Insult the FAT guy, WIN a PRIZE!

[GoldToe]

Put a sock in it already BigZak and STFU!

[Puppy Dog]

^i'll consider it...

[CosmicCowboy]

i should MAN UP and quit my job.

i should MAN UP and go for my dreams.

i should MAN UP and bring my wife with me.

i should MAN UP and not say , even when attacked.

i should MAN UP and quit smoking weed.

i should MAN UP and quit lusting.

i should MAN UP and quit getting drunk.

i should MAN UP and put my faith in a Higher Power...

man, i really need to man the up....why didn't i see the light...i'm really just a whiny little asshole...

there's just NO way i'll be an actor, a rapper, and a comedian...just no way...

doubt me. please.

it makes me STRONGER.

you are right Zak!

How could I have given up my dreams so easily?

I see the light now!...

I am quitting my job an moving in with my in-laws so that I can pursue my lifelong dream of being an astronaut...

or maybe a Formula 1 race car driver...

I'm sure my family will understand...

[Shelly]

no. she's off her rocker in that post. yeah i quit my in job, why do you guys think i was smoking, drinking and over eating in the 1st place? I had a in DEAD end job and a wife that wouldn't let me sit down for 1 minute after work before she jumped on my ass about the house she wanted and the car she wants and how my job wasn't good enough, etc, etc, etc...

yah, you kinda wanna escape that kinda after a while.

weed did the trick.

til she said i had to cut that out too...

i was like, what? that, i'm Tokin babe, you can squeal, but your gonna deal, cuz I gots to have my happy smoke...

and as for HER taking care of ME?

That's the BIGGEST CROCK OF I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

The rock on her hand is 7 grand bro.

My ring was a gold band. The simplest out there, oh but forgive me God, I think I did get spoiled and request the comfort ing fit option...

as for bills?

, I PAY THE CELLIE, FOR TWO PHONES, have for well over two years...that adds up...minimum 75, and right now, it's gonna be 105.

has she given me a penny for that in 30 months? no.

Cable? How about direct tv. Babe, you want to watch a movie, just order it, i got it. 60 bux a month...every month...in her mom's pad...WHICH SHE WANTED TO MOVE INTO, and I gave in so she could send $400 plus to her discover card while yeah, I"M the one giving her mom cash for rent, and what was my wife responsible for?

What did I ask her to contribute?

Some ing groceries for the house. That's it. I said babydoll, buy some groceries for you and your mom for the month, and pay your bills. I got the rest.

And NOW?

Same in deal.

I got he cellies. I got the rent. I got our share of utilities...

I got my credit cards, I got my school loan...ME.

has she helped me?

Yup, she pitched in 2 bills for september rent and 3 bills for some photos i needed...

so whoopdie in do, i owe her 500 dollars...

she doesn't mention the fact that I put $2100 dollars on my credit card to fix her transmission on her truck so she could have a vehicle out here...

I ususally don't spout my do's, but if i'm going down without spitting the REAL IN TRUTH...

thanks for listening...

WTF are you keeping TABS on who paid for what in your marriage? That's not good at all.

[SpursWoman]

WTF are you keeping TABS on who paid for what in your marriage? That's not good at all.

No ....

[Kori Ellis]

WTF are you keeping TABS on who paid for what in your marriage? That's not good at all.

Yeah, I didn't understand that either. I don't even know the difference in whose money is whose in our house. And I've never heard a husband say he "borrowed" money from his wife.

[Triumph]

you are right Zak!

How could I have given up my dreams so easily?

I see the light now!...

I am quitting my job an moving in with my in-laws so that I can pursue my lifelong dream of being an astronaut...

or maybe a Formula 1 race car driver...

I'm sure my family will understand...

go for it.

all you NEED is Jesus brother.

I BELIEVE, do you?

i really don't think anyone will believe me til i'm on tv...and by then?

they'll just flip the channel and spout about how much i suck and have no talent and how it's a sham that i made it...and you know what? i can't wait...

[Triumph]

every marriage is different folks.

we've always had our own accounts.

she don't trust me with money, that much should be obvious.

[Shelly]

Well..

If this is your idea of comedy, then I don't think you're going to make it very far. You used to be funny. I don't think you are anymore.

Sad.

[Spam]

WTF are you keeping TABS on who paid for what in your marriage? That's not good at all.

Well...somebody needs to tell my wife...'cause if I don't get done during the week?...I don't get "paid" at the end of the week.

[Triumph]

Well..

If this is your idea of comedy, then I don't think you're going to make it very far. You used to be funny. I don't think you are anymore.

Sad.

i'm sorry to make you sad s y.

it's kinda hard to be funny when i'm talking about some serious , ya know.

my life has gotten mixed up with the 'old zak' of the forum..

comedy is on the back burner anyway,

but i WILL be on SNL...but you guys think that show sucks anyway, so i won't hold my breath listening for the collectives gasps...

my goal right now is acting, and music.

start small.

as an extra, commercials, then videos, then tv shows, then movies...basically whatever comes along...and in themeantime, continue to write comedy and music like my mentors pryor and biggie taught me...

but i got NEW mentors now...kanye and foxx.

and an old school one too...GrandMasterFlash...

