Moving in with your S.O.

[Spurminator]

the only real positive is that you more often

[BacktoBasics]

I seriously doubt people's posts are a good indicator of their character. Thank God I can act however I want on a message board. The internet isn't as serious as life you know..

I'm not talking about the joking, trolling or sarcasm. I'm talking about the regular mundane everyday posts. Those are usually a pretty good indicator as to what state of person you are.

I don't see that you are self sufficient enough to be in a serious relationship like that. I don't see that you are independent enough to be able to trust someone this new in your life with big decisions that would involve your personal well being. Its just an opinion based on what I see about you.

I don't think you understand the level of compromise and compassion you must have to function successfully with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Even when you love someone or get along with someone its miles and miles different when you are under the same roof. I don't see your level of tolerance being high enough to handle the pressures of a live-in relationship. Take it for what its worth. I've traveled many a long road and I know first hand the good, bad and ugly that come with taking this step.

Not once has any of the real rammification of living with someone been addressed in this thread. Its all about love and getting along and more or less sex and "maybe's". Thats about a third of what it takes have success in a real relationship.....thats how I know you aren't ready. Talk about the real and maybe I'll change my opinion.

[2Blonde]

Sounds like you need to grow up quite a bit more before moving in with someone. To be totally honest judging by your posts in this thread and other threads I have serious doubts as to wether or not you'd be capable of taking care of a man.

Not saying this is you but.....Spoiled women with high expectations of what a man is capable of offering them usually don't find a good healthy relationship until they've been knocked off their high horse and get past 35 into their second or third marriage.

And to restate that another way... Why does she need to take care of a man? Can't he take care of himself? You either live with or marry someone to blend/share your life not become a caretaker.

Next point.... Women go into relationships with high ideals and dreams and after years of never being able to meet impossible expectations feel lonely, tired, bitter and realize that they might be better off meeting their own needs. Then around 35 they remarry/get into a new relationship. The difference is that this time they know how to say what they need from a relationship up front instead of hoping it will evolve into that.

There are generally 2 sides to every discussion. It's usually not all one person's fault.

[BacktoBasics]

The internet is an escape zone. Don't listen to BTB. Nobody else is judging you LuvBones.

I'm not trolling right now I'm being serious. To be totally honest I'm not judging her as a person either. I'm judging her matura y level. I'm also judging the direction this thread has taken. To be in a good sound relationship lots of things need to be discussed and agreed upon. I highly doubt its been address much in the real world with her. Simply wanting to live with someone is one thing but making it function with success is rarely achieved.

[CuckingFunt]

I seriously doubt people's posts are a good indicator of their character.

Interesting...

[BacktoBasics]

I got knocked right the off of mine at 24....and I found the best at 32, almost 33. Close.

Then you "get" what I'm saying. I bet you've changed a lot about yourself from 24 to now.

[LuvBones]

I'm not talking about the joking, trolling or sarcasm. I'm talking about the regular mundane everyday posts. Those are usually a pretty good indicator as to what state of person you are.

I don't see that you are self sufficient enough to be in a serious relationship like that. I don't see that you are independent enough to be able to trust someone this new in your life with big decisions that would involve your personal well being. Its just an opinion based on what I see about you.

I don't think you understand the level of compromise and compassion you must have to function successfully with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Even when you love someone or get along with someone its miles and miles different when you are under the same roof. I don't see your level of tolerance being high enough to handle the pressures of a live-in relationship. Take it for what its worth. I've traveled many a long road and I know first hand the good, bad and ugly that come with taking this step.

Not once has any of the real rammification of living with someone been addressed in this thread. Its all about love and getting along and more or less sex and "maybe's". Thats about a third of what it takes have success in a real relationship.....thats how I know you aren't ready. Talk about the real and maybe I'll change my opinion.

Look all you do is go around bashing me in every thread concerning me. If you think you know me just by following me around on a board, you're a dumbass. What makes you think you know how independent I am? Do you see the bills I pay, the job I have, the education I have and how I live my life? No. Do you know any real thing about me? NO. I'm actually a very private and reserved person in real life, as you can see I hadn't even told my sister my intentions on this subject. Your post isn't even worth finishing when you continue to just bash me when I'm trying to get some real feedback.

[2Blonde]

I'm not talking about the joking, trolling or sarcasm. I'm talking about the regular mundane everyday posts. Those are usually a pretty good indicator as to what state of person you are.

I don't see that you are self sufficient enough to be in a serious relationship like that. I don't see that you are independent enough to be able to trust someone this new in your life with big decisions that would involve your personal well being. Its just an opinion based on what I see about you.

I don't think you understand the level of compromise and compassion you must have to function successfully with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Even when you love someone or get along with someone its miles and miles different when you are under the same roof. I don't see your level of tolerance being high enough to handle the pressures of a live-in relationship. Take it for what its worth. I've traveled many a long road and I know first hand the good, bad and ugly that come with taking this step.

