Marriage

[angel_luv]

My mother-in-law bought this book http://www.mymildew.com/

Our last visit she was reading it aloud to me to illustrate all the ways in which she is " not so bad".

[JudynTX]

Not always... in fact there have been times when we did not get along at all.
But I think all the parties involved in my case at least want to get along.

Bo is the youngest and his mom's favorite so she took it very hard when he got married and I became the woman in Bo's life.
There were some boundary issues at first and sometimes still, but I feel like both Bo's mom and I have made an effort and thus have made some positive strides.

Bo's dad is a great cook and has always been nice to me, so he is good in my book.

My mom thinks Bo is awesome.
When my mom she made a special trip to Bo's shop to bring him and his staff breakfast one day and a candy bar the next without coming to see me at work either day. And this is all the worse since Bo and I only work about ten minutes apart!
I teased Mom about that for a good week saying that it was not fair that Bo was both his AND my mom's favorite.

Why do you think you didn't get along at the beginning? What a nice gesture on your mom's part.

I get along great with mine, they love me to death. I married an only child, so they were elated he finally found someone to spend the rest of his life with.

[mrsmaalox]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws?

My in-laws are very nice. It is a bit odd because we are of different generations so we are very different. My husband is much older than me and his 2 sisters are 10 and 12 years older than him. In fact, both of their husbands went to college with my dad, so they were all already friends before he and I met. Hanging out with them is more like hanging out with my parents' friends than with my in-laws. But they are good people and they love our children, so I appreciate them very much.

[angel_luv]

Why do you think you didn't get along at the beginning? What a nice gesture on your mom's part.

I get along great with mine, they love me to death. I married an only child, so they were elated he finally found someone to spend the rest of his life with.

We didn't get along because I am very steadfast in my opinions and his mom has not always been able to graciously allow me to make my own decisions.

The decisions I am talking about are things like what clothing I wear ( i.e. declining hand-me-downs of hers that do not fit and/ or suit me) and how I decorate etc.- things that really are just a matter of a person's own unique taste.

In a nuts , she has not always been as understanding and appreciative as I would like.

For example, with working two jobs and being that I was dog sitting as well, it was not possible for me to spend the night before Christmas ( this last one) at her home.
But I had set aside my entire and only day off to celebrate the holiday with Bo's family.
Even so, Bo's mom was initially mad at me because I was not spending the night. I wish she would have appreciated that I was doing the best I could to accomodate her.

Similarily, I was booked solid with 12 hour days throughout the duration of the rodeo, and so had no time to visit anyone. I barely saw Bo.
My mother-in-law hinted that I neglected her during this time, yet on the same token it did not occur to her to call me.
And I did call her once myself during that period and e-mailed her regularly, so she did in fact hear from me.

When she found out that I had decided to quit my mall job, the first words she uttered was: " Now you will have time for me."


But as for her good qualities, in general ( a few very ugly artificial trees and outfits being the exception) Bo's mom has very nice taste and is quite generous in gift giving.
And she is a very gifted writer and regularly composes very interesting hand written letters.

[JudynTX]

It's funny you bring up phone calls and such. My MIL doesn't call us, I have to call her. Heck, I hear more from his dad than anything.

I don't love her any less, that's just the way she is.

Yippee....you get to spend lots of time with MIL now.

[angel_luv]

I am not a big phone person.

I think my own mom would like it if I were one of those call and chat with her every day kind of daughters.
I am very good with e-mail and have about a two hour conversation with my mom bi monthly.

Bo's mom is a little eccentric and has more e-mail addresses than she can remember to check. Even though I only e-mail her at one address- per her request- she does not always get around to responding to me.
We are still figuring out the best way for us to communicate.

I think a lot of what Bo's mom is experiencing now is empty nest syndrome, so I do try to be understanding. Bo is a joy to have around so I do not blame her for missing him.

[AFBlue]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws?

I get along fine with my father-in-law. He's an easy going guy that lives a pretty simple life out in the country. Most of our time spent together (not often b/c my wife and I don't live near family) is talking about cars/trucks, weather and time in the service (he was in Vietnam).

The mother-in-law is a little different...

My wife's parents are divorced and her dad was actually the primary parent that raised her. So I only met the MIL a couple times and barely talked to her before I popped the question. To make matters worse, I proposed at a family/friends event and she wasn't there but my wife's dad was. Needless to say, she was very upset and I was not her favorite person.

Since then it's been an uphill climb. We don't say much to one another and it can get awkward at times, though not terribly so. I'm still not sure if she's actually forgiven me for not telling her, but I did apologize...so that probably helped.

Most of the tension now I think stems from the fact that I've kept her daughter away from home for nearly 5 years. My wife and her mother didn't get to spend much time together when she was growing up and they'd just started to reconnect when we moved to Georgia in '05. We could've gone back to Texas last year but ended up in California because of a better opportunity...so that was another strike against me.

Hopefully we end up back in Texas before long and I can start to really build that relationship. As for now we'll continue down the nice/civil, but occasionally awkward path.

[benefactor]

I guess I missed this thread the first time around. I suppose I'll address everything in one post.

My wife and I will be married 8 years in May and have been together for 9. There are varying opinions about the whole "I knew he/she was the one" thing, but I can honestly say that I knew I would marry her 2 weeks into the relationship...and that is something I'd never said about anyone.

