Would you leave your spouse if this happened to you?

[Carie]

Coming into this last as always.

"Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective.."

Depo-Provera is of the devil. It's nasty nasty nasty stuff. I've been told (after the fact of course) by several endocrinologists and ob/gyns that if you have any, and I mean even a tiny, hormonal imbalance it will jack it the up. What Obi said about the weight gain is so very common. And bleeding for months at a time is not out of the norm. I will discourage anyone who mentions their interest in it from taking it.

I'm not up on the latest birth control methods for women, but I will say that if they involve hormones in the slightest then there is a very big potential for problems. Potentially very bad problems. For us (husband and myself, not women in general), a condom was much simpler and involved no side effects. I'm not knocking guys for not wanting to wear one because of the sensation issue. I mean, I wouldn't want one on my tatas while they're being tended to.

As far as the original question, in my relationship that would be a big red flag. People are asking why are women's first reaction to dump him? Why was the man's first reaction to question her fidelity? That in and of itself is a huge, huge issue. Would I automatically leave my husband? No, not for any reason other than abuse. But we sure as would be in counseling pronto.

[pache100]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

Note B: I swear to God, this is NOT me. SFIE and I are NOT expecting a baby, planned or otherwise.

I know a man who had a son by a woman he was not married to (he was married at the time). He'd been seeing this woman for years, they worked together. He broke it off with her because he was sure she'd cheated on him because 'HE HAD HAD A VASECTOMY'. She was devastated, because she knew the child was his. A few months after the baby was born he saw him and realized the baby looked exactly like his 24-yr old son. So, he asked for a paternity test and found out the baby was indeed his. He'd divorced in the interim, and the two of them are now married and have another child (never completely trust a vasectomy sometimes they just don't work!). I suspect they will live happily ever after. I don't know if I could have just picked up where we left off if I were her, though.

[SpursWoman]

And the chances for failure are even higher for tubal ligations. I'm telling you ... the only thing that's 100% if you're still planning on having any kind of sex is a complete hysterectomy.

[pache100]

And the chances for failure are even higher for tubal ligations. I'm telling you ... the only thing that's 100% if you're still planning on having any kind of sex is a complete hysterectomy.

You know, that's the really weird thing. They had been trying to have another child since they married but had no luck (she did have one miscarriage). She decided she was tired of worrying about it and went in to get her tubes tied because she felt she was getting too old (she was 34). During the pre-op, when they ran the pregnancy test (as the do for all surgeries on women of child-bearing age), she found out she was pregnant! She still says (and their youngest child is 7 now), "Was this meant to be, or what?"

[Melmart1]

34 is too old? Ouchie! I better find myself a hubby soon!

[pache100]

34 is too old? Ouchie! I better find myself a hubby soon!

Well, she had some other health problems, too. She had a triple bypass this past fall at the ripe old age of 40. And she didn't even KNOW she had heart problems. She's always had migraines (that leave her vision blurred for a couple of days) and they thought a couple of times she might have had mild strokes. And, she's diabetic, too. So, it wasn't JUST her age.

[SpursWoman]

34 is too old? Ouchie! I better find myself a hubby soon!

I'm 34 ... and I can tell you, by already having 2 kids (9 & 10) ... I'm definitely too old. That's a challenge when you're in your early 20's...no way I'm changing diapers or having to stay up all night with a collic-y baby this *close* to 40. I'm pretty sure I'd die.

Watching too much Discovery Health channel and seeing all of these babies born with the must crazy conditions imaginable (rare or not) can't possibly have helped, either...it got me too spooked.

[pache100]

I'm 34 ... and I can tell you, by already having 2 kids (9 & 10) ... I'm definitely too old. That's a challenge when you're in your early 20's...no way I'm changing diapers or having to stay up all night with a collic-y baby this *close* to 40. I'm pretty sure I'd die.

Watching too much Discovery Health channel and seeing all of these babies born with the must crazy conditions imaginable (rare or not) can't possibly have helped, either...it got me too spooked.

My Mom had her last baby when she was 33. It wasn't planned, but it sure was wanted. But, in 1966, that was VERY rare, to be having a baby at that age; it's a lot more common now, and even older. It was her easiest pregnancy of the three, though. And it didn't hurt having a 14-yr old (ME!) to help out with the new baby and the 6 yr-old.

[easjer]

Heh. If things go as planned, our first will be when I am just at 28. Two years in between, ideally, puts me at 30 for the second. Four years in between, ideally, puts me at 34 for the third, and two years in between puts me at 36 for the last one.