Not once has any of the real rammification of living with someone been addressed in this thread. Its all about love and getting along and more or less sex and "maybe's". Thats about a third of what it takes have success in a real relationship.....thats how I know you aren't ready. Talk about the real and maybe I'll change my opinion.

You're talking about a relationship and she's talking about living together. She's not asking anyone for advice on whether to have a relationship with this guy. She already is and it is serious. They deal with all of those issues. She just asked for some opinions and experiences from people who have lived together.

[LuvBones]

You're talking about a relationship and she's talking about living together. She's not asking anyone for advice on whether to have a relationship with this guy. She already is and it is serious. They deal with all of those issues. She just asked for some opinions and experiences from people who have lived together.

Thanks 2blonde. Any attempt to get him to understand is futile though.. this isn't the first or last time b2b is going to post in one of my threads and bash me. He has some personal vendetta against me that I will never understand. Oh well. I gotta go to work.

More experiences please!!

[Melmart1]

LuvBones, do you live on your own right now? I get the impression you live at home with the parents, since your sister said she gets your room if you move.

The reason I ask is that moving away from home from the first time is a big step, you learn a lot about yourself from being independent and making your own decisions on things that you never did before. Having to support a relationship and worry about bills, expenses, etc on top of being independent for the first time is like triple the trouble all at once. It could affect your relationship.

My suggestion is to be on your own first. You will be amazed what you learn about yourself, and later if you do marry this guy, you won't ever wonder what it's like later. Cus trust me, most likely you will wonder.

[BacktoBasics]

Look all you do is go around bashing me in every thread concerning me. If you think you know me just by following me around on a board, you're a dumbass. What makes you think you know how independent I am? Do you see the bills I pay, the job I have, the education I have and how I live my life? No. Do you know any real thing about me? NO. I'm actually a very private and reserved person in real life, as you can see I hadn't even told my sister my intentions on this subject. Your post isn't even worth finishing when you continue to just bash me when I'm trying to get some real feedback.

You can be as pissed as you want, I don't think I know "you" I do however know about people just like you. I don't particularly like you but I know how hard living with someone can be and I'm only trying to help with real advice and real opinions. I told you once and I'll tell you again I'm not trolling you on this.

Simply getting opinions on moving in with a SO shows signs of immaturately. There are a million things to consider when making a step like this and the fact that this thread has addressed none of it tells me that there isn't much in the way of wanting serious opinions here.

Lets be real serious for second some people have lived together successfully and others have not. You put it out there like its a good idea or bad idea question rather than what should I look out for what problems have you guys had in the past....give some things to consider and so forth. None of that here. Its like you just made a post to announce " I many be living with a dude". I mean seriously do you want real opinions and some good sound advice or do you want to be congradulated on the big move?

You yourself said you've never lived with anyone like this before. Don't look for a fight with me when I'm not trying to give you one.

[BacktoBasics]

Thanks 2blonde. Any attempt to get him to understand is futile though.. this isn't the first or last time b2b is going to post in one of my threads and bash me. He has some personal vendetta against me that I will never understand. Oh well. I gotta go to work.

More experiences please!!

I could certainly say the same about you. Any attempt to get you to look at the real world rationally has seemed futile right now. I'm only trying to give real to think about.

[SpursWoman]

Then you "get" what I'm saying. I bet you've changed a lot about yourself from 24 to now.

The only thing that's changed about me in the last 10 years or so as far as relationships are concerned would be that I'm inclined to not to get pissed off over stupid, irrelevant things ... because whatever it is, I've been through worse. I don't expect or demand perfection from my SO, and I'm nowhere near as selfish. But I also don't let myself get walked all over like I did before.

I learned to really like not being in a relationship, so that when someone did come along that I liked, I'm with him because I want to be, not just to avoid being alone (or just to get out of my parent's house). And I cook and clean all the time now not because I feel that that's my job and I'm having to take care of my man, because although I do care that he's well taken care of, I'm also obssessive-compulsive about those things.

[NASpurs]

I agree with BacktoBasics/BishopRyan whatever name he goes on by nowadays.

[BacktoBasics]

So whats the money situation?

Do you make more than him?

Has he lived on his own before...have you?

What do you do if he picks his nose in front of you, cries, craps his pants in your bed in the midst of a drunken stupor?

What happens if he wants a night out without you?

Do you have medical coverage?

How are you splitting the rent, bills, food money?

Joint insurance for the cars?

Both names on the bills?

How are going to divide up the extra spending money or fun money?

If you aren't combining income as one functional unit and he comes home with new cloths and bag full of CDs and you're over drawn in the bank account how will that make you feel?