'don't push me, cuz i'm close to da eeeedge, i'm tryin, not to lose my head, ahuh huh huh, can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hold me down, oh now, i got to keep on movin'

you are a wife s y. with kids and a mortgage and a car payment.

you got it made sister. sounds like a great life.

but it's not for me...not right now...maybe later.

[KEDA]

I just want to know


Zac, if I do win, does your wife buy me the bottle of Crown, or does your wife?

If she has to buy it, then I wont accept it.

[Shelly]

WTF does my life have to do with yours? I'm not the one spilling my guts on a public forum. I don't care if you don't want what you think I have.

YOU don't make me sad. YOU make your WIFE sad.

And guess what? There are plenty of strong women on this forum and we sure as didn't get there by the 'Come to Jesus because I said so and I will berate you until you do' talk from our husbands/or significant others.

I'm sure Jesus is really proud of you now.

[CosmicCowboy]

My name is Zak
I wanna rap
No I'm not on crack
inside I know I'm black

I found reeeligion
and made the deeecision
to move to the coast
so I could be the most

so now I crash with her folks
while I think of telling jokes
and dream of being famous
while blaming it all on Jesus

It's all about me
that you must see
Jennifer Love Hewitt
is beggin me to do it

*chorus*

do it to me Zak!
do it to me Zak!
Quit yer jerkin with your left and do it to me right!

My name is Zak
I know I sound whack
but I'm really not on crack

[Taco]

My name is Zak
I wanna rap
No I'm not on crack
inside I know I'm black

I found reeeligion
and made the deeecision
to move to the coast
so I could be the most

so now I crash with her folks
while I think of telling jokes
and dream of being famous
while blaming it all on Jesus

It's all about me
that you must see
Jennifer Love Hewitt
is beggin me to do it

*chorus*

do it to me Zak!
do it to me Zak!
Quit yer jerkin with your left and do it to me right!

My name is Zak
I know I sound whack
but I'm really not on crack

[Triumph]

Keda,

I"M BUYING.

[Shelly]

My name is Zak
I wanna rap
No I'm not on crack
inside I know I'm black

I found reeeligion
and made the deeecision
to move to the coast
so I could be the most

so now I crash with her folks
while I think of telling jokes
and dream of being famous
while blaming it all on Jesus

It's all about me
that you must see
Jennifer Love Hewitt
is beggin me to do it

*chorus*

do it to me Zak!
do it to me Zak!
Quit yer jerkin with your left and do it to me right!

My name is Zak
I know I sound whack
but I'm really not on crack

Sorry dude, but I think GIG has got you beat in the 'flow' dept. Don't quit your day job~

[Triumph]

WTF does my life have to do with yours? I'm not the one spilling my guts on a public forum. I don't care if you don't want what you think I have.

YOU don't make me sad. YOU make your WIFE sad.

And guess what? There are plenty of strong women on this forum and we sure as didn't get there by the 'Come to Jesus because I said so and I will berate you until you do' talk from our husbands/or significant others.

I'm sure Jesus is really proud of you now.

maybe He is. maybe not. but they are watching. they are the ones that gave me this power and they are the ones that can take it away...i am helpless.

i didn't say i didn't want your life...i said i wasn't ready for it right now...

I want a home, kids, most of them adopted, and a nice yard for my dogs, and a little basketball court...and a humble chevy truck...that's it.

and s y, i love you, but dayum, for someone that likes to tell other's all about there lives, you sure as can't take even a compliment about yours...

[CosmicCowboy]

Sorry dude, but I think GIG has got you beat in the 'flow' dept. Don't quit your day job~

dang...and I just traded my 20X Stetson for a doo rag too...

[Shelly]

What did you compliment? My life is no different than most people my age. When your close to 40, chances are you own a home, some cars, have a few kids and a pet.

I don't care if you want to live in the poor house. But I do care that you're treating your wife like .

[Triumph]

i said i thought you had it made.

i want kids and a house too one day.

sorry if i offended.

as for my wife?

s y, when you see us BOTH on the red carpet, living and loving it up, will you give me props then for knowing what i was doing?

[gay abc]

this is too much drama - even for me

[Shelly]

If your wife is on the red carpet with you, I'd be surprised.

[Triumph]

If your wife is on the red carpet with you, I'd be surprised.

Good! I like to suprise people... , half the peeps in here thought i was a dumb for up and leaving a 'percieved as good' job on a moments notice, and saying the two weeks, i'm out this now...

many thought i'd be lost without a car...

i made it in and around LA from pomona for a whole month...

When you want something, and you want it bad?

you gotta be willing to sacrafice for it.

and I shouldn't have to tell anyone this...you guys have all DONE IT ALREADY...i'm just a late bloomer...

no s y, you won't be suprised...You'll be shocked and amazed...wait for it...I'm coming out like gayabc at the blue oyster...:p

[Shelly]

Keep talking. You haven't convinced a single person here that you're doing the right thing. Maybe in your mind you think you can, but I highly doubt that you will.

I hope you do achieve your dreams. I really do. But if this is the at ude you're going to use, then don't be surprised when the doors get slammed in your face. Hollywood is full of assholes and good luck convincing them to your way of thinking.

And on that note...adios.

[CosmicCowboy]

Well...if you put in the context that one of his "mentors" accidentally set himself of fire with a propane torch while cooking up his crack pipe it makes perfect sense...