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Think it depends on the potential future husband and his feelings on it. I like my name, and would prefer to keep it, but if the change was really important to him I'd do it.
for some reason i see that not working out the way you want it to.I want to take on my husband's last name. That it is important to me.
I also want my new name to sound nice, so I'll take care to fall in love with a man who has a great last name.
Think it depends on the potential future husband and his feelings on it. I like my name, and would prefer to keep it, but if the change was really important to him I'd do it.
I don't think I'd mind if my future wife decided to keep her name.
However, I'll be damned if my kids have different last names.
The decision on kids names doesn't matter to me, since I shant be having any.
Ever.
Well, I ain't getting married anytime soon, either.
Moot.
I took my husband's name mainly because I liked it more than mine, it really didn't matter to him and I don't think it really does matter anymore unless they're old fashioned. As far as the kids if you decide to keep your name, you could give the kids both names or if you have more than one you could give 1 yours and 1 your husband's. That's what my sister did, 2 of her boys have their dad's name and the other boy and the girl have hers. I think this is only a major issue if you're the only child, and concerned about continuing the family name.
My last name is Ghrist (pronounced like "wrist" with a G), and it has a long history of being mispronounced. Ironically my first semester in college, it was at a community college and all 5 of my professors got it right, I was shocked. In any case, sometimes I joke and say that I'm a distant relative of Christ and changed the first letter and pronounciation so people would stop asking me if I can turn water into wine. That doesn't get many laughs anymore...
When I get married I hope my wife takes my name. I'm very proud of my family and my name (and I don't think she would have any reason to dislike my family or the name). I agree with what Kori said on the first or second page of this though. I don't see the prospect of keeping our names as an option, just because taking the man's name is so commonplace. But if the future Mrs. JT objects I suspect we'll have a nice talk about it together.
If your wife doesn't take your last name how are people going to know she's yours?
We had a discussion about the gf changing her last name a couple of weeks ago. She likes her name and is an only child, and both of her parents were only children too. She wants to keep it and I really don't care too much about the issue in general. The quote she served up was something along the lines of, "It's a stupid tradition and there's no law saying we have to."
I wasn't awarded any nookie coupons when I told her she could be talking about her beloved ins ution of marriage.
that's what i said for the longest time. things change.
That's a good reason to keep your name. I have 4 brothers, though. So, that reason wouldn't work for me.
Question: What if your children get older and want the same last name?
If and when I get married Id like the misses to take my name. I figure when you marry some one your no longer an individual. So to me it makes sense to have the same last name.
If that's a widely shared opinion, I've just gained a better understanding for why I'm not yet married.
I would gladly take my husband's last name, it just doesn't matter much to me. But when I go out with a man for the first time, I have found it quite amusing during small talk to tell him 'yeah, when I get married, my husband is going to take MY last name'. The reactions have ranged from storming out of the restaurant to stammering to getting a good laugh (the intended response). It's a good barometer of his sense of humor.
I joke with my best friend all the time that if I could just beat him into submission on the last name thing that he would make the perfect Mr. Martinez. Alas, he is too stubborn so I gotta look elsewhere.
PS- to CuckingFunt- not sure how old you are but I used to say the same thing you did. In fact my ex who I was thisclose to marrying was going to have a vasectomy and the closer he got to it, the real feelings started to come out and I tried to talk him out of it. When he didnt relent, we broke up. You may be surprised how your feelings on this change. I will be 30 this year and find myself wanting kids, though I spent the better part of my adult life swearing them off. I dont want to get hitched and pregnant tomorrow or even this year but I definitely want it in my future now. If you had told me this even three years ago I would have laughed in your face. Funny how these things happen.
I'm 28. And totally open to the fact that my feelings on the subject may change in the future.
But I sincerely doubt it.
I'm too selfish. And not at all maternal (well, except towards my friends, then I become the mother hen of the group). And the idea of pregnancy, in general, makes me physically ill.
My wife hyphenated hers, much to the disdain of her father, as her name actually had a certain amount of prestige. She's kept it hyphenated after the divorce for professional reasons.
