dedicated to accounting plus 6 months to a year of preparation for the exam.

[Franklin]

Hey the only thing I've been wondering is how does someone just "take the CPA" without any background in accounting? In America that test is harder than the bar exam and it takes 5 years of college classes dedicated to accounting plus 6 months to a year of preparation for the exam.

Agree, mein komerad. She's just delusional imho, she thinks she's gonna make great money but I'm afraid it'll turn out to be just a pipedream, just like my LG dreams about her. The HR mother ers must have brainwashed her tbh and they're quite good at doing that. High salary & fast promotion is their bait, they lure you into their trap and begin to use you as a slave imho. In China the test is also hard as , but it's just what she has chosen. She wants to be brilliant and outstanding but at the end of day she'll probably get nothing.

[Franklin]

They recruit a lot of college graduates (equivalent to about 20% of their total employee's number) every year and most of them will quit within 2 or 3 years, some of them can't even reach the half year mark imho. She told me it had nothing to do with the job that she declined me, yes she is right. It has nothing to do with the job, but the choice of job represents her ideology that's absolutely different from mine, which's the main reason imho. She told me last summer that she wanted to work at college or as a mid-school teacher, I thought back then that we had similar goals of life and that was the main reason why I allowed myself to gradually develop a liking for her but it seems just a lie in hindsight, or she had somehow changed... We're from different worlds it seems like and we're probably the worst fits for each other just like our zodiac signs suggest, so she is right, we can still be good friends but that's all.

[TDMVPDPOY]

Hey the only thing I've been wondering is how does someone just "take the CPA" without any background in accounting? In America that test is harder than the bar exam and it takes 5 years of college classes dedicated to accounting plus 6 months to a year of preparation for the exam.

need bachelors degree, then further study of 5-7 subjects cpa program + equivalent work experience...to qualify

[TDMVPDPOY]

Agree, mein komerad. She's just delusional imho, she thinks she's gonna make great money but I'm afraid it'll turn out to be just a pipedream, just like my LG dreams about her. The HR mother ers must have brainwashed her tbh and they're quite good at doing that. High salary & fast promotion is their bait, they lure you into their trap and begin to use you as a slave imho. In China the test is also hard as , but it's just what she has chosen. She wants to be brilliant and outstanding but at the end of day she'll probably get nothing.

most of these hot looking girls who get recruited to good companies to work....1/4 they are recruited for their brains, the rest is looks....when u have meetings with clients...what u think actually goes on when some manager brings along a beautiful girl to a meeting she has no business being in? its to distract attention to sign contract quicker in exchange for some sexual services...

[Franklin]

most of these hot looking girls who get recruited to good companies to work....1/4 they are recruited for their brains, the rest is looks....when u have meetings with clients...what u think actually goes on when some manager brings along a beautiful girl to a meeting she has no business being in? its to distract attention to sign contract quicker in exchange for some sexual services...

So I guess as an average person you should never expect to such a sexy girl as Phoebe, at least you shouldn't try to keep her as your own sexual servant. You're probably right bro, she probably knows she can't pass those damn exams, and the exams are never what she set her hopes on imho. I'm a lifelong celibate and even I fell into her trap, so now she must be convinced that she is so hot and awesome that she can easily tame anyone who has a between his legs. But that's simply not true and I'll tell you why in my following postscript. I spent a few hours today thinking about the past, and now I've realized that I never really loved her, but instead just used her as a medicine to help myself feel better about the past...

[Franklin]

Postscript

It may be a bit harsh to Phoebe but… although she refused to tell me the entire truth, I feel obliged to reveal some of my real thoughts… I fell instantly in love with Phoebe the first time I saw her in the dim lobby that morning, but how could I fall in love with a stranger so easily and so quickly?

The answer has to be found in my prior novel of this series… the one Phoebe had read, but one that she probably hadn’t read carefully…

I loved her indeed, with my full heart. But… there has to be a reason why I loved her so much, right? Just like Phoebe said herself on my judgment day, we hadn’t seen each other much, anyway, so it was reasonable that she didn’t have a feeling for me. But why didn’t I feel that way too? I don’t know nothing at all about her past except her hometown and alma-mater, so how could I love her so much?

I loved her genuinely and she knew it, but what she still doesn’t know is… I loved her, but it wasn’t because of who she was. Up to this day I still don’t even know her enough to actually love her, said from a very objective perspective, so what’s the real reason? It may not matter at all to her now, she doesn’t like me anyway, but still she deserves to know the truth.