What if he invites the boys over for the game and they clog the toilet and won't leave?

What if your car breaks down and you need a ride but he's low on gas money?

What if he gets comfortable and gains weight? What if you do?

Are you expecting him to still pay if you go out?

Does he have a clue what being on the rag really is?

Do you have a good relationship with his family and does he with yours?

Are any of you going to continue school? Who will help cover for the other if said schooling ends up cutting into actual work time thus cutting income?

Can you or he cook any more than 3 dishes?

How often should you eat out?

What have you really thought about?

[midgetonadonkey]

One of the biggest things I encountered when moving in with my previous girlfriend is how to divide the when we broke up and she moved out. She took most of the because she claimed to have paid for it all even though we split the bills and for a couple of years I supported her when she was in school.

[midgetonadonkey]

I got left with most of the furniture but I got the badass TV. even took my toaster.

That was a badass toaster.

[LuvBones]

Lemme just add that I'm not asking IF I should move in with my boyfriend, I just wanted people's experiences. I very much want to move in with him, and he wants to also so we are lucky, IMO. It's just a matter of time when all this will happen. So b2b since you say you're not trolling, I don't need any more advice on that matter... you could however share your experience here since that's what I was asking for.

[Spurfect]

B2B no matter what you say, you were definitely judging her. You're no one to tell her she is not ready to do anything, you don't know her. All she was asking for was for people's experiences and advice. there was a different way to approach the "advice" you gave her, which started off as harsh but you chilled a bit after. it was still the wrong way to do it.

melmart we both live with our dad right now. in a way I do agree she should live on her own at first. I lived alone in a different city for a few years before I came back to San Antonio and moved back in with the family. I have to say that I enjoyed the time I had alone and would probably wish to do that before living with any man. I have never lived with a boyfriend but I think that is one way me and my sister differ. I am not a marriage kind of girl and I feel like I'd be unhappy as a stay at home wife/mom. Or maybe I have never felt that, but I am glad she does and I support her if she wants to do this. she always has a place to come back to if it doesn't work out.

[Melmart1]

melmart we both live with our dad right now. in a way I do agree she should live on her own at first. I lived alone in a different city for a few years before I came back to San Antonio and moved back in with the family. I have to say that I enjoyed the time I had alone and would probably wish to do that before living with any man. I have never lived with a boyfriend but I think that is one way me and my sister differ. I am not a marriage kind of girl and I feel like I'd be unhappy as a stay at home wife/mom. Or maybe I have never felt that, but I am glad she does and I support her if she wants to do this. she always has a place to come back to if it doesn't work out.

See, you understand what I am talking about. How much did you learn living in Houston? About yourself, your likes, dislikes, how you wan to live your life? It's VERY different from living at home.

How many unexpected expenses crept up when moving into your new place? Were you prepared? Now imagine the stress of having to maintain a relationship at the same time, on top of all of that. It's not all fun and games and christening every room together. There are a lot of other things involved that could strain the relationship. LuvBones needs to seriously sit down and consider all that. Or just wait. What are you in a hurry for, if you won't get married for several more years then wait, save up money for a year then revisit this idea and see if you still want to do it. You may be VERY surprised at your answer.

[ploto]

Hate to be the downer to all of this celebration of living together- but people who live together before they get married actually have a higher divorce rate than those who don't.

[BacktoBasics]

Being that I've lived on my own with and without a girlfriend, spouse and children since I was 17 pretty much makes me the authority on what happens when you move in with someone. I don't need to know her to know whats in store for her. I don't need to know her to know that simply asking "upgrade, downgrade" is an indication that she isn't ready. Had this been anyone else on the board with the same question I'd say the same things. The answer to the question is simple....upgrade yes downgrade yes.

So here is my story/summary since discussing the real issues of making a live in relationship successful isn't the prime objective and story telling is.

My first live in relationship was destroyed by lack of money and greed both with her and I. Neither of us knew how expensive really being on our own was. God damn hooter pads are tough to choose from. ing auto insurance was more than the rent. All I wanted was a little quiet time with the boys but that makes me selfish. Accidental pregnancies marred with unwanted abortions can also be stressful. You be surprised at how some doctors knock you out to suck the innocent life out of you while other don't. Hard to believe that after a good ole fashion bortion the only thing on her mind was getting a good nic fix and a fancy martini because while planning to terminate a pregnancy drinking just weighed on her concious too much.

It wasn't all bad because since we lived together we had more sex and that included her friend watching on most nights because she couldn't get laid on her own. All and all you'd be surprised who shows up unannounced when you live with someone like family memebers, drunken grandmothers and junkie cousins of whom you've never meet.

