Goings on with my ex-wife to be...

[ploto]

You didn't necessarily contribute to the "failure of your marriage."

One thing I hope you have learned is that if you do not want kids, you need to make this obviously aware up front. If you changed your mind part of the way into the marriage, then you do hold responsibility for that. It does not make it right for her to cheat, but I would suppose it contributed to the dissolution of your marriage.

[SpursStalker]

It's amazing how many disagree with your decision, when they dont actually live in your shoes ...

Only you can know and do what is best for YOU ...

You shouldn't feel the need to defend your actions to anyone!

[JudynTX]

It's amazing how many disagree with your decision, when they dont actually live in your shoes ...

Only you can know and do what is best for YOU ...

You shouldn't feel the need to defend your actions to anyone!

Well it is a message board.

[SpursStalker]

Well it is a message board.

Say it isn't so !!!!!

[chode_regulator]

Only read the first page but my question is
Even though she cheated and is causing the marriage to fail, she still gets half automatically? What the is that about?
I hate how women want all these equal rights and and blah blah blah and then still just get handed . I'm not saying she should be out in the cold (heat in texas case) on the streets but to just get half automatically is ing re ed

To the OP, I don't know anything about divorces but it would seem better if you kept it in your pants until at least the divorce proceedings start.

[ploto]

I hate how women want all these equal rights and and blah blah blah and then still just get handed . I'm not saying she should be out in the cold (heat in texas case) on the streets but to just get half automatically is ing re ed.

You realize there are women (some on this board) who make more money than their husband, and he still owns half.

[Chingo Bling]

Che saw my bling and wanted my chorizo. I'm sorry bro but if it helps... I don't love them hoes.

[Fabbs]

Strike,
Please tell us you have contacted an Oregon atty who can tell you what the exact laws are in Your City, OR.

I'm making that call tomorrow.

All due respect, not trying to add to your grief/relief efforts.....

You've been listening to Tom Liekiss for years and are just now seeing exactly where you stand legally?

[Strike]

All due respect, not trying to add to your grief/relief efforts.....

You've been listening to Tom Leykis for years and are just now seeing exactly where you stand legally?

Had to fix that. It's just my way. Anyway:

Yup. But like I said in an earlier post, I let her take whatever she wanted when she moved out. Not just for legal reasons, but for personal ones as well.

Let me elaborate...

When we first got married, we had nothing. We lived in a crappy apartment, with crappy stuff. We didn't even have a car. After 9 years of marriage, we still didn't have much. But we both had an equal stake in things. There were times when I was out of work and she picked up my slack. There were times when I worked two jobs and she stayed home. If I had done all the earning and she'd done all the spending, I wouldn't have been so generous. But it wasn't like that. We both supported each other at different times. And other times, we supported each other simultaneously. So for me to just say "you cheated, you get nothing" would have been unfair in my opinion.

Even though she cheated on me, I'm not completely innocent. I did, in some ways, contribute to, how they say "pushed her away". I've been emotionally distant or whatever you want to call it, I've said things and acted in ways that were unhealthy for a relationship, I've been, at times, controlling and demanding, you get the idea. And I also took her back once after she cheated on me. That, in hindsight, set the precedent that she could go outside the marriage and I would still forgive her. I've made as many mistakes, if not more, than she has to get to this point.

I'm man enough to take responsibility for my part in all of it. I've definitely done stupid/immature/childish/obsessive things since April. Some out of bitterness, some out of a need to make sense of things, others out of plain and simple ego. But, in that time, I've also gained perspective and, in some amount, peace of mind. Now I'm just taking things a day at a time and doing what I can to make things as smooth as possible for both of us. Sure, I could rake her over the coals but what would that really accomplish? It might make me feel a little better for a minute but the end result would be the same. We'll still be divorced.

One last thing, I called the lawyer my mom referred. He's on vacation this week. So I'll call again next Monday.

[Strike]

Che saw my bling and wanted my chorizo. I'm sorry bro but if it helps... I don't love them hoes.

It's all good, meng.

[760Spursfan]

Good luck bro, it sounds to me that you care about her more than you say you do. If she has done it more than once then it may never change and you are doing the right thing by getting a divorce. Once again, good luck

[Strike]

Good luck bro, it sounds to me that you care about her more than you say you do. If she has done it more than once then it may never change and you are doing the right thing by getting a divorce. Once again, good luck

Of course I still care about her to a point. I care that she is happy and able to move on. I care that she's safe. I don't want her but I don't want bad things for her either.

[Crookshanks]

Had to fix that. It's just my way. Anyway:

Yup. But like I said in an earlier post, I let her take whatever she wanted when she moved out. Not just for legal reasons, but for personal ones as well.

Let me elaborate...