Phoebe is my friend and I want her to know my truth, even though she refused to tell me hers, so she wouldn’t feel guilty at all about rejecting me, hopefully.

The story dates back to my last semester of undergraduate years, about the same time four years ago… I was walking along the corridor on the ground floor of our school building, towards the lab where I had some experiments to do. Unexpectedly, right after I turned a corner, I saw someone walking towards me… no, not me, but towards her lab.

My lab was in the farthest end of the corridor, right opposite the toilet room, and hers was right near the corner I just walked by. She just went to the toilet room, I thought, and she noticed me just as soon as I saw her… but neither of us said a word.

You might have already guessed it out if you’ve read my first Stranger in Hometown novel… Yes, she was Chelsea, the innocent girl who liked me throughout all four years of undergraduate study, but who ended up getting nothing, not even a negative result like the one Phoebe gave me.

She was in a black coat, an old-style pair of glasses in a black frame, and light blue jeans. Her hair was long and spread over her shoulders. It was about 10am already but the corridor was dim enough with only some weak sunlight through a narrow window at the end of the corridor. We walked past each other quietly, very close, but still no touch even by the clothes.

I reached my lad door but I didn’t open it instantly, I looked back and saw that she was opening her door… she didn’t look to my side, of course, but just walked in and closed the door gently.

That was probably the first time Chelsea and I appeared in the same place just by the two of us, and it was also the last time as well.

Her zodiac sign was Gemini and mine Libra, the perfect matches for each other, and we seemed to have all the elements needed for a happy relationship – the right time, place and persons – just like Phoebe pointed it out, but except one thing… except that I was a complete class-one asshole.

She was disappointed with me, of course, for my hesitance and for my cowardice. But she never gave up on me, even on the last day, our graduation ceremony she was still waiting for me to make the “move”, and I knew it, so I didn’t even show up that day…

I don’t know if I ever really liked her or not. Maybe I just sympathized with her, or just felt deeply sorry to her… I never even gave her any positive response to her flirting acts. We exchanged no more than four sentences throughout the whole four years, but she was still waiting for me, all the ing time… I was just an absolute idiot and a shameless mother er, and I probably still am.

But one thing was certain… I owe her an apology. I owe her a full set of happiness… I owe her everything I have, even including my life. She wasted the best four years of her lifetime on a complete asshole that I was.

I tried to forget everything about my undergraduate years, and I haven’t even contacted some of my best friends from then since graduation, because I was a complete mother er.

So now, you probably know why I felt instantly in “love” with Phoebe when I saw her in the dim lobby on that morning in November?

Maybe I’ve never really loved anyone since high school graduation because my sexual self was killed by Leigh, and it’s been dead as a mummy since then. I’ve been a hardcore celibate all the way through. You may think that I have misunderstood friendliness as affection, but that’s not the true case… The truth is that, I wanted to convert my sense of apology into the sense of love, so that it can possibly be accepted by someone else, someone who can help me get out of all the moral accusations that I imposed on myself. And that “someone” appeared in my life about two years later.

I felt shocked when I saw this girl that morning… the same clothing, same long hair, and her round fleshy face looked so much like Chelsea’s. I instantly thought at this very moment that God might have given me a chance to redeem myself. And thank God, the girl seemed to have some interest in me too.

And the whole story you’ve read above… in this novel.

Chelsea was a bit introvert just like me, but despite her shyness she still tried maybe a dozen times through the four years to summon me to make the move towards her. But I was a pussy and asshole all the time… I never did a damn thing, never had even said a good word to her, not to say admiring her, much less writing her any piece of literature like a poem or anything…

But she was still waiting for me, all the time… she had faith in love, but the faith turned out forlorn. I was the very first person she gave a liking to, easy to tell, but it turned out that she gave her love to a ing piece of dog . Maybe she was just too stupid, or maybe I was too much of an asshole. Even if I didn’t like her, I should’ve at least pretended so and started talking to her actively, even for a very short period, to let her know more and more about me and finally she’d lose interest in me after knowing what I asshole I was. But I didn’t do a damn thing, I was a damn mother er.

So, when I encountered what I considered a chance of self-redemption, I couldn’t let it go… And fortunately or unfortunately, that girl I met with in the lobby became my assistant in this holy maneuver.

She is an angel that God sent to me, I still believe so. She helped me so much spiritually I feel genuinely grateful to her, to be damn honest, despite whatever harsh treatment she seems to have done on me… and yes, she is Phoebe.

