Question for the Married Folk

[SpursWoman]

One big thing that we do out of respect for each other is not air our personal issues or issues in our relationship out in public.

Like, I would never post in the forum that I finally had an opportunity to sleep past 7:00am this morning, but User was snoring so loud I couldn't go back to sleep.

Because then he might come reply that payback is a , and he was just serving me up some.


And that no nagging thing is critical. That has destroyed many relationships that I have personally witnessed. Seriously ... who the wants to be around someone who is never happy with them? Clothes on the floor bugs the crap out of me ... but I can look past it because I can appreciate how fabulous he is and how lucky I am.

*shrugs*

[Goliadnative]

If Bo has correctly set the ground rules you all will have a very healthy, happy relationship.

My simple advice from my own healthy, happy marriage:




Remember that you are the wife, and all that entails.

1. Whatever Bo wants, Bo gets.
2. Have his favorite drink waiting the second he walks in the door. Remove his shoes, massage his feet.
3. Ask him about his day...if he doesn't feel like talking (you'll know this if he ignores you and turns on the television) you must happily retreat to the kitchen, or other room of the house not occupied by Bo.
4. Have his dinner promptly on the table within 10 minutes of his arrival home. It should be a hot meal (not sandwiches or something 'instant') and should consist of at least 3 courses including a dessert.
5. After dinner, allow him time to catch up on his reading, or the latest sportscast on television while you do the dishes.
6. When Bo's ready, gently approach him and ask him if there's anything you "can DO for him."
7. Give in to Bo's every sexual request, no matter how unusual or extreme it might be. If he requests other women to participate in his evening's particular fantasy, gladly oblige him by asking your single girlfriends to join your activities.
8. Be sure to let Bo rest and recover after you've fully satisfied him. If he needs to watch the game on television in order to achieve this rest, excuse yourself from the room and prepare his favorite evening drink and bring it to him. Do not expect, nor ask Bo to cater to your sexual needs. Remember your place in the home.
9. If Bo chooses to go "out with the boys" after he's rested, let him go with your blessing. Remember, men need to spend quality time with their male friends, just as he had dedicated the early part of his evening to you as detailed above.

If you do these simple things, Bo will honor and love you. He will feed, nourish, clothe you, and be happy in his marriage. Fail him in these matters and you'll have no one to blame but yourself if your marriage is a struggle and you fail to find peace and contentment.



Ephesians 5:22-24

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

You forget the other side.

Ephesians 5:25-29

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and delivered himself up for it: 26 That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: 27 That he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as also Christ does the church:

[MsMcGillyCutty]

Just be yourself and the rest will fall in or out of place.

[Fillmoe]

dont get married....


best advice ever...

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

You forget the other side.

Ephesians 5:25-29

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and delivered himself up for it: 26 That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: 27 That he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as also Christ does the church:

I keep forgetting the blue font. My bad.

[Kamala]

Work out a system for dishes, clothes washing drying, and cooking.

Any plan or agreement will do. Having no plan like I did at first leads to issues.

[SpursFanFirst]

As you know, LJ and I never argue. Probably the biggest reason for that is because neither one of us get caught up in the trivial stuff.

really? That's amazing! I'm not married, but I could certainly use some of what you have just in general. I can be way too combative at times.

Key #1: Don't Nag
I mean really... does it matter if your husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor (for example)? No -- it probably takes you 3 seconds a day to pick them up and put them in the laundry for him. So there's really know reason to nag about. Guys hate nagging. Most women nag. It's really unnecessary and no one benefits.

Certainly, I can see where you've coming from...but really...it only takes 3 seconds to pick the clothes up...PICK THEM UP, GUYS!
Oh my goodness. That would drive me up the wall!
Kori has some patience! To me, it really is impressivel

[SpursFanFirst]

Also everyone thinks that they have no idiosyncrasy’s…Then they live with someone & their oddities are pointed out….I thought everyone collected bread wrap ties & had all of their shirts hanging in the closet buttons pointing left….

buttons pointed "right..." Always right! I'm kidding....kind of...

But seriously, this is a very good topic, AL. Like I said, I'm not even married, but so much of what AL has said about herself has really resonated with me.
I'm a total control freak, so it's extremely tough for me to just give up the reigns and trust the other person will handle things in a way I deem appropriate.

I'm learning so much from yall. At least I know I'm not alone.

[Kori Ellis]

Certainly, I can see where you've coming from...but really...it only takes 3 seconds to pick the clothes up...PICK THEM UP, GUYS!
Oh my goodness. That would drive me up the wall!
Kori has some patience! To me, it really is impressivel

I'm a bit old school when it comes to roles in marriage. Though this isn't very modern thinking, I believe women should do things like clean and cook (though LJ cooks too sometimes) and I think men should do things like drive, pump gas, take out the trash, yard work, etc. So I never really give any thought to picking up clothes.

To me, if you get along really well with someone, there's not really a lot to nag about. So I don't do it. Some women nag to just nag. Some women argue just to argue -- I know women who argue with their husbands for attention. LJ gives me all the attention that I need, so I don't ever feel the need to create drama.

Our life together is fun, exciting and drama-free. Which is a bit amazing, considering we both work from home. Not everyone can thrive that way though but it works for us.

