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Hey, driving on painkillers is a fun an interesting experience. Not as fun as driving on LSD though, but still pretty fun. Let her try it out. Just have them install a kill switch in the GPS. Better safe than sorry.
Yeah, that one does look pretty humiliating. Plus I'd be afraid other kids would call in just to prank someone they don't like.
The one we went with was http://www.safeteendrivingclub.org/index.php
I will probably install it on my car until we get her another car. I personally like the idea of someone being able to locate me if something were to happen or to find my car if it gets stolen.
Hey, driving on painkillers is a fun an interesting experience. Not as fun as driving on LSD though, but still pretty fun. Let her try it out. Just have them install a kill switch in the GPS. Better safe than sorry.
Glad to hear nobody got seriously injured.
I think a tough love approach would be best. No car until you can afford to buy one yourself. That sounds hard, but this is the way of the world. Mistakes and accidents even when backed by good intentions still have consequences.
Good luck.
2Blonde, I'm happy everything is (relatively) fine with your daughter. I can't imagine what you were feeling because I can't imagine what I'd be feeling...we each have our own nightmare scenarios as parents.
My youngest just got her license...just before she turned 18. My oldest didn't get hers until after she was 17. Looking back, I don't think either one of them would have been ready at 16. It's not the maturity level (although they still have moments to increase the number of gray hairs on my head)...it's getting through the belief that "this can't happen to me". Now some will call that maturity, but it's not...it's experience. I have very good girls and I'm proud as of them...but nevertheless my oldest had 2 front-end collisions her first year of driving and I already need to check the alignment on my wife's car because my youngest evidently hit a curb too hard in a parking lot in wet weather.
So you won't be getting any unneeded advice from me...because I have my own troubles !
That car pic brought back some memories. My one "big one" happened at 16 too...I was turning off of a side street onto a 5-lane main street...truck was turning off the main road onto mine so I pulled out...only to find a Blazer paralleling the truck at 35-40 mph. (I was in a Datsun 510) No chance to even react...all I saw was grill. The drivers side of my car looked a lot like the passenger side of your daughter's car...not quite pushed in as far. Being tall helped...the seat was run all the way back so the mid-frame door post hit the seat back, absorbing some of the shock. I had momentary respiratory shock (my lungs wouldn't take a breath for about 30 seconds), an 8-inch vertical bruise on my left side and a bruise on my left thigh from hitting the steering wheel.
Good thing I was wearing a seat belt. And obviously your daughter was also.
The "compulsion" others have talked about is real. In my case, it's making sure I can see around vehicles. Oh, and wearing my seat belt religiously.
OOOHH OOOHH!! CAN I COME!?
2B, so glad to hear your baby's all in one piece. How horrifying!
You are very blessed.
I just read all this thread.
2Blonde, I am so glad your daughter is okay.
I was in a scary accident about a year ago.
It was not my fault. I was hit when someone ran a light instead of properly yielding and my car had to be totaled.
I was incredibly frightened after the collision and it meant the world to me that my mom came out right away to help me.
From that experience, I can encourage you that along with having an increased respect for driving, your daughter will always remember and appreciate how you were there for her.
I think you did a wonderful job.
I echo everyone who said that your daughter would benefit from not waiting too long to get behind the wheel again.
It took me several days before I was brave enough to let my mom get me a rental car. Even then she had to coach me through my first time driving it.
But I am so grateful that she did.
I wouldn't have recovered nearly so quickly without mom's assistance.
Blessings on you and your family. I pray your daughter is completely recovered quickly.
Please keep us posted on her wellbeing.
I'm probably just going to end up echoing a bunch of sentiments that have already been laid out, but here's my two cents.
First, thank god everyone was okay and walked away from the accident alive. I know that everyone immediately says "well it's good everyone is okay" after an accident story, but there's a reason for that. Regardless of the property damaged, insurance, repercussions...it really IS the most important thing.
As for the debate at hand, I would have to agree that you should not intentionally keep her from being behind a wheel any longer than her lack of a car and dealing with this situation naturally would.
I had a very similar situation when I first started driving, turning left out of a neighborhood on a blind curve. It was one of those situations where no fault was really determined because of the cir stance, but in retrospect...more experience on my part definitely could've averted that accident. If I had checked left and right twice, as I do now and have ever SINCE that accident, instead of once...it probably would've been avoided.