It doesn't matter to me in the slightest, but now that I think about things, it seems like a strange custom (perhaps that's because I don't deal with the Western patriarchal naming system all that frequently anymore), and if I were to marry again I'd prefer that my wife kept her previous iden y. I'm too old to consider kids (have always hated them anyway), but if my hypothetical partner and I conceived I'm sure an equitable solution could be found.
Okay, I'm too lazy to go back and see if I posted in this thread the first time so here goes my take... 1st husband insisted I take his name and totally forget about maiden name. Done. Then when we divorced he put it in the divorce agreement that I had to take back my maiden name. He didn't want me walking around with his name, even though I already knew I was going to be getting remarried soon. So I had to change back to my maiden name. Then 2 months after my divorce was finalized I got remarried. This time I kept my maiden name as my second middle name and added my new husband's name on the end. I didn't want to go through the hassle of having to reestablish my iden y again under my maiden name if things didn't work out. Luckily though, things have worked out great for almost nine years so far and I find myself including my maiden name on do ents far less than I used to. Probably because I feel more secure.
My biggest problem is that my daughter and I have different last names and this bothers both of us. She would like to add my last name to hers but I am sure my ex would throw a fit. Also I can't stand it when someone from the school or a doctor's office will call and ask to speak to Mrs. ex-husband's last name.
Question:
I have not been around for the entire thread, and don't want to read the entire thing just to see if somebody answered this question properly.
For the women who feel they have to change their names, and the men who demand it of them, why?
I would love to hear your reasons for believing it to be a necessity. I am truly curious about this.
I am getting married in June, and my fiancee is taking my name, but only after she lost a coin toss for the last name rights...she wanted to take mine, I wanted to be nice and take here, and we ended with my name. But, I would have been fine had I lost, it is of no importance to me, at least in my eyes....it would have been tiring explaining it my entire life, but that would have been interesting anyway.
Let me know, Im dying to hear the reasons you remain stuck in tradition...I hope it is not mindless tradition.
The ins ute of marriage is the contractual exchange of goods. It is, historically, a very sexist ins ution. Asking the parents for their daughter's hand. Mothers happy their daughters can finally fulfill their purpose on the planet - to be a mother and homemaker. Dowries. White dresses. And the name goes right along with that. It is simply to reflect who's property the woman belonged to - her father or the husband. It's similar to branding a herd of cattle.
It has nothing to do with love or commitment or celebration. It's a traditional exchange of goods. It would be just as easy to have the same trappings of a wedding - the party, the celebration, the commitment - without the marriage certificate and the rings.
I reject the notion that people have to be within the bonds of marriage to start a family and commit to be together for life. But if we're going through with this traditional ceremony, we're doing it all.
Why not take her name?
Because the most common argument is that it makes her subserviant to me. My belief is that it stops simply being a last name and becomes the name of our family. From that day forward people will call us as a couple. Our children will bear that name. It does curb both of us of our independence, and therefore change who we are. No one can make a decision that big and not limit their options for the rest of their lives. A name sure as isn't going to change that.
I don't care what that name is. But if she thinks it makes her subserviant, why would I volunteer to take her name? I think we should be on equal footing.
I consider myself enlightened. I will scream and hollar about the role of women in the workplace and how our sex lives are judged. I will challenge anyone who believes a role to be too masculine or too feminine for the opposite sex to participate. I will lose respect for people who assume a sexual preference from such a stereotype. As I have said before, marriage is not my favorite ins ution.
But if we agree to do this, let's do it. If it means something different to us even though it includes the same trappings as when it was sexist, why draw the line here? What does it matter?
Last edited by Darrin; 08-15-2006 at 06:20 AM.
I will keep both. Use my last name as my middle name.
Nice fix.
Pretty!
Women should take the last name of their husband to show respect and demonstrate their subservience to the man.
I have a sister that ditched her maiden name and then kept her first husbands last name through two more marriages...she had started her business and was professionally known by that name...at least thats what she told #2 and #3...I think she just liked the sound of the name better than theirs or going back to her maiden name...LOL
My mom & dad got divorced when I was 2 and she kept his name so that all of us girls would have the same last name. Then when she remarried 20 years later She continued use that name professionally since it was what she was known by. Her 2nd husband didn't mind. She only used his last name socially.
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