Moving in with your S.O.

[SpursWoman]

Hate to be the downer to all of this celebration of living together- but people who live together before they get married actually have a higher divorce rate than those who don't.

Everyone should live their lives in accordance to ratios.

[BacktoBasics]

Everyone should live their lives in accordance to ratios.

finally some common sense in this thread.

[AFBlue]

Being informed about the pitfalls of living together is always helpful, but in my experience there's only one thing that matters....

Love.

I'm not talking about the bull kinda kiddie love or that "I've been with them long enough to build a loving relationship with them" kind of love.

I'm talking about "don't wanna live without you, want to see you/feel you everyday" kind of love.

If you have that, you can make it through just about anything....and that includes bad cooking (which is NOT my situation thank god), laziness, money disputes, space issues, etc.

I just so happen to have found that, so my experience has been really good.

There's the occasional tiff where I wait too long to do the dishes or she leaves her twenty pairs of shoes in the middle of the floor with the heel pointed up so that it can jab me in the foot. But we vent the initial frustration then get over it.

We also have ways of dealing with the Money issue and the Space issue, and if you want to hear about those let me know.

Bottom Line: Living with someone is a positive thing if you no-kidding love them. All the baggage that comes with it can be worked through.

[SpursWoman]

finally some common sense in this thread.

If I'd have lived with my ex-husband before I married him, I would have discovered within the first month that I didn't really even like him that much, afterall. That made for a pretty damn long 7 years.

[ploto]

Everyone should live their lives in accordance to ratios.

Did I say that? It is a fact to point out to balance all the people who seemed to claim that living together would INCREASE the odds at GREATER success in an eventual marriage. It simply does not, but a lot of young people still think it does. Sounds like someone wants to play house to me.

[BacktoBasics]

Did I say that? It is a fact to point out to balance all the people who seemed to claim that living together would INCREASE the odds at GREATER success in an eventual marriage. It simply does not, but a lot of young people still think it does. Sounds like someone wants to play house to me.

I understand what you are saying but I think the ratio is skewed. I do think dispite what the figure says it will increase the odds of greater success if you factor out the people who got married in hopes of fixing an already bad relationship.

Sounds like someone wants to play house to me too. I mean we all want to leave on our own and eat ice cream for dinner right!

[midgetonadonkey]

I want ice cream for dinner. I think I will eat that tonight.

[Richard Cranium]

Bottom line is that is is YOUR decision. Nobody knows you like you do. For some a live in relationship works fine. For others they want more than just a roommate and unless you are married, that is what you are.
Good luck and I can't imagine any man not jumping at the chance to live with you.

[SpursWoman]

Did I say that? It is a fact to point out to balance all the people who seemed to claim that living together would INCREASE the odds at GREATER success in an eventual marriage. It simply does not, but a lot of young people still think it does. Sounds like someone wants to play house to me.

I'm not a big believer in studies on relationships, but I am a big believer in my own experiences ... which are the polar opposite of the results of that study. But I do agree that it sounds like someone just wanting to play house...because I've been there. All I can say to that, because it's really not my business, is that experience is life's greatest teacher.

Based on that, my only advice is five different types of birth control for the first 3 years minimum, and no joint bank accounts. And that label thing before you move in isn't a bad idea, either.

[Opinionater]

Based on that, my only advice is five different types of birth control for the first 3 years minimum, and no joint bank accounts. And that label thing before you move in isn't a bad idea, either.

IMHO, that is no way to start any serious relationship. You are setting yourself with an easy out and in today's society....an easy out is an easy fix.

[Shelly]

I couldn't imagine marrying anyone without living with them first so if you're at all serious about the relationship then you kinda have to go there.

I dunno...I lived with my husband one month before getting married and we'll be married for 18 years in January.

[Shelly]

the family is always the LAST to know!

[SpursWoman]

IMHO, that is no way to start any serious relationship. You are setting yourself with an easy out and in today's society....an easy out is an easy fix.

Walk before you run, IMHO. It's not THAT serious if there's no wedding date set.

And an easy fix to what, exactly, btw?

[AFBlue]

IMHO, that is no way to start any serious relationship. You are setting yourself with an easy out and in today's society....an easy out is an easy fix.

I have a sister that had a kid out of wedlock with a guy that she ended up marrying him because they wanted to provide a solid home for the kid and it ended disastrously.

Of course the "easy out" you speak of could've been abortion but she didn't want to go that route.

Precaution isn't easy...precaution is smart.

Same goes with the money. What is the benefit of immediately establishing a joint account? Honestly, what is the long-term benefit?

[Opinionater]

Walk before you run, IMHO. It's not THAT serious if there's no wedding date set.

And an easy fix to what, exactly, btw?

Uh, the relationship. Well, other than a lease agreement or other living arrangement. But I mean an easy "fix" or out of said living arrangements. But a committed relationship, a true one, does not look for the easy fix. But that is just my opinion.
I never lived with my wife and we are still going strong.

[Opinionater]

I have a sister that had a kid out of wedlock with a guy that she ended up marrying him because they wanted to provide a solid home for the kid and it ended disastrously.

Of course the "easy out" you speak of could've been abortion but she didn't want to go that route.

Precaution isn't easy...precaution is smart.

Same goes with the money. What is the benefit of immediately establishing a joint account? Honestly, what is the long-term benefit?

