Moving in with your S.O.

[BacktoBasics]

Uh-oh....Opinionater has already brought up religion ("living in sin")...you gonna bring up race?

Please do....I love contraversy

To answer your question:

Yes, both of us are White.

It was a curious question not meant to be controversial. Like I said don't be offended.

[JoeChalupa]

They automatically deposit her salary into the bank account she opened with the bank.

The transfers suck sometimes, but it actually works out great.

And we sit down to discuss who pays what bills at which time of the month.

It was sort of an unintended consequence, but when she quits the bank I think we'll still maintain seperate accounts...it's worked out that well.

The wife and I have two joint accounts and we pay different bills out of different accounts but we always look at it as OUR money. But we've never taken any precautions with our finances but she was on birth control until we decided it was time for a child and she also tied her tubes as another precaution if you will. But I had every intention of marrying her from the start. For me I wouldn't have it any other way.
I would prefer that my daughters not go the "live in" route though.

[Opinionater]

Uh-oh....Opinionater has already brought up religion ("living in sin")...you gonna bring up race?

Please do....I love contraversy

To answer your question:

Yes, both of us are White.

IMHO, religion is an individual issue and my bringing "living in sin" is my belief and I am in no way pushing it on you. If I offended you I apologize. That was not the intent. My point is that I feel "relationships" as a whole, be they by marriage or common law, do not have the committment they once did...say like in the 1800's.

[SpursWoman]

So then it will be an "open relationship" with not committment? And what does the year have to with anything? I didn't know some social morals had a time limit on them. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with doing things the right way. That is all. I just think people living in sin has a bad influence on society as a whole.

Regardless of my marital history, I happen to take marriage very seriously. And I would never do it again without being absolutely sure I really knew the person. You might think you know someone by dating for a few months or years, but you really don't know a damn thing until you've lived with them a while and actually have to depend on them for something. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters before the true committment of marriage takes place. Sometimes it's difficult to recognize a mistake until your smack-dab in the middle of it ... which happens to young people who think they know everything A LOT.

[PM5K]

I am not a marriage kind of girl

[johnsmith]

I heard a while back that more marriages end in divorce when the couple lives together first rather then waiting until after.

[Mixability]

And I'm pretty sure more marriages never even happen when the couples live together first.

[SpursWoman]

I heard a while back that more marriages end in divorce when the couple lives together first rather then waiting until after.

In my study, 100% of people that didn't live together before they got married have gotten divorced.

[SpursWoman]

And I'm pretty sure more marriages never even happen when the couples live together first.

Yeah ... they didn't happen. Which means they figured out it wasn't going to work out before there were children, property, and debt involved. I wonder if there's a study done on that.

[ploto]

I would prefer that my daughters not go the "live in" route though.

Interesting...

[SpursWoman]

I would prefer that my daughters not go the "live in" route though.

Don't you also prefer that they not wear makeup? Was that you?

[AFBlue]

It was a curious question not meant to be controversial. Like I said don't be offended.

No worries...not offended.

[Mixability]

Yeah ... they didn't happen. Which means they figured out it wasn't going to work out before there were children, property, and debt involved. I wonder if there's a study done on that.

[ploto]

Which means they figured out it wasn't going to work out before there were children, property, and debt involved. I wonder if there's a study done on that.

You do realize that plenty of people who live together without marriage have children, property AND debt.

[AFBlue]

I never got the separate checking accounts when married, but if works in your relationship...more power to you.

It's always been our money regardless of who makes what.

It's still "our" money. We usually split the bills right down the middle, in fact I end up paying for her car payment.

Again, we got seperate accounts because she was forced to open one up and maintain a balance with her semi-monthly income automatically going to the account.

But, it does have its fringe benefits. I'll never understand why she buys $30 gold, snake-skin purses (exaggeration, but not really) or a fifth pair of black shoes...but this way I don't have to. And the same goes for her about my questionable purchases (did I really need the super charger? probably not...).

We both end up with a certain amount of disposable income that we can use however we choose.

I'm sure we would handle it if we had a joint account and a single pot of money, and it will become an eventuality when we start having babies and she has to quit her job (at least for a while, if not permanently) which means the "other" account would go bye-bye. I'm just saying it's nice to have that luxury right now.

But for the most part, I do still consider it "our" money.

[AFBlue]

IMHO, religion is an individual issue and my bringing "living in sin" is my belief and I am in no way pushing it on you. If I offended you I apologize. That was not the intent. My point is that I feel "relationships" as a whole, be they by marriage or common law, do not have the committment they once did...say like in the 1800's.

