You know... human nature has a strange way of playing tricks on you. When I was about 7 years old I woke up in the morning with my first woody. Of course I didn't know it was a hard on, I thought I was sick or something. Embarrassed to tell my mom, I went and showed my dad, and he laughed his ass off. Looking back, I guess he should have given me the "sit down." Not that guy, he goes and shares the story with a few of my older brothers. Well, I guess out of sympathy one of my brothers thought it was time I got laid. Keep in mind this is the same brother that loved to drink cheap wine and get high as a kite.
What does he do? He goes out and finds the tiest girl in the hood... Lashanda Blantan was her name. Tall, dark and ugly... I'll never forget her. His idea was to get her drunk, her and sneak me in the room while it was still dark and let me her. Keep in mind, I had never watched porn, or seen any nude magazines, so I had the slightest idea of what to do, but yet was too shy to ask my brother.
Sure enough, his ass finds me after school like it was some pet project of his to get me laid. We show up at her house before her parents get home. She had one of those families that didn't give a , so it was cool for s to come over and chill, drink, and get high. This dude wasted no time, he got it cracking right away. I don't even think she got high or had a drink... all I heard was ing in the next room. Now, I'm sure he hadn't thought of this, but all I kept thinking was how can I get sloppy seconds after my brother, and what the was I going to do if I did get in there... keep in mind I'm 7.
About an hour later he comes out and basically throws me in the room with her. There was nothing undercover about this mission, it was foiled from the outset. As I walk in, she's bringing the bottle of Night Train down from her lips and giggling at the same time. I'm thinking, "this told her what the deal is, and she's actually with it." She gives me this come hither look and I damn there start crying out of fear... NO JOKE!
I guess she pittied this lil fool because she rushed over to me wrapped in a sheet, then gave me a hug and pulled me over to the bed. Now here's where the got tricky. I asked her could I have something to drink... thinking soda, or punch, and she hands me the bottle of Night Train. As I lifted the bottle to take a swig she reached for my crotch and got a nice handful of man meat. Total silence overtook the room. I just knew my brother had his ears to the door. Here I am with a mouth of rot gut wine, this ugly got a handful of my , and my brother is at the door listening like the FBI.
The veteran that she was, she took advantage of the moment and kept caressing my . Low and behold, I got hard again. Then all of a sudden, a calmness came over me, as if I had been here before. All the while she's pulling my from out of the side of my shorts. I'll never forget the coolness of her bare hand stroking my . Once she could tell I liked it, she went in for the kill and took that sheet off of her, laid me back and got on top. That's a feeling that I'll never forget... that first wet feeling, the tart smell of the pussy, and the smiles and giggles she was giving me.
In the mist of losing my virginity, something strange happened. No, I didn't nut. I had the urge to flip this over on her back and start taking control of this ing... and I did. And what I discovered in the process is I was hard-wired to be in control of these es. Who knew? I had never ed before. I was 7 and she was like 14 or some , and here I am on top of her humping my ass off like a pro.
Basically, what I'm trying to show is, some of us are born to pull es, and some of you need instructions. You need some guidance and encouragement. Well that's what I'm here for, to share my pearls of wisdom with those of you less fortunate. Here we are years later, and hundreds of es have fallen victim. The rules that I'm about to bestow upon you are the basic rules that even a child can use to get laid. This dame of your is easy prey if you follow my rules to getting laid step by step. Feel free to share this info with anyone you know that might be intimidated by girls, or find it hard to get laid. These rules will never fail you if you apply them correctly.
Enjoy
Relying on Tom Leykis for your dating advice.
Yeah, you definitely ain't getting none, except for those fat chicks you have to bribe with buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Kool didn't get his official jimmy wax till he was 10...by a neighbor's daughter named Rhonda...I think she was 16/17 at the time...she used to ask me to stick a broom stick handle in her pussy but I was too scared too... I could only wish to have been molested by my female teachers but Rhonda took care of that for me... but as early as 5 yrs old I used to dry hump the out of my female cousins...we used to play hide-and-go-get all the time...I know this sounds bad but we did that as kids......and we can laugh about it till this day...
You and Rhondo hooked up it sounds, thus the white kid.
Chick and has some connection already. but i did something so stupid..I showed interest with one of her friends, now she refuses to talk to me, opr even text me..What do now? It's not like we were a couple for her to do this..And she misunderstood. it wasnt actaully interest..The reason why i talked to her freind because i wanted to befriend her friends..she took it the worng way....
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I could only wish to have been molested by my female teachers but Rhonda took care of that for me...
...and we can laugh about it till this day...