When we first got married, we had nothing. We lived in a crappy apartment, with crappy stuff. We didn't even have a car. After 9 years of marriage, we still didn't have much. But we both had an equal stake in things. There were times when I was out of work and she picked up my slack. There were times when I worked two jobs and she stayed home. If I had done all the earning and she'd done all the spending, I wouldn't have been so generous. But it wasn't like that. We both supported each other at different times. And other times, we supported each other simultaneously. So for me to just say "you cheated, you get nothing" would have been unfair in my opinion.

Even though she cheated on me, I'm not completely innocent. I did, in some ways, contribute to, how they say "pushed her away". I've been emotionally distant or whatever you want to call it, I've said things and acted in ways that were unhealthy for a relationship, I've been, at times, controlling and demanding, you get the idea. And I also took her back once after she cheated on me. That, in hindsight, set the precedent that she could go outside the marriage and I would still forgive her. I've made as many mistakes, if not more, than she has to get to this point.

I'm man enough to take responsibility for my part in all of it. I've definitely done stupid/immature/childish/obsessive things since April. Some out of bitterness, some out of a need to make sense of things, others out of plain and simple ego. But, in that time, I've also gained perspective and, in some amount, peace of mind. Now I'm just taking things a day at a time and doing what I can to make things as smooth as possible for both of us. Sure, I could rake her over the coals but what would that really accomplish? It might make me feel a little better for a minute but the end result would be the same. We'll still be divorced.

One last thing, I called the lawyer my mom referred. He's on vacation this week. So I'll call again next Monday.

Sounds to me like you've done what you needed to do and are being a very decent man about all this. And the fact that you admitted your part in the failure in the marriage says a lot - so you should be proud of yourself for how far you've come. It will take some time to completely heal emotionally from this, but you'll make it and hopefully you'll meet a nice woman who is more compatible with you and doesn't have a problem with not having children.

GOOD LUCK!!

[Clandestino]

you sound like a ing pussy... no stable job, took her back after she cheated.. now, you're more than blaming yourself.. pathetic...

SACK UP... and go bang some hos. next time don't be such a pussy and they won't go looking for elsewhere.

[PuttPutt]

Of course I still care about her to a point. I care that she is happy and able to move on. I care that she's safe. I don't want her but I don't want bad things for her either.

You invested 10 years or more with this woman. Of course you care about her to some degree. It shows me that you are a pretty cool dude. I was that same way with an ex girlfriend, but I didn't invest as much time as you have. Good luck with your situation.

[lebomb]

Had to fix that. It's just my way. Anyway:

Yup. But like I said in an earlier post, I let her take whatever she wanted when she moved out. Not just for legal reasons, but for personal ones as well.

Let me elaborate...

When we first got married, we had nothing. We lived in a crappy apartment, with crappy stuff. We didn't even have a car. After 9 years of marriage, we still didn't have much. But we both had an equal stake in things. There were times when I was out of work and she picked up my slack. There were times when I worked two jobs and she stayed home. If I had done all the earning and she'd done all the spending, I wouldn't have been so generous. But it wasn't like that. We both supported each other at different times. And other times, we supported each other simultaneously. So for me to just say "you cheated, you get nothing" would have been unfair in my opinion.

Even though she cheated on me, I'm not completely innocent. I did, in some ways, contribute to, how they say "pushed her away". I've been emotionally distant or whatever you want to call it, I've said things and acted in ways that were unhealthy for a relationship, I've been, at times, controlling and demanding, you get the idea. And I also took her back once after she cheated on me. That, in hindsight, set the precedent that she could go outside the marriage and I would still forgive her. I've made as many mistakes, if not more, than she has to get to this point.

I'm man enough to take responsibility for my part in all of it. I've definitely done stupid/immature/childish/obsessive things since April. Some out of bitterness, some out of a need to make sense of things, others out of plain and simple ego. But, in that time, I've also gained perspective and, in some amount, peace of mind. Now I'm just taking things a day at a time and doing what I can to make things as smooth as possible for both of us. Sure, I could rake her over the coals but what would that really accomplish? It might make me feel a little better for a minute but the end result would be the same. We'll still be divorced.

One last thing, I called the lawyer my mom referred. He's on vacation this week. So I'll call again next Monday.

Everything you stated BESIDES the cheating............is normal to most marriages. People need to deal with the every day drama that will occur in marriages. When things get rough, going outside the marriage and cheating isnt the way to solve it. If two people cannot get along and respect one another, see a marriage counselor..........or in the very worst case divorce. Cheating will not solve the problem. Like you said, you forgave her the first time, so she knew in her mind that you would take her back. I am familiar with repeat offenders.............my EX did it to me twice, as well as my bro inlaw and current wife by her EX. They all figured " , I ed around and I was forgiven"?...........Im gonna let this die down and around again!!!!! What a deal!!!

[koriwhat]

stop being a pussy and truly end it already!