Perhaps I come across as incredibly serious....

That post was meant to be playful. Sorry to you and B2B for the misconception...

[Shelly]

It's still "our" money. We usually split the bills right down the middle, in fact I end up paying for her car payment.

Again, we got seperate accounts because she was forced to open one up and maintain a balance with her semi-monthly automatically going to the account.

But, it does have its fringe benefits. I'll never understand why she buys $30 gold, snake-skin purses (exaggeration, but not really) or a fifth pair of black shoes...but this way I don't have to. And the same goes for her about my questionable purchases (did I really need the super charger? probably not...).

We both end up with a certain amount of disposable income that we can use however we choose.

I'm sure we would handle it if we had a joint account and a single pot of money, and it will become an eventuality when we start having babies and she has to quit her job (at least for a while, if not permanently) which means the "other" account would go bye-bye. I'm just saying it's nice to have that luxury right now.

But for the most part, I do still consider it "our" money.

Well, that's good. I've seen a lot of people with separate accounts throw the, "I'll buy what I want...it's MY money" line.

[AFBlue]

Well, that's good. I've seen a lot of people with separate accounts throw the, "I'll buy what I want...it's MY money" line.

I can see that.

I guess it boils down to communication and planning. Fortunatly we're good at both, so it works itself out.

[Shelly]

I can see that.

I guess it boils down to communication and planning. Fortunatly we're good at both, so it works itself out.

Exactly.

[CuckingFunt]

I want ice cream for dinner. I think I will eat that tonight.

Ice cream for breakfast is even better.

[angel_luv]

I've never had a boy friend so I can't give advice there.

However, as someone who lives on her own, I would advocate doing that that before getting involved in a serious relationship.
It is pressure enough making the right decisions for yourself, much less having to factor in the very real needs and desires of another person.
It is hard enough suffering the consequences of your own " rookie" mistakes without having to live with the fact that you are subjecting a S.O. to all that as well.

I know I have found this time of relative freedom and space to be invaluable to my development as a grown up and individual, something I believe will serve me well when I do meet and become involved with " the one".

And just so you know, this is coming from the marrying type of girl.

As a matter of fact, I used to want to be married by the time I was 19 and thought being the age I am now ( almost 25) with three kids would be a great thing for me.

I would encourage you that if you are ready, you are ready.
Equally important, if it is right, no need to rush.
Take a hard look at all the facts, examine and consider the advice here, talk through the best and worse case scenarios with your guy.

I wish you all the best.

[CuckingFunt]

I never got the separate checking accounts when married, but if works in your relationship...more power to you.

It's always been our money regardless of who makes what.

When I was living with my ex, our relationship was as close to a marriage as... well, as close as the law would allow... and we had a joint account to which we both contributed and from which all the household bills were paid. But we always also maintained separate accounts.

Two shopaholic women needing to ask permission (or, more accurately, make sure there would be enough left over to pay the rent) before making an impulse buy? That wouldn't have lasted too long.

[Cant_Be_Faded]

Manny is correct. My wife and I (just married last month) had been dating what would have been 8 years this October.

Lived together for 4-5 years. Its a definate upgrade.

But a little advice, you two had better lay down what you are and what you are not up front. If youre a homebody, say so. You like to go out, say so. Messy? Clean? Sleep in? Love chores? Friends over all the time? Family over alot?

Do you spend time alone reading/video games? Seriously, think about it, then talk about it. At least you could always say "I told you when we moved in together...."

haha, good call. I told my chick straight up I would make efforts but would never be as clean and tidy as her. I told her over and over and over and over. She still ends up getting pissed off and owning me about it but it just feels good saying "i told you so".

[SpursWoman]

You do realize that plenty of people who live together without marriage have children, property AND debt.

I happen to be one of those "plenty of people" and Chris and I are SOLID, and very happy together. Regardless of whether or not we've paid the $35.00 for the marriage license or $75.00 for the JOP.


Whether or not a RELATIONSHIP lasts has nothing to do with whether or not they've stood before the judge or priest or rabbi or whatever, which is why those studies are a joke. There's no possible way they can take into consideration every single mitigating factor in each unique relationship that may or may not been responsible for the split, and to what degree.

The only thing those types of studies tell me is that it's more probable that people who live together first are more likely to get out of a relationship where they've grown apart than people who are more *old fashioned* and hang in there for convenience or habit or money or the children or whatever, but aren't necessarily happy.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Never live with your S.O., even if you're married. Maintain separate residences and keep your relationship "open". It's the only way to live a sane and rewarding life.


Just my two cents.