The rule is the rule. The league would never admit anything of the kind, because the suspensions to Diaw/Stoudamire fit in exactly with the original intent of the rule. You are not to leave the bench during an altercation. Period. Amare and Diaw did exactly that. Their intent is not relevant, and the NBA made sure that everyone understands that. For some reason, you feel the need for special treatment. Somehow, your team is above the rules and you shouldn't have to follow them just because you think it's "stupid".
You should sack up, admit you are wrong, and that your team should have known the rules of the game and been aware of the situation.