[SpursFanFirst]

I'm a bit old school when it comes to roles in marriage. Though this isn't very modern thinking, I believe women should do things like clean and cook (though LJ cooks too sometimes) and I think men should do things like drive, pump gas, take out the trash, yard work, etc. So I never really give any thought to picking up clothes.

To me, if you get along really well with someone, there's not really a lot to nag about. So I don't do it. Some women nag to just nag. Some women argue just to argue -- I know women who argue with their husbands for attention. LJ gives me all the attention that I need, so I don't ever feel the need to create drama.

Our life together is fun, exciting and drama-free. Which is a bit amazing, considering we both work from home. Not everyone can thrive that way though but it works for us.

Congrats! How long have you been married?

In general, I'm in awe. But knowing you two work from the house together ALL DAY LONG makes it even more impressive.
I know of married couples who work for the same company, and I always thought that was too much. I'd need, at the very least, some space while at work.

[Kori Ellis]

Congrats! How long have you been married?

In general, I'm in awe. But knowing you two work from the house together ALL DAY LONG makes it even more impressive.
I know of married couples who work for the same company, and I always thought that was too much. I'd need, at the very least, some space while at work.

We work about four feet apart at the same giant desk all day

Over seven years - thanks!

[SpursFanFirst]

We work about four feet apart at the same giant desk all day

Over seven years - thanks!

I'm really impressed!

[JudynTX]

We work about four feet apart at the same giant desk all day

Over seven years - thanks!

Who has the cleaner desk?

[spurster]

Divide up chores/responsibilities. Don't nag when your spouse does them, but not up to your standards.

Do not spend more than you earn. In fact, with no kids around, you should be saving money. That means no credit card carryover, period.

Have a personal activity that can keep you busy by yourself. Don't depend on each other for support/conversation/entertainment all the time. Our first year of marriage was as beginning graduate students, so that was no problem for us.

Have fun. Go on dates. Have a group of like-minded friends.

[Whisky Dog]

1) If you could go back and give a piece of advice to yourself in the first year of your marriage, what would it be.

Never to allow another person to have that much control. In my attempt to make him happy, I made the mistake from the beginning of always being the one to sacrifice while he always took. Now, I know to watch the patterns that develop from the beginning because they can be hard to break.

I would say from what you have written that you need to realize that there is more than one acceptable way to do something. Bo can have different ideas, and different opinions, and different ways of doing things and that is OK. You two do not have to be clones who agree on everything and who do everything exactly the same way. I am thinking that you might have been raised with the notion that there is one right answer to every question and that everyone must do everything that one right way. It makes you insecure or uncomfortable if Bo does anything outside of that narrow view. You think that you are just trying to help him and tell him the right way (because his different way must be the wrong way). As he accomplishes things at work outside of your guidance, he could grow to resent your treating him like he can't do anything right without your telling him what to do.

People who are highly raised into organized religion are mostly this way and have this problem because their whole life they are made to believe there is only on right way and they are doing that right way. It's a hard thing to let go when your whole life that is how you are indoctrined.

[angel_luv]

Thanks all for you perspectives. I appreciate your posting them.

[clambake]

Thanks all for you perspectives. I appreciate your posting them.

what did he think of the thread?

[angel_luv]

what did he think of the thread?

You would have to ask Bo. I think Bo mentioned to me that he had read it. But I was really tired from being away working at the rodeo all weekend and so do not trust my memory to quote him.

I am taking a class called " Changes That Heal". One of the exercises the course leader encourages is being honest with yourself and others about who you are, how you feel, and struggles you've had. That is one of the two main reasons I made this thread.

The other reason is that for years, I have kept many of my struggles to myself only to have no success in dealing with them. So I willing to try something new- being vulnerable publicly- in order to get the help I need.

I am grateful for the sounding board this forum has been to me.

[clambake]

don't you find it a little strange that the two of you have, so far, dodged this conversation?

[angel_luv]

don't you find it a little strange that the two of you have, so far, dodged this conversation?

Not really since we've both been working twelve hour days- leaving early in the morning and crashing when we get home.

I have literally only been home to sleep this weekend.

[clambake]

you're taking classes. he must have voiced some opinion.

if its too private, i understand.

[angel_luv]

you're taking classes. he must have voiced some opinion.

if its too private, i understand.

I just started the class two weeks ago.

Joining the class was my idea. Bo was agreeable to my wanting to sign up for the class. Though I don't think it matters to him one way or the other if I go.

I tell Bo anything he wants to know and probably some stuff he doesn't.
I think I might talk too much.

[JoeChalupa]

The wife and I are thinking about attending a marriage encounter this year just because. It will be 15 years together in March.

[clambake]

he might tell you that you're over-reacting. maybe you are.

[angel_luv]

The wife and I are thinking about attending a marriage encounter this year just because. It will be 15 years together in March.

My mom recommended to me before I ever met Bo or thought of getting married that it was a great idea to attend one marriage conference per year as a couple. Mom said she and my dad made it a point too and that their marriage was greatly blessed as a result.

Community Bible Christian Church is hosting a free marriage seminar this coming weekend, I think.
If Bo and I were off work, I would have liked to have gone to it.