I'm ok with that. But people can be cruel. One of my pregnant friends due this year is 40. She cries nearly everyday, because people feel it is their right to tell her how dangerous it is to be carrying a child and all the risks of birth defects that go up after 35, and on and on and on. All she wanted was a child with her new husband, the experience of having kids with a man who loves and supports you. They were excited about the baby - they'd tried for almost two years to get pregnant. Now all they hear about is how BAD it is to have kids at that age.

Why does pregnancy en le people to behave outside common decency? Telling pregnant women horror stories about miscarriages, birth defects, difficult labor and deliveries, horror stories about pain and problems with pain medication? Dissecting their choices of hospitals, doctors, delivery methods, diet, choice to know or not know the gender of the child? Going up to them and touching them without any permission? I just don't get it. As much as we want kids and I am looking forward to it, I am not looking forward to the above.

[Kori Ellis]

34 isn't too old. I'm 38 and planning to have more than one baby. Easjer tell your friend to read up on how many successful pregnancies there are after 40 these days. It's sad that people are making her feel bad and worried.

[SpursWoman]

It is for me because I have 2 older ones. I'm too road-weary already.

[pache100]

34 isn't too old. I'm 38 and planning to have more than one baby. Easjer tell your friend to read up on how many successful pregnancies there are after 40 these days. It's sad that people are making her feel bad and worried.

I agree. There was a girl that I knew in same grade I was in school when my Mom was pregnant with my sister whose mom was also pregnant. That girl was so ashamed of her mom (both her parents, really), and she was so mean to them and made jokes about it all the time. I was PROUD of my Mom and soooo excited about the baby. My sister developed spinal menengitis when she was 2 days old and didn't come home from the hospital until she was 6 weeks old. We were all terrified she wouldn't make it, and I was old enough to really understand what was going on. When she did come home, I LOVED helping to take care of her and taking care of my brother when needed.

I hate it when people ask "When are you going to have a baby?" when people don't have them; maybe they (like me) didn't want children. And I hate it when people carry on when someone over 21 has a baby. What the is their problem? If they are healthy, able, and want a baby whatever their age - I say go for it!

[Melmart1]

I hate it when people ask "When are you going to have a baby?" when people don't have them; maybe they (like me) didn't want children. And I hate it when people carry on when someone over 21 has a baby. What the is their problem? If they are healthy, able, and want a baby whatever their age - I say go for it!

I am only 29, but I am the oldest. Two out of three of my younger siblings both already have two kids a piece. So naturally, everyone wonders when I am going to have them. They pester and badger and make me feel worthless because I have not gotten married or had children. Being from an old-school Mexican family, my aunts have said I should either join the convent or move to Mexico and be a rich couple's nanny. Ouchie! I don't think they realize that I am the 3rd generation of Americans (half my family still lives in Mexico). That don't fly here. THe badgering gets old QUICK!!

People need to learn to mind their own business!!!
Ok, vent over

[Darrin]

My mom was 31-years-old when she had her first baby, and 34 when I was born. All of her brothers and sisters (the 3rd of 8 kids) had already had children when she had her first.

[CosmicCowboy]

I can't imagine being 55-60 and dealing with teenagers. Those babies may be cute and adorable when you are 40 but....*shiver*.....noooooooo thank you!

[ShoogarBear]

I'm too road-weary already.

Are we still talking about having babies?

[boutons_]

Estimates are that up to 10% of kids aren't the children of the man married to the mother. If DNA testing were cheap enough, the 10% number could be confirmed/denied.

The 10% estimate comes from the record of men in child support cases who run paternity tests to get out of child support to women who are their wives (or not), and do find that "his" child is really not HIS child.

Apart from the $$$ of the paternity test, the unfaithful women have a huge advantage because:

1) most decent men love "their" unknown "love child" anyway and/or

2) love their wives and don't want to open that Pandora's box.


Women in peak fertiliy days want to get ed, and women in peak fertility who aren't completely happy with their man are more ready to get it elsewhere. Not every time, perhaps not 10%, but apparently much more frequently than is generally known.

[SpursWoman]

Women in peak fertiliy days want to get ed, and women in peak fertility who aren't completely happy with their man are more ready to get it elsewhere.

And men want to get ed all of the time, and men who aren't completely happy with their woman are more ready to go elsewhere. There are actually quite a significant percentage who do this, apparently.

[SpursWoman]

Are we still talking about having babies?

More or less.

[pache100]

I can't imagine being 55-60 and dealing with teenagers. Those babies may be cute and adorable when you are 40 but....*shiver*.....noooooooo thank you!