Precaution? IMHO, that too is a cop out. Many people seem to have forgotten what a committed relationship is all about. Marriage for love almost no longer exists. There is no way to predict the future and using a precaution does not help, IMHO.

[Shelly]

So whats the money situation?

Do you make more than him?

Has he lived on his own before...have you?

What do you do if he picks his nose in front of you, cries, craps his pants in your bed in the midst of a drunken stupor?

What happens if he wants a night out without you?

Do you have medical coverage?

How are you splitting the rent, bills, food money?

Joint insurance for the cars?

Both names on the bills?

How are going to divide up the extra spending money or fun money?

If you aren't combining income as one functional unit and he comes home with new cloths and bag full of CDs and you're over drawn in the bank account how will that make you feel?

What if he invites the boys over for the game and they clog the toilet and won't leave?

What if your car breaks down and you need a ride but he's low on gas money?

What if he gets comfortable and gains weight? What if you do?

Are you expecting him to still pay if you go out?

Does he have a clue what being on the rag really is?

Do you have a good relationship with his family and does he with yours?

Are any of you going to continue school? Who will help cover for the other if said schooling ends up cutting into actual work time thus cutting income?

Can you or he cook any more than 3 dishes?

How often should you eat out?

What have you really thought about?

LuvBones, I like you a lot, but he does bring up some good points.

I think finances will be one of the major issues, as it is in any serious relationship. You need to figure out who will take care of what.

[SpursWoman]

Uh, the relationship. Well, other than a lease agreement or other living arrangement. But I mean an easy "fix" or out of said living arrangements. But a committed relationship, a true one, does not look for the easy fix. But that is just my opinion.
I never lived with my wife and we are still going strong.

They aren't getting married, they are going to live together. And this isn't the 1800's, you no longer have to go "all in" on the very first shot at it.

[Opinionater]

They aren't getting married, they are going to live together. And this isn't the 1800's, you no longer have to go "all in" on the very first shot at it.

So then it will be an "open relationship" with not committment? And what does the year have to with anything? I didn't know some social morals had a time limit on them. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with doing things the right way. That is all. I just think people living in sin has a bad influence on society as a whole.

[AFBlue]

Precaution? IMHO, that too is a cop out. Many people seem to have forgotten what a committed relationship is all about. Marriage for love almost no longer exists. There is no way to predict the future and using a precaution does not help, IMHO.

If I love my wife, I think she is "the one", and I fully intend on honoring my life-long committment...but we have both agreed that children are not our priority and we wouldn't be prepared for children at this point in our lives, we're supposed to not make love or have sex?

My point...

If you make decisions for the explicit purpose of creating a situation where it would be easy to duck out, then you're not ready for that commitment in the first place.

BUT, if you make mutual decisions that have that adverse effect, you shouldn't be judged harshly for it.

Case in point....my wife and I have seperate bank accounts because she works at a bank that requires it. But having two pots of money does help ease the tension when she comes home with $50 worth of clothing and jewelry from Target when she set out for toothpaste....and the same goes for me.

On the flip side, I have a rather sizeable life insurance policy and every cent of it is dedicated to her.

So, I am fully dedicated to her while making "smart" decisions to maintain seperation in some aspects of the relationship.

Bottom Line: Sometimes it's just good practice and not malicious intent. What you see as "easy outs", I see as smart decisions.

[BacktoBasics]

If I love my wife, I think she is "the one", and I fully intend on honoring my life-long committment...but we have both agreed that children are not our priority and we wouldn't be prepared for children at this point in our lives, we're supposed to not have make love or have sex?

My point...

If you make decisions for the explicit purpose of creating a situation where it would be easy to duck out, then you're not ready for that commitment in the first place.

BUT, if you make mutual decisions that have that adverse effect, you shouldn't be judged harshly for it.

Case in point....my wife and I have seperate bank accounts because she works at a bank that requires it. But having two pots of money does help ease the tension when she comes home with $50 worth of clothing and jewelry from Target when she set out for toothpaste....and the same goes for me.

On the flip side, I have a rather sizeable life insurance policy and every cent of it is dedicated to her.

So, I am fully dedicated to her while making "smart" decisions to maintain seperation in some aspects of the relationship.

Bottom Line: Sometimes it's just good practice and not malicious intent. What you see as "easy outs", I see as smart decisions.

A bank that requires it? WTF?

[AFBlue]

A bank that requires it? WTF?

They automatically deposit her salary into the bank account she opened with the bank.

The transfers suck sometimes, but it actually works out great.

And we sit down to discuss who pays what bills at which time of the month.

It was sort of an unintended consequence, but when she quits the bank I think we'll still maintain seperate accounts...it's worked out that well.

[BacktoBasics]

They automatically deposit her salary into the bank account she opened with the bank.

The transfers suck sometimes, but it actually works out great.

And we sit down to discuss who pays what bills at which time of the month.

It was sort of an unintended consequence, but when she quits the bank I think we'll still maintain seperate accounts...it's worked out that well.

I mean no offense by this question but are you two white?

[AFBlue]

I mean no offense by this question but are you two white?

Uh-oh....Opinionater has already brought up religion ("living in sin")...you gonna bring up race?

Please do....I love contraversy

To answer your question:

Yes, both of us are White.

[Shelly]

I never got the separate checking accounts when married, but if works in your relationship...more power to you.

It's always been our money regardless of who makes what.