The point of the story is, I totaled the new Grand Prix my parents had bought me, and we were lucky to walk away with no injuries. They made me pay the deductible and the cost of the rise in my insurance. I was without a car for about a month while we sorted out the insurance stuff, found a new car for me, and got everything squared away.
Between the trauma of the accident, the month without my car, and the loss of my Grand Prix (which was a car I had found and absolutely loved), I had learned my lesson to pay more attention and be more responsible on the road. I don't think any grounding or punishment from my parents would've driven that point home any better. As long as your daughter grasps the fact that these sort of mistakes already come with a HUGE set of consequences, I'm not sure she needs you adding any more to the list.
Of course, every case is a little different. That was my one bad accident when I was young, and knock on wood, I've been driving for six years since without another. I'd love to hope that every person could be as lucky (or even luckier...), but it really depends on the person, their level of maturity, and a decent amount of good fortune. But like others have said...it definitely did add some new compulsions. I, too, never go anywhere without my safety belt on now, and I look left AND right about three times now before I cross lanes to turn left.
I guess the important thing is just to be supportive of her (which is sounds like you are doing a great job of), make sure she understands how easily these things can happen and how serious they can be, and don't inflate the situation to make it harder on her than it already is. If she's in a neck brace, has lost her car, risked innocent lives, and has obviously disappointed her parents (which, when I had my first wreck, was almost the worst part of it)...chances are she feels pretty bad about the situation and doesn't ever want to put herself back in it.
Sure, her age could've definitely played a part in it, but this sort of thing could happen to any responsible adult as well, even you and I. Considering that, I think you should work with your child so she knows how to handle it like an adult, even if she is still your little baby.
What you miss is that taking away her car on its own can teach a lesson. Every time she's inconvenienced by not having said vehicle, it hammers home the point that paying attention while driving is incredibly important and it reminds her of the consequences of what happens when she doesn't.
Whether she gets experience now or in six months she will still get experience at the same rate. That is not something you cannot accelerate although you somehow seem to think that it can. A person who has spent 200 hours driving has 200 hours of experience whether they got that before the age of 18 or not. The difference is, that an older person with 200 hours of experience is more often than not (by a long margin) going to be a better driver than a 20 year old with 200 hours of experience.
Yes, lots of teenagers go without ever experiencing a major wreck. That by no means that lots of teenagers go without doing something incredibly stupid while driving. If we got into a wreck every time we drove poorly then no virtually no one that drove at 16 would remain alive. Parents can teach a lot of things but they can't change the predispositions most teenagers have to bad driving due to the state of their brain at that age.
The bottom line is that no amount of teaching will really make teenage driving very safe. If it were up to me, there's no way I'd let people under the age of 18 drive.
I agree with most of this. However, an 18 year old who has been driving for 2 years will likely be better off than an 18 year old with very limited experience.
Personally, I would like to see much more of an emphasis placed on getting a driver's license. In Europe, a license costs upwards of 2 to 3 thousand euros. Lose it? You gotta pay that again. Drink and drive? HA! You're done. Just done. Get used to public transit.
I don't think the age is the problem in this country nearly as much as poor instruction and few consequences (which I think you mentioned earlier in this thread).
My point is, I'm not sure there is a consequence that can go beyond "watching your life almost end". I'm pretty sure that makes everything else pale in comparison.
For most people. Teenagers pretty much think they are immortal, so it doesn't tend to phaze them nearly as much. I know I did some fuuuuuuuuuuucked up in cars when I was 18-22 or so. I've driven 120 for a couple of hours straight on a drive to College Station, I made baaaaaaaaaaaaad passes that were basically games of chicken, and generally ed around far too much.
Now I drive like a grandmother. What a difference 7-8 years makes.
I hear ya!
I've pretty much been the same behind the wheel in terms of aggressiveness and speeding since I turned 19. I'm definitely a far better driver now, but I never really drove crazy. I'm usually less than 10 miles per hour over the speedlimit, max, and in town I always stay under the limit. I've been over 100 exactly twice (Both were very rural, deserted roads, and I have to do that in a Mustang GT at least once or twice) while behind the wheel. But I realize that I am the exception and most definitely not the rule.
Last edited by Cry Havoc; 08-25-2008 at 08:42 PM.
children should not operate heavy machinery.
buy her a horse.
glad your daughter is okay blondie...
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