2nd live in was equally entertaining and although there was a lack of sex because she had molestation issues that I had no idea about initially we still managed to have a few fun intimate nights. Right up until she decided to run coke one night for her dead brothers ole buddy that I never heard of. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be so surprised that a southeast side mexican mother of 2 runs drugs on the side for school cloths money? She thanked my reaction by disappearing and leaving me with her two kids to raise for six months until I found a relative of hers that I trusted to actually raise them up near good family. But at least the money wasn't a problem plus she could cook well. Having kids around was a ton of fun. Kids....upgrade for sure, do it.

Third real relationship has been smooth sailing. No drama and the son I alway wanted with two great stepkids. We both put all of our free money into fixing all of the mistakes credit and finance wise we both made while in previous relationships when we were younger, you'd be amazed at how easy it is to dig a 30k hole of credit. Bought ourselves a couple of used cars and 2 acres 30 minutes outside of town so we can drink and smoke without hassle. Every now and then I get a flying chankla but its usually followed by a warm talk and a good make up blowjob. I live coastal so long walks on the beach are great when we can find someone to babysit the little brat.

Is that what you are looking for?

[BacktoBasics]

See, you understand what I am talking about. How much did you learn living in Houston? About yourself, your likes, dislikes, how you wan to live your life? It's VERY different from living at home.

How many unexpected expenses crept up when moving into your new place? Were you prepared? Now imagine the stress of having to maintain a relationship at the same time, on top of all of that. It's not all fun and games and christening every room together. There are a lot of other things involved that could strain the relationship. LuvBones needs to seriously sit down and consider all that. Or just wait. What are you in a hurry for, if you won't get married for several more years then wait, save up money for a year then revisit this idea and see if you still want to do it. You may be VERY surprised at your answer.

So go ahead and rip her ass because Melmart1 is saying exactly what I'm saying.

[BacktoBasics]

Hate to be the downer to all of this celebration of living together- but people who live together before they get married actually have a higher divorce rate than those who don't.

Thats because they use marriage as a way to save the relationship. I don't think that actually living together vs not has a real impact on the actuality of success.

[xXx]

Being that I've lived on my own with and without a girlfriend, spouse and children since I was 17 pretty much makes me the authority on what happens when you move in with someone. I don't need to know her to know whats in store for her. I don't need to know her to know that simply asking "upgrade, downgrade" is an indication that she isn't ready. Had this been anyone else on the board with the same question I'd say the same things. The answer to the question is simple....upgrade yes downgrade yes.

So here is my story/summary since discussing the real issues of making a live in relationship successful isn't the prime objective and story telling is.

My first live in relationship was destroyed by lack of money and greed both with her and I. Neither of us knew how expensive really being on our own was. God damn hooter pads are tough to choose from. ing auto insurance was more than the rent. All I wanted was a little quiet time with the boys but that makes me selfish. Accidental pregnancies marred with unwanted abortions can also be stressful. You be surprised at how some doctors knock you out to suck the innocent life out of you while other don't. Hard to believe that after a good ole fashion bortion the only thing on her mind was getting a good nic fix and a fancy martini because while planning to terminate a pregnancy just weighed on her concious too much.

It wasn't all bad because since we lived together we had more sex and that included her friend watching on most nights because she couldn't get laid on her own. All and all you'd be surprised who shows up unannounced when you live with someone like family memebers, drunken grandmothers and junkie cousins of whom you've never meet.

2nd live in was equally entertaining and although there was a lack of sex because she had molestation issues that I had no idea about initially we still managed to have a few fun intimate nights. Right up until she decided to run coke one night for her dead brothers ole buddy that I never heard of. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be so surprised that a southeast side mexican mother of 2 runs drugs on the side for school cloths money? She thanked my reaction by disappearing and leaving me with her two kids to raise for six months until I found a relative of hers that I trusted to actually raise them up near good family. But at least the money wasn't a problem plus she could cook well. Having kids around was a ton of fun. Kids....upgrade for sure, do it.

Third real relationship has been smooth sailing. No drama and the son I alway wanted with two great stepkids. We both put all of our free money into fixing all of the mistakes credit and finance wise we both made while in previous relationships when we were younger, you'd be amazed at how easy it is to dig a 30k hole of credit. Bought ourselves a couple of used cars and 2 acres 30 minutes outside of town so we can drink and smoke without hassle. Every now and then I get a flying chankla but its usually followed by a warm talk and a good make up blowjob. I live coastal so long walks on the beach are great when we can find someone to babysit the little brat.

Is that what you are looking for?

that's great stuff. propers.




when i was 20, i moved in with this older chic that i thought i was in love with.

she was great. but sex got old after the 1st thousand times...which happens pretty quick when your getting in house. then she wanted the wedding bells. i was too young. so i cut and run when she wanted to get real serious...

plus she was too messy, couldn't cook all that great, and real y at times...and talk talk talk talk talk...like i said...the sex was good, but it wasn't that good...