Bad Parenting

[Shelly]

It doesn't...because all of the calories fall out when you break it.

But sometimes those 1/2 cookies become whole ones. Or 3 or 4.

The only time my oldest got it good was when he was around 5 and decided to push his 2-1/2 year old brother down the stairs. For no reason. I think my youngest went into shock or something because he wouldn't eat or come out of his room. Finally at about 11pm the next day, I woke him up to eat something and when he wouldn't, I told him that he would have to go to the hospital and they would have to feed him with a tube and mommy wouldn't be allowed to stay with him. He was very clingy at that time in his life so when he heard that, he sure gobbled down that sandwich.

And then hit his brother over the head with a big Tonka truck the next day

I keed!

[easjer]

I was spanked and turned out just fine. I respect parents who choose not to spank, as long as they discipline their kids. There are plenty of situations in which other forms of discipline would be appropriate, but SpursWoman's story is one that I would applaud and do the same in a similar situation. Sometimes kids don't get the adult reasoning behind the danger.

SW - my brother did the same thing when he was six or seven, just carelessly pulled out in front of some woman on his bike. She sat in her car shaking for 20 minutes, saw which house he went home to, came and rang our doorbell and told my dad what happened. My dad was pissed as and grounded my brother, made him apologize to the woman (who clearly felt terrible, but was concerned for his safety), and spanked him when she left. I remember him crying later that night (my dad), he was so shaken up by everything, and hugging my brother really tightly.

[Shelly]

I tell my kids no. I tell their friends no. I tell my nephews no. And I make it no secret that I will beat the living crap out of them if they piss me off.

They all love me and respect me.

I love and respect you too!

One time my next door neighbor's kids were over here and they starting bickering with each other. I told them that it's bad enough I have to listen to my own kids bicker and I sure don't need to listen to them and sent them home.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Well it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels that a spanking is not outside the realm of acceptable parenting.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are cir stances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

Well, it's not exactly scientific but you can offer up my family tree as a perfect example. My mom was one of 6 kids, my dad was one of 7, all were spanked by their parents growing up. On my mom's side 5 are happily married (4 of whom have children who they spanked), the sixth one became a nun. Then on my dad's side all seven are happily married with children. Of the nearly 50 cousins in my family tree (who as far as I know were spanked growing up) there are no felony arrests, about half are happily married men and women (the remainder are still a little young), have careers, and there's not a single felony arrest in the bunch. The only ed up cousin I have came entirely from outside the spanking system, from my aunt's husband who had a daughter from a previous marriage. So neither of her parents were spankers, and now she's part of some ed up all girl goth band, has a shaved head and crazy ass tattoos and other weird , and still hits her father up for money even though she's probably nearly 30. So, out of a group of about 65 total people, the only weirdo in the bunch is the ONLY ONE who was not spanked as a child. Pretty compellling stuff, I think.

[easjer]

EHJ. It just totally depends. On the situation and the child. Most psychologists agree that if you spank it shouldn't be in anger, and it should never be a beating, and that implements shouldn't be used.

A lot of children respond to that, and a lot don't. My friend has twins, and if she threatens her son with a spanking, he's immediately remorseful and apologetic and doesn't break that rule again. Her daughter though, you could spank five times in a day, and it wouldn't affect her as much as threatening to take her favorite toy (whatever it happens to be at that moment) away or sending her to her room, because she hates missing out on the action.

Maybe your wife, if you showed her some of these stories, would agree that there might be situations in which spanking is warranted, if it's done in a certain way.

[The sone]

nice extensions.

hate to correct you but those is called "stenshuns"...

[Shelly]

Oh, yeah..the threat.

Only I threaten them with their father!

[easjer]

SFIE, it's fortunate for your argments that Ed hasn't met you or your family . . .

[IceColdBrewski]

I'm definitely a card carrying member of the ass-whoopin club. So hearing 'NO" is the least of my kids' concerns when they piss me off.

[midgetonadonkey]

I used to get the belt. That was my reason for staying in line. Belts hurt. Belts hurt a lot.

[SpursWoman]

if she threatens her son with a spanking, he's immediately remorseful and apologetic and doesn't break that rule again. Her daughter though, you could spank five times in a day, and it wouldn't affect her as much as threatening to take her favorite toy (whatever it happens to be at that moment) away or sending her to her room, because she hates missing out on the action.

Good Lord, that's my son & daughter to a tee!


I think the only spanking that ever worked on her was the one I mentioned above ... well that, and she lost her bicycle for a really long time.

[HB22inSA]

Well, when both parents are at home, this is a problem. I've found, however, that in single-parent environments, especially coming from the Mothers (sorry, ladies), they are more interested in being their kids friend than being a parent.

They want their children to love them, so they spoil them and don't say no to them, so they can be made to be the "better" parent. They are so insecure about themselves that they think if they say no to their own kids, their kids will leave them or hate them.