I saw Phoebe as the reincarnation of Chelsea, but their personalities are quite different. Phoebe was very lively and gregarious, but when it came to the matter of love, Phoebe was even dumber. Maybe it is just the nature of girls whose zodiac sign is Cancer.

But still, it was Phoebe that acted first. Normally it is the woman that flirts first, and the man notices it and begins to chase her. Phoebe did her part well, but I failed mine. It wasn’t a legit failure though, I failed it on purpose. Last summer I asked several friends of mine for advice on this (not including those whom Phoebe and I both know though, like Rhea), and almost all of them asked me to act quick and bold. She had an interest in you and she was flirting but she wouldn't wait for too long, that was what most of them said to me. I knew what they said was damn true, but I still remained inactive, why?

Chelsea waited for me throughout the four years, so I thought that if Phoebe was really her reincarnation, she would have faith in love and it wouldn’t be a tough job for her to wait just several months. And when the time matures, I’ll finally make the move… if she accepted it, I would treat her like a real goddess (just to live up to my words), treat her ten times as good as a boyfriend would commonly do, give her whatever I can afford… just as sort of a compensation for Chelsea. I wanted to compensate Phoebe with tens times the effort I should’ve paid Chelsea… But sadly she didn’t give me this chance.

I’m not a loser, nonetheless. It’s a good result to me the other way as well…

The rejection by Phoebe is a fair punishment to me for what I did to Chelsea… no, not a fair one, the punishment I deserve should’ve been 100 times worse. But still it made me feel a bit better about the past crime I committed and got away with four years ago. So I want to thank Phoebe all the same. Honestly speaking, this result is probably even more preferable than the former one. Because… I can’t imagine how I could handle it if I succeeded with Phoebe and while we walked together somewhere, Chelsea appeared right before us… At least now I have the celibate card to play. If I meet with Chelsea, somewhere, I’d tell her that I am a goddamn celibate and I don’t deserve her love. Chelsea shouldn’t feel defeated, because it was a battle she had no business of winning, in the first place. I didn’t accept her love, and I didn’t and would never accept anyone else’s love either, because I’m a lifelong goddamn celibate.

So, no matter whether Phoebe accepted it or not… it is a good result for me, either way.

I don’t know if Phoebe would still see me as a friend after reading all these (if she even bothers to read), but I just don’t want to lie to anyone, especially not to my friends. Phoebe doesn’t need to feel even a lick of guilt about turning me down, I’m actually glad that she turned me down, to be honest, like it is just the result I internally wanted, and waited for. Now I feel how Chelsea felt four years ago, no… what I feel right now isn’t probably even one hundredth of how much she suffered mentally back then. But still it makes me feel much better, in another graduation season four years later I finally had a taste of the medicine I designed, the same medicine that Chelsea swallowed down her throat four years ago. The medicine might taste bitter but it indeed cured me of my sense of guilt about the past, to some extent at least.

And it may be a good result to Phoebe as well. She is a good person and she deserves someone who really loves her, but not someone who “loves” her because of some other girl. She might have doubted the genuineness of my poems and she was right, I mean, my poems were genuine, but they were addressed to Chelsea more than to her. Sometimes when I looked at Phoebe’s pics (I don’t even have any pics of Chelsea’s, to be honest), although I knew this was a different person, I still assumed that this person had the same personality as Chelsea, the same innocence… and I was wrong, and I got punished. But this result is probably just what I want, and what I deserve.

Maybe this result will hurt Phoebe, and maybe it is my mistake to think that my past crime could be redeemed. Phoebe was right… what is past is past, and it can’t be fixed no matter what you do now, no matter how hard you try. Phoebe gave up her teaching career and chose an entirely different profession, but still it was she who taught me the most important life lesson. And I hope Phoebe will learn a lesson from this, too. I may not be so naive and innocent as she thinks I am. The result might look perfect if she accepted me, in other people’s eyes. Our life would be overwhelmed with happiness, but… everything would be so fake, and it would hurt her even more if she found out one day that she had been enjoying someone else’s pension, and that she was just someone’s dub.

This postscript isn’t meant to hurt anyone or change anything. It’s just that I want to tell the whole truth, and no matter how Phoebe thinks after reading it, I will still and always admire and respect her as a friend, and just as a friend.


- Mark Celibate

[m>s]

Dude these are like the ramblings of a mad man

[m>s]

You over analyze all of this stuff buddy. Next time you see a girl that you find attractive just ask her out that's it.

[bigzak25]

You don't pedestal the pussy buddy, especially if you never got it. Sail on!