Well, as I said in an earlier post, my Mom was 33 when my sister was born and my Dad was 35. In 1966, that was considered ancient to be having kids. But, I can tell you one thing...that girl kept my parents young. They did stuff with her that they couldn't afford to do with my brother and me. My Dad coached her t-ball and softball teams; they went to high school football games long after my brother graduated (he played) because she was in the band; they traveled all over the southwest because she ran summer track for about 5 years. Some of those road trips were priceless. My Dad would have been a hermit long before he actually became one if not for following that little girl around. She really kept them young.

[ObiwanGinobili]

It's funny how so many people have commented on a general at iude of what age is too old ot have kids.... even mentioning the early 30's as an age where others have made stu[pid comments.
I'm sure thats true, I'm sure plenty of peopel have said stupid about someone having kids at 35, 38 .. even 32.

But it's the complete opposite of my experiance. EVERYONE made a big deal about me having kids. My 1st was born when I was 24 (I was 23 for most of the pregnancy).
I can't tell oyu how many times people told me thats too young, or don;t you want to do somethign with your life 1st, or you havn't had enough life experiance yet to raise a kid, or it;s bad enough you got married so young (I was 18.... so that means I was married for 5 years when Isabella was born.. not exactly a n00b) now you want to bring kids into it, my persoanl fav.. Can't you wait untill you've settled down 1st.

wtf?????

I've come to the conclusion that the general public feels the need to make disparaging remarks about pregnancy no matter what. If your young or older, have alot of kids or none, married or not, overweight, etc etc etc... they will find something to say about your pregnancy.
the public. I've had it up to here with them.

__________________________________________________ ____

Also.
If someone is ahving kids at 35 or older. Fine by me. I don;t thin kthe 60+ yr olds should be having all that invetro but thats a differnet subject.
Personally I wanted to have my kids early.. before my 30's. Both my mother and father were "change of life" babies and all of my grandparents and step grandparents (expcet one who is estranged) are dead. they wer edead beofre I turned 11 and before my brother was born. So I really wanted my kids to have the best chance at a relationship with thier grandparents as possible.
Also my mom has 4 kids .. the 3 born in her 20's are very healthy. But my younger brother born when she was 38 has several health problems. Epiliepsy, dyslexia, colorblind, deaf in one ear with 50% hearing in the other. Sure it could be just a coincidence.. probably is... but it;s also somethign I took into consideration when decided to have children.

[SpursWoman]

On another note ... my kids are dying for me to have another baby. They brought it up again this morning on the way to daycare. But even away from the age thing ... it'd be really difficult for me to even consider it without my mom around anymore.

[pache100]

the public. I've had it up to here with them.

Both my mother and father were "change of life" babies and all of my grandparents and step grandparents (expcet one who is estranged) are dead. they wer edead beofre I turned 11 and before my brother was born. So I really wanted my kids to have the best chance at a relationship with thier grandparents as possible.

That is the one really sad thing about my sister being so much younger. Both my brother and I (me more so than him) remember so many family times that she has no clue about. We have cousin and aunt-and-uncle stories galore; he and I had so much fun and so many adventures when we were kids. She doesn't remember any of it. I even spent quite a bit of time with my great-grandparents (my Mom's grandparents); my great-grandfather didn't die until I was 13! My cousins and I had so many great adventures with the two of them. All of our grandparents were dead when my sister was really young. She did have one glorious year with my Dad's father; he had a heart-attack, and back then, that put you out of commission for a long time, not like now. She was 1 yr old when it happened. They spent every waking minute together, were just inseperable. My Grandaddy "read" her hundreds of books (my Mom finally told us about 10 years ago that Grandaddy could not read...he memorized all those books, or just made stuff up!). Problem is, she doesn't remember it, she was too young. I can see that when we tell stories about our camping and fishing trips with cousins and aunts and uncles, and hunting "poke salit" with my great-grandparents, she wishes she could have known some of those things.

[Carie]

I hate it when people ask "When are you going to have a baby?" when people don't have them; maybe they (like me) didn't want children. And I hate it when people carry on when someone over 21 has a baby. What the is their problem? If they are healthy, able, and want a baby whatever their age - I say go for it!

The next person that asks me that dies a slow miserable death. We've been married for 10 years (married when I was 22). Until recently, our family and friends were great about leaving us alone, but the people we work with and meet socially? ARGH. They are so annoying!

Now, apparently, my MIL is ready for us to have kids. I've explained my fertility related health problems to her, but she still asks and hints. We were at a baby shower about a month ago and she mentioned it at least 5 times. o, what part of my fertility problems explanation did she not get? Does she think it makes me feel better by asking? Summers had a great idea, I'm going to have a shirt made that says "WE'RE WORKING ON IT" and wear it whenever we're around her.