We were a contrast of extremes. I ran the streets from 14 to 23 yrs old and she lived at home with her parents all the way up until we got married. I walked away from street life a month before we met, so I was still pretty rough around the edges as we were getting to know each other. It was a bit of shock to her, as she had lived in a box an was a little naive about the darker parts of society. She was like a clean, cold glass of water to me, as I was used to women being a one or two night commitment(except for my daughters mom)...a commitment that the same woman would give to most of my friends. I couldn't believe she wanted a guy like me...and I was bound and determined to do everything I could to show her I wasn't the guy from my past.

We were not only different in life exprerience, but we were also opposite in personality. She was intense, driven and obsessive compulsive. I was a laid back procrastinator that that did everything tomorrow. We wound up helping each other...as I brought her down a couple of notches and she brought me up.

With our vast differences, we went through a lot early on. Our conflicts made us stronger in the end and now we are at a point where neither can really think about life without one another and there is very few things we do apart. I think this is where a lot of marriages get messed up. When conflict arises, people don't like it and want to ignore it. This can lead to absolute disaster. Conflict is healthy and should be met head on. It helps people understand and communicate with each other on deeper levels. Getting into these levels builds the foundation for relationships that make it.

As far as arranged marriages go, I'm pretty much against it. People should be able to find the right person or not get married at all. Marriage, IMO, is the most important relationship on the planet. Two people have the right mix of personality, strengths and weaknesses to make the family unit work...not only for themselves, but also their children. This simply cannot be accomplished by just throwing two people together and telling them to figure it out.

In-laws...they love me more than they love my wife.

[sonic21]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws?

I hate my MIL, she's such a horrible person. I just tolerated her out of respect for my wife (who has always hated her). But last year, my young sister in law attempted suicide because of her. So now she's banished. We don't see her anymore.

My FIL is the nicest guy, we get along very well.

[Ginofan]

My in-laws are the best. Seriously.

My MIL is always taking care of me when we visit, wanting me to sit down, "Do you want something to drink?" "Just leave that dish I'll get it!" "You better make yourself comfortable!" She's awesome.

And my FIL is just as great. He's always including me in the card games, bowling, reading, and the movies. He treats me just as one of his own kids as I have found out. In fact, on a family trip I finally felt the "Vincent Temper" from him lol. It was over a double ping pong game and I got a little viscous and I think pissed him off a bit and he stomped off but was fine later. All the men in my husband's family have a quick temper I just had never experienced it from my FIL, it felt like being a part of the family for real.

I think I'm truly blessed when it comes to my in-laws, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

[mouse.]

I donta maka da meatloaf...I maka da meatballs!

[I. Hustle]

My in-laws are great. They always help us out with the kiddos and are there when we need them. They are cool as and super easy to get along with.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

How did the entire first page of this thread evolve without someone mentioning that it's not "rearranged marriage", it is "PRE-arranged marriage"?

That is all.

PS I should have married my Okinawan girlfriend. I didn't. I doubt I'll ever find another woman I feel that way about. But now, I'm actually okay with that. Single life has many rewards.

[marini martini]

How did the entire first page of this thread evolve without someone mentioning that it's not "rearranged marriage", it is "PRE-arranged marriage"?

That is all.

PS I should have married my Okinawan girlfriend. I didn't. I doubt I'll ever find another woman I feel that way about. But now, I'm actually okay with that. Single life has many rewards.

Ozzy, haven't you realised most everyone here is a tub of crayons with the tips broke off, by now???

..............and if you married your Geisha Doll, your in-laws would have
Harry Carried you in the middle of the night!!!

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Ozzy, haven't you realised most everyone here is a tub of crayons with the tips broke off, by now???

..............and if you married your Geisha Doll, your in-laws would have
Harry Carried you in the middle of the night!!!

Actually, her parents wanted me to marry her - we got on really well. Her whole family took me in like a son, and I loved the out of them too.

And she was no geisha... actually, her figure was more hispanic than anything - baby got back! Islander genes from her Okinawan heritage.

Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now.

i be her naturally snug vagina made your little peepee feel more normal

Projecting, huh?

I'm 6'7" with big hands and feet. You work out the rest.

You must really enjoy being a - you do it so well!

[TDMVPDPOY]

ruff i thought ur gay man....

[ploto]

If your spouse gets along well with his/her parents, it is not a good idea to speak poorly of them either to your spouse or in front of him/her. These are the people who raised the person you love, and he/she will feel that a part of him/her is being criticized.

That being said, I had the classic nosey MIL who had to put her 2 cents in on everything. I learned simply to let her say what she wanted and then I did what I wanted. I had no need to discuss it with her or to justify to her anything I decided. The loss for her was that I came to share very little with her and she never really got to know me.

Funny thing is she treats me much better now that I am no longer married to her son. She was brought down a notch in her capacity to criticize me because of what her son did. I think now she knows all I sacrificed and put up with trying to keep my family together. I am even the one who takes her grandson to see her since his father does not. Taking the high road paid off in the long-run.

[smeagol]

Got married at 25, she was 23.

We are closing on 14 years of marriage. It's been a fun ride, with ups and downs . . .

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

ruff i thought ur gay man....

You had a thought? Wow, well done!

[howbouthemspurs]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

[angel_luv]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

Congrats!

[JudynTX]

Got married at 25, she was 23.

We are closing on 14 years of marriage. It's been a fun ride, with ups and downs . . .

Congratulations. Yes, marriage has its ups and downs. That's a given.

[howbouthemspurs]

Congrats!

Thanks!

[sonic21]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

wow same here, i'll get married in july at 26.

[TDMVPDPOY]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

pics man