It's a very vicious cycle, and very damaging to the children.

They fail to learn responsibility and boundaries, which is a terrible thing.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I was shocked by the whole new age parenting ideas about not spanking a child.

I get the fact that it shouldn't be done in anger, and shouldn't be done in a way that a child will be physically harmed in any way. But I never "suffered" from a spanking. I remember having a red butt that lasted for awhile, but it was effective.

I came from a family of five kids and what used to get me in trouble was laughing when a brother or sister was getting spanked. It was half nervous laughter and half because I was an hornery lil' guy. But I remember that laughing at a sibling getting spanked translated that you were about to get it worse when Mom or Dad finished with that kid.

I still tend to laugh in a heated argument, which tends to piss off whoever is on the other side. It's a really bad character flaw, but I can't help myself.

[SpursWoman]

I've found, however, that in single-parent environments, especially coming from the Mothers (sorry, ladies), they are more interested in being their kids friend than being a parent.

Sorry, I vehemently disagree. I've been a single mother for pretty much 10 years, and have known many, many more just like me. If anything, the opposite is true. If you just be their friend and let their bad behavior go unchecked....it's even more difficult when you're on your own and no one else has your back as they get older and into even more serious things. Like life really needs to be anymore difficult than it already is for a single mom...most of us know that that needs to be nipped in the bud.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Sorry, I vehemently disagree. I've been a single mother for pretty much 10 years, and have known many, many more just like me. If anything, the opposite is true. If you just be their friend and let their bad behavior go unchecked....it's even more difficult when you're on your own and no one else has your back as they get older and into even more serious things. Like life really needs to be anymore difficult than it already is for a single mom...most of us know that that needs to be nipped in the bud.

I agree. I've seen both examples, but the single moms I've known usually have worked extremely hard to be good parents because they've often had to be mom and dad depending on how involved dad is.

Often single moms are more strict than a mom in a two parent home.

My wife's mom did the "buddy" thing and it didn't work. Mrs. Chopper and her mom don't talk much these days.

[easjer]

It just depends. I know single mothers who fit both examples. One who is really indulgent to make up for her asshat of an abusive husband (she's also afraid to trigger trauma or bad memories of his violence towards her that they witnessed), and another who is a very firm disciplinarian. The latter's children are much more happy, well rounded, well mannered and well behaved than the former's.



To be fair, I know people who were traumatized by spanking. Of course, they were spanked until they were seventeen, forced to take off their pants or skirts, and bend over a chair to be spanked with a belt. Which at that age is inappropriate, degrading and utterly humiliating. And it would be for not making an A in a class or 'at ude' rather than something really important. So I'm not much surprised in their cases.

Anyway, if it's done responsibly, it can be quite effective.

[jcrod]

My dad sure gave us a licking when we were out of line, never punched us or hit us above the waist, but apparently more extreme than ya'll. Because they way he wupped on us, i told myself i would never hit my kids. The most I've done if she didn't listen to me repeatedly is one swapt on the behind. I do yell a little to much though.

[JoeChalupa]

Yeah, it depends.

My sister is a single mother, via divorce, and she did the friend thing and always said my brother was too strict with his kids and so am I.

To cut to the chase, both of my brothers kids are in college.
My sister's kids didn't graduate from high school but they are still great young people just going down different paths.

Just one example.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Well it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels that a spanking is not outside the realm of acceptable parenting.

I was spanked as a child and I will/do spank my kids.
My 2 year old (well, almost, she's 22 months) gets swats on the butt or hand.

I am a perfectly well adjusted adult. Infact I don't think I would respect my mother as much as I do if she had not spanked me.

[Despot]

[HB22inSA]

Sorry, I vehemently disagree. I've been a single mother for pretty much 10 years, and have known many, many more just like me. If anything, the opposite is true. If you just be their friend and let their bad behavior go unchecked....it's even more difficult when you're on your own and no one else has your back as they get older and into even more serious things. Like life really needs to be anymore difficult than it already is for a single mom...most of us know that that needs to be nipped in the bud.

SpursWoman, I wasn't saying that ALL Mothers were like that, it's just that more women seem to exhibit that behavior than men, mainly because most men aren't as close to their children, especially in a divorce situation.

Bottom line is that the Kids are negatively affected.

[Guru of Nothing]

I tell my kids NO, even when I mean yes (habit); and when they ask me WHY, I tell'em "because I'm mean."

[spurster]

Another way to traumatize your kids is go on a loud, screaming tirade for a few minutes. There's no bruises that way. They also behave to keep you from turning into an insane maniac again. I don't recommend it outside the home though.

[AlamoSpursFan]

Another way to traumatize your kids is go on a loud, screaming tirade for a few minutes. There's no bruises that way. They also behave to keep you from turning into an insane maniac again. I don't recommend it outside the